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sga_flashficTitle: Exchanges
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jadesfire2808
Rating/Genre: G/Humor (I hope...)
Words: ~3,200 (all dialogue)
Characters: John and Rodney
Spoilers: None that I can see
Notes: With thanks todonutsweeper for help.
Summary: Are we nearly there yet?
Exchanges
"Is it still raining?"
"I think that's why they call it the rainforest, Rodney."
"Gee, thanks, Sheppard. I'm so glad you're here to tell me these things."
"Look, the branches are keeping the worst of it off. Of course, once we start moving we're going to get wet – wetter – but at least we didn't get soaked in our sleep."
"Please tell me we don't have to do it all again."
"I wish."
"Was that a cough? Because pneumonia would make this whole fiasco just perfect."
"It's too warm for pneumonia."
"No, it really isn't. Pneumonia's an infection; you can get it anywhere. If you've got it, you've got it."
"Then let's hope I don't got it. Because then you've got it too."
"Wonderful."
"Come on, Rodney, you've had your five minutes. Rise and shine."
"Since when did you start channeling my mother? And I don't see you moving."
"I need you to..."
"Right. Hang on. Damn, that hurts."
"How are the fingers?"
"Swollen. But the breaks seem to be clean and you did a not completely incompetent job of splinting them, so I think the chances of Carson having to perform an amputation just went down."
"Good to know."
"How's the head?"
"Hurts like hell, but I'll probably live. Shoulder's not too good, though."
"You know, if we can't get these things off soon, you're going to end up tearing something. Not to mention the damage you can do by jolting broken fingers. Everything's still the right color for now, but if it gets whacked again, I'm going to have to start worrying about blood supply."
"Then let's try to get home before they fall off, shall we?"
"Is that a plan?"
"It's all I got right now. You come up with something better, let me know."
"How can we be lost already? Don't tell me, you've suddenly become John Sheppard, the fount of all knowledge, with access to information that us mere mortals don't have a hope of comprehending."
"Or I actually have a sense of direction and I'm telling you, we're going the wrong way."
"You'd prefer to go back to our friendly neighborhood kidnappers? Huh. I guess at least they had food."
"I watched the sun rise, okay? When we were in the mountains. And I'm sure that this isn't the right way back to the gate."
"Fine. Damn, sorry."
"Just try to keep still for once, would you? My shoulder's not going to take much more of that waving."
"Sure. Uh..."
"You really do talk with your hands, don't you?"
"I believe I was going to make some insightful observation about how sensible it is to let the concussed man do the navigating."
"Do you know where the gate is?"
"I was unconscious for most of the journey after they kidnapped me, as you well know."
"You're not the only one who got hit over the head."
"I'm not the one with concussion."
"Which says what exactly about the thickness of your skull?"
"Whatever. All I'm saying is, you'd better be sure."
"I know."
"How much further?"
"I don't know."
"Then how do you know you're going the right way?"
"I don't."
"Oh that's just great."
"Considering I took a blow to the head – one that was meant for you, I seem to remember – I think I'm doing pretty well to walk in a straight line."
"It's not that straight."
"Only because you keep pulling on the damn handcuffs. Are you trying to dislocate my shoulder again?"
"Hey, I put it back for you, didn't I?"
"After you were the one who put it out."
"The rocks were slippery! It was hardly my fault that in the dark with people shooting arrows at us, I lost my footing. Anyway, if I hadn't, we would have been hit, so technically, I think you'll find that I saved your life."
"Yes, Rodney, you did. For which I believe I've already said thank you. Several times. At your insistence. Now can we just keep moving?"
"Do you think Ronon and Teyla will still be at the gate?"
"They wouldn't leave without us. And I told them I'd be back with you."
"Yeah. Listen, about that."
"We don't leave people behind, Rodney."
"I know. But still, it's been three days. They would have had to call into Atlantis by now."
"Right. So there are probably search parties out there right now. So we need to make sure we're found by them, not by the guys who grabbed you."
