[identity profile] sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] sga_flashfic
Crack!Fic: And Where are all the Gods?
Author:[livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon
Challenge: Secret Superpowers
Characters: McKay, Sheppard
Rating: PG
Summary: On patrol at 2am, John inadvertently discovers Rodney indulging in the exercise of his superpower.
A/N: Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] siriaeve for acting as a roving SG encyclopedia. And the song available for download right here may prove useful in fully visualizing the crack within.

Eyes narrowed, body primed and ready for trouble, John paused by the transporter, listening to the faint music drifting down the corridor toward him. He clicked his radio. "Lorne?"


"You notice anything . . ." He tilted his head. He was pretty sure he could hear the faint strains of Bonnie Tyler's voice. " . . . untoward in quadrant six an hour ago?"

"No sir."

"Nothing . . . musical."

". . . Musical, sir?"

"Yeah. Singing."

"No sir. Would've remembered that."

"And no one was in the gym?" John lifted his P-90, and crept forward.

"No sir. Everything was quiet." There was a quiet mumbling. "Life-signs detector shows someone using the gym right now sir, but whomever it is, they're one of us."



"Any irregular energy readings on this floor?"

A pause. "No sir. Everything checks out. You need backup?"

"Not yet." John chewed the inside of his cheek, wondering exactly what repressed memory from the 80s was making him this uneasy at the prospect of confronting someone who'd play Bonnie Tyler by choice. "I'll check back."

"Yessir. Lorne out."

John adjusted his grip on his gun. The music only grew louder the closer he drew to the gym, and he paused outside the closed doors, listening to the rhythmic sound of footsteps against the floor. He waved his hand over crystals and . . .

. . . found himself staring at Rodney McKay.


For a second Rodney didn't notice him – kept running on the spot before flipping back his head to clear some of the sweat from his brow. Seconds after, he launched himself into an elaborate tumble, leaping back to his feet just in time to join Bonnie Tyler's backing vocalists in a resounding chorus of "Ooo ooo ooo oooo."

After which, he saw John.

"Oh shit!" Rodney yelped, hurrying to shut off the iPod he'd rigged to makeshift speakers.

John stared.

"Yes, yes, shut up, shut up, don't say a word," Rodney snapped. The music shut off.

John wet his lips, lowered his gun, and searched for something neutral to say. "It's 2am."

"Yes, thank you, Colonel, I'm well aware." Rodney's mouth was pinched.

John pulled a face, swallowed, then jumped right in. "You were - dancing."

Rodney tilted his chin. "Yes?"

"Rodney – you were dancing."

"Yes." Rodney squared his shoulders. "I – "

John waited, expectantly.

"It's my superpower," Rodney mumbled, shamefaced.

John blinked, blinked again, and struggled to find words.

"Since I was a child. I can watch a choreographed routine once and perfectly replicate it only moments after."

John stared some more.

"I don't like working with weights, and Teyla hits me often enough without arming her with sticks, but I'd like to be in better shape, especially since we seem to spend most of our time running for our lives, especially on those occasions when you feel it's advisable to turn on your so-called 'charm' – "

John thought the air quotes were possibly a little much.

" - and so I thought I'd just brush up on old routines I knew, use my superpower for good."

"Instead of . . . evil?" John asked.

"Ha, ha, very funny," Rodney snapped, looking pained.

"No really, could we use this against the Wraith?"

"Not unless you think we can persuade them to participate in a 'to-the-death' dance-a-thon to the accompaniment of Dueling Banjos?"

"A dance-off does have some appeal – "


John swallowed and looked around the room. "Well it's – it's . . . " He thought for a moment. "Can you do the robot?"

"Not to Bonnie Tyler," Rodney said, voice dripping with disdain.

"No, no, but – maybe to a little . . . Axel F?"

Rodney hitched one shoulder reluctantly. "Maybe then."

John stepped forward, confidingly. "Can you do that move Vanilla Ice used to do?"

Rodney eyed him suspiciously. "Not if you want me to teach it to you, no."

John deflated a little.

"Although I could, maybe, perhaps, if you were nice . . . " Rodney rolled his shoulders. "Show you Kevin Bacon's moves from Footloose."

John grinned happily. "Awesome."

"Hmmm." Rodney didn't look enthused. "Have you studied any of the greats? Baryshnikov? Madonna? Justin Timberlake?"

"I always liked Lance."

Rodney sighed. "And isn't that a surprise. Well – I'll do what I can."

"And maybe when we're done I could show you a little – "

"If you so much as think 'horizontal mambo' I will kill you with my bare hands."

John quirked an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure that's using your superpower for evil."

"And not even the Wraith would convict me," Rodney sniffed.

