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sga_flashficTitle: Soft and Fluffy
Author: canadian_snoopy
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1015
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Not mine
Summary: John shouldn't have gotten complacent.
Notes: Un-beta'ed, second attempt at SG:A fiction, demented humour. Read at your own risk.
Notes the second: In honour of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
danvers, because I'm a feedback slob and I have much love for her series (first part here)despite me never saying it. Consider this a heartfelt homage :o))))
*****
So really, he should've been expecting it. They'd had five missions in a row where nothing happened, where all they'd gotten were natives who were nice and either willing to trade or willing to refer them to friends of theirs who might help.
He should've *expected* it, damn it, but really, he dared anyone to step through the gate into marshmallow-ville and not feel secure with a P-90 and Ford packing enough artillery to fight a small war, because Ford liked his explosives too much to ever leave home without them.
The people were round and white and just *cute* in a way that even Bates, hard-ass that he was, had unbent enough to smile at the pictures the MALP had sent back.
Obviously, John was losing his touch.
"Sir--"
"I see it, Ford," he replied, lifting his P-90 up, sighting along the barrel as though he expected that a couple of bullets would do the trick. The thing was *massive*, at least fifteen stories tall, shambling in their general direction with steps that made the ground tremble. It was also a dead copy of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which John didn't want to think too much about because it made his head hurt.
The Ancients just got more fucking *weird* the more he learned about them.
"You don't think--"
"McKay, perhaps we should hold this conversation back at Atlantis?" he asked, dropping the barrel so that it pointed at the ground and picking up equipment with his free hand. "I don't wanna be in the way when that... *thing* spots us."
And then the rumbling got faster and John saw the thing (he wasn't going to call it the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man no matter *what* it looked like, goddamnit) had spotted them and was heading their way; of *course* this was the way it was going to go, because John had committed the rookie mistake of jinxing them all to kingdom come. "Fuck the equipment -- run!" he yelled, yanking the box out of Rodney's hands even as he saw Ford and Teyla dropping their own things and taking off towards the gate.
McKay, thank god, didn't need convincing, and just turned and ran behind the others, John guarding their rear. John decidedly *didn't* think about the fact that the rumbling was getting louder and that the ground was shaking with more violence the closer they got to the gate.
"We're not going to make it!" McKay yelled, knocking over one of the smaller marshmallow people (they were still cute enough that John felt bad but he couldn't help but wonder how much *that* would piss of their older brother) in his haste.
"Shut up and run, Rodney," John said, looking over his shoulder just in time to see a wall of white -- holy shit, that thing had *hands* and nothing that big should have hands, holy *shit* -- barrel towards him with all the softness of a homicidal feather pillow.
The sense of vertigo was horrible and everything moved *really* fast for a second, blurring the horizon into a wash of colours that reminded him of a really good high before it settled and John was looking into the space between two beady black eyes.
It looked at him, John safely trapped in its fist that, yes, really *did* smell like marshmallow and reminded him, crazily enough, of camping as a kid. "Friend?" it rumbled, making John's ears hurt even as he was trying to convince himself that he *wasn't* going to puke.
"Hmm," and John had opened his mouth to assure the giant marshmallow man that yes, he would be his friend as long as it didn't crush John like a grape, when the world whirled around him again, more speed than he was used to without protective gear and the thing sat down with a great thump.
John heard Ford curse and he looked over the mass of white that was his captor and saw his team on the ground, scrambling to pick themselves up after that particular earthquake. "Friend!" it said again, and John had just enough time to think, 'Oh *shit*,' when that other hand was coming towards his head, more of that insane speed from earlier.
John closed his eyes and waited for death -- and damnit, he hadn't figured that after the Genii and the Wraith it would be a giant *marshmallow* that would do him in, this was so damned *embarrassing* -- when he felt something run through his hair, a heavy weight that smelled sweet and cloying.
Two more passes over his hair and John opened one eye, just in time to see that hand -- that really fucking *big* hand -- pass over his head with a gentleness that was at odds with something that big.
One more pass and John opened both eyes, shock making his mouth gape. "Friend!" it rumbled again, happily petting John once more.
"Ah," and John couldn't help the wince at the way everything spun when his friend brought him closer to its face, oddly expressive for something that resembled a prop from a movie. "Friend?" it asked, voice low as though it had realized that John's ears weren't quite ready for a full volume test.
"Sure," John said, manfully ignoring the way his teammates were laughing. "My name's John."
"Friend!" it said, face bending into a smile that looked disturbingly human. "Friend John!"
And damnit, that better not be a camera in Rodney's hand because otherwise, John was siccing his new friend on his old ones, that rat Canadian bastard.
"Are you alright, sir?" Ford called out and John liked the kid, he really did, but if he didn't get that goddamned *amused* tone out of his voice right *now*--
"Made a new friend, Major?"