"And how do we do that?"
"I'm open to suggestions."
"Do you have to keep stopping to sniff the air?"
"I am not... Look, I'm just trying to get my bearings."
"Based on what? We are standing out here in the damp, my foot hurts, my fingers hurt, you're swaying and getting more pale by the second which keeps putting strain on my hand and if my fingers get jogged about much more they're going to breaking blood vessels and then we're talking gangrene and who knows what else, because I just know-"
"McKay!"
"What?"
"Shut up. Unless you want them to locate us just by the sound of your voice."
"Shutting up now. Uh...do you really think they're tracking us?"
"Probably. Do you hear anything?"
"No. Are you hearing something?"
"Not exactly. It's more inside my head than out there."
"Inside your head?"
"Sort of."
"You're hearing voices inside your head?"
"Not voices. Not really. It's more...I don't know...a feeling."
"What kind of feeling?"
"I don't know!"
"Not the kind of feeling that makes you want to hurt anything? Or anyone?"
"No, Rodney, luckily for you, it's not. It's more like when I sit in the chair in Atlantis, something just at the back of my mind."
"You think you're picking up some kind of Ancient technology radio signal?"
"Maybe. You don't feel it?"
"Not exactly, but then your hair probably makes a better antenna than mine."
"Did they say what they wanted you for?"
"What?"
"Your kidnappers. Did they say what they wanted?"
"They found some bits of Ancient technology in some of the mountain caves and wanted me to make it work for them and are you sure you're feeling alright?"
"Head's spinning a bit. I just need to..."
"Maybe we should stop again. My toe could use a break."
"No. I'll be fine. Just...keep talking, okay?"
"Not a problem."
"That's what I figured."
"I can't believe I'm asking this but does this strange feeling come with a direction attached?"
"This way, I think."
"Different direction again. Typical. You're sure?"
"No. but I'm sure enough and it's better than just waiting for them to find us."
"Fine. Lead on, MacDuff."
"It's 'lay on.'"
"Well, you're not called MacDuff either, so unless you want me to call you McSheppard, I suggest we get moving."
"Fine."
"Ow!"
"Mind your toe."
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!"
"Would you shut up?"
"Oh, excuse me for being in pa-nhmhmhmf"
"I said, shut up.""
"Mhfnmum?"
"I think they've found us."
" Mhnmfn"
"Exactly. Come on."
"Can we stop? My toe-"
"Yeah, I think we lost them for now. You alright?"
"Apart from-"
"Apart from that."
"I think so, although-"
"I'm hungry too, Rodney."
"I was going to say that I think we're lost again. But now you mention it-"
"There's no food. Unless you want to try out one of the strange-looking alien plants to see if its edible."
"Not so much, no. So what happens-"
"We circle round, try to get to...wherever it is we're going."
"..."
"What?"
"This is it? This is the source of the mysterious Ancient signal that's been echoing inside your otherwise empty head?"
"Looks like."
"What is it?"
"How am I supposed to know?"
"You're the one who's been hearing the voice of the mothership or whatever it is."
"The voice of the-"
"Whatever. Let's just try and get this thing open shall we?"
"With what?"
"Actually, I was thinking of using your head."
"Funny."
"Alright, the contents of your head, such as they are. Think 'open'"
"I don't know what you expect to happen but-"
"Pretty much that."
"Oh. Cool."
"You know, Rodney, cool wasn't meant to be a literal description."
"It is a bit chilly, isn't it?"
"Try freezing. Where are we?"
"You're asking me? I'm not the one whose spider sense was tingling. You tell me what it is. Huh. What's that?"
"Could you not do that? I'd like to have some use of my arm if we ever get out of this."
"Sorry. But this wall doesn't feel natural. I think these caves were constructed."
"Really? The fact that one of the rocks swung open when I asked it to wasn't a clue?"
"That could just have been a doorway that they installed, but this looks like they built a whole base underground. Why would they do that?"
