I think the biggest failure in this dark fic was that you didn't bridge the gap between the characters we saw on the screen and what you have on the page.
I know this is unbeta'ed, so I hope in its next incarnation you take the time to show Rodney going from his self-preserving, mild-mannered character on the screen to someone who becomes fascinated by blood in general and by John bleeding in particular.
John's personality needs to adjust more easily into the take charge guy who resists authority to someone who really needs to give up power. Bloodplay is pretty dangerous, so he'd have to keep pushing until he crossed the line.
You'd have to do some pretty serious character adjustments to have either one of them willing to kill, so to do that in 2000 words was far too OOC for just about anyone.
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I know this is unbeta'ed, so I hope in its next incarnation you take the time to show Rodney going from his self-preserving, mild-mannered character on the screen to someone who becomes fascinated by blood in general and by John bleeding in particular.
John's personality needs to adjust more easily into the take charge guy who resists authority to someone who really needs to give up power. Bloodplay is pretty dangerous, so he'd have to keep pushing until he crossed the line.
You'd have to do some pretty serious character adjustments to have either one of them willing to kill, so to do that in 2000 words was far too OOC for just about anyone.