I think I'm struggling a little bit.

Sep. 25th, 2017 06:56 am
wpadmirer: (Default)
[personal profile] wpadmirer
I'm sleeping a lot. I know I normally nap, but my naps are turning into three and four hour marathons. I'm dreaming a lot, and the dreams are very complicated, and many have my mother in them.

The ungodly bigotry being exhibited every day is making me sick.

It seems like work is being very damn demanding. I'm looking at a 12 hour day today because there's a board meeting tonight I have to attend. And I know the day is going to be madness because the boss is going to be in overdrive preparing for the meeting.

At the same time, I have all the regular shit I need to do to get done.

I will get through this period, but it hit me over the weekend that I am kind of being a duck, calm on the surface and paddling like hell underneath the water.
helenkacan: (Default)
[personal profile] helenkacan
I just woke up at 1:01 a.m. So we'll just pretend it's still Sunday aka the-best-day-of-the-week.

Somehow, I managed to get out the door to church (wearing all black because that's what I'm like, topped with my crystal chandelier earrings) with my life-saving supplies that included my bottle of water AND the cute portable fan (prezzie from church-John) with a spray feature. Just one problem: I'd filled the reservoir but no water was emerging. I figured I'd let c-J figure it out. Which he did when he arrived (priming the pump needed a man's touch, lol). If I hadn't had that fan, I would not have made it through the service. Even simply sitting in the first pew, I had difficulty breathing. I have NO idea of how the choir was able to perform (energetically!!!). There were so many touching moments I'm thrilled I'd caught live, one of them being our preacher proclaiming Shana Tovah (Happy New Year in the Jewish calendar) before the three celebrants partook of apple slices dipped in honey. Have I mentioned (often enough) how much I love my church?

I'd been worried about being assigned a cab home, but the driver was very gentle with my damaged walker. He also had his A/C on full blast, so I enjoyed my ride home. Walking up the back deck stairs was torture, as the wooden railing was scorching hot. Nope, no desire to sit outside. I was just so grateful to be home where I could cool off and drink more water. I was actually surprised to write my review rather quickly. I guess I'm becoming more versatile in that aspect. And then I was able to collapse.

I wasn't even all that hungry. I remember having some Soppressata (Italian cured sausage). And more water. There was no news on TV, just stupid football, but I had the TV on CBS (also set it to record) for the premiere of (oy) STD. Obviously, some presumably professional entities don't realize that some show names will be reduced to their acronyms. And then I fell asleep, even though I was still somewhat hot.

I'm not hot now (wow) but need to eat something (yogurt?) before taking my pills. I figure I'll stay up for a little while reading and then try for sleep again. Luckily, I don't have any obligations Monday. I'll watch the first hour of ::snickers:: STD at some point. TTFN.

Just Breathe

Sep. 24th, 2017 10:49 pm
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
[personal profile] sasha_feather
The last few days we've had a record-setting heat wave, with temps in the high 80s and low 90s (right now it's 25 C/ 77 F AT NIGHT). My asthma is acting up and I have been feeling more sad than usual. I get this burning pain in my ribs and sternum and mouth. I've been napping during the day and staying up late, but I haven't been doing much with my time.

To get some good AC I went to the cheap seat movie theater tonight and saw "Step." This is a documentary about a Step dance team at a girls' high school in Baltimore. The film focuses entirely on black girls and women. Recommended.

Giant Days, Vol. 5, by John Allison

Sep. 24th, 2017 04:42 pm
runpunkrun: dana scully reading jose chung's From Outer Space, text: read (reading)
[personal profile] runpunkrun
Giant Days: Volume 5, written by John Allison, illustrated by Max Sarin, colors by Whitney Cogar: Nonsensical, disjointed, and not as charming as earlier volumes. Even Esther's clothes are visibly less amazing. Plus the episode where a stranger from Susan's past—another one—drugs her drink. No thanks.

I think I'm done with this series for reals now.

(no subject)

Sep. 24th, 2017 04:13 pm
starandrea: (Default)
[personal profile] starandrea
"Seriously the number 1 reason I don’t do anything social is ALWAYS Out of Spoons Error. Spending my break time interacting with coworkers I LIKE is still causing me to malfunction because for me a break has to be NO OTHER PEOPLE or I can’t recharge. So far I’m compensating (mostly by hiding at lunchtime) but it’s something to see an eye on going forward. I wish people understood having Limited Social Energy is NOT the same as being hostile or uninterested in building a relationship; it’s like having a teeny budget while hanging out with friend with Lots Of Money, I have to pick and choose what things to do with great care, or suffer, while they can do All The Things."
--[personal profile] alatefeline, hello again + many good thing

(no subject)

Sep. 24th, 2017 04:09 pm
starandrea: (Default)
[personal profile] starandrea
Alex: "You could have told me!"
Evan: "I tried, but you were otherwise involved."
Alex: "That's no excuse! You should have made me listen to you."
Evan: "Obviously you've never tried to make you do anything!"

