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sga_flashfic2006-09-03 02:41 pm
audaxfemina.livejournal.com) wrote in sga_flashfic2006-09-03 02:41 pm
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audaxfemina - Mission Report Challenge
Title: Report for P6Y-982, AKA, How Rodney Ended Up In The Infirmary This Time
Challenge: Mission Report
Author:audaxfemina
Word Count: just under 1000. (Finally made it!!!!1!)
Pairing: implied McShep
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rodney helps John write the report for P6Y-982.
"They’ll ship you off to Heightmeyer again if you put that in print, and I see her enough for the both of us."
“We could get a group rate.”
“We don't pay her, John.”
Personnel: LTC John Sheppard, Rodney McKay PhD, PhD, Teyla Emmagen, Ronon Dex
Location: P6Y-982
Mission Objectives:
“You can’t write ‘Not getting our asses shot off’, John.”
“Well, we didn’t. That could be an achieved mission objective.”
“Yes. But that’s hardly the point. I didn’t let you report to the SGC that I got hit in the ass with an arrow, I’m not letting you put that down as a mission objective this time.”
“Of course not. That was in Beckett’s medical report.” That maddening and mischievous grin made an appearance. Rodney either wanted to hit him, or kiss it off his face.
“Great. Fixation on asses is unhealthy, even mine. They’ll ship you off to Heightmeyer again if you put that in print, and I see her enough for the both of us.” He took the laptop from Sheppard, typing rapidly before scratching at the still-present hives.
“We could get a group rate.”
“We don't pay her, John.”
Mission Objectives: 1. Locate and identify Ancient technology as described in Atlantis databanks. 2. Make contact with any locals, initiate peaceful relations, if possible. 3. Survey planet for agricultural or technological benefits, or as possible evacuation site if necessary.
“Took you long enough. Fine.”
“Just copy and paste. Those three cover just about every mission.”
Mission Summary:
The Ilustians possess little in the way of Ancient technology, unless one counts the thousand fragments of a once-functional Zero Point Module that now serves as coming of age jewelry for the planet’s inhabitants.
“I still can’t believe they destroyed that ZedPM. It’s a crime against humanity. In any galaxy.”
“Oh believe me, after your lecture, I think they know now, Rodney. Besides, they thought it was pretty.”
“I’m not unaware of the aesthetic beauty of what appears to be merely a gigantic crystal, but I wouldn’t DESTROY it for trinkets. Not without *serious* *brain* *damage*.”
“They know that too.” John reclaimed his laptop and continued.
Theirs is a largely agrarian society; as such, they provided samples of their products, including a cow-like creature, which provides a milk-like substance, as well as meat, the local version of corn, potatoes and beans. We were provided lodging and heard many stories about their culture and history. Wraith cullings appear to be infrequent based on local estimates. At breakfast, we were provided with a purple fruit, grapelike in appearance, which turned out to taste more like grapefruit (see: attached ‘Incident Report – R. McKay [Medical]’). Far from antagonizing local inhabitants, they believed McKay was receiving holy message from Ancestors, and should not be disturbed. After much glaring, bared teeth from Ronon and gentle cajoling from Teyla, Epipen was used, holy message download ceased, and suitable excuse was provided. At which time, medical evacuation and return home was necessary.
“You can’t say that.”
“What?”
“Home. The SGC will think we’ve gone Pegasus native. Next thing you know, they’ll be expecting us to start wearing leather, hitting people with sticks, concealing large numbers of knives in unlikely locations and using incomprehensible and cryptic analogies, before seceding from Earth. I don’t care how hot you look in leather, change that.” Rodney paused, before continuing onward. “And ‘holy message download’? These *are* supposed to be serious reports, even if we didn’t get our asses shot at, this time.”
John seemed to think about this for a moment, and Rodney watched his thought processes at work. Like most of those who had arrived in the first wave, neither of them completely thought of Earth as home any longer. It was like moving out of your parents' house for the first time, but you couldn't call the other place 'home' without offending your parents. Earth sent coffee and hair gel. Keeping them happy was good.
