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sga_flashficTitle: A Harmless Ritual (Cake or Death Challenge)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
slybrarian
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Betaed byarchae_ology. All crack should be attributed to SGA, except for one line shamelessly stolen by John from Charles Stross.
Summary: As far as John was concerned, any ritual sacrifice that involved sacrificing things other than his team was a great ritual.
"That has got to be the most absurd thing I've ever heard," Rodney said, crossing his arms. "And believe me, I've heard some pretty absurd things before."
"None the less, it is true," the village matriarch said with a serene smile. "We have neither tasted cake nor been attacked by the Wraith in fifty generations."
"Oh, please, there's some sort of Ancient technology and you've just gotten some mumbo-jumbo hand waving mixed in."
John decided this would be a good time to cut in. He lifted up his own plate and fork and said, "And by that he means we'd be honored to start off your sacrifice."
The elder smiled once more, and John walked over to the cunningly-named Well of Sacrifice. Honestly, it seemed a little silly to him, too, but if the villagers wanted to think that they'd made a deal with some god exchanging cake for protection, he wasn't going to complain even if the cake did look and smell wonderful. Really, it was a nice change from societies that wanted to sacrifice his team instead. John glanced down into the well and saw only pitch darkness, and then calmly scrapped his piece of chocolate cake (with cherries on top) down into it.
When he got back to the team, he poked Rodney and said, "Play along."
The scientist snorted and headed for the well. When he got there, Rodney cleared his throat, and suddenly John had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He knew the look on Rodney's face.
"Attention, down there! Not that you actually exist," Rodney called down the well. "I, Doctor Rodney McKay, would like you to know that I choose to eat my cake, like a rational person." With that, Rodney neatly cut into his cake with his fork, finished it with a few large bites, and looked around. "See? Superstition."
The assembled natives stared in horror at Rodney as he strutted back to the team, while Ronon asked, "If McKay's eating, does that mean I can too?"
After a minute of silence, John started to finger his gun, keeping an eye on the escape routes. Suddenly, the village elder started to cry, with a huge smile on her face. "Well. Maybe it is just a silly old belief after all. Cake for everyone, then!"
There were cheers from all around as people started to dig in. John quickly lost count of the number of people who hugged him, and found himself wishing he'd decided to keep his piece. Still, everyone seemed pretty happy so he couldn't complain, and for once it seemed like they might be heading home having made a new trade partner who might also have some sort of weapon. McKay would be insufferable, but it seemed like a small price to pay.
John's thoughts were stopped as he felt subsonic rumble through the ground and realized that the entire landscape seemed to be darkening as if it was twilight, despite there being no clouds in the sky. The jubilantly celebrating villagers started to quiet down, and all eyes turned back to the well. Suddenly, a mass of squirming tentacles emerged from the well and reached skyward. They looked to be made of shadow, and yet at the same time seemed horribly solid and slimy. After a moment, John realized that they were still standing there, and that it was probably a bad thing.
Backing away he shouted, "Fuck, it's Nyarlathotep! Run!"
Rodney needed no further encouragement and was already sprinting for the gate, with John, Teyla, and Ronon quickly closing the gap. They had reached the fields by the time the screaming started in earnest, and John didn't dare to look back. Rodney started to loose steam halfway down the road, so John and Ronon picked him up between them as they ran past, Teyla darting ahead to dial them out. John glanced back just before they cleared the event horizon and saw the entire village collapsing into a giant sinkhole as hundreds of tentacles snatched at fleeing natives.
Safely on the other side with the shield up, the team stood panting and looking back at the gate. For an instant the wormhole turned a putrid green and swirled like a whirlpool, before disengaging with a sickening slurping noise. As he regained his breath, John reached out and cuffed the back of Rodney's head.
"Good job, McKay." John scratched his head and wondered how he was going to explain this one to Elizabeth. "I think that's a first even for us."
Author:
slybrarianPairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Betaed by
archae_ology. All crack should be attributed to SGA, except for one line shamelessly stolen by John from Charles Stross.Summary: As far as John was concerned, any ritual sacrifice that involved sacrificing things other than his team was a great ritual.
"That has got to be the most absurd thing I've ever heard," Rodney said, crossing his arms. "And believe me, I've heard some pretty absurd things before."
