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sga_flashfic2006-08-09 01:29 pm
audaxfemina.livejournal.com) wrote in sga_flashfic2006-08-09 01:29 pm
Entry tags:
Rodney's Ten Rules for Wielding a Secret Superpower. Version 2006.2 by audaxfemina
Title: SuperMcKay, or Rodney's Ten Rules for Wielding a Secret Superpower. Version 2006.2
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
audaxfemina
Word Count: I'm over. I'm sorry. I stopped counting after 1200.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I wish it were mine. I'd have money.
Pairing: pre-slash McShep
Rating: R, maybe... maybe PG13. I don't know. No naughty bits.
Summary: Okay, so they're not really rules. They're more like guidelines...
A/N: Italics are thoughts.
1. I will not use my secret superpower for evil. Sam Carter and women in general, maybe, Ancient power sources, and keeping my ass bullet-free but not evil.
It was two-thirty in the morning the night before the Diff-eq final! It couldn’t be evil to get revenge on his roommate, given as the loser picked NOW to get laid. He sighed, letting his hand rest on the doorknob for a few moments. He probably shouldn’t begrudge Jeremy his one piece of ass in four years at UBC, but…
Oh, Jeremy.
“Professor Milford?” Rodney asked, jaw dropping. The fifty year old *male* physics prof who was visiting from Cambridge?
He backed away, staring at the door in horror. He’d seek out the library now. For later? Rodney could always find a use for blackmail. Or mental bleach.
2. Developing a poker face is an absolute must. Bursting into giggles at inopportune times will only get you committed.
“So, McKay. We’re all going to die when the gate blows up, and you’re having pie?”
Rodney looked up, and gave a wry smile to the CO of SG1. “Sometimes, pi is the solution,” he said, picking up the crust to finish it off.
O'Neill stared at him for a second.
“Pi. The mathematical symbol? Approximately 3.1415926?” he asked, before sniffing the other pies in the case.
Nerd. “Got any lemon meringue?”
“You’re welcome to all of them,” Rodney replied, finding a pecan pie. “I’m deathly allergic.”
Ah. I’ll have to tell Sam. Finally found Super-nerd’s kryptonite.
Oh God, he'd better blame the giggle fit on nerves, but pecans burned coming through his nose.
3. No theme songs! They’re only cool on TV, not in the Pegasus galaxy. Besides, it’s not worth it when they get stuck in your head.
If he heard one more rendition of the Volga boatman song, Rodney McKay was going to shoot as many Russians as he could muster.
Given as this *was* Siberia, it’d be a small number. He might have to settle for strangling the janitor who was humming that god-forsaken song in the middle of the night. Rodney couldn’t believe it, but he’d kill for country and western right about now.
His Russian was bad, but after the third time he heard it, Rodney picked up the English to Russian dictionary, and haltingly told him to quit humming it before Rodney went insane. Of course, knowing how strong his accent was, the janitor probably thought Rodney was asking for a wedgie.
He went back to tapping the pencil in the silence of the laboratory.
Volga, Volga our pride, Mighty stream so deep and wide.
The pencil snapped and so did Rodney McKay.
4. When in trouble of being revealed, blame everything on Canada.
“We need to go *that* way, Sheppard,” Rodney said, stopping and pointing back towards the jumper.
“We came from the village, the village was west, we’re going...”
“The wrong way. Tell him, Teyla!” the physicist insisted, crossing his arms as best he could with a tac-vest on.
“I believe Dr. McKay to be correct,” she replied dutifully.
“I’ve got the standard US-issued sense of direction.”
“You should have given it back before you left the Milky-Way,” Rodney snapped, starting off.
“And you know better on a planet with no sun, no magnetic North and no roadsigns?”
Well, Teyla’d been thinking about the right direction for a quarter of an hour, but he couldn’t say that. “Of course! I’m Canadian!”
5. No finishing other people’s sentences, even if they are Paleolithic throwbacks or moronic Colonels who only think about sex.
“Okay, so answer me this. When was the last time we went to a planet where the locals didn’t try to turn us over to the Wraith, take us over with mind control, imprison us because someone sneezed during a ritual, or sacrifice us to their gods?” John asked, finally turning and facing the three of them again, where they sat against the prison cell wall.
“Social faux pas lands us in another heaping helping of hot water. It’s our new MO.”
No, that would be *your* MO, Rodney, was the clear message from Sheppard.
He just leveled a glare at the pacing pain in the ass, hoping the ‘screw you’ could go unvoiced. “P7Y-X33,” Rodney retorted caustically.
