Sociology Data by Slybrarian

[slybrarian.livejournal.com]

Title: Sociology Data (Documentation Challenge>
Author: slybrarian
Rating: Teen
Pairings: Off-screen John/Cam and various others
Words: 1,224 + 2 images
Notes: I am having way too much fun with vector graphics.

Summary: In which Chuck discovers that the city is collecting rather more data about its inhabitants than had previously been realized.



Chuck hadn't intended to find it. He was just a bit bored, because it was nearly midnight and the control room was almost abandoned. He and Amelia were the only technicians on duty, and besides them there were just a handful of marines scattered around the gate room floor. With nothing better to do, he turned to his laptop and started to play around with the city's sensors. They had long since figured out the main ones, but by all appearances the city collected data on just about everything and there were still hundreds of half-hidden menu options that no one quite understood. Most of them were useless, like the map of furniture distribution, but there was always a chance that he just just a mouse click away from finding one with a big X labeled, "ZPM MACHINE HERE".

Click - life signs detector, showing five hundred signatures, mostly clustered in the control tower and residential buildings except for few patrols here and there. Click - current power usage. Click - wildlife monitor, with the usual swarms of fish and the sea birds nesting on the northwest pier. Click - waste reclamation usage, with a definite bias towards the marine barracks. Click - well, that was new.



"Huh."

Amelia looked over at him. "Huh what?"

"I found a new sensor display."

"What's it show?"

"I don't know." Chuck tapped a few keys on his laptop to start the automatic translation program, then started trying to piece it together himself. His Ancient wasn't great, but after two and a half years he had gotten fairly good at deciphering simpler sentences and displays.

"It looks like its showing frequency of something. See, over here it's got numerical ranges matched with the size of these icons." Amelia said, rolling her chair over to sit next to him. "Whatever it is, it's concentrated in living quarters and the control tower."

Chuck pursed his lips and focused on translating. "Let's see... Locations within specified time of Acts of... um." He felt his ears start to burn.

Amelia gasped. "That can't possibly be right. Although... that list of popular locations in the lower-right shows all the living areas, the locker rooms, and I'm pretty sure Marine Life Viewing Station 7 is Makeout Point. That up there says current activity...."

"Even the Ancients couldn't have been big enough pervs to program the city to monitor relationships, could they?" Chuck and Amelia looked at each other for a moment before realizing that these were the Ancients they were talking about and that there was no telling how far they would go in the name of science, or perhaps more accurately, SCIENCE!

"I bet it's for some sort of sociology study," Amelia suggested. "Probably trying to prove whether or not sex helps or hinders ascension."

"It'd certainly fit their usual obsessive-compulsive MO." Chuck glanced down to a list of options in the lower-left and without thinking he clicked on "statistics." Sure enough, lists, tables, and graphs appeared on the screen. The two of them studied them for a second.

"Wow," Chuck said after a moment. "That's a lot of gay sex."

"Yeah," Amelia agreed.

"Especially since half the population technically can't even have any," Chuck went on, thinking of the mostly-American military contingent. "Maybe there really is something to the rumors about how the SGC selects who to ship out here."

Amelia snorted. "Any of the women could have told you that. We're outnumbered two to one and it's still hard to get a date."

"Huh." More data scrolled past, including lists of names and statistics for each one. Most went by too fast for him to really see, but a few stood out for one reason or another. Chuck had known Sergeant Hernandez was a bit of a man-whore, but his stats were just plain ridiculous. Then, when the word 'colonel' appeared, Chuck and Amelia simultaneously hit the pause button.

"We really shouldn't be looking at this," Amelia said.

"Yeah."

"But... there's a lot of money in the pool..."


"Yeah." They looked at each other, looked around to see if any of the marines had wandered closer, and then Chuck shrugged and clicked on 'J. Sheppard.' A new map screen popped up.



Chuck's eyes widened in surprise. "They can't possibly be fucking that often. Erm. Pardon my language."

"I know," Amelia said, sounding just as amazed as Chuck.

"Mitchell's only been here for, like, a couple months, and Sheppard's off-world all the time."

"I know!"

"Look at that list - quarters, offices, locker and exercise rooms, firing range, multiple storage rooms."

"Is it just me, or are they working through each jumper in order?"

"I think they are." Chuck pointed at the lowest purple-colored block of text. "Last activity was six minutes ago in the jumper bay."

The two of them looked up at the ceiling reflexively, then back at the stairs. Was that the sound of footsteps? Shit, it was.

"Turn it off, turn it off!" Amelia hissed. Chuck frantically tried to switch back to standard sensor mode, but of course the Ancient technology chose then to be stubborn. He only managed to get everything closed seconds before Sheppard and Mitchell came down the stairs and ambled over to Chuck and Amelia. Sheppard was smiling and humming, and Mitchell had a bite mark peaking past his collar. Chuck scrunched up and resolutely stared at the laptop in the hope that they wouldn't notice his face turning bright red.

"Evening, Amelia, Chuck," Sheppard said. "Anything interesting going on?"

"No, sir," Amelia responded, with far more composure than Chuck would ever have managed. "We were just looking at some sensor readouts. It looks like we've got a couple more whales around than usual."

"Whales? Cool." Sheppard glanced at Mitchell. "We were just... passing through on some rounds before heading for bed."

"Bed," Amelia repeated.

"Yeah," Sheppard said. He looked confused for a moment until Mitchell coughed, at which point his eyes widened and he added, "By which I mean we're going to our separate quarters to get some well-earned rest. In beds, plural."

"I see, sir."

"I think that's our cue to leave before he puts his foot in his mouth again," Mitchell said with a smile. He tugged on Sheppard's sleeve. "You kids have a good night."

"I think I'm going to die of embarrassment," Chuck said once they were safely out of earshot.

Amelia shook her head. "The brain-melting hotness is probably more dangerous."

"Good point." Chuck tilted his head and glanced at his laptop. "I think there was an option for video."

"Oh?" Amelia, clearly struggling with the moral implications of horrible privacy violations, hesitated for a second. "This calls for some research in private. Purely in the name of science, of course."

"Of course."