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sga_flashficTitle: That's Classified
Rating: PG-13 (for suggestion, crude email addresses, and an absence of actual porn)
Pairing/Wordcount: John/Rodney, 719
Summary: It all started with one little prank, scientist-style...
“WHAT.” Rodney's voice echoes down the corridor. Everyone in his lab has to muffle their laughter, in laptops and hands and lab tables. They try, and fail, to not look up at Rodney's face as he stomps into the lab, waving a piece of paper so furiously it might rip.
“Is there something wrong, Rodney?” Radek is the only one to break the silence, and then suddenly, everyone in the room can't hold it in anymore. The laughter is deafening but Radek keeps a straight face.
Rodney's face is bright red, atom-bomb explosive in its anger, and he slams the paper down on his table, every tool and glass vial and delicate equipment shaking dangerously.
“WHAT. IS. THIS?! Who put this on the door, huh? I WILL NOT REST UNTIL THE CULPRIT IS FOUND.” He's shaking (shaking!) and only then does Radek's face crack into a grin.
“Oh, relax, Rodney, it's only a joke. Also, we all think you need to get laid, you're too tense!”
Rodney scowls, spares a glare for everyone in the room (Miko stops giggling) and stomps back out.
“If not for the fact he only found one, I would say that wasn't the worst reaction we've seen, yes?”
***
John finds Rodney in the mess. He's shoveling not-eggs into his mouth at an alarming rate, pale pink not-egg-yolk flying like confetti onto the table. He's also grumbling around mouthfuls.
John slides into the seat across from him, scoots his chair back a foot, and leans back with his hands tapping out an irregular rhythm on the tabletop. He waits for Rodney to notice. It doesn't take long.
“What do you want?” Rodney swallows and chugs an entire mug of coffee.
John smirks something awful and pulls out a piece of paper, sets it on the table in front of him.
Rodney nearly chokes on his coffee. He grabs the paper and hugs it to himself.
“Where did you get this?!” His voice is low and dangerous, words clipped and sharp as glass.
John shrugs and smiles again, grabs a chunk of not-apple from Rodney's plate and bites into it slowly. He chews carefully, enjoying the impatience on Rodney's face, and swallows.
“Found it taped to my door.” Rodney's eyes widen and he practically jumps out of his seat.
“I AM GOING TO KILL THEM ALL.” He runs out of the mess and John finds Elizabeth's eye.
“I'm sure he doesn't mean it,” John reassures her. She shoots back a raised eyebrow and a stern look that says go make sure and he sighs and follows.
When he gets to the end of the lab's corridor, he can hear Rodney's voice like a gunshot.
“I WILL WORK YOU SO HARD YOU WILL WISH FOR WRAITH!” He rounds the corner and can see Rodney through the doorway, gesturing wildly enough to put out someone's eye, face red and contorted with fury. Rodney points at each scientist in turn and stalks out of the lab, nearly running into John.
He looks more flustered than angry. He stumbles into John, and his eyes go wide and he backs away quickly. He avoids his eyes and walks around him and away.
John stands still, hears the transporter whoosh Rodney away. He flexes his fingers where they caught in Rodney's tac vest.
***
Rodney wakes up with the sun and stumbles, bleary-eyed, to the coffee pot in the kitchen adjoining his room. He had haggled with Elizabeth for days to get a room with a kitchen.
When he gets a mug of coffee warm in his hands, he notices the scrap of paper shoved under his door. He picks it up. He reads it. He almost drops his mug.
Five minutes later, he's in the Puddlejumper hanger.
***
When Rodney walks into the science lab four hours later wearing a dopey, relaxed grin, he's greeted with shocked faces.
He smiles, evilly, as Radek's eyes widen.
“Just because it worked doesn't mean I won't make your lives a living hell.” He sits down at his laptop and begins to type.
No one speaks of the ads ever again, Rodney makes sure of it.
What he doesn't know is that his testimonial sparked the largest underground Personal Ad Campaign of Atlantis since Match.Com on Earth.
***
A/N: x-posted in my journal, feedback encouraged and worshipped, if you find typos tell me please, etc etc etc. and, disclaimer: i don't own SGA or its characters, but who doesn't like a naked pilot?