“Right. The ‘peace, love and bongs’ planet,” John remembered with a fond smile, making a peace sign with his right hand.
“At least you didn’t get dragged into the orgy!”
Maybe they knew a good thing when they saw it. “I think…”
“I think that you have *so* lost your mind, Sheppard!”
6. Regardless of what the locals are thinking, it’s not polite to run out screaming like a girl in the middle of negotiations. Likewise for food. More so if you’re to be the food.
“John.”
Sheppard made a motion like he was swatting a fly.
“John!” Rodney hissed.
Getting right up in Rodney’s face with his ‘regulation hardass’ expression, John showed his exasperation. “What?”
“Notice the rather large man-sized pits they’re making for barbecuing the solstice feast?”
There was a grunt in response.
“Do you *see* any large man-sized animals around here except us?”
John looked around, catching the glances of the locals, who were indeed looking at the lot of them as though trying to decide which was more moist and juicy.
At least Rodney had the satisfaction of being right as they ran for their lives.
7. I will not let what other people think about me color my perception of them. Oh, who the hell am I kidding?
They thought he was an asshole because they hated him. He hated them because they thought he was an asshole. It was a vicious cycle.
McKay, you are *such* a fucking asshole. I’m a scientist, not a plumber!
Rodney only smirked. “Oh, and Kavanaugh, make sure the waste treatment ducts are *really* clean this time.” He held up a spare toothbrush.
8. Always be ready with a cover story. Make it really good, and practice often. You never know when you’ll need it.
“How did you know that Colonel Sheppard and I would be attacking from the right? Was this a plan that had been discussed beforehand?” Teyla asked, as Ronon tied a makeshift bandage onto Rodney’s arm.
“It, uh… It only made sense.” He cast a look toward Ronon, who looked at him suspiciously, but said nothing more. “Maybe I’m just getting the hang of this commando thing?”
9. Even when I save the day, I won’t refer to myself as a superhero. That’s attention-seeking. Genius is okay, so is miracle worker. Superhero doesn’t fit without the cape or spandex. And you look good in neither.
“Rodney, did I ever tell you you’re my hero?” Sheppard asked, after Rodney had saved their collective asses once again.
“Yes, the brilliance was awe-inspiring,” he quipped, finding gloves and moving to pick up the shattered and scalding remains of the Ancient device he’d had to destroy because some idiot in his employ had triggered a self-destruct.
“He shot it with a gun!” Zelenka chimed in from where he was sweeping up spent casings.
“Well, I’d have destroyed it with lightning bolts from my ass, but I don’t have the tights for that,” he snarked back.
“Okay, so you don’t have tights. You still have superpowers!” John commented.
“Only in my own head.”
10. Telling people is bad. I will not tell people. Unless they're going to kill me. Or unless I can't just shut up.
“How’d you know how to find her?” Sheppard asked, looking in as the medical staff got Teyla comfortable in their torture device of a bed.
“Just lucky, I guess,” Rodney replied, walking away from the Colonel until his arm was grabbed. He was wheeled around, and shoved against the nearest wall.
“Enough bullshit, Rodney. Your flawless sense of direction? Your ability to find anyone, you’ve told us how trustworthy people are before we had reason to doubt them, you’ve stopped your team from blowing themselves up before they could even think ‘Oh shit’. I’m not half as stupid as you think I am! So tell me the truth!” Sheppard hissed, rather fed up with the half-truths. “You run around like Superman, saving the city time after time, and we don’t have a clue *how*. It’s like you can see the future!”
“No one can see the future, Colonel,” Rodney snapped, shoving the other man’s hands off of him. “I’m not prescient, I’m a mind reader!”
As soon as the words flew from his mouth, Rodney would have given anything to take them back at the way Sheppard paled.
“Then you knew…”
“Every time for the last year that you were ‘watching my six’ you were *watching* my six? Yeah,” Rodney replied, suddenly fatigued after their mission, and readying himself for the fight that had to be coming. “Heard everything you thought about me, from when you wanted to strangle me to when you wanted to jump me.”
“You never said anything.”
"Everyone's entitled to their own thoughts."
“It's unfair though. You know what I'm thinking, but I actually have to ask,” John replied, finally coming out of his shock. So, McKay, now the cat's out of the bag. Does this mean I can see your ‘six’ in those tights you were talking about?
"I told you I don't have any."
"C'mon, SuperMcKay. I'll settle for seeing your ass with no tights."
Revised for version 2006.3
#1. I will not use my secret superpower for evil.Sam Carter and women in general Getting into Sheppard’s pants, maybe, Ancient power sources and keeping my ass bullet-free, but not evil. I'm only human, after all.
