OK, so I'm back to leave a proper comment and this time I got WORDS! (On several occasions, in caps. Because I'm all emotional and stuff, so apologies in advance.)
The reason why I was so completely struck and rendered speechless by this story is the way it dug into all of my issues with John - or actually, my issues with LOVING John. Because he's amazing and hot and smart and aloof and heroic and supposed to be The Good Guy, but at the same time, he creeps me out for a whole bunch of reasons and at times even makes me WISH I HATED HIM instead. (I have complex, profound, and sometimes contradictory feelings for TV characters, and I tend to overthink said feelings. Mock away.)
And that's why THE WAY Rodney loves him in this fic, the way Rodney looks at him/after him and worries about him and interprets some arguably quite shitty behavior as acceptable and understandable and even hopeful - oh, that just gets me where I live. Not only did you write Rodney in a way that made me empathize with him the way I haven't until now (I'm too invested in John and have been since day one); you've also placed me, reader and fangirl, in a position I haven't expected AT ALL from ANY fic.
It's as if you've raised a mirror to fangirling John as I experience it, to the fan's power of interpretation of a beloved character, except you've also shown how limited or even blind that interpretation can be (inside the story: for both John and Rodney, for both their relationship and the way they view/value each other AND themselves); and by doing so, it's as if you have RECOGNIZED and NAMED and maybe even PETTED a little THE SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS I feel as a fan about what I love, hate, see, read in my favorite obsessions. Er, characters.
(Btw, any and all meta hereby perceived is mine and mine alone, but your fic has superpowers in my universe and I wanted to let you know, just in case. Really, what an exquisite way to present these intricate issues, and what a powerful approach to their relationship AND our relationship to them. SUPERPOWERS.)
John Sheppard is not my typical choice of a character to adore, and I keep trying to figure out WHY I adore him despite everything. This fic, which - in my mind's eye - stretches him between woobiefied object (by Rodney, via that psych evaluation) and needy, maybe deliberately oblivious, at times cruel-simply-by-being-active subject (by the way he is shown to us) offers that PERFECTLY BALANCED AMBIGUITY, the reason I'm drawn to him so much, and I STILL have no words to tell you how happy I am that this story EXISTS, period.
If I weren't completely exhausted right now, I'd talk a bit about your terrific writing style and action sequences and humor and suspense and tempo and precision and clarity (so fucking important in a fic with so many "confusing" statements!)... But for now, let me just thank you again for uncovering the pathologies of BOTH these characters so masterfully, and for not stopping there but humanizing said pathologies into painful yet still embraceable flaws. And THEN, on top of that, thank your for doing Emotionally Honest Revelation things that never turn the fic into schmoop but allow us - allow ME - to keep loving them, to keep loving HIM while still being reasonably creeped out about it.
P.S. The weirdest thing is, in this whole fic, the character I really felt the closest to was Elizabeth. Seeing more than two sides per issue, trying to make the best decision given what she knows and sees about everybody, struggling to stick to the chosen perspective, inevitably feeling a bit guilty about it anyway... She doesn't come across as likeable in this story, and yet... well. Obviously, I need to get some sleep because coherence has been running thin since a few paragraphs ago.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-04 08:38 am (UTC)The reason why I was so completely struck and rendered speechless by this story is the way it dug into all of my issues with John - or actually, my issues with LOVING John. Because he's amazing and hot and smart and aloof and heroic and supposed to be The Good Guy, but at the same time, he creeps me out for a whole bunch of reasons and at times even makes me WISH I HATED HIM instead. (I have complex, profound, and sometimes contradictory feelings for TV characters, and I tend to overthink said feelings. Mock away.)
And that's why THE WAY Rodney loves him in this fic, the way Rodney looks at him/after him and worries about him and interprets some arguably quite shitty behavior as acceptable and understandable and even hopeful - oh, that just gets me where I live. Not only did you write Rodney in a way that made me empathize with him the way I haven't until now (I'm too invested in John and have been since day one); you've also placed me, reader and fangirl, in a position I haven't expected AT ALL from ANY fic.
It's as if you've raised a mirror to fangirling John as I experience it, to the fan's power of interpretation of a beloved character, except you've also shown how limited or even blind that interpretation can be (inside the story: for both John and Rodney, for both their relationship and the way they view/value each other AND themselves); and by doing so, it's as if you have RECOGNIZED and NAMED and maybe even PETTED a little THE SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS I feel as a fan about what I love, hate, see, read in my favorite obsessions. Er, characters.
(Btw, any and all meta hereby perceived is mine and mine alone, but your fic has superpowers in my universe and I wanted to let you know, just in case. Really, what an exquisite way to present these intricate issues, and what a powerful approach to their relationship AND our relationship to them. SUPERPOWERS.)
John Sheppard is not my typical choice of a character to adore, and I keep trying to figure out WHY I adore him despite everything. This fic, which - in my mind's eye - stretches him between woobiefied object (by Rodney, via that psych evaluation) and needy, maybe deliberately oblivious, at times cruel-simply-by-being-active subject (by the way he is shown to us) offers that PERFECTLY BALANCED AMBIGUITY, the reason I'm drawn to him so much, and I STILL have no words to tell you how happy I am that this story EXISTS, period.
If I weren't completely exhausted right now, I'd talk a bit about your terrific writing style and action sequences and humor and suspense and tempo and precision and clarity (so fucking important in a fic with so many "confusing" statements!)... But for now, let me just thank you again for uncovering the pathologies of BOTH these characters so masterfully, and for not stopping there but humanizing said pathologies into painful yet still embraceable flaws. And THEN, on top of that, thank your for doing Emotionally Honest Revelation things that never turn the fic into schmoop but allow us - allow ME - to keep loving them, to keep loving HIM while still being reasonably creeped out about it.
P.S. The weirdest thing is, in this whole fic, the character I really felt the closest to was Elizabeth. Seeing more than two sides per issue, trying to make the best decision given what she knows and sees about everybody, struggling to stick to the chosen perspective, inevitably feeling a bit guilty about it anyway... She doesn't come across as likeable in this story, and yet... well. Obviously, I need to get some sleep because coherence has been running thin since a few paragraphs ago.