Empathic by seekergeek
Aug. 5th, 2006 03:09 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
seekergeek.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
sga_flashfictitle: Empathic
author:![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seekergeek
rating: PG-13ish for language
genre: Gen
characters: John
disclaimer: SGA owned by someone who isn't me. No profit made here.
summary: Touching people means that he'll know them.
notes: unbeta'd
author:
seekergeekrating: PG-13ish for language
genre: Gen
characters: John
disclaimer: SGA owned by someone who isn't me. No profit made here.
summary: Touching people means that he'll know them.
notes: unbeta'd
John doesn't like to be touched by people.
Touching people means that he'll know them. One touch is all that it takes. Their thoughts, feelings, fears, joys, dreams, and dark secrets - he gets it all in one casual brush of the hand. Most of the time it makes him want to throw up. Nobody is meant to know another person that well.
It started when he was small. Everytime his mother hugged him, he knew how much further his parents' marriage had deteriorated in his mother's view. Every time his father ruffled his hair, he knew if his father had just come back from his screwing his latest mistress. His father had grinned and commented on his little boy growing up to be a man when John started avoiding contact with them. He hadn't grown up. He just couldn't take the lies anymore.
Dealing with the Wraith is almost a relief because when he touches them he doesn't feel anything. Even when Carson's retrovirus turns them outwardly human, he still doesn't feel them. That's why he had a problem calling them 'people' to Woolsey. The turned Wraith don't feel anymore like people to him than a door does.
He's grateful that the people in Atlantis are generally not a touchy bunch. Elizabeth has touched him a couple of times and it was like having shards of glass ground into his soul, but she's observant enough to realize he's uncomfortable with her being really close and now usually maintains her distance. He deals with Carson the same way he's always dealt with the medical community. He grits his teeth, shuts down, and hopes he can keep enough out. Generally it works, but Carson's worrying and guilt always leaves his bones aching after every physical.
He's gradually getting used being touched by his team. Teyla is soothing enough that it almost doesn't hurt anymore when she touches him. Ronon is more of a problem to deal with because his various personal horrors slice John to the bone. But the big guy isn't a huggy sort of fellow, so he can deal. Oddly enough, Rodney is almost comfortable to be around, possibly because anything that he's feeling or thinking inside always immediately spills out of his mouth. It makes touching Rodney nearly easy because nothing ever really comes as a surprise.
John doesn't like to be touched by people. But he wishes he did.
Touching people means that he'll know them. One touch is all that it takes. Their thoughts, feelings, fears, joys, dreams, and dark secrets - he gets it all in one casual brush of the hand. Most of the time it makes him want to throw up. Nobody is meant to know another person that well.
It started when he was small. Everytime his mother hugged him, he knew how much further his parents' marriage had deteriorated in his mother's view. Every time his father ruffled his hair, he knew if his father had just come back from his screwing his latest mistress. His father had grinned and commented on his little boy growing up to be a man when John started avoiding contact with them. He hadn't grown up. He just couldn't take the lies anymore.
Dealing with the Wraith is almost a relief because when he touches them he doesn't feel anything. Even when Carson's retrovirus turns them outwardly human, he still doesn't feel them. That's why he had a problem calling them 'people' to Woolsey. The turned Wraith don't feel anymore like people to him than a door does.
He's grateful that the people in Atlantis are generally not a touchy bunch. Elizabeth has touched him a couple of times and it was like having shards of glass ground into his soul, but she's observant enough to realize he's uncomfortable with her being really close and now usually maintains her distance. He deals with Carson the same way he's always dealt with the medical community. He grits his teeth, shuts down, and hopes he can keep enough out. Generally it works, but Carson's worrying and guilt always leaves his bones aching after every physical.
He's gradually getting used being touched by his team. Teyla is soothing enough that it almost doesn't hurt anymore when she touches him. Ronon is more of a problem to deal with because his various personal horrors slice John to the bone. But the big guy isn't a huggy sort of fellow, so he can deal. Oddly enough, Rodney is almost comfortable to be around, possibly because anything that he's feeling or thinking inside always immediately spills out of his mouth. It makes touching Rodney nearly easy because nothing ever really comes as a surprise.
John doesn't like to be touched by people. But he wishes he did.
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Date: 2006-08-05 01:55 pm (UTC)Love!
(no subject)
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Date: 2006-08-06 12:50 am (UTC)Thanks for sharing your story. I really enjoyed it. Very different premise as to why John keeps to himself. Kinda a shame he hasn't shared knowledge of his condition with anyone, who knows, maybe after some careful experimentation he could gain further control and not be affected so badly. I like how you set up Rodney as being comfortable for John to be around because what Rodneys says is what Rodney's thinking.
Wouldn't mind reading more stories based on this one :)
Thanks again.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-06 06:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-06 02:41 am (UTC)One of the things that always struck me as weird was in Allies when John and Rodney are doing the powepoint and Rodney pats his shoulder as he leaves. John waits a moment, looks down and frowns, surprised. Touch is one of those things that is foreign to him, and its sad.
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Date: 2006-08-06 06:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-06 03:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-06 06:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-08 05:16 am (UTC)Wow, that is quite an accurate portrayal of John's attitudes. I'm glad Rodney has no secrets so John feel comfortable with him.
Icarus
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Date: 2006-08-08 10:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-08-15 12:34 am (UTC)Thank you very much for telling me about this fic! I feel awful for John, but really enjoyed the ideas behind it.
Leah
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Date: 2007-08-15 04:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-08-15 12:12 pm (UTC)my favorite line: The turned Wraith don't feel anymore like people to him than a door does. That is so cool--that they don't feel like people even after they look like people just underlines their basic alienness....
(no subject)
Date: 2007-08-16 02:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-19 11:06 am (UTC)I also liked the various explanations of why he is all right around the team!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 12:55 am (UTC)