White by Alleonh [Burning Up Challenge]

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

 Title: White

Rating: PG-13

Length: ~256 words

Spoilers: None

Summary:   The Daedalus was too far away, the planet too close, the jumper too damaged, the clock too far gone.

 

They were burning.

That dart came out of nowhere, careening towards them in a kamikaze run that clipped the jumper, tearing off a drive pod and sending them in an uncontrolled spiral towards the planet's upper atmosphere.

The Daedalus was too far away, the planet too close, the jumper too damaged, the clock too far gone. John gripped the controls needlessly in white knuckled fists. His thoughts were blurred somewhere between the cool calm of a pilot facing a pilot's death; and the heart rending panic of a soccer mom about to run head-on into a transfer truck with her kids in the backseat.

Teyla was slumped over behind him, her eyes closed, blood pooling from a head wound received in the hit. Ronon supported her with one arm while his free hand clenched into a fist. His eyes were wide with an uncharacteristic fear, the fear of a foot soldier who was never meant to die a pilot's death. God, he's so young. John had never really thought about it, never noticed it till just now.

His risked a glance beside him to where Rodney was elbow deep in puddle jumper crystals and conduit, trying to eek out shields, or some semblance of control from the unresponsive, dead, machine. Rodney looked over, met his eyes. John looked back at him.

I've lost count, Rodney. Is it your turn to save our lives, or mine?

It didn't matter. Time had run out. The flames licking at the view port surged and John's world went white. 






A/N: The last line is up for interpretation. ^_~

 

Comments

[jennytork.livejournal.com]

My interpretation -- The Daedalus showed up after all. *HUGE GRIN*

[lady-lirenel.livejournal.com]

Best part: His thoughts were blurred somewhere between the cool calm of a pilot facing a pilot's death' and the heart rending panic of a soccer mom about to run head-on into a transfer truck with her kids in the backseat.

Great way of showing Sheppard's feelings towards his team. (Huh, this might have worked for the family challenge as well.)

I, too, choose to think the Daedalus saved them. Happy ending!

[leesa_perrie]

*looks at comments* Yep, the Daedalus saved them. Obviously. No doubt about it. Definitely what happened. *nods in agreement*

No sad endings here...

Great fic btw, love the line about the soccer mom.

[mukanshin.livejournal.com]

*points up* Agreed with all the above.

Very nicely done. =)

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

XD

The original plan was a small ending scene back at Atlantis but it seemed to cheapen the rest of the fic. I liked ending it right there, where you could technically go either way: Fiery death, or Caldwell's impecable timing.

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

*nod*nod* XD

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

lol, I'm with you. I just have to give my SGA loves a way out. XD

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

*grins* glad you liked it!

^_~

[ezazahaz.livejournal.com]

I love this; I'm in awe of how intense it was for such a short fic. And strangely, even though I totally agree that the Daedalus showed up, I love the ending the way it is.

Also loving the soccer mom bit. :)

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

That's my favorite line too X3 It was one of those out of the blue lines that leave you grinning as you type it.

Glad you liked it *grins*

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

lol, behold the wonders of 10 minutes of writing while sitting in a McDonald's line (I am not kiddding either XD) I'm actually really happy with how it turned out too. It's by far my shortest fic ever, but one of my faves.

heh, I love how everone is loving the soccer mom line, but it's starting to give me mental images of John driving a minivan lol

(and I just busted my side laughing at your icon pic. I love it so much it is obscene X3)

[ninja007.livejournal.com]

woof...

Wow. That was...intense.

I, too, wish to think Rodney pulled another out of his hat and John flew that jumper into a crazy-assed landing that left them alive!!

Great, short, intense fic.

[ezazahaz.livejournal.com]

(thanks. :))

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

Thanks :D Glad you liked it!

[vain-glorious.livejournal.com]

This is really powerful for something so short! Great job. :)

[linziday.livejournal.com]

"...the fear of a foot soldier who was never meant to die a pilot's death."

Wow! Very powerful.

[scifinut.livejournal.com]

*raises hand slowly*

Can I just say I choose to believe they died?

Other than that, wonderful story. Really. I love it.

[graffitiegg.livejournal.com]

Amazing what can be done with so few words.

I completely choose to believe that they lived, in their usual fashion.

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

=^______^=

Thank you! Since I mostly write comedy/little intensity pieces, I was dubious of if this was any good.

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it! ^_^

I've always liked the concept of a soldier's comfort zone. Pilots belong in the air, infantrymen on the ground, sailors on the water. I have always pictured Ronon as somewhat uncomfortable in the jumpers or on water since there's little to work with in the environment and no defensible positions. Of course, he'd never admit it ^_~ which is why we love him so! <3

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

^_^ Which is why I adore leaving the ending right where it is, up to the reader to decide. I'm glad I didn't go with my original ending, and I wouldn't change it now for the world lol.

I'm glad you liked it <3

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

*grins* thanks! I was scared it sounded better in my head than it actually was lol

[fullygoldy.livejournal.com]

well, my first interpretation was they died, but then I got a flash of John jerking awake, and realized it was a nightmare. It had that too real/unreal quality running right through it. Good job.

[alleonh.livejournal.com]

you know, I had never even thought about it being a dream. that's a really interesting take though!

Along those same lines of it not really happening at all, you really could also go with it being a Replicator mind probe like happened in that one eppy. I hadn't thought about that either until I read your comment. ^_^