And Rodney probably shouldn’t be pushing the seriousness so much. Sometimes laughter was the only way to keep from crying about how much they kept risking, and to keep John's mind off the fact he'd almost died today, he had to let John get away with something.
“Fine. ‘Medevac to Atlantis necessary.’ Happy?”
“Download?”
“Not changing it. Economy of words. Not using seventeen when four will do. The box isn’t that big anyways and I don’t want to attach another sheet. Are you happy with the rest?”
That would work. “Ecstatic. After all, how many people *don’t* know about my citrus allergy?”
“Just the ones we haven’t met.”
“Very funny.”
“Jesus, you’re cranky.”
Rodney held out his hands, gesturing in frantic motions to the myriad tubes and wires all over him, as well as their surroundings and his pallor.
“Okay, you’ve got a point. Quit doing that, or Beckett’s gonna think you're seizing again and throw me out.”
Mission Summary: No intact and/or functional Ancient technology. Planet is habitable, food is mostly non-lethal, and natives were friendly, though possessed little in the way of technology, metallurgy or skill beyond that of simple farm equipment. Achieved objectives two and three.
Recommendations: Send diplomatic team to open negotiations, specifically one without known food allergies. Mention McKay’s anaphylaxis as message from Ancestors that we should trade. Caution recommended in the event of further trading with the Ilustians because of mild risk of Wraith attack. Request two days’ downtime for team, after CMO Beckett releases McKay from mandatory post-anaphylactic observation.
“Knowing my luck, I might never get out of here. It’s been six hours.”
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll throw you out, and you'll be back in bed sooner or later, as long as someone makes you stay there.”
“Is that a proposition, Colonel?”
“Could be.”
Submitted by: LTC J. Sheppard, USAF and Dr. R. McKay, PhD, PhD.
To: eweir@atlantis.gov
From:jsheppard@atlantis.gov
Subject: Rodney and the Planet of Deadly Fruit Mission Report
Attach: P6Y-982.pdf
Beckett says he’ll discharge Rodney in time for dinner. Please, for the love of God, don't let them serve ANY fruit. I will offer bribes. McKay’s cranky as ever, though none the worse for wear, and my nerves are shot.
John
Challenge: Mission Report
Author:
audaxfeminaWord Count: just under 1000. (Finally made it!!!!1!)
Pairing: implied McShep
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rodney helps John write the report for P6Y-982.
"They’ll ship you off to Heightmeyer again if you put that in print, and I see her enough for the both of us."
“We could get a group rate.”
“We don't pay her, John.”
Personnel: LTC John Sheppard, Rodney McKay PhD, PhD, Teyla Emmagen, Ronon Dex
Location: P6Y-982
Mission Objectives:
“You can’t write ‘Not getting our asses shot off’, John.”
“Well, we didn’t. That could be an achieved mission objective.”
“Yes. But that’s hardly the point. I didn’t let you report to the SGC that I got hit in the ass with an arrow, I’m not letting you put that down as a mission objective this time.”
“Of course not. That was in Beckett’s medical report.” That maddening and mischievous grin made an appearance. Rodney either wanted to hit him, or kiss it off his face.
“Great. Fixation on asses is unhealthy, even mine. They’ll ship you off to Heightmeyer again if you put that in print, and I see her enough for the both of us.” He took the laptop from Sheppard, typing rapidly before scratching at the still-present hives.
“We could get a group rate.”
“We don't pay her, John.”
Mission Objectives: 1. Locate and identify Ancient technology as described in Atlantis databanks. 2. Make contact with any locals, initiate peaceful relations, if possible. 3. Survey planet for agricultural or technological benefits, or as possible evacuation site if necessary.
“Took you long enough. Fine.”
“Just copy and paste. Those three cover just about every mission.”
Mission Summary:
The Ilustians possess little in the way of Ancient technology, unless one counts the thousand fragments of a once-functional Zero Point Module that now serves as coming of age jewelry for the planet’s inhabitants.
“I still can’t believe they destroyed that ZedPM. It’s a crime against humanity. In any galaxy.”
“Oh believe me, after your lecture, I think they know now, Rodney. Besides, they thought it was pretty.”