John shrugged out of his tac vest and moved to the middle of the floor. "Just one question."


"Where have all the good men gone, Rodney?"

"Dance," Rodney snapped, and set the iPod to play.
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(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 10:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sweeneybird.livejournal.com
My love for you knows no bounds.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikiaceae.livejournal.com
OMG! You made Rodney flashdance!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluebrocade.livejournal.com
ROTFLMAO. "Where have all the good men gone, Rodney?" !!! *dies*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 10:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cleito.livejournal.com
Okay, that's just... crack. Dancing Rodney. Sounds like a screen saver that needs to be programmed. Or a bad YouTube clip. Heh.

I feel I must point out that no one dances to "Holding Out for a Hero" in that movie. Bacon shakes his, erm, bacon to "Never" by Moving Pictures.

*carefully hides cassette tape in closet*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 10:50 pm (UTC)
ext_1720: two kittens with a heart between them (Default)
From: [identity profile] ladycat777.livejournal.com
*laughs far, far too hard to leave coherent feedback*


(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 10:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] audaxfemina.livejournal.com
That is *wonderful*. :) I wish I had that superpower, but if anyone deserved it, it's Rodney.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] audaxfemina.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-08-03 10:56 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 10:58 pm (UTC)
wolfshark: (Default)
From: [personal profile] wolfshark
*dies laughing*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 11:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nataliadarimini.livejournal.com
I have no words. You have taken them all away with the hypnotic images of flashdance.

*loves you*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] avoteforla.livejournal.com
Ahahahahhahahaha oh Cate. I love your crack.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dine.livejournal.com
"Have you studied any of the greats? Baryshnikov? Madonna? Justin Timberlake?"

"I always liked Lance."

Rodney sighed. "And isn't that a surprise. Well – I'll do what I can."


this whole thing was hysterical, but the mere notion of John knowing the members of NSYNC well enough to have a preference (for Lance!) has me cackling enough to frighten small children.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] hth-the-first.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-08-03 11:48 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 11:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zee.livejournal.com
*bites lip* It's very possible that the mental images are going to haunt my nightmares. zomg ♥.

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] reginagiraffe - Date: 2006-08-04 12:24 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 11:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] poetryfiend.livejournal.com
Slightly scary, but incredibly funny :)!!! Rodney flashdancing. A classic mental image. It will go down in history with other stargate random stuff like blue jello, lemons, and power bars :)

Thank you for this!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 11:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dogeared.livejournal.com
Oh man, I love John's "You notice anything . . . untoward?", and the rest is just gleefully wacky! Ha! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-03 11:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mcalex22.livejournal.com
Brilliant! I always love it when a writer captures John's enthusiam because I could so see John as wanting to try the moves.

And Rodney breakdancing - oh yes, love that image! He'd make me laugh :)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:00 am (UTC)
ext_2087: SGA (SGA Rodney)
From: [identity profile] tharaist.livejournal.com
Ha, Rodney's got the moves! Flashdance, dude. *smirks*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inthekeyofd.livejournal.com
OH.MY.GOD. Rodney's superpower is DANCING. I have visions of him pulling the he is the true, "Lord of the Dance" Oh god, now I'm totally seeing him with those tight pants on and a headband.


And can I say, John DANCING TOO.

You are my hero!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thediane.livejournal.com
Ha! Rodney as a dancing queen paints such beautiful images in my mind. Loooooove it ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] someinstant.livejournal.com
God, I love this challenge.

It's like you sat down and thought really, really hard, "Now what would break people's brains the most?"

I'm so very glad you did.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ozsaur.livejournal.com
I just... there are no words. No words for how much I love this story. *g*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zabbers.livejournal.com
"Where have all the good men gone, Rodney?"

I will remember this forever.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dancinguniverse.livejournal.com
You. Rock.


(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adafrog.livejournal.com
bwaaa hahahahaha Loved it!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 12:43 am (UTC)
ratcreature: RatCreature is shocked. (o.O!)
From: [personal profile] ratcreature
Wow, that was...different. Funny image though.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maverick4oz.livejournal.com
Bahahahaha. Thank you for this. Seriously, I laughed so hard, I scared my dog.

**Praying someone manips Rodney in leg warmers and a ripped sweatshirt. And he *already* knows how to weld.**

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] no-detective.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-08-05 04:12 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2006-08-04 01:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pollitt.livejournal.com
"Not unless you think we can persuade them to participate in a 'to-the-death' dance-a-thon to the accompaniment of Dueling Banjos?"

"A dance-off does have some appeal – "


Not that I don't already have a pathetically broken, one-legged dog of a laptop...but the beer I just spit on the keyboard can't be good.

translation: I love your brain. I want to be you when I grow up. Or just to write half as good :)
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