Bitter, in E Flat by enviropony (Scars Challenge)

[enviropony.livejournal.com]

Title: Bitter, in E Flat
Author: enviropony
Characters: Rodney McKay
Archive: sga_flashfic; all others, please ask.
Category: Gen, slight futurefic
Rating: G
Length: 840 words
Summary: Rodney used to play the piano. Now someone else does.
Spoilers: Season 3: "McKay and Mrs. Miller"
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply. Obviously not mine, or it would be called The John and Rodney Show.
Notes: Un-betaed. For some reason it feels like someone's done this already...


Inspired by a post secret from unsung_hero_99, the first one on this page.

* * *

Sharp, clear notes fill the sunlit sitting room and Rodney is amazed at the precision -every note is there, every pause, every phrase played out just so. A metronome couldn't keep better time. The velvet thunk of the pedals – old piano, small room, and the soft noise demands Rodney's attention – speaks of surety, of knowing and doing and now, jarring counterpoint to the softness of the piece. Now and now and wait and now and he thinks he'll buy them a nicer piano, because if he has to sit through this purposeful thunking one more time, he's going to go crazy.

Madison is determined to get this piece right.

At her age, Rodney was still only dreaming about Chopin.

At seven, Rodney was still running scales, ABCDEFG GFEDCBA BA BA "Don't improvise! Just do it!"

The last notes of Etude No. 3 tease him out of bitter reverie, and he looks over to see the pride on Kaleb's face-

- and the knowing, almost wincing look Jeannie shoots him across her husband's chair. Like she's embarrassed.

Or bracing for a storm.

All that's left in the air are dust motes catching in the slant of sunlight, and Rodney stands and claps his hands together. Clichéd setting and clichéd uncle congratulating his young niece, all smiles and bluster outside and jealous, bitter hurt on the inside. Madison slips off the piano bench and trips her way over to stand and look at him with wide, honest eyes. "I practiced it just for you, Uncle Mer."

"And you did an excellent job," he assures her, because she did, but also because he's learned to keep a grip on the snarling egomaniac within, the one who can't stand to not be the best at something, at everything. He drops to one knee and gives her a hug, which she returns eagerly before bouncing off to receive due accolade from her parents.

At length they're sitting on the back porch, admiring the fall colors and watching Madison chase leaves out of the sky with fine, narrow fingers.

"She's graceful, for seven," Rodney says, the critical tone creeping back in now that he's relaxed and away from now-wait-now and a room full of "Perfect, it must be perfect!" – except he's never really gotten away from that room at all.

Kaleb eyes him askance, still not used to his abrasive manner, but Jeannie knows what Rodney means, and smiles at him warmly. "See? Those ballet lessons came in handy. She's on the soccer team, too."

"Three after-school activities?" Rodney wonders. "I thought you weren't going to pressure her?"

"We're not," Jeannie says. "Maddie got tired of the ballet, so we let her drop it."

Rodney wonders where he'd be if his parents hadn't let him drop piano lessons when he was twelve. But he thinks, they let me drop scouting, too, even if was just to save on the fees. He remembers how quickly he became disenchanted with the merit badge system when he realized it wouldn't make as much difference in getting into college as the scout master had led him to believe. Better to focus his energy on the science fair, instead.

Madison tromps up the steps, plunks herself down next to Rodney on the long rocking bench and says, "Uncle Mer, will you play something after dinner tonight?"

His jaw clenches and his chin juts out, and he says, "It's been a long time since I played the piano, Madison. Much too long."

"But mommy said you were very good," his niece protests, and they both look over to see Jeannie shrug apologetically. Rodney knows she meant well.

"I was very good when I was a kid," he says. "Imagine if, when you're in college, somebody asks you to do some ballet for them. Do you think you'll remember?"

"Maybe some," she says with a shrug.

"Well, that's all I remember. Some." Enough to mourn how much he's forgotten. "Not enough to play anything other than chopsticks and some scales." She frowns, and he plows on, hating the sad look on her face. "How about I tell you a story, instead? We can build a fire in the fireplace-" it will be cold enough by then; the air is already turning crisp "- and roast marshmallows, and I'll tell you a story, a secret one."

"A secret story?" she asks, wonder rising in her eyes. "How secret?"

"So secret that only a few people on the whole planet know about it, and none of them know the whole thing."

Madison is suitably awed, so that no more mention is made of the piano. Jeannie looks pleased, and Kaleb has that long-suffering face on, the one that speaks of arrogant in-laws. Rodney doesn't care.

After dinner, they light a fire and roast marshmallows, as promised. Rodney tells Madison about the city that rose from the sea and the people who live there, shows her the mildest of the scars on his body, and lets the ones on his heart fade away.

Comments

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Beautiful and heart-clenching without being over the top or schmoopy. That's a fine line you walk there, and you walk it gracefully.

[mollya.livejournal.com]

So sweet and bittersweet!

[luthien.livejournal.com]

Beautifully executed, and ended on just the perfect note.

[sholio]

Ohhhhh. Lovely balance of hurt and healing, and nice character insights.

[nebbyjen.livejournal.com]

That was really good. The hidden scar more personal than the visible one on his arm. Very nice.

[mellyna.livejournal.com]

Touching. Wonderfully done. Thanks for sharing.

[leesa_perrie]

Oh, poor Rodney. Some scars go deeper than the skin. Nicely done.

[mrshamill.livejournal.com]

Heart wrenching in extreme. A lovely, gorgeous portrait of Rodney... and of Jeannie, too, now that I think about it. Thank you.

[bluefall.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, I really like this. It really shows how Rodney's grown, that he still has self-centered impulses but he's aware of them, and even more, willing to try to control them for the sake of Madison and Jeannie. And that his found family on Atlantis, and Jeannie's trip there, have helped him to value and nurture his biological family on Earth.

Lovely piece.

[ceitie.livejournal.com]

Oh, Rodney. I like Jeannie's understanding, and the storytelling at the end.

Review

[(Anonymous)]

Perfection. I so very much relate to Rodney's place in his life at this time.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_bettina_/]

This was very nice, I liked it a lot :-).

[seratonation.livejournal.com]

aww, thats beautiful, I love how I can almost hear the piano in my head, and the thunking of the pedels, and it still sounds perfect. kinda left me feeling all wistful, and I loved how he thinks about buying them a new piano, so offhanded about it, even between all the bitter memories. You painted a lovely picture as well and I just loved it :D

[tigriswolf]

Ooh, such a gorgeous last line.