Chiaroscuro by micehell (Search & Seizure Challenge)

[micehell]

Title: Chiaroscuro
Author: micehell
Pairing/Rating: McShep; PG-13
Warnings: Hmm, not really
Word Count: 884 - whoohoo, I'm under 1000.

Summary: He hadn't been able to see much, understand much, in the crazy play of light and shadow in the alley. (Mild spoilers for the beginning of Season 2)



The brick was rough beneath his hands, palms pressed hard into the coarse texture by the weight of the body behind him, by the rough hands that traced along his arms.

It had been so long. Since before McMurdo, in any real way. There had been Chaya and the not-really-sex sex, but though that had felt really good in its way, it hadn't helped his dick any.

The hands were up under his arms now, poking into the nerve bundles there with just a little too much enthusiasm, moving across his chest, not lingering.

He'd been desperate. Almost a year at McMurdo doing what he had to just to fly. A year in Atlantis doing what he had to just to survive. But always wanting, wanting things he couldn't have. And now they were going back, and there'd been no time; debriefing after debriefing, and, damn it, never the right kind.

The hands were on his hips, and though his legs were spread, braced, the movement jerked his hips forward, bruising, into the hard wall.

If what he'd wanted had been impossible as a Major, it would be even more so as a Colonel, Lieutenant or otherwise. He'd just been so tired, just needed a little release. A seedy bar, a nameless man, a dark alley. So cliché. So necessary.

The wall hurt his hands, hurt his hips. The pain would have transmuted itself into pleasure if the intent had been different. If the touch were his nameless partner, also looking for release. John wasn't sure if the hands belonged to a military policeman or just the normal kind; he hadn't been able to see much, understand much, in the crazy play of light and shadow in the alley, in the sudden shouting, in the way his head swirled after being knocked to the ground by his partner's headlong rush to escape.

But he'd come to understand as he was pulled up, as he was pushed into the position, much like the one he'd willingly been in just moments before, as he was frisked for weapons. And MP or not, the end result would be the same. Disgrace. Dismissal. No more flying. No more Atlantis.

He'd known the risk, thought he could take it. Was desperate enough to take it. "I was just tired of being alone."

He only knows he's said it out loud when the person behind him freezes, startled breath in his ear. Then the hands are back, lower now, firmer. Too familiar, touching him. He pulls away, but the larger mass behind him pushes forward, grinding him into the wall.

John hadn't been resisting, even his disdain of authority only goes so far, but now he's fighting. Rough he can deal with, rough he sometimes likes, but rape isn't a choice, and he might have been searching for a stranger, but this is stranger than he wants.

But it's Rodney's voice in his ear, and Rodney's hands still his fight. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just me. I shouldn't have done that. But after I saw what you were doing, I'd just...." His voice tails off, confused.

And John's confused over how Rodney came to be here, over why, but before he can ask any questions, Rodney is. "Is that why you've been acting so strange, why you did this? Is that why you risked everything: your career, Caldwell being in charge of Atlantis? Because you're lonely?"

John can't think. Rodney's still pressed up against him, and it's too close, too close to what he can't have. He thinks about lying, but he's too tired for even that. "It's been so long. You don't know what it's like."

"Oh, yes, because I couldn't possibly know what it's like to not be getting any sex." The sarcasm is pure McKay, and John's missed that under the cold mountain, under the endless rounds of questions.

Before John can argue, explain, Rodney's hands are moving again, and what was intrusive before feels good now, and he's wanted this for so long. His hips give a betraying jerk, hard, harder, against the brick.

But this is Rodney. This is someone he leads, someone he follows, and he can't have this. He can't. "No."

Rodney stills, waiting. Waiting for no to turn to yes, but John can't. He can't. He turns his head, an awkward angle, an awkward need to see. "No."

And the voice isn't sarcastic, and it isn't remote. It's sharp, and full, cutting with its need. "Why a stranger, but not me?" In the stripes of shadow and light, one of Rodney's eyes shines bright while the other darkens in emotions that John can only begin to read.

"A stranger. An alley. Sex. It's over. What's hard to understand about that, Rodney?"

Rodney nods, and there's understanding on his face. And that stubborn jut of jaw. "A friend. A hotel room. Sex. It's just started. What's hard to understand about that?"

John took a risk coming here tonight. In trying to find some momentary relief. As much as he tries to believe otherwise, John is pretty reckless. He'll risk his career. He'll risk his life. He'll risk anything that he can stand to lose.

Silence stretches between them, widening the gap between their bodies.

Rodney sighs, lets go. He turns and walks away, walking out of the shadows. "You know where I'm staying," floats back behind him. And then he's gone.

And John's still leaning against the wall, legs spread, wondering how much he can stand to lose.

/story

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Like John, I'm confused how Rodney came to play policeman, but I like your story!

[micehell]

Well, I just tried to fix it a little, but it's still very vague. I should probably just scrap it, but I'm glad you got some enjoyment out of it, anyway. :)

[stillane.livejournal.com]

No, no! Don't toss it. I, too, wonder how Rodney got where he did, but I don't actually need to know to get it. I got the impression he saw John taking a risk and panicked. What's going on in their heads more than makes up for any confusion, though. In short, I liked this.

[jic]

I second that: No scrapping!

[micehell]

Just a little poster's remorse, which I can squash. And thanks. :)

[micehell]

Well, I'm glad the internal stuff makes us a little for the confusion, 'cause even though I'd known why Rodney was there when I first wrote the piece, putting it in was making the story flow awkward. I'll just have to let the problem stand, though I won't delete it.