--Kristine Williams, Tools of Extinction

Adventures with Katniss Everpounce

Sep. 24th, 2017 03:36 pm
kass: white cat; "kass" (Default)
[personal profile] kass
(Okay, that is not actually our kitten's name, but I use it sometimes anyway, because.)

Today we had our third bath, and this time it went well!

The changes were Z's idea... )

I feel unreasonably proud of this. Kitten bathing: achievement unlocked!

(no subject)

Sep. 24th, 2017 11:34 am
elayna: by casset (McKay the man the myth)
[personal profile] elayna
Anyone watching The Orville? I've seen the three episodes but am still waffling a bit. I have heard of Seth MacFarlane but never watched anything he's done. The humor, especially in the first episode, has been what I expected, pinging between irreverent and crude. I like the former, could do without the latter.

It is shaping up to be more of a Trek show, and dealing with serious issues. And there have been variations in the dramatic approaches Trek shows have taken to tackling difficult issues. Classic Trek, Kirk could redo entire societies and fix all their problems with a good brawl with the world's leader. I loved classic Trek for that enduring belief that solutions were always possible.

ST:TNG was not always so optimistic. I remember the episode (I'm a bad fan, I don't know the title) where Crusher is kidnapped by freedom fighters/terrorists who are using a personal teleportation device, and she determines that device is causing their health issues, but they refuse to stop using it, as it is their only advantage against the dominant culture. The ST:TNG crew rescues her and then... (as I recall, it's been a long time)...they leave. It seemed a realistic ending, and something of a commentary on the Middle East, that no, America, you can't stumble into a situation you don't understand well, and fix it. But mostly I remember that sense of ... huh. Wow, that's a bummer. Where's Kirk? Kirk woulda fixed this and left those two groups on the way to a happy bonding.

spoilers for the third episode of The Orville )

I was pleased that Kasidy Yates from Deep Space Nine is a regular, good to see her again, and that Bashir's father had a guest role in the pilot. It was a mini-DSN reunion, yay.

Gratitudes

Sep. 24th, 2017 01:58 pm
kass: apples and honey (apples)
[personal profile] kass
1. Although it is after the autumn equinox in my hemisphere, it is unseasonably warm right now, so I am grateful for air conditioning, even if I feel ridiculous using it on September 24!

2. Apple-picking with Mr. Kid today! This is one of our fall traditions and it is so sweet. The orchard is near our old house. Rows and rows of beautiful apple trees stretching toward fields and hills. And we got two bags of honeycrisps, my favorite apples of them all.

3. Related to the above, there is a granola-topped apple crisp cooling now on my counter. I'm also making a chicken curry in the slow cooker to eat all week, and I've cooked up some ground turkey and vegetables with soy and sesame and cilantro and will add rice noodles to them later for dinner tonight.

4. Dishwasher (now running) and washing machine (also now running.) The fact that we have these appliances; the fact that we have power with which to run them.

5. Watching Mr. Kid gleefully play with Mr. Kitten, who has a catnip mouse and is carrying it proudly around the room in his mouth. I can't tell whether the catnip is making the kitten goofier, or whether this is just his natural three-month-old goofitude, but either way, it's adorbs.

(no subject)

Sep. 24th, 2017 01:32 pm
starandrea: (Default)
[personal profile] starandrea
Alex: “It's a nice ship, you know?"
Evan: "Yes, it is. And no, I don't think by wanting to use it you're forgetting or ignoring them or the fact that it was their ship. I think using it honors their memory more than letting it collect dust in the hold."
Alex: "You can read me like a book, can't you?"
Evan: "If you're a book I'd be interested in meeting the author.”

Alex: “You know, sometimes you make me want to beat my head with a stick."
Evan: "I never make you do anything. No Sha'erah makes a Keeper do anything."
Alex: "Ha! I guess that's just a matter of perception.”

Alex: “I suppose you think a ship named Defiant is fitting for me?"
Evan: "I can think of a few names that would be more appropriate, but I'm sure the military has restrictions about using certain words on their ships and uniforms.”

--Kristine Williams, Tools of Extinction

Mount Fuji!

Sep. 24th, 2017 08:49 pm
the_shoshanna: my boy kitty (Default)
[personal profile] the_shoshanna
Kawaguchiko is not actually a very pretty town, unfortunately. But we have still had a great time! )

I'm a couple days behind on blogging, so I want to get this posted. We go home tomorrow!
wpadmirer: (Default)
[personal profile] wpadmirer
That was the last line of my horoscope this morning, and I really like it.

