Empathic by seekergeek
Aug. 5th, 2006 03:09 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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sga_flashfictitle: Empathic
author:![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seekergeek
rating: PG-13ish for language
genre: Gen
characters: John
disclaimer: SGA owned by someone who isn't me. No profit made here.
summary: Touching people means that he'll know them.
notes: unbeta'd
author:
seekergeekrating: PG-13ish for language
genre: Gen
characters: John
disclaimer: SGA owned by someone who isn't me. No profit made here.
summary: Touching people means that he'll know them.
notes: unbeta'd
John doesn't like to be touched by people.
Touching people means that he'll know them. One touch is all that it takes. Their thoughts, feelings, fears, joys, dreams, and dark secrets - he gets it all in one casual brush of the hand. Most of the time it makes him want to throw up. Nobody is meant to know another person that well.
It started when he was small. Everytime his mother hugged him, he knew how much further his parents' marriage had deteriorated in his mother's view. Every time his father ruffled his hair, he knew if his father had just come back from his screwing his latest mistress. His father had grinned and commented on his little boy growing up to be a man when John started avoiding contact with them. He hadn't grown up. He just couldn't take the lies anymore.
Dealing with the Wraith is almost a relief because when he touches them he doesn't feel anything. Even when Carson's retrovirus turns them outwardly human, he still doesn't feel them. That's why he had a problem calling them 'people' to Woolsey. The turned Wraith don't feel anymore like people to him than a door does.
He's grateful that the people in Atlantis are generally not a touchy bunch. Elizabeth has touched him a couple of times and it was like having shards of glass ground into his soul, but she's observant enough to realize he's uncomfortable with her being really close and now usually maintains her distance. He deals with Carson the same way he's always dealt with the medical community. He grits his teeth, shuts down, and hopes he can keep enough out. Generally it works, but Carson's worrying and guilt always leaves his bones aching after every physical.
He's gradually getting used being touched by his team. Teyla is soothing enough that it almost doesn't hurt anymore when she touches him. Ronon is more of a problem to deal with because his various personal horrors slice John to the bone. But the big guy isn't a huggy sort of fellow, so he can deal. Oddly enough, Rodney is almost comfortable to be around, possibly because anything that he's feeling or thinking inside always immediately spills out of his mouth. It makes touching Rodney nearly easy because nothing ever really comes as a surprise.
John doesn't like to be touched by people. But he wishes he did.
Touching people means that he'll know them. One touch is all that it takes. Their thoughts, feelings, fears, joys, dreams, and dark secrets - he gets it all in one casual brush of the hand. Most of the time it makes him want to throw up. Nobody is meant to know another person that well.
It started when he was small. Everytime his mother hugged him, he knew how much further his parents' marriage had deteriorated in his mother's view. Every time his father ruffled his hair, he knew if his father had just come back from his screwing his latest mistress. His father had grinned and commented on his little boy growing up to be a man when John started avoiding contact with them. He hadn't grown up. He just couldn't take the lies anymore.
Dealing with the Wraith is almost a relief because when he touches them he doesn't feel anything. Even when Carson's retrovirus turns them outwardly human, he still doesn't feel them. That's why he had a problem calling them 'people' to Woolsey. The turned Wraith don't feel anymore like people to him than a door does.
He's grateful that the people in Atlantis are generally not a touchy bunch. Elizabeth has touched him a couple of times and it was like having shards of glass ground into his soul, but she's observant enough to realize he's uncomfortable with her being really close and now usually maintains her distance. He deals with Carson the same way he's always dealt with the medical community. He grits his teeth, shuts down, and hopes he can keep enough out. Generally it works, but Carson's worrying and guilt always leaves his bones aching after every physical.
He's gradually getting used being touched by his team. Teyla is soothing enough that it almost doesn't hurt anymore when she touches him. Ronon is more of a problem to deal with because his various personal horrors slice John to the bone. But the big guy isn't a huggy sort of fellow, so he can deal. Oddly enough, Rodney is almost comfortable to be around, possibly because anything that he's feeling or thinking inside always immediately spills out of his mouth. It makes touching Rodney nearly easy because nothing ever really comes as a surprise.
John doesn't like to be touched by people. But he wishes he did.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-08 10:05 pm (UTC)