"You know, right now I'm more interested in finding a way out."
"We only just got in! Besides, if the Ancients built this place, they must have had a good reason."
"Summer getaway?"
"The rainforest: everyone's favorite vacation spot. Complete with underground lair."
"It's a bit cobwebby, but I wouldn't call it a lair. Not yet."
"Then let's just hope nothing else thought of it as a lair, shall we?"
"Are you sure we're going the right way?"
"What the hell is that?"
"That's impossible."
"Rodney. What. Is. It?"
"It can't be here. It just can't. That makes no sense whatsoever."
"Rodney."
"I can't be sure, I mean, no one's sure except for the writing."
"Sure about what?"
"This writing is in Furling."
"Furling."
"I think so."
"Well that's...good..."
"You have no idea what that means, do you?"
"Nope."
"They were one of the four races. The Nox, the Ancients, the Asgard and the Furlings. Except no one's ever seen a Furling, and we have no idea what their technology was like."
"So how do you know this is theirs?"
"The writing. Daniel Jackson found it on an abandoned – well, sort of abandoned – planet. But we've never managed to get our hands on a whole piece of technology."
"Damnit, watch where you're putting your hands. Unless it's a gun or a hacksaw, I'm not interested."
"How can you not be interested? Technology from an unknown civilization, who must have been at least as advanced as the Ancients and the Asgard, and you don't care?"
"Not when a whole lot of less technologically advanced people could be coming in here any minute. Arrows, Rodney, remember?"
"The door looks like a rock. How are they supposed to get in here?"
"Because they know what Ancient technology looks like, don't they? And if they figure out the rock is in fact a door, they could find a way to force it, couldn't they?"
"Fair point. Just let me-"
"Now, McKay. Move."
"This is Asgard."
"Not now, Rodney."
"No, wait."
"Ow! Give me some warning, would you?"
"I said wait, didn't I? This is Asgard."
"You said that too. So?"
"So?!"
"Either you can stand there and make spluttering noises or you can tell me what it is."
"Hacksaw."
"What?"
"Oh, sorry. I just thought I'd better put it in terms that you could understand. Hack. Saw. Two syllables alright for you or do you need me to break it down a bit?"
"You're serious?"
"About sticking to monosyllables? Possibly. About this being a hacksaw. Sort of. It's an Asgard device, like a matter transformer although, to be honest, I have a sneaking suspicion that they use it for-"
"Will it get these damn things off?"
"I think so. Ah."
"What?"
"I'm going to need two hands for this, preferably without broken fingers."
"Fine. Just show me what to do. And be careful where you point that thing. Let's not accidentally transform anything we don't want to, shall we?"
"You know, McKay, we didn't get our hands free just so that you could go prod more of the stuff around here."
"Do you have any idea what this place is?"
"Dirty, dark, kinda smelly."
"It's- it's like an Ancient Radio Shack."
"Well you're not charging anything to my card. Keep moving."
"There's nothing Ancient here."
"What?"
"Sheppard, would you just stop for a second? There's no Ancient technology here, apart from the light fittings and the occasional console. All of this stuff, it's all from the Milky Way or the Asgard galaxy, and it's all non-Ancient."
"Meaning..."
"I think it's a storage facility of some kind. Do you have any idea what could be here? Asgard hyperdrives, the healing devices the Nox have, who knows what else. We can't just walk past it all."
"You're not walking, you're limping."
"Oh, ha ha. But for all you know there could be a superweapon lying around here and we don't find it because you're being paranoid."
"Did you hear that?"
"You do not get to change the subject just because-"
"I'm serious, Rodney. I thought I heard something."
"Again?"
"I was right last time, wasn't I? Just be quiet for a minute."
"Okay, now I'm hearing that too."
"I think they found us."
"You must have left the door open."
"Me? You were the last through it."
"We came though together, Rodney, remember?"
"But you were behind me."
"Point the finger later. Run now."
"I'm trying to. Ooh, I think that's one of the Asgard transport devices. Looks like the Ancients did well out of that deal."