I'm up early because Pat is going bicycling. But I have no obligations today. That is rare for me. There's usually something that I have scheduled, or that must be done. Instead I find myself with the morning alone and nothing required.

Whatever shall I do?

I had a lovely lunch with my friend Patti. It was good to catch up. We hadn't seen each other in a long while.

I heard about her trip to New Jersey to see her grandson, and how they had fared through the storm. They lost power for five days. Otherwise they did pretty well. I'm glad.

I took another long nap yesterday afternoon. I just feel really tired this weekend. I think that it's a combination of a hard work week, hard boxing lesson, and I'm still processing shit from my mother's death. I have had multiple dreams which she appears in.

The human brain is a weird thing, and the heart no different.

Prompts from [community profile] thefridayfive

Sep. 23rd, 2017 11:04 pm
sasha_feather: Big book of Lesbian Horse stories book cover (lesbian horse stories)
[personal profile] sasha_feather
1. What's the happiest thing to ever happen to you?
Getting a horse for Christmas when I was 11. Penny and I were soul-friends and I had so many good times with her. Here is a photo of us the next summer: https://flic.kr/p/63nL6f

2. What's the saddest thing to ever happen to you?
Maybe when my 2 best friends broke up with me when we were 11-ish (6th grade). In therapy, I determined this to be a watershed event for learning to shut down my emotions; and also the ringleader probably sensed something gay about me, and that is why she decided to stop talking to me. Also, the way they did it! They just stopped talking to me one day. I was bewildered more than anything.

3. What's the thing that got you the most angry in your life?
Probably at a therapist. I was about a day or two into a hypo-manic episode (?) after coming out and I thought she could help me. She didn't. I did write about it at the time http://sasha-feather.dreamwidth.org/375687.html (post was filtered but it's so long ago I will unfilter it, temporarily. Many of my older posts are locked down to private).
I got so angry about the Vivid Con ableism stuff in 2010 that I made myself ill. But, that anger has faded. I don't really feel it anymore.
I didn't get angry a lot before I came out; and then I was angry *all the time*; it seems better now a few years on.

4. What's the most frightening thing to ever happen to you?
Scary situations don't really "happen to me" so much as arise from my anxiety. I have gotten super anxious in totally mundane situations. It seemed like the only way out of the problem was to speak, and I was so anxious I could not speak, so I was stuck and frozen. Also, I didn't know why this was happening. Everyone else seemed to have no problem in these ordinary situations, like speaking to a teacher or knocking on a door. Then having random panic attacks sent me to therapy.
In a more traditional sense of frightening-- there was some scary-to-outsiders stuff with the horses, like getting bucked off. But it never seemed scary to me. Animals are easier than people, and that basic fear is easier to deal with than anxiety.

5. What's the most unbelievable thing to happen to you in your life?
a. Getting scholarships that paid for my college education
b. Getting a horse for Christmas!!!11!1!!!
c. Not realizing I was queer until age mumblety
d. getting facial pain that has no real diagnosis
e. Being on the State Champion poutlry quiz bowl team!

Singing the aggravation blues.

Sep. 23rd, 2017 10:37 pm
helenkacan: (Default)
[personal profile] helenkacan
Oh, it wasn't all day, just the first thing in the morning (waking up at 4:42 a.m.) and the almost last thing in the evening (being on hold with my rides provider for an hour during which I was cut off twice). At least when I woke up early, I just had to fritter away 18 minutes until I could book my rides to Brian's place. But, tonight, I'm looking at a damaging ride home in a cab tomorrow (even though there's a permanent notation in my file that they should only send minivans or buses). Huh. I guess "permanent" has a different meaning for them. Sigh.

During the rest of the day, I vegged, I read, I did laundry, I got overheated just by putting on fresh pillowcases, I dozed. Had to make do with only the news and my game show repeats on TV. So, ST: Discovery begins tomorrow night. My fave station is doing a bait-and-switch, showing the first hour on regular network TV and the second hour on the specialty channel that we don't get. So I may be having to try to watch in online.

Okay, back to having a couple of shortbread cookies, sparkling water, and my precious pills. Church-John is nagging me to bring my latest gift from him, namely a portable fan with a water reservoir. He wants me to fill it. Considering the temp tomorrow (with humidity included) is supposed to feel like 100F+, I guess I will heed his advice. For once, lol.

Swish and flick

Sep. 23rd, 2017 09:00 pm
bironic: Neil Perry gazing out a window at night (Default)
[personal profile] bironic
[livejournal.com profile] synn and I went to Universal Studios in Orlando to celebrate our twentieth friendiversary! The main purpose, besides seeing each other, was to wander around Harry Potter World.

