FIC: Penny Loafers, "Mission Report" Challenge

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Mission Report Challenge entry: for devildoll's "Still the One." It was written for the bad!fic challenge and is a masterpiece of hilarity in its own right. Seriously, it's perfection. Read it. Now. Or this? Will just be stupid and confusing.

Title: Penny Loafers
Author: Ismene
Pairing: Very, very twisted McKay/Sheppard
Warnings: Oh, God, what crime isn't committed in the original? Read it first. All you need to know. Ever.

The only summary you need:

Weekly communique from Atlantis to SGC Earthside
from Dr. Weir's "Report Regarding the Neutralization of the Genii"

The Unicorn Planet was first explored by SGA-1. The MALP showed it was a lovely place, an exquisite vista of gently rolling hills and bright skies. The beauty of the planet is complimented by the creatures of this wonderful world - the beautiful unicorns of The Unicorn Planet are supremely innocent and sweet, completely unafraid of humans.

To our dismay, SGA-1 discovered a group of poachers on the planet. As it turns out, there is a massive underground market in unicorn body parts in Pegasus, because of their supposed aprodisiac qualities. The chemical compounds in unicorn horns produced abnormal reactions in ATA gene carriers (see attachment 4: Beckett, Protocols for Gendershifts), as Dr. McKay discovered when he drank unicorn horn wine in the process of attempting to hunt down the black market suppliers.

This investigation quickly revealed that the Genii were behind a majority of the unicorn murders, and using the profits to fund continued inquiries into their nuclear arsenal. Perhaps this should not have been surprising, as the Genii have in the past shown limited moral standards, but nonetheess it had not occurred to any of the Atlantis personnel that even the Genii would stoop to murdering such sweet, defenceless, beautiful creatures.

Colonel Sheppard decided to infiltrate the Genii poaching operation in order to end the slaughter (see attachment 5: Sheppard, Assessment of Original Genii Capabilities). When Genii operatives discovered Dr. McKay, who was assigned to Sheppard's contact on P3X-759, Colonel Sheppard was forced to take desperate measures to covince the Genii of his defection from Atlantis (see attachment 6: Beckett and Heightmeyer, Protocols for Morally and Psychologically Awkward Circumstances Addendum 46a - Handling Undercover Operations). The Colonel engaged in some distateful activities, but everyone involved understood the importance of saving the lovely, helpless unicorns.

Colonel Sheppard was able to rapidly bring down the Genii's evil operation (see attachment 7: Sheppard, Assessment of Current Genii Capabilities). 

And, as a happy follow-up, our first Atlantean wedding will be held in a few months (see attachment 1: Weir, Marriage License Request, 2: Sheppard, Status Change Notification, and 3: McKay, Status Change Notification).


Dr. Elizabeth Weir
Atlantis Base

Attachments:
1: Weir, Subject: Marriage License Request (Canada)
2: Sheppard, Subject: Status Change Notification (US)
3: McKay, Subject: Status Change Notification (Canada)
4: Beckett, Subject: Protocols for Gendershifts
5: Sheppard, Subject: Assessment of Original Genii Capabilities
6: Beckett and Heightmeyer, Protocols for Morally and Psychologically Awkward Circumstances Addendum 46a - Handling Undercover Operations
7: Sheppard, Subject: Assessment of Current Genii Capabilities
8: McKay, Personal, cc Jeannie Miller, Toronto. Subject: Invitation
9: McKay, Personal, cc Samantha Carter (SGC), Richard Coller (Northwestern University), Karen Loren (Northwestern University), Darien Reich (CalTech), Eric Michaels (CalTech). Subject: Ha! And you said it would never happen.



SGC to Atlantis Base, RE: Weekly Communique

All our best wishes to Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay (see attachment 2: Carter, personal). The appropriate paperwork is attached.

We're all just glad the unicorns are okay.


General Hank Landry
SGC 

Attachments:
1: Marriage License (Canada)
2: Carter, Personal, cc Rodney McKay. Subject: I recommend lemon cake for the reception.

Comments

[an-kayoh.livejournal.com]

LOL!

Man, I want to see those attachments. But I'll settle for reading the original story. *scuttles off*

[das-kabinett.livejournal.com]

9: McKay, Personal, cc Samantha Carter (SGC), Richard Coller (Northwestern University), Karen Loren (Northwestern University), Darien Reich (CalTech), Eric Michaels (CalTech). Subject: Ha! And you said it would never happen.

All of it was too funny, but ^ that was my favorite. :3

[clairshadows.livejournal.com]

This was fun :)

[fairyglass.livejournal.com]

This was made with nothing but FUNNY! ; D

[lilac-way.livejournal.com]

That story was my very favorite of the badfic challenge -- so desperately earnest in its badness! This mission report is just awesome. I especially like the addendum from Beckett and Heightmeyer. (Though I'm disappointed John didn't requisition more karaoke tapes!)

And I think we are all just glad the unicorns are okay.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Dude, you haven't read the original yet? No, no, do that NOW.

Also, thanks.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Mine too. :) glad you liked.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Thanks

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[orange852.livejournal.com]

2: Carter, Personal, cc Rodney McKay. Subject: I recommend lemon cake for the reception.

