I have amazing PWRZ of MIND-CONTROL!! *happy dance*

You seem like just the victim to understand that Miko is not a meek little innocent, but actually started doing RPS doujinshi to relieve the stress of being cut off from Earth. And she's Japanese, so she totally abides by the Height Rule, and made Ford be Sheppard's uke and *cry*. And she made Zelenka be Rodney's uke and cry *a lot*.

And then Ronon arrived, and *everyone* was his uke.