"Shop later. Run right now."
"We need somewhere to hide, something to fight with and a way out of here. Not necessarily in that order."
"If you don't slow down a bit, you're going to be the only one needing them. Broken toe, remember?"
"How could I forget?"
"Hey!"
"Come here. Put your arm-"
"Much as I appreciate the gesture, I'd be more convinced if you weren't turning an interesting shade of green."
"Shoulder hurts."
"I know. Let me go."
"Now isn't the time to get all noble on me, Rodney."
"You actually think that's likely? Just let me have a look at this, would you?"
"Enough with the sightseeing. They're going to be on us any minute."
"You need to hold them off."
"With what? And I thought we were doing okay with the running thing. Or the hobbling thing, anyways."
"Oh yeah, with you wincing every time I leant on you and me trying not to scream every time I took a step. This is a better idea."
"What's a better idea?"
"This."
"Which is..."
"It's an Asgard scanner, from one of their ships, I think."
"Alright."
"You could show a bit more enthusiasm."
"I would if I knew what the hell you're talking about."
"Sorry. I just need to...there. Gosh, what a surprise, I was right."
"You know, I'm seriously thinking about just letting them find you right about now."
"Yeah, yeah, it'd be more impressive if you meant it. One of the things that an Asgard scanner has built into it is a subspace transceiver. And if it's got the equivalent of a subspace radio, and if there's enough juice, we should be able to get in touch with whoever's out there looking for us."
"Who don't have subspace radios."
"Minor detail. Give me ten minutes."
"I think you've got about two before company arrives."
"Then stall them."
"Stall them? How am I meant to do that?"
"I'm sure you'll think of something."
"I've got an idea."
"Busy here."
"Rodney, I've got an idea."
"That's nice for you. Still busy."
"Fine. Just wanted to warn you, it could get a little noisy."
"Whatever. Seriously busy."
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
"I consider myself warned. And busy."
"Alright then. I'll just get on with it then."
"You do that."
"Sheppard! What the hell did you do?"
"I told you it was going to get noisy."
"You failed to mention the earthquake."
"It was barely a tremor."
"You brought the ceiling down!"
"That was the idea."
"That was your great idea?"
"Well, you said you could get the radio working, and there's not exactly much to barricade the way around here."
"What did you use? I'm pretty sure I'd've noticed if you had a grenade hidden on you."
"The Asgard transporter. I locked onto the some of the rocks above the ceiling and beamed them inside. Eventually, everything just kind of fell of its own accord."
"...you know, that's actually kind of clever."
"Gee, thanks. Are you done?"
"Almost. Just need to find the right frequency."
"Tell them to bring a shovel."
"Or possibly some C4."
"Teyla? Ronon? This is Sheppard. Can anyone hear me?"
"Are you getting anything?"
"Only an annoying breeze down the back of my neck."
"Oh, excuse me for caring whether we're going to get rescued before we run out of air."
"Look, you said this was a scanner, didn't you? Can you use it to see if there's anyone in the forest?"
"I can try, but really there's barely enough power to get the radio working so-"
"Shut up a second."
"You know, this is getting really old. I'm just as entitled to offer an opinion-"
"Teyla? Yes, it's me. Good to hear you too. Yes, Rodney's here too. We're a bit banged up, but we're alright. Where are you?"
"What's she going to do? Describe the trees to you?"
"Yeah, McKay's going to get a scanner working, so hopefully we should be able to work out relative positions in a minute."
"No pressure then."
"Is it just me, or is it getting kind of warm in here?"
"I'm working on it."
"Teyla? You might want to watch your backs. The guys who were holding us may be around the entrance somewhere. We kind of had to seal ourselves in. Tell Lorne to bring either digging or blasting equipment."
"I've got them. That's their signal, there."
"Alright, Teyla, you're about two clicks north of us. Fine. See you soon, and be careful."
"They're on their way?"
"They're on their way."
