Methods of Distraction, by accidentalfan

[accidentalfan.livejournal.com]

Title: Methods of Distraction
Author: accidentalfan
Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Ronon Dex
Spoilers: BIG ones for 4-13, Quarantine
Rating: PG/PG-13
Length: 520
Summary: The team has to weather a cold night in a cave. John tries to lighten the mood. It's all downhill from there.
Author's notes: A challenge I can relate to. Brrr. Thanks to the ever-wonderful incidental_fire for the beta.


Even John was sceptical about the cave, if you could actually call it that. But it was another mission gone south, temperatures were already plummeting with night coming on fast, and they needed to find some shelter from the wind in this gorge.

"We're sleeping here?" Rodney asked, clearly unhappy.

"Well, I don't know how much we'll be able to sleep," John replied, "but yes. We'll hunker down here until rescue comes or until we have enough daylight to make a run for the gate."

"But there's no way we'll all fit in that. . .alcove thingy."

"Sure we will. It'll be cozy, which, given how cold it is already, is a good thing."

"You think lying on dirt with no blankets is going to keep us warm?"

"Look, we'll all lie in there together and we'll rotate, OK? Back to middle to front to back, so one of us will always be warm." John flashed a smile. "It'll be dawn before you know it."

Rodney started to object but Ronon grabbed his arm, "C'mon McKay."

Ronon, being Ronon, volunteered to take the first shift at the back, where it would be coldest at the start. He bent himself into their shelter and settled flat against the wall. Rodney, being Rodney, took the middle, getting as close to Ronon as he could. John, being John, just went along with it. There was much adjusting and grunting and muttering ("I'd rather not be poked by your blaster all night, thank you.") but finally they got settled in, if not comfortable.

John listened to the wind, and felt the cold start to seep in through his tac vest. He decided he should try to lighten the mood, give everyone a distraction. "So, Ronon, you and Dr. Keller, huh?"

"What? Really? Since when?"

"Since we got trapped in the lockdown. Sorry about Katie."

"Yes, well, there goes my last chance of regular sex for the foreseeable future. God, I miss her breasts already."

John nearly choked. "Didn't really need to know that, McKay."

"Keller's are good, too."

"They are rather perky, aren't they?"

John was going to have to scrub his brain out when they got home. "OK, guys, enough of that kind of talk."

"What, are you more of an ass man?"

"Keller has a nice one of those, too."

John really didn't like the direction his distraction was taking. "What is this, a slumber party? We are not having this conversation right now."

"No, I think it's your turn Sheppard. You know about our love lives, or the lack thereof, now, sadly. What about yours?"

"What?"

"Oh come on, you can't tell me that John Sheppard, Kirk of the Pegasus Galaxy, doesn't at least have a crush on someone."

"Oh, hey, look, it's time to switch."

"What? It so is not! You're just making that up."

But it was too late, John had already gotten up.

"Oh my God, do you know how cold it is? You are such a cheater. It has to be below freezing already." And then Rodney was off about Antarctica. John smiled, and settled in behind Ronon.