Rating: PG-13 (for suggestion, crude email addresses, and an absence of actual porn)
Pairing/Wordcount: John/Rodney, 719
Summary: It all started with one little prank, scientist-style...
“WHAT.” Rodney's voice echoes down the corridor. Everyone in his lab has to muffle their laughter, in laptops and hands and lab tables. They try, and fail, to not look up at Rodney's face as he stomps into the lab, waving a piece of paper so furiously it might rip.
“Is there something wrong, Rodney?” Radek is the only one to break the silence, and then suddenly, everyone in the room can't hold it in anymore. The laughter is deafening but Radek keeps a straight face.
Rodney's face is bright red, atom-bomb explosive in its anger, and he slams the paper down on his table, every tool and glass vial and delicate equipment shaking dangerously.
“WHAT. IS. THIS?! Who put this on the door, huh? I WILL NOT REST UNTIL THE CULPRIT IS FOUND.” He's shaking (shaking!) and only then does Radek's face crack into a grin.
“Oh, relax, Rodney, it's only a joke. Also, we all think you need to get laid, you're too tense!”
Rodney scowls, spares a glare for everyone in the room (Miko stops giggling) and stomps back out.
“If not for the fact he only found one, I would say that wasn't the worst reaction we've seen, yes?”
***
John finds Rodney in the mess. He's shoveling not-eggs into his mouth at an alarming rate, pale pink not-egg-yolk flying like confetti onto the table. He's also grumbling around mouthfuls.
John slides into the seat across from him, scoots his chair back a foot, and leans back with his hands tapping out an irregular rhythm on the tabletop. He waits for Rodney to notice. It doesn't take long.
“What do you want?” Rodney swallows and chugs an entire mug of coffee.
John smirks something awful and pulls out a piece of paper, sets it on the table in front of him.
Rodney nearly chokes on his coffee. He grabs the paper and hugs it to himself.
“Where did you get this?!” His voice is low and dangerous, words clipped and sharp as glass.
John shrugs and smiles again, grabs a chunk of not-apple from Rodney's plate and bites into it slowly. He chews carefully, enjoying the impatience on Rodney's face, and swallows.
“Found it taped to my door.” Rodney's eyes widen and he practically jumps out of his seat.
“I AM GOING TO KILL THEM ALL.” He runs out of the mess and John finds Elizabeth's eye.
“I'm sure he doesn't mean it,” John reassures her. She shoots back a raised eyebrow and a stern look that says go make sure and he sighs and follows.
When he gets to the end of the lab's corridor, he can hear Rodney's voice like a gunshot.
“I WILL WORK YOU SO HARD YOU WILL WISH FOR WRAITH!” He rounds the corner and can see Rodney through the doorway, gesturing wildly enough to put out someone's eye, face red and contorted with fury. Rodney points at each scientist in turn and stalks out of the lab, nearly running into John.
He looks more flustered than angry. He stumbles into John, and his eyes go wide and he backs away quickly. He avoids his eyes and walks around him and away.
John stands still, hears the transporter whoosh Rodney away. He flexes his fingers where they caught in Rodney's tac vest.
***
Rodney wakes up with the sun and stumbles, bleary-eyed, to the coffee pot in the kitchen adjoining his room. He had haggled with Elizabeth for days to get a room with a kitchen.
When he gets a mug of coffee warm in his hands, he notices the scrap of paper shoved under his door. He picks it up. He reads it. He almost drops his mug.
Five minutes later, he's in the Puddlejumper hanger.
***
When Rodney walks into the science lab four hours later wearing a dopey, relaxed grin, he's greeted with shocked faces.
He smiles, evilly, as Radek's eyes widen.
“Just because it worked doesn't mean I won't make your lives a living hell.” He sits down at his laptop and begins to type.
No one speaks of the ads ever again, Rodney makes sure of it.
What he doesn't know is that his testimonial sparked the largest underground Personal Ad Campaign of Atlantis since Match.Com on Earth.
***
A/N: x-posted in my journal, feedback encouraged and worshipped, if you find typos tell me please, etc etc etc. and, disclaimer: i don't own SGA or its characters, but who doesn't like a naked pilot?