"So now?"
"We wait."
"Hang on a minute, Rodney, did you hear that?"
"Stop dodging the question."
"Right, because my future credibility rests on my answer."
"You don’t know, do you?"
"I don't care. Ronon? Yup, that's us. We're alright, but you might want to get a move on before I'm forced to kill someone. Possibly myself."
"If you don't know, you can just say so."
"Fine. Whatever Uh...Superman."
"Not a bad guess. Right publishing house. Wrong character."
"You know what, if you want to just sit here and debate comic books with yourself, that's fine. I'm going to help them with the rocks."
"Or not."
"I'm fine."
"Of course you are. You meant to fall over halfway through standing up. Ow, by the way."
"Sorry. Do you think you could-"
"Hang on. Just move your hand- No, to your right. Your other right. There you go. Now, just sit there and wait to be rescued for once, would you? And if you've had enough of comics, what about a little prime not prime?"
"Ronon!"
Author:
jadesfire2808Rating/Genre: G/Humor (I hope...)
Words: ~3,200 (all dialogue)
Characters: John and Rodney
Spoilers: None that I can see
Notes: With thanks to
donutsweeper for help.Summary: Are we nearly there yet?
"Is it still raining?"
"I think that's why they call it the rainforest, Rodney."
"Gee, thanks, Sheppard. I'm so glad you're here to tell me these things."
"Look, the branches are keeping the worst of it off. Of course, once we start moving we're going to get wet – wetter – but at least we didn't get soaked in our sleep."
"Please tell me we don't have to do it all again."
"I wish."
"Was that a cough? Because pneumonia would make this whole fiasco just perfect."
"It's too warm for pneumonia."
"No, it really isn't. Pneumonia's an infection; you can get it anywhere. If you've got it, you've got it."
"Then let's hope I don't got it. Because then you've got it too."
"Wonderful."
"Come on, Rodney, you've had your five minutes. Rise and shine."
"Since when did you start channeling my mother? And I don't see you moving."
"I need you to..."
"Right. Hang on. Damn, that hurts."
"How are the fingers?"
"Swollen. But the breaks seem to be clean and you did a not completely incompetent job of splinting them, so I think the chances of Carson having to perform an amputation just went down."
"Good to know."
"How's the head?"
"Hurts like hell, but I'll probably live. Shoulder's not too good, though."
"You know, if we can't get these things off soon, you're going to end up tearing something. Not to mention the damage you can do by jolting broken fingers. Everything's still the right color for now, but if it gets whacked again, I'm going to have to start worrying about blood supply."
"Then let's try to get home before they fall off, shall we?"
"Is that a plan?"
"It's all I got right now. You come up with something better, let me know."
"How can we be lost already? Don't tell me, you've suddenly become John Sheppard, the fount of all knowledge, with access to information that us mere mortals don't have a hope of comprehending."
"Or I actually have a sense of direction and I'm telling you, we're going the wrong way."
"You'd prefer to go back to our friendly neighborhood kidnappers? Huh. I guess at least they had food."
"I watched the sun rise, okay? When we were in the mountains. And I'm sure that this isn't the right way back to the gate."
"Fine. Damn, sorry."
"Just try to keep still for once, would you? My shoulder's not going to take much more of that waving."
"Sure. Uh..."
"You really do talk with your hands, don't you?"
"I believe I was going to make some insightful observation about how sensible it is to let the concussed man do the navigating."
"Do you know where the gate is?"
"I was unconscious for most of the journey after they kidnapped me, as you well know."
"You're not the only one who got hit over the head."
"I'm not the one with concussion."
"Which says what exactly about the thickness of your skull?"
"Whatever. All I'm saying is, you'd better be sure."
"I know."
"How much further?"
"I don't know."
"Then how do you know you're going the right way?"
"I don't."
"Oh that's just great."
"Considering I took a blow to the head – one that was meant for you, I seem to remember – I think I'm doing pretty well to walk in a straight line."
"It's not that straight."