"None the less, it is true," the village matriarch said with a serene smile. "We have neither tasted cake nor been attacked by the Wraith in fifty generations."
"Oh, please, there's some sort of Ancient technology and you've just gotten some mumbo-jumbo hand waving mixed in."
John decided this would be a good time to cut in. He lifted up his own plate and fork and said, "And by that he means we'd be honored to start off your sacrifice."
The elder smiled once more, and John walked over to the cunningly-named Well of Sacrifice. Honestly, it seemed a little silly to him, too, but if the villagers wanted to think that they'd made a deal with some god exchanging cake for protection, he wasn't going to complain even if the cake did look and smell wonderful. Really, it was a nice change from societies that wanted to sacrifice his team instead. John glanced down into the well and saw only pitch darkness, and then calmly scrapped his piece of chocolate cake (with cherries on top) down into it.
When he got back to the team, he poked Rodney and said, "Play along."
The scientist snorted and headed for the well. When he got there, Rodney cleared his throat, and suddenly John had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He knew the look on Rodney's face.
"Attention, down there! Not that you actually exist," Rodney called down the well. "I, Doctor Rodney McKay, would like you to know that I choose to eat my cake, like a rational person." With that, Rodney neatly cut into his cake with his fork, finished it with a few large bites, and looked around. "See? Superstition."
The assembled natives stared in horror at Rodney as he strutted back to the team, while Ronon asked, "If McKay's eating, does that mean I can too?"
After a minute of silence, John started to finger his gun, keeping an eye on the escape routes. Suddenly, the village elder started to cry, with a huge smile on her face. "Well. Maybe it is just a silly old belief after all. Cake for everyone, then!"
There were cheers from all around as people started to dig in. John quickly lost count of the number of people who hugged him, and found himself wishing he'd decided to keep his piece. Still, everyone seemed pretty happy so he couldn't complain, and for once it seemed like they might be heading home having made a new trade partner who might also have some sort of weapon. McKay would be insufferable, but it seemed like a small price to pay.
John's thoughts were stopped as he felt subsonic rumble through the ground and realized that the entire landscape seemed to be darkening as if it was twilight, despite there being no clouds in the sky. The jubilantly celebrating villagers started to quiet down, and all eyes turned back to the well. Suddenly, a mass of squirming tentacles emerged from the well and reached skyward. They looked to be made of shadow, and yet at the same time seemed horribly solid and slimy. After a moment, John realized that they were still standing there, and that it was probably a bad thing.
Backing away he shouted, "Fuck, it's Nyarlathotep! Run!"
Rodney needed no further encouragement and was already sprinting for the gate, with John, Teyla, and Ronon quickly closing the gap. They had reached the fields by the time the screaming started in earnest, and John didn't dare to look back. Rodney started to loose steam halfway down the road, so John and Ronon picked him up between them as they ran past, Teyla darting ahead to dial them out. John glanced back just before they cleared the event horizon and saw the entire village collapsing into a giant sinkhole as hundreds of tentacles snatched at fleeing natives.
Safely on the other side with the shield up, the team stood panting and looking back at the gate. For an instant the wormhole turned a putrid green and swirled like a whirlpool, before disengaging with a sickening slurping noise. As he regained his breath, John reached out and cuffed the back of Rodney's head.
"Good job, McKay." John scratched his head and wondered how he was going to explain this one to Elizabeth. "I think that's a first even for us."
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 02:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 03:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 07:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-07-28 02:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 07:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 03:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 07:34 pm (UTC)"Do you think we need to send help?"
"Oh, no, I'm sure they have it well in ten- in hand."
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 03:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 07:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 03:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 07:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-07-28 07:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-07-28 04:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 07:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 05:03 pm (UTC)::dies::
At least it wasn't Cthulhu? ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-28 07:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-30 05:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-30 09:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-30 08:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-07-31 02:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-31 04:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-08-04 07:40 am (UTC)"Fuck, it's Nyarlathotep! Run!"
Yeah, I wanna see that in canon too. *g*
Thanks for sharing :)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-08-04 07:59 am (UTC)Besides, just watching Rodney react would be worth it. *g*