ext_2328: (sinking)
[identity profile] history-gurl.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] sga_flashfic
Another one. Hmmm, these are addictive.

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] aithine for beta duties above and beyond (and for explaining Unix file permissions and scripts to me ... repeatedly). More thanks to [livejournal.com profile] blade_girl for reading it even though she has never seen an episode of the show. *g*

This one is post-Trinity. Rodney has a secret. Oh, and it's gen.



Rodney spent extra time making sure the file was completely secure. No one would be able to hack this one, not even Radek. Then, he wrote a script that would send it to its recipient. He had thought of triggering it with the opening of his electronic will, but deemed that fundamentally unreliable based on the history of the Stargate program. Death was almost a rite of passage for anyone on a first contact team. So, not the will then. Instead, the script would send the file after six months of no logins to the server with his user ID. That should cover just about any eventuality.

Satisfied that he had done everything he could to protect the entry, Rodney settled back to read it one last time before locking it away in the server.


Sam,

You know, I spent almost ten minutes trying to decide how to address this. Lieutenant Colonel sounded too formal, so did Samantha. Maybe if I wasn't feeling so – well, be happy I didn't call you Blondie. Huh, just realized it doesn't really matter what I call you, I'll be dead when you get this, so, uh, anyway.

I suppose by now you've read the mission reports on the Arcturus experiment. No, no, that's just social twaddle. I know you've read the reports. I zipped all the information to send to you myself. I wanted to make sure you got all the raw data, along with the finished reports. The weapon's potential – well, I thought you might be the only one who could possibly understand.

I meant what I said when I called you an artist. You remember that, don't you? Oh god, I hope you remember that, otherwise you're probably calling me an egotistical idiot right now, and wondering why any conversation you had with me should be worthy of remembering. Oh, wait, dead man talking – doesn't matter. So, yes, artist. You are an artist, Samantha Carter, one of the smartest women people I've ever met. If anyone can understand this, it has to be you.

I ran the numbers again, Sam. Again and again. Elizabeth told me not to. Well, after she read me the riot act for destroying most of a solar system. You know, she thought it was three quarters. She seemed offended when I corrected her. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. So, yes, where was I? Oh, running the numbers. Radek, Zelenka that is, well, I couldn't ask him to review it with me. He might still be smarting from that professional jealousy remark. But he really is the best person I've worked with, other than you of course. Still, he wasn't inclined to assist me in any way. Although, he seems to be coming around a bit now. Good man, Zelenka.

Huh, I seem to be losing the thread here a bit, don't I? Kate Heightmeyer says it's because I'm "overwrought." She keeps trying to get me to talk about my guilt and my grief. Who, exactly, does she think I'm going to discuss this with? Elizabeth looks disappointed every time she sees me, Radek, well, I guess I've covered that one, and Colonel Sheppard – doesn't trust me anymore. Good thing there's no Siberia here. And there is no way I'm going to spill my guts to some psychologist – more voodoo. So, I've been staying up nights, running the numbers. It's worth losing some sleep if it means I can –

So, the numbers, then. I need you to look at the numbers, because, oh god, please believe me. They aren't wrong. I wasn't wrong. It should have worked. In a perfect universe – no, in this universe – it should have worked. No matter what Radek says, it should have worked. And I can't explain why it didn't.

Sam, I wasn't wrong. And, if I wasn't wrong, then – the universe is. And, I don't know if I can handle that.

I just needed someone else to know this.

Rodney

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 03:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dark-cygnet.livejournal.com
wow! powerful and poignant. Great job.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 04:23 am (UTC)
aithine: (Rodney & John - blue)
From: [personal profile] aithine
(Yay!) *Obviously* it's the universe that's wrong, don't you know that? ;) *vbg* (You're welcome, sweetie. *g*)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 04:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starrylizard.livejournal.com
Awww poor Rodney. Of course the Universe is wrong. This is very well written. I can feel his pain.

Enlightenment

Date: 2006-02-15 05:30 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Enlightenment is not always what it's been hyped up to be. I know this and now so does Rodney. Well done!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] not-sally.livejournal.com
Loved it. And yes, wrong universe. I love Rodney being convinced of what he did, and still so desperate to be better.
just wonderful.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 12:27 pm (UTC)
ext_948: (Default)
From: [identity profile] from-the-corner.livejournal.com
It was very good. And as much I hate death fics (and especially the ones when Rodney dies), I wish someone writes sequel to this.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 03:31 pm (UTC)
ext_948: (Default)
From: [identity profile] from-the-corner.livejournal.com
You can always make Rodney disappear for those 6 months (kidnapped? amnesia? both?) so Carter could get the message. See? And it's not gonna be death fic! :-)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 09:17 pm (UTC)
ext_948: (Default)
From: [identity profile] from-the-corner.livejournal.com
Aaa, thank you, thank you :D

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 03:35 pm (UTC)
aithine: (Rodney & John - blue)
From: [personal profile] aithine
LOL Oh, like that would stop you. *g*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 12:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] burntcopper.livejournal.com
Theory meets reality of the fucked-up universe... :huggles Rodney:

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 02:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anitac588.livejournal.com
I can't explain why it didn't.
Sam, I wasn't wrong. And, if I wasn't wrong, then – the universe is. And, I don't know if I can handle that.

Wow, yes. Very interesting.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 05:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 6why-me9.livejournal.com
God, that was fantastic. In a heartbreaking way, but still...

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-21 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 6why-me9.livejournal.com
Yes, I love heartbreaking and I also the "not-sequel". *ggg*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-15 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] toft-froggy.livejournal.com
That's really great, a real post-script to that episode for something that I don't think they quite resolved. Because Rodney *wouldn't* be able to let it go. And you got his rambling-ness just right.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-16 02:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] justhuman.livejournal.com
Really nice - I love Rodney talking to his inner Sam :-)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-02-19 10:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyamarra.livejournal.com
Hi there, isn't it part of the chellange/Challenge (how is that word??) to do a postcard too? Can I do it? Well, honestly I already have one fitting to this... so, uhm, go here (http://community.livejournal.com/sga_post_secret/38433.html) and tell me if it's okay?!

You would be in good company...;)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-02 01:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sammy38.livejournal.com
poor rodney needing reassurance that he wasn't wrong, seems only fitting that he would want to ask sam. very good story, made me want to hug rodney!
And the not-s*****, not gonna say the evil s word, although if from the corner hadnt of asked for one i probably would have. well done!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-10 04:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sgatazmy.livejournal.com
This is very Rodney. Love the comment sequel as well. :)

Accolades

Date: 2006-10-11 03:14 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Exquisite. The lines at the end reverberate perfectly and all of the voice is so very Rodney.

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