No one likes a sore loser, Sammikins. :D

Perfect followup to a perfect sendup of the most horrific of horrors that can be perpetrated for the "love" of fandom.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Oh, man! I was trying to figure out how to work the karaoke in, and...I wish I could have borrowed your brain.

But, you know, it's all right. Because the unicorns are okay.

Thanks.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

No one likes a sore loser, Sammikins.

Ah, but is she a sore loser or justifiably annoyed at Rodney's gloating? Point of view, this is. *pauses to realize she sounds like Yoda*

I mean....thanks for the comments, dear. :)

[pentapus.livejournal.com]

*DIES* This was hilarious, and then--the few little things--the file list, that you included Landry's REPLY, that his reply is "We're all just glad the unicorns are okay." Appendix forty six A. I just--like the original, my brain is probably going to explode before it can properly comprehend that this story exists.

[azurehart.livejournal.com]

This is so wrong, and yet I can't stop laughing. Thanks for a fun read!

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

This was all kinds of wrong, as was the originating story. You rule!

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to make your brain explode. *defuses brain* Better?

I'm so glad you liked the file list. It just seemed...fitting. And, well, of course Landry's just glad the unicorns are okay. Aren't we all?

Thanks, hon.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. :)

[blue-underwing.livejournal.com]

I'm finding this just far too funny :)

[ceares.livejournal.com]

Hee! Subject: Ha! And you said it would never happen. Rodney would so do this.

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

lolol Great, but I really want to see those attachments. lol

[devildoll.livejournal.com]

Protocols for Morally and Psychologically Awkward Circumstances

Bwahahaha! That's one way to put it.

I love how you worked in Rodney's genderswitch--I was never really sure how that had happened. *g*

Your attachments are priceless, as is Landry's response.

[orange852.livejournal.com]

You're most welcome. :D

Ah, but is she a sore loser or justifiably annoyed at Rodney's gloating? Point of view, this is.

It's badfic. That all main characters are Mary Sued to with inches of their lives is explicitly implicit in badfic. Of course Sam is a sore loser; she has loved Rodney and despaired!

Now there has to be a sixty-two chapter sequel detailing her mental breakdown, savage revenge on John gone savagely wrong, with a sidetrip into the tragic disabling of Radek, who was glad to give up his quirky hair in the name of John and Rodney's love, and the glorious gallop of the unicorns to the rescue as they skewer the evil blonde astrophysicist (who is wrong wrong wrong for supporting whichever theory of everything Rodney knows is crap) for presuming to interlope on r boyz.

[headdesk] OMGWTF you have me doing it now.

*pauses to realize she sounds like Yoda*

It's perfectly charming. One hopes you've done something about the skull whiskers, though.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Thanks; that was the point, after all.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Well of course, he can't miss a chance to gloat about his hot Air Force fiancee. <--- how wrong is that word in this context?

Thanks.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

I think they'd lose their joy if they were fully explained, though.

Thanks.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how it happened either, hon.

Thanks so much! It's great to know the creator of this monstrosity enjoyed the sequel/companion.:)

[ceteramisto.livejournal.com]

This is just the perfect companion to my favorite deliberate badfic ever. I love Landry's response since the one lesson I got from the original is that it doesn't matter what else is going on as long as the unicorns are okay.

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Now there has to be a sixty-two chapter sequel detailing her mental breakdown, savage revenge on John gone savagely wrong, with a sidetrip into the tragic disabling of Radek, who was glad to give up his quirky hair in the name of John and Rodney's love, and the glorious gallop of the unicorns to the rescue as they skewer the evil blonde astrophysicist (who is wrong wrong wrong for supporting whichever theory of everything Rodney knows is crap) for presuming to interlope on r boyz.

OMG. Yes. Of course. How could I have forgotten the sacred rules of MarySue-ism?

I haven't been on ff.net in so long I've let it slip my mind.

*goes off to cackle, Yoda-like, at real bad!fic*

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

the one lesson I got from the original is that it doesn't matter what else is going on as long as the unicorns are okay.

No, it's totally true. As long as the unicorns are okay? It's all good.

Thanks for commenting.

[pegasus-01.livejournal.com]

OMG ICON LOVE!!! *STEALS!* THE PENGUINS!!
Also, GREAT mission report. And now I should read the fic *runs off*

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

Feel free to steal the penguins...I made it, so credit, but...dude, penguins. I'm actually working on a whole series of penguin SGA icons. They may replace my current set, because...dude, penguins.

Glad you liked the report....and wtf? You haven't read the fic? Do it now! Now, I tell you.

Thanks for the comments.

[khriskin]

*ROTFLAMO* I remember that bad!fic! *laughs* I love the attachments, especially the list of people who get the 'Ha, you were wrong!' emails. ^_~

[pegasus-01.livejournal.com]

I did! SO FUNNY!
And OMG! PENGUINS! If/when you make the set, lemme know! PENGUINS!!!! This fandom is totally into the penguin love and it's all Leah's and Karen's fault! As well as others who I can't actually remember...

[ismenetruth.livejournal.com]

It just seems like such a Rodney thing to do...

Thanks.

[jakisbishlygay.livejournal.com]

*giggles in a girly fashion*

[gottalovev.livejournal.com]

LOL! yes, that's an awesome tag to devildoll's fic! loved it!