Yes, John was totally going on a rampage as soon as he figured out how to convince Dave -- Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was too much of a mouthful -- that he *really* needed to make friends with McKay. For the good of diplomatic ties and all.
The End
*****
Because I couldn't help myself, here's a picture: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!
Author: canadian_snoopy
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1015
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Not mine
Summary: John shouldn't have gotten complacent.
Notes: Un-beta'ed, second attempt at SG:A fiction, demented humour. Read at your own risk.
Notes the second: In honour of
danvers, because I'm a feedback slob and I have much love for her series (first part here)despite me never saying it. Consider this a heartfelt homage :o))))*****
So really, he should've been expecting it. They'd had five missions in a row where nothing happened, where all they'd gotten were natives who were nice and either willing to trade or willing to refer them to friends of theirs who might help.
He should've *expected* it, damn it, but really, he dared anyone to step through the gate into marshmallow-ville and not feel secure with a P-90 and Ford packing enough artillery to fight a small war, because Ford liked his explosives too much to ever leave home without them.
The people were round and white and just *cute* in a way that even Bates, hard-ass that he was, had unbent enough to smile at the pictures the MALP had sent back.
Obviously, John was losing his touch.
"Sir--"
"I see it, Ford," he replied, lifting his P-90 up, sighting along the barrel as though he expected that a couple of bullets would do the trick. The thing was *massive*, at least fifteen stories tall, shambling in their general direction with steps that made the ground tremble. It was also a dead copy of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which John didn't want to think too much about because it made his head hurt.
The Ancients just got more fucking *weird* the more he learned about them.
"You don't think--"
"McKay, perhaps we should hold this conversation back at Atlantis?" he asked, dropping the barrel so that it pointed at the ground and picking up equipment with his free hand. "I don't wanna be in the way when that... *thing* spots us."
And then the rumbling got faster and John saw the thing (he wasn't going to call it the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man no matter *what* it looked like, goddamnit) had spotted them and was heading their way; of *course* this was the way it was going to go, because John had committed the rookie mistake of jinxing them all to kingdom come. "Fuck the equipment -- run!" he yelled, yanking the box out of Rodney's hands even as he saw Ford and Teyla dropping their own things and taking off towards the gate.
McKay, thank god, didn't need convincing, and just turned and ran behind the others, John guarding their rear. John decidedly *didn't* think about the fact that the rumbling was getting louder and that the ground was shaking with more violence the closer they got to the gate.
"We're not going to make it!" McKay yelled, knocking over one of the smaller marshmallow people (they were still cute enough that John felt bad but he couldn't help but wonder how much *that* would piss of their older brother) in his haste.
"Shut up and run, Rodney," John said, looking over his shoulder just in time to see a wall of white -- holy shit, that thing had *hands* and nothing that big should have hands, holy *shit* -- barrel towards him with all the softness of a homicidal feather pillow.
The sense of vertigo was horrible and everything moved *really* fast for a second, blurring the horizon into a wash of colours that reminded him of a really good high before it settled and John was looking into the space between two beady black eyes.
It looked at him, John safely trapped in its fist that, yes, really *did* smell like marshmallow and reminded him, crazily enough, of camping as a kid. "Friend?" it rumbled, making John's ears hurt even as he was trying to convince himself that he *wasn't* going to puke.
"Hmm," and John had opened his mouth to assure the giant marshmallow man that yes, he would be his friend as long as it didn't crush John like a grape, when the world whirled around him again, more speed than he was used to without protective gear and the thing sat down with a great thump.
John heard Ford curse and he looked over the mass of white that was his captor and saw his team on the ground, scrambling to pick themselves up after that particular earthquake. "Friend!" it said again, and John had just enough time to think, 'Oh *shit*,' when that other hand was coming towards his head, more of that insane speed from earlier.
John closed his eyes and waited for death -- and damnit, he hadn't figured that after the Genii and the Wraith it would be a giant *marshmallow* that would do him in, this was so damned *embarrassing* -- when he felt something run through his hair, a heavy weight that smelled sweet and cloying.
Two more passes over his hair and John opened one eye, just in time to see that hand -- that really fucking *big* hand -- pass over his head with a gentleness that was at odds with something that big.
One more pass and John opened both eyes, shock making his mouth gape. "Friend!" it rumbled again, happily petting John once more.
"Ah," and John couldn't help the wince at the way everything spun when his friend brought him closer to its face, oddly expressive for something that resembled a prop from a movie. "Friend?" it asked, voice low as though it had realized that John's ears weren't quite ready for a full volume test.
"Sure," John said, manfully ignoring the way his teammates were laughing. "My name's John."
"Friend!" it said, face bending into a smile that looked disturbingly human. "Friend John!"
And damnit, that better not be a camera in Rodney's hand because otherwise, John was siccing his new friend on his old ones, that rat Canadian bastard.
