I liked this a lot, chilling and heartbreaking, I agree with what people said above, that John would go in to himself and although be in so much pain he just wouldn't want to talk about it, and I like how theres little things to show us how much its affecting him, the line about hearing the clack of sticks, and mourning someone who isn't dead, (but essentialy gone) and the last part about jumper 3, and all that stuff about being able to handel this, being able to get through it and all evidance to the contrary.
I think its good as is. I can't imagine what you would put in a sequel to make it better. (although I'd like to see Rodney's POV on all of this (The line about having only enough time to grab for John, about being sorry *clutches heart*) Because they were his team as well and I bet he's worse off than John, having lost all three of his team members and not even sure he'll be on the 'new' team.)
and I've rambled, but if you leave it like it is it'll still be awesome.
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Date: 2007-01-05 11:53 pm (UTC)I liked this a lot, chilling and heartbreaking, I agree with what people said above, that John would go in to himself and although be in so much pain he just wouldn't want to talk about it, and I like how theres little things to show us how much its affecting him, the line about hearing the clack of sticks, and mourning someone who isn't dead, (but essentialy gone) and the last part about jumper 3, and all that stuff about being able to handel this, being able to get through it and all evidance to the contrary.
I think its good as is. I can't imagine what you would put in a sequel to make it better. (although I'd like to see Rodney's POV on all of this (The line about having only enough time to grab for John, about being sorry *clutches heart*) Because they were his team as well and I bet he's worse off than John, having lost all three of his team members and not even sure he'll be on the 'new' team.)
and I've rambled, but if you leave it like it is it'll still be awesome.