I'm glad you liked it anyway. :)

[greatofdeath.livejournal.com]

Dont' scrap it!!! This was good! Even if its a little confusing how Rodney ended up there frisking John, i'm sure you can explain it! Though honestly, i'm not sure there needs to be an explanation.

A sequel/continuation though... LIke where John takes him up on his offer... That would be good. Maybe draw the angst out a bit til they're back in Atlantis. Ok, i'll shut up now... :-)

[micehell]

There was an explanation: he was following John because he'd been acting strange, and then he pretended to be the police to a) give John a scare to show how stupid he was being, and b) get rid of the other guy. But it's just too awkward to put it all in there; it just devolves into exposition, so I'm just going to have to let things stand as they are, even with the confusion.

But I'm glad you liked it. However, I'm horrible at sequels. I've only done one, and it ended as badly as the first, so not a good thing. ;)

[torakowalski.livejournal.com]

Eeeek! John go after him!

Er *coughs* Sorry. Yes. Nice story, good writing *g*

[micehell]

Ah, McKay's stubborn, you know he'll win in the end. ;)

And, yay, happy you liked it.

[alizarin-nyc.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. I think because of the internal struggles John AND Rodney are so clearly having. And I love the description of the brick, the shadows, the light in Rodney's eyes. So for me, it works, and yes, John, run please!

[micehell]

Cool, I'm happy it worked for you. :) I fairly frequently let the descriptives go by the wayside, so I'm always glad when I both remember and they fit. As for John, well, Rodney's not exactly the shy, retiring type, so I'm sure he'll have his way eventually.

[bluebrocade.livejournal.com]

This kills me: "Why a stranger, but not me?"

Damnit, John! Go after him!!!

[micehell]

Hmmm, I don't know. In my head, John wouldn't have been able to overcome his self-imposed restrictions that quickly. Of course, in my head, Rodney would have worn him down in the end, anyway. But I'm certainly open to other people's smut ideas on the subject. ;)

[mightbeme.livejournal.com]

"And John's still leaning against the wall, legs spread, wondering how much he can stand to lose."
Arrrrghhhhh.....more please *begs*
Loved it.

[micehell]

Yay, I'm glad you liked it. And you know, I keep saying I don't do sequels, but now I'm thinking I could solve some of the problems with this story if I mirrored it from McKay's pov, so that's a definite almost maybe.

[hotels-inthesea.livejournal.com]

WELL, I wasn't wondering how Rodney got to be there frisking John until i read everyone else's comments, so damn them. damn them all!
I loved this. The atmosphere is amazing, right from the Summary and the first line, my heart was speeding up! In my head i was imagining the whole thing like a black and white film, like Sin City style. The description of the lighting was wonderful and the whole thing was overall just..yum. I love the very last line.

p.s. PLEASE do a Rodney POV one! And make it angsty hot! :D

[micehell]

Well, you can just pretend the other comments don't exist. Or you can wait and see if I ever actually *do* get around to writing the mirror from Rodney's pov, which, technically, should explain things. If I didn't screw it up, too. ;) If I do write it, I can pretty much guarantee angsty, though hot... well, who knows?

I'm glad you liked the story. I was definitely going for a contrast of light and shadow (and now you're going 'Like, duh, considering the title'), but I'm never positive my descriptives work, so mucho thanks.

[neery.livejournal.com]

I love this story, from the descriptions to the scenario. I don't think it's that much of a stretch to think that Rodney might have been following John to the bar, and maybe got a crazy idea to scare some sense into him (or maybe was just jealous) and then it went a bit farther than he'd originally intended. Especially as John hitting his head gave him the chance to remain unknown a bit longer... Anyway, love this, and would like to see a sequel.

[micehell]

Actually you're pretty close to the scenario I had originally planned on, which was that John had been acting weird and Rodney followed him to see what was up, then decided to pretend to be a cop to both show John how stupid he was being, and to get rid of the other guy. But since the whole thing wound up being from John's pov, it was too awkward to get it in there.

I'm glad you liked it. I'm not sure about the sequel, but that may just be inherent laziness talking rather than a real lack of inspiration. ;)

[neery.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't worry about the sequel on my account - I'm very, very bad at them myself. I recently had a bunch of people asking for one for my Harlequin challenge story, but, bleh, the mere thought makes me want to hide my keyboard. I just don't have the right kind of inspiration for it, and it's hard enough to overcome my natural laziness and get some writing done even without that additional barrier.
I'm a firm believer of "Write whatever you damn well want to". (Just as long as I get any writing done at all - because not writing makes me feel depressive and unproductive. But that's just me.)

So, anyway, I just mentioned it because personally I always like it when people want to see a sequel, because it shows me they really enjoyed what I wrote, enough to want more, even if I don't actually want to write said sequel. (And also, because I am a greedy fangirl. Don't feel like you have to indulge me. *g*)

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee you are writing SGA now! *stalks you* I really should friend your journal. XD

Lovely as always, great characterization, nice atmosphere, and yes, slightly confusing but it worked for this. ;D Love it!

[micehell]

Yeah, SGA is another one of my writing fandoms, among far too many others. *snicker* You already are on my flist, though it was under soracia, but this journal's on there now, too, so there you go, total access... to a lot of nothing, usually. ;)

And, yay, I'm glad you liked the story. I would tell you that the sequel cleared things up, which it kind of did, but then I made a mistake in canon, so it wasn't exactly an unparalleled success.

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

Aha, now you know my secret~ XD I rarely actually read the soracia flist. >>; It's mostly communities and such. I use it as more of a link list than anything.

*laughing* I'll have to look for the sequel then, and really--mistakes in canon are just alternate possibilities. ;D