Author:
audaxfeminaWord Count: I'm over. I'm sorry. I stopped counting after 1200.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I wish it were mine. I'd have money.
Pairing: pre-slash McShep
Rating: R, maybe... maybe PG13. I don't know. No naughty bits.
Summary: Okay, so they're not really rules. They're more like guidelines...
A/N: Italics are thoughts.
1. I will not use my secret superpower for evil. Sam Carter and women in general, maybe, Ancient power sources, and keeping my ass bullet-free but not evil.
It was two-thirty in the morning the night before the Diff-eq final! It couldn’t be evil to get revenge on his roommate, given as the loser picked NOW to get laid. He sighed, letting his hand rest on the doorknob for a few moments. He probably shouldn’t begrudge Jeremy his one piece of ass in four years at UBC, but…
Oh, Jeremy.
“Professor Milford?” Rodney asked, jaw dropping. The fifty year old *male* physics prof who was visiting from Cambridge?
He backed away, staring at the door in horror. He’d seek out the library now. For later? Rodney could always find a use for blackmail. Or mental bleach.
2. Developing a poker face is an absolute must. Bursting into giggles at inopportune times will only get you committed.
“So, McKay. We’re all going to die when the gate blows up, and you’re having pie?”
Rodney looked up, and gave a wry smile to the CO of SG1. “Sometimes, pi is the solution,” he said, picking up the crust to finish it off.
O'Neill stared at him for a second.
“Pi. The mathematical symbol? Approximately 3.1415926?” he asked, before sniffing the other pies in the case.
Nerd. “Got any lemon meringue?”
“You’re welcome to all of them,” Rodney replied, finding a pecan pie. “I’m deathly allergic.”
Ah. I’ll have to tell Sam. Finally found Super-nerd’s kryptonite.
Oh God, he'd better blame the giggle fit on nerves, but pecans burned coming through his nose.
3. No theme songs! They’re only cool on TV, not in the Pegasus galaxy. Besides, it’s not worth it when they get stuck in your head.
If he heard one more rendition of the Volga boatman song, Rodney McKay was going to shoot as many Russians as he could muster.
Given as this *was* Siberia, it’d be a small number. He might have to settle for strangling the janitor who was humming that god-forsaken song in the middle of the night. Rodney couldn’t believe it, but he’d kill for country and western right about now.
His Russian was bad, but after the third time he heard it, Rodney picked up the English to Russian dictionary, and haltingly told him to quit humming it before Rodney went insane. Of course, knowing how strong his accent was, the janitor probably thought Rodney was asking for a wedgie.
He went back to tapping the pencil in the silence of the laboratory.
Volga, Volga our pride, Mighty stream so deep and wide.
The pencil snapped and so did Rodney McKay.
4. When in trouble of being revealed, blame everything on Canada.
“We need to go *that* way, Sheppard,” Rodney said, stopping and pointing back towards the jumper.
“We came from the village, the village was west, we’re going...”
“The wrong way. Tell him, Teyla!” the physicist insisted, crossing his arms as best he could with a tac-vest on.
“I believe Dr. McKay to be correct,” she replied dutifully.
“I’ve got the standard US-issued sense of direction.”
“You should have given it back before you left the Milky-Way,” Rodney snapped, starting off.
“And you know better on a planet with no sun, no magnetic North and no roadsigns?”
Well, Teyla’d been thinking about the right direction for a quarter of an hour, but he couldn’t say that. “Of course! I’m Canadian!”
5. No finishing other people’s sentences, even if they are Paleolithic throwbacks or moronic Colonels who only think about sex.
“Okay, so answer me this. When was the last time we went to a planet where the locals didn’t try to turn us over to the Wraith, take us over with mind control, imprison us because someone sneezed during a ritual, or sacrifice us to their gods?” John asked, finally turning and facing the three of them again, where they sat against the prison cell wall.
“Social faux pas lands us in another heaping helping of hot water. It’s our new MO.”
No, that would be *your* MO, Rodney, was the clear message from Sheppard.
He just leveled a glare at the pacing pain in the ass, hoping the ‘screw you’ could go unvoiced. “P7Y-X33,” Rodney retorted caustically.
“Right. The ‘peace, love and bongs’ planet,” John remembered with a fond smile, making a peace sign with his right hand.
“At least you didn’t get dragged into the orgy!”
Maybe they knew a good thing when they saw it. “I think…”
“I think that you have *so* lost your mind, Sheppard!”
6. Regardless of what the locals are thinking, it’s not polite to run out screaming like a girl in the middle of negotiations. Likewise for food. More so if you’re to be the food.