"Are you alright, sir?" Ford called out and John liked the kid, he really did, but if he didn't get that goddamned *amused* tone out of his voice right *now*--
"Made a new friend, Major?"
Yes, John was totally going on a rampage as soon as he figured out how to convince Dave -- Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was too much of a mouthful -- that he *really* needed to make friends with McKay. For the good of diplomatic ties and all.
The End
*****
Because I couldn't help myself, here's a picture: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-13 11:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 12:00 am (UTC)Thanks for the feedback!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 12:38 am (UTC)I thought it was very funny. Thank you :-)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:12 am (UTC)And thank *you* for writing such awesome stuff -- given that you were the inspiration, it's obvious that your brain is the good crack ;opp
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 01:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:14 am (UTC)But I'm an equal opportunity abuser so next time, Ford's totally goin' down :oppp
Thanks for the feedback!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 01:20 am (UTC)Oh yes, I liked that very much. Very nicely done.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:15 am (UTC)Well, thank you kindly -- I'm glad you enjoyed!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 01:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:16 am (UTC)But I'm glad it made you laugh -- thanks for the feedback!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 01:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:21 am (UTC)Down with Slimer, I say, and up with Stay Puft!
:o))))))
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 01:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:23 am (UTC)*bounces* So glad to hear that you smiled! Thankyouthankyou!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 01:51 am (UTC)>The Ancients just got more fucking *weird* the more he learned about them.<
Heh.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:24 am (UTC)Poor, poor John ;o))))))
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 01:54 am (UTC)And damnit, that better not be a camera in Rodney's hand because otherwise, John was siccing his new friend on his old ones, that rat Canadian bastard.
Heh. Also, I'm not sure if you meant it but this reminded me of that Bugs Bunny cartoon where the Abominable Snowman said "I will hug him and pet him and call him George."
^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:27 am (UTC)And you know, I totally was thinking about the cartoon when I wrote it but decided to go with marshmallows because... dude! Marshmallows! What could be funnier? Still -- skeery brain echoes!
Its the Marshmallow Man!
Date: 2005-04-14 02:15 am (UTC)Re: Its the Marshmallow Man!
Date: 2005-04-14 04:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 03:04 am (UTC)that was a great giggle :)
I loved::
barrel towards him with all the softness of a homicidal feather pillow.
and damnit, he hadn't figured that after the Genii and the Wraith it would be a giant *marshmallow* that would do him in, this was so damned *embarrassing*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:28 am (UTC)And poor John -- it's always the feather pillows you gotta watch out for 'cause those ones are *tricky* :o))))))
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 06:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 10:29 pm (UTC)Am totally with you -- it's the innocent and fluffy ones that you gotta watch out for!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 03:05 am (UTC)Hmm. You just seem to excel at these challenges snoopy. I recall enjoying your other fic too.
Good job an' keep it up. (:
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:30 am (UTC)Thank you! And what can I say, we're getting some good challenges, thanks to the mods and I'm totally takin' advantage :o))
Thanks again for the lovely words! I shall do my best!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 03:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:32 am (UTC)Now *Rodney*, on the other hand, might have to worry :oppppp
Glad to hear you liked it -- thanks for the feedback!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:29 am (UTC)Friend John!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 04:32 am (UTC)The things I do to these boys is *criminal*, I swear ;oppp
Thanks for the feedback!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 05:29 am (UTC)*dies*
This was *SO* great! *g* .....I am going to have the weirdest dreams.....
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 10:30 pm (UTC)Glad to hear you enjoyed -- thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 08:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-14 10:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-16 12:10 am (UTC)lol this is fucking AWESOME. Friend John! I will be giggling for hours now, thank you!
Friend! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-16 04:15 pm (UTC)Friend! :o)))
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-16 03:00 am (UTC)I'll love him and pet him and call him George.
"But my name is John!"
I love George. George is my friend!
"I told you it's John! Rodney! Get me down from here now!"
Hah! Great.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-16 04:17 pm (UTC)I'm telling you, I almost did the 'George' bit but I figured I'd stolen *enough* in one story, what with Stay Puft ;opppp
But yay! I'm glad you enjoyed! Thanks for the feedback!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-12 03:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-12 09:33 pm (UTC)But thanks for going back and replying anyway -- John totally deserves any sympathy he can get in this one :o)))))))
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-13 03:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-27 05:23 am (UTC)That's too bad because I love fluff. Heh.
Not sap, mind you, fluff: and this was majorly fluffy (heavy-handed pun intended!) :D
Thanks, this was lots of fun; Sheppard is bemused expression is so cute it simply incites this type of story, so it's really his fault, IMHO.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-27 03:24 pm (UTC)And don't worry about the late-commenting -- having someone comment after a story's been posted a while back is like a nice surprise so thanks for doing this. And I'm glad you enjoyed Sheppard's 'torture'... even if he is totally blaming Rodney and his camera for his problems, the poor man. Heee :o))
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-28 05:19 am (UTC)