Essential by FlatlandDan

[flatlanddan.livejournal.com]

Title: Essential
Author: FlatlandDan
Pairing: Beckett/Sheppard
Rating: G

Many, many thanks to merryish for doing an emergancy beta. You rock my socks.



Essential

I wake up alone with the fear and my mind starts wandering. My stomach churns as the seconds pass. I don't want to give in, but I can't face another night of it. I stumble out of bed; my feet know the way. I don't have to think about anything until I get to your door.

I wish my heart led me anywhere else.


But then your door opens. Your smell hits me: gun powder, after shave, sex. Left foot, right foot, and I'm beside your bed, watching you sleep. I shouldn't bother you. I should --

"Carson?

We blink at each other in the dim light, you from just opening your eyes and me from the shock of seeing them open. Silence invades the space between us. I know you said the last time was the last time. I agreed with you.

You're wide awake now, staring at me. I can't make eye contact. I can't take you watching me and wanting me to leave. I'm halfway out of the room before I hear the rustle of sheets.

"It's getting cold."

I don't have to be told twice. You shuffle over in bed, letting me into the space your body has warmed. It takes a few minutes for the calmness around us to take shape. I can feel the inches between us lessen until you're holding me, head resting above mine, arms around my chest. I'm enclosed in your world now.

"I'm sorry," I murmur.

Your arms pull me closer. You sigh. "You know this is wrong."

"Aye."

Your head rests on my cheek. "We can't do this again."

I close my eyes, and try not to think. "Aye."