“John.”
Sheppard made a motion like he was swatting a fly.
“John!” Rodney hissed.
Getting right up in Rodney’s face with his ‘regulation hardass’ expression, John showed his exasperation. “What?”
“Notice the rather large man-sized pits they’re making for barbecuing the solstice feast?”
There was a grunt in response.
“Do you *see* any large man-sized animals around here except us?”
John looked around, catching the glances of the locals, who were indeed looking at the lot of them as though trying to decide which was more moist and juicy.
At least Rodney had the satisfaction of being right as they ran for their lives.
7. I will not let what other people think about me color my perception of them. Oh, who the hell am I kidding?
They thought he was an asshole because they hated him. He hated them because they thought he was an asshole. It was a vicious cycle.
McKay, you are *such* a fucking asshole. I’m a scientist, not a plumber!
Rodney only smirked. “Oh, and Kavanaugh, make sure the waste treatment ducts are *really* clean this time.” He held up a spare toothbrush.
8. Always be ready with a cover story. Make it really good, and practice often. You never know when you’ll need it.
“How did you know that Colonel Sheppard and I would be attacking from the right? Was this a plan that had been discussed beforehand?” Teyla asked, as Ronon tied a makeshift bandage onto Rodney’s arm.
“It, uh… It only made sense.” He cast a look toward Ronon, who looked at him suspiciously, but said nothing more. “Maybe I’m just getting the hang of this commando thing?”
9. Even when I save the day, I won’t refer to myself as a superhero. That’s attention-seeking. Genius is okay, so is miracle worker. Superhero doesn’t fit without the cape or spandex. And you look good in neither.
“Rodney, did I ever tell you you’re my hero?” Sheppard asked, after Rodney had saved their collective asses once again.
“Yes, the brilliance was awe-inspiring,” he quipped, finding gloves and moving to pick up the shattered and scalding remains of the Ancient device he’d had to destroy because some idiot in his employ had triggered a self-destruct.
“He shot it with a gun!” Zelenka chimed in from where he was sweeping up spent casings.
“Well, I’d have destroyed it with lightning bolts from my ass, but I don’t have the tights for that,” he snarked back.
“Okay, so you don’t have tights. You still have superpowers!” John commented.
“Only in my own head.”
10. Telling people is bad. I will not tell people. Unless they're going to kill me. Or unless I can't just shut up.
“How’d you know how to find her?” Sheppard asked, looking in as the medical staff got Teyla comfortable in their torture device of a bed.
“Just lucky, I guess,” Rodney replied, walking away from the Colonel until his arm was grabbed. He was wheeled around, and shoved against the nearest wall.
“Enough bullshit, Rodney. Your flawless sense of direction? Your ability to find anyone, you’ve told us how trustworthy people are before we had reason to doubt them, you’ve stopped your team from blowing themselves up before they could even think ‘Oh shit’. I’m not half as stupid as you think I am! So tell me the truth!” Sheppard hissed, rather fed up with the half-truths. “You run around like Superman, saving the city time after time, and we don’t have a clue *how*. It’s like you can see the future!”
“No one can see the future, Colonel,” Rodney snapped, shoving the other man’s hands off of him. “I’m not prescient, I’m a mind reader!”
As soon as the words flew from his mouth, Rodney would have given anything to take them back at the way Sheppard paled.
“Then you knew…”
“Every time for the last year that you were ‘watching my six’ you were *watching* my six? Yeah,” Rodney replied, suddenly fatigued after their mission, and readying himself for the fight that had to be coming. “Heard everything you thought about me, from when you wanted to strangle me to when you wanted to jump me.”
“You never said anything.”
"Everyone's entitled to their own thoughts."
“It's unfair though. You know what I'm thinking, but I actually have to ask,” John replied, finally coming out of his shock. So, McKay, now the cat's out of the bag. Does this mean I can see your ‘six’ in those tights you were talking about?
"I told you I don't have any."
"C'mon, SuperMcKay. I'll settle for seeing your ass with no tights."
Revised for version 2006.3
#1. I will not use my secret superpower for evil.
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Heck, I hope no one writes much slash-tag to Sateda. I don't think Rodney's...injury could take it :P
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Well, it just means that Rodney couldn't be sitting down... :) *has mental image of John breaking out the Kama Sutra* "Well, how about *this* one, Rodney?"
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Can't you just imagine Carson giving Rodney a list of things he must avoid. 'Nooky' would be high up!
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At least no one made references to having a stick up his ass :P
Though that might be a little too far...inneuendo wise.
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And hey, now everyone will know it's one heck of a story :P
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