Empathic by seekergeek

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

title: Empathic
author: seekergeek
rating: PG-13ish for language
genre: Gen
characters: John
disclaimer: SGA owned by someone who isn't me. No profit made here.
summary: Touching people means that he'll know them.
notes: unbeta'd

John doesn't like to be touched by people.

Touching people means that he'll know them. One touch is all that it takes. Their thoughts, feelings, fears, joys, dreams, and dark secrets - he gets it all in one casual brush of the hand. Most of the time it makes him want to throw up. Nobody is meant to know another person that well.

It started when he was small. Everytime his mother hugged him, he knew how much further his parents' marriage had deteriorated in his mother's view. Every time his father ruffled his hair, he knew if his father had just come back from his screwing his latest mistress. His father had grinned and commented on his little boy growing up to be a man when John started avoiding contact with them. He hadn't grown up. He just couldn't take the lies anymore.

Dealing with the Wraith is almost a relief because when he touches them he doesn't feel anything. Even when Carson's retrovirus turns them outwardly human, he still doesn't feel them. That's why he had a problem calling them 'people' to Woolsey. The turned Wraith don't feel anymore like people to him than a door does.

He's grateful that the people in Atlantis are generally not a touchy bunch. Elizabeth has touched him a couple of times and it was like having shards of glass ground into his soul, but she's observant enough to realize he's uncomfortable with her being really close and now usually maintains her distance. He deals with Carson the same way he's always dealt with the medical community. He grits his teeth, shuts down, and hopes he can keep enough out. Generally it works, but Carson's worrying and guilt always leaves his bones aching after every physical.

He's gradually getting used being touched by his team. Teyla is soothing enough that it almost doesn't hurt anymore when she touches him. Ronon is more of a problem to deal with because his various personal horrors slice John to the bone. But the big guy isn't a huggy sort of fellow, so he can deal. Oddly enough, Rodney is almost comfortable to be around, possibly because anything that he's feeling or thinking inside always immediately spills out of his mouth. It makes touching Rodney nearly easy because nothing ever really comes as a surprise.

John doesn't like to be touched by people. But he wishes he did.

Comments

[whetherwoman.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's a great explaination of one of John's quirks. I wonder if he got anything from Chaya.

[clairshadows.livejournal.com]

ooh I second the Chaya question. I like the premise of this story is there any chance of a longer fic? *puts on begging face*

[ratcreature]

This is a cool idea. I'd love to read more about Empath!John.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_bettina_/]

Oh, John! Very believable, I like it.

[reginabellatrix.livejournal.com]

Very cool. I like.

[teh-gandu.livejournal.com]

♥

[almightychrissy.livejournal.com]

That end line is a killer-- it's one thing not to like to be touched, but for it to cause so much pain, so much that you become starved of physical contact, that has to hurt very deeply.

Love!

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

Great story. Love it. Thanks.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Oh, I like this. A lot.

[mirabile-dictu.livejournal.com]

What a wonderful reason for John's behavior! And so sad. Really a lovely story. Thank you.

[merlynnez.livejournal.com]

Hey there :)
Thanks for sharing your story. I really enjoyed it. Very different premise as to why John keeps to himself. Kinda a shame he hasn't shared knowledge of his condition with anyone, who knows, maybe after some careful experimentation he could gain further control and not be affected so badly. I like how you set up Rodney as being comfortable for John to be around because what Rodneys says is what Rodney's thinking.
Wouldn't mind reading more stories based on this one :)
Thanks again.

[tassosss.livejournal.com]

I liked this very much, especially the last sentence. Very powerful.

One of the things that always struck me as weird was in Allies when John and Rodney are doing the powepoint and Rodney pats his shoulder as he leaves. John waits a moment, looks down and frowns, surprised. Touch is one of those things that is foreign to him, and its sad.

[blade-girl.livejournal.com]

Poignant, and offers a valid explanation for Sheppard's reluctance to touch. :)

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked. :)

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked. :)

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked. :)

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. Glad you liked.

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked. :)

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. Glad you liked.

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked. That last line was the hardest one to write.

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked. :)

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked. :)

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

It was meant as a one-shot, so probably not. Glad you liked, though!

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Glad you liked. :)

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

He hadn't grown up. He just couldn't take the lies anymore.

Wow, that is quite an accurate portrayal of John's attitudes. I'm glad Rodney has no secrets so John feel comfortable with him.

Icarus

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Thank you! If an empath of John's nature could feel comfortable around anyone, it would be someone like Rodney.

[leahwoof.livejournal.com]

That is cool! I love the premise, though the ramifications for poor John are terrible. At least he's able to get used to his team, and maybe someday he'll know enough about them that he'll actually feel comfortable touching them. I'm really glad that Rodney is the one person who's touch is actually comforting. Not only does it make lots of sense given how (as you said), Rodney is so completely wysiwyg, but it warms my McSheppy OTP heart. ::g::

Thank you very much for telling me about this fic! I feel awful for John, but really enjoyed the ideas behind it.

Leah

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I think that maybe one day I'll expand the concept into a longer story because a lot can be done with the concept. The angst!John potential alone is astonishing and I do like to see the boy suffer - at least until the happy ending when Rodney makes things all better. *is hopeless romantic*

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

oooh, ouchy! and insightful. although I take issue with Ronon--he is a huggy sort of fellow, he just has to warm up to you, first.

my favorite line: The turned Wraith don't feel anymore like people to him than a door does. That is so cool--that they don't feel like people even after they look like people just underlines their basic alienness....

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Well, to be fair I did write this before Ronon got all huggy on us. *grin* Sometimes it's nice to be Jossed though. Thanks for reading!

[hajimebassaidai.livejournal.com]

I love this off the wall explanation of his touch avoidance.

I also liked the various explanations of why he is all right around the team!

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm very glad you liked it!