“I’m not unaware of the aesthetic beauty of what appears to be merely a gigantic crystal, but I wouldn’t DESTROY it for trinkets. Not without *serious* *brain* *damage*.”
“They know that too.” John reclaimed his laptop and continued.
Theirs is a largely agrarian society; as such, they provided samples of their products, including a cow-like creature, which provides a milk-like substance, as well as meat, the local version of corn, potatoes and beans. We were provided lodging and heard many stories about their culture and history. Wraith cullings appear to be infrequent based on local estimates. At breakfast, we were provided with a purple fruit, grapelike in appearance, which turned out to taste more like grapefruit (see: attached ‘Incident Report – R. McKay [Medical]’). Far from antagonizing local inhabitants, they believed McKay was receiving holy message from Ancestors, and should not be disturbed. After much glaring, bared teeth from Ronon and gentle cajoling from Teyla, Epipen was used, holy message download ceased, and suitable excuse was provided. At which time, medical evacuation and return home was necessary.
“You can’t say that.”
“What?”
“Home. The SGC will think we’ve gone Pegasus native. Next thing you know, they’ll be expecting us to start wearing leather, hitting people with sticks, concealing large numbers of knives in unlikely locations and using incomprehensible and cryptic analogies, before seceding from Earth. I don’t care how hot you look in leather, change that.” Rodney paused, before continuing onward. “And ‘holy message download’? These *are* supposed to be serious reports, even if we didn’t get our asses shot at, this time.”
John seemed to think about this for a moment, and Rodney watched his thought processes at work. Like most of those who had arrived in the first wave, neither of them completely thought of Earth as home any longer. It was like moving out of your parents' house for the first time, but you couldn't call the other place 'home' without offending your parents. Earth sent coffee and hair gel. Keeping them happy was good.
And Rodney probably shouldn’t be pushing the seriousness so much. Sometimes laughter was the only way to keep from crying about how much they kept risking, and to keep John's mind off the fact he'd almost died today, he had to let John get away with something.
“Fine. ‘Medevac to Atlantis necessary.’ Happy?”
“Download?”
“Not changing it. Economy of words. Not using seventeen when four will do. The box isn’t that big anyways and I don’t want to attach another sheet. Are you happy with the rest?”
That would work. “Ecstatic. After all, how many people *don’t* know about my citrus allergy?”
“Just the ones we haven’t met.”
“Very funny.”
“Jesus, you’re cranky.”
Rodney held out his hands, gesturing in frantic motions to the myriad tubes and wires all over him, as well as their surroundings and his pallor.
“Okay, you’ve got a point. Quit doing that, or Beckett’s gonna think you're seizing again and throw me out.”
Mission Summary: No intact and/or functional Ancient technology. Planet is habitable, food is mostly non-lethal, and natives were friendly, though possessed little in the way of technology, metallurgy or skill beyond that of simple farm equipment. Achieved objectives two and three.
Recommendations: Send diplomatic team to open negotiations, specifically one without known food allergies. Mention McKay’s anaphylaxis as message from Ancestors that we should trade. Caution recommended in the event of further trading with the Ilustians because of mild risk of Wraith attack. Request two days’ downtime for team, after CMO Beckett releases McKay from mandatory post-anaphylactic observation.
“Knowing my luck, I might never get out of here. It’s been six hours.”
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll throw you out, and you'll be back in bed sooner or later, as long as someone makes you stay there.”
“Is that a proposition, Colonel?”
“Could be.”
Submitted by: LTC J. Sheppard, USAF and Dr. R. McKay, PhD, PhD.
To: eweir@atlantis.gov
From:jsheppard@atlantis.gov
Subject: Rodney and the Planet of Deadly Fruit Mission Report
Attach: P6Y-982.pdf
Beckett says he’ll discharge Rodney in time for dinner. Please, for the love of God, don't let them serve ANY fruit. I will offer bribes. McKay’s cranky as ever, though none the worse for wear, and my nerves are shot.
John
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*giggles*
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Not that I'm saying I don't want them in it. :) Glad to know I'm not alone.
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Nice!
(Anonymous) 2006-09-12 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)Jo
Re: Nice!
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OMG!!! *flails around like an idiot*
You are a god!!!
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Thank you. :)