We were dorks, albeit adventurous ones. W/pix. )

I am glad to be out of the land of $20 sandwiches and ubiquitous soundtracks, though. Whew.

Obviously this hurricane season is a nightmare and a lot of people fall somewhere between inconvenienced and in dire straits, and I'm doing what I can do help, but at the same time I was selfishly glad that our timing worked out so that we made it there and back between storms. I met some people on the flight down who were hoping to find their houses relatively undamaged and some families at the hotel who were waiting for power to be restored from Orlando and Tampa all the way down to Miami. Good luck to everyone.

The first few days of 5778

Sep. 23rd, 2017 08:36 pm
bironic: Neil Perry gazing out a window at night (Default)
[personal profile] bironic
VIDDING

I finished a draft of that Equinox treat! Now I can't stop watching it. It is a really special feeling to have the time, energy and capability to make something that comes close to realizing the aesthetics and emotions of the initial conception.

READING

So You Want to Be a Robot by A. Merc Rustad. I bought this at Readercon after being bowled over by How to Become a Robot in 12 Easy Steps. I was afraid the rest of the stories would pale in comparison to that one, which is placed at the end of the collection here, but almost every one so far has left a lump in my throat. Hardly any duds in the bunch. Compelling SF and fantasy concepts with a ton of agender, transgender, genderqueer, asexual and/or queer protagonists and supporting characters. Robots and merpeople and aliens and monsters and supervillains and plots that stand on their own even as they allegorize things like systemic oppression of homosexuality by the Church. Highly recommended.

DOING

After years of struggling to build a sustainable exercise program to help manage my PCOS and address chronic muscle tightness without hurting myself, I bit the bullet and rejiggered my budget to accommodate a package of sessions with a personal trainer. I dunno, it seemed like a thing reserved for athletes and wealthy people, but I'm really glad I admitted I needed help and went for it. After two sessions and three or four weeks, my hips are less screamy and I'm noticing slightly improved stamina, like when [livejournal.com profile] synn and I climbed a millionty stairs to go on the water slides at Universal. Although it's still early days, simply feeling like I am in knowledgeable hands and am doing something instead of worrying about it is helpful. As expected, the main issue so far has been balancing gym time and hobby time, especially with all this weekend travel. I'm trying to take it a week at a time.

WATCHING

The Vietnam War documentary on PBS. Star Trek reruns. (A channel called Heroes & Icons started coming in over the digital antenna, so now there's TOS + TNG + DS9 every weeknight, and VOY & ENT after I go to bed.) Soon, Star Trek: Discovery. Auction vid sources continue on. Let's see: I skimmed the first seasons of The Magicians and Powers, both darker than expected; BrainDead, too close to reality to enjoy; and Supergirl, a welcome shift in tone. James Olson is a cutie. Penny from The Magicians wasn't hard on the eyes, either, although the showrunners' reluctance to let him wear shirts started to make me feel manipulated.

FEELING

Sometimes crummy and sometimes happy. There's the world, as you know, and on a personal level, alongside the gym stuff, my doctor and I are switching around a couple of things and seeing how they go; I'm still in the adjustment period. If the above sounds unusually upbeat, it's because I waited for a time when I didn't want to complain or sigh or strangle everyone at the office to write this post. Having 10 of the last 11 days off work helped as well. More on that in the next entry.

Yuletide letter

Sep. 23rd, 2017 06:50 pm
pollitt: Books-Good Omens (Books-Good Omens)
[personal profile] pollitt
 Placeholder!

In case you were wondering...

Sep. 23rd, 2017 07:16 pm
kass: white cat; "kass" (Default)
[personal profile] kass
...the LEGO Ninjago movie is charming as hell. There's a delightfully meta frametale, plus Jackie Chan, plus bonus points for excellent use of a cat. I think I laughed as much as my kid did, and that's saying something. :-)

Fandom changes you

Sep. 23rd, 2017 05:30 pm
reginagiraffe: Stick figure of me with long wavy hair and giraffe on shirt. (Default)
[personal profile] reginagiraffe
MrGiraffe has been on an Agatha Christie binge (mostly Poirot). At lunch today, he mentioned that the Agatha Christie Estate hired someone to write new Poirot mysteries and he was wondering whether he was going to read them.

He concluded "no" because the writer would have to :
A. write a mystery plot as well as Christie
B. get all of Poirot's quirks right and
C. get the details of the age he was in correct

and he didn't think it was possible.

My response?

Off the top of my head, I can think of a dozen fanfic writers who'd be up to the task.

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