"Only because you keep pulling on the damn handcuffs. Are you trying to dislocate my shoulder again?"
"Hey, I put it back for you, didn't I?"
"After you were the one who put it out."
"The rocks were slippery! It was hardly my fault that in the dark with people shooting arrows at us, I lost my footing. Anyway, if I hadn't, we would have been hit, so technically, I think you'll find that I saved your life."
"Yes, Rodney, you did. For which I believe I've already said thank you. Several times. At your insistence. Now can we just keep moving?"
"Do you think Ronon and Teyla will still be at the gate?"
"They wouldn't leave without us. And I told them I'd be back with you."
"Yeah. Listen, about that."
"We don't leave people behind, Rodney."
"I know. But still, it's been three days. They would have had to call into Atlantis by now."
"Right. So there are probably search parties out there right now. So we need to make sure we're found by them, not by the guys who grabbed you."
"And how do we do that?"
"I'm open to suggestions."
"Do you have to keep stopping to sniff the air?"
"I am not... Look, I'm just trying to get my bearings."
"Based on what? We are standing out here in the damp, my foot hurts, my fingers hurt, you're swaying and getting more pale by the second which keeps putting strain on my hand and if my fingers get jogged about much more they're going to breaking blood vessels and then we're talking gangrene and who knows what else, because I just know-"
"McKay!"
"What?"
"Shut up. Unless you want them to locate us just by the sound of your voice."
"Shutting up now. Uh...do you really think they're tracking us?"
"Probably. Do you hear anything?"
"No. Are you hearing something?"
"Not exactly. It's more inside my head than out there."
"Inside your head?"
"Sort of."
"You're hearing voices inside your head?"
"Not voices. Not really. It's more...I don't know...a feeling."
"What kind of feeling?"
"I don't know!"
"Not the kind of feeling that makes you want to hurt anything? Or anyone?"
"No, Rodney, luckily for you, it's not. It's more like when I sit in the chair in Atlantis, something just at the back of my mind."
"You think you're picking up some kind of Ancient technology radio signal?"
"Maybe. You don't feel it?"
"Not exactly, but then your hair probably makes a better antenna than mine."
"Did they say what they wanted you for?"
"What?"
"Your kidnappers. Did they say what they wanted?"
"They found some bits of Ancient technology in some of the mountain caves and wanted me to make it work for them and are you sure you're feeling alright?"
"Head's spinning a bit. I just need to..."
"Maybe we should stop again. My toe could use a break."
"No. I'll be fine. Just...keep talking, okay?"
"Not a problem."
"That's what I figured."
"I can't believe I'm asking this but does this strange feeling come with a direction attached?"
"This way, I think."
"Different direction again. Typical. You're sure?"
"No. but I'm sure enough and it's better than just waiting for them to find us."
"Fine. Lead on, MacDuff."
"It's 'lay on.'"
"Well, you're not called MacDuff either, so unless you want me to call you McSheppard, I suggest we get moving."
"Fine."
"Ow!"
"Mind your toe."
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!"
"Would you shut up?"
"Oh, excuse me for being in pa-nhmhmhmf"
"I said, shut up.""
"Mhfnmum?"
"I think they've found us."
" Mhnmfn"
"Exactly. Come on."
"Can we stop? My toe-"
"Yeah, I think we lost them for now. You alright?"
"Apart from-"
"Apart from that."
"I think so, although-"
"I'm hungry too, Rodney."
"I was going to say that I think we're lost again. But now you mention it-"
"There's no food. Unless you want to try out one of the strange-looking alien plants to see if its edible."
"Not so much, no. So what happens-"
"We circle round, try to get to...wherever it is we're going."
"..."
"What?"
"This is it? This is the source of the mysterious Ancient signal that's been echoing inside your otherwise empty head?"
"Looks like."
"What is it?"
"How am I supposed to know?"
"You're the one who's been hearing the voice of the mothership or whatever it is."
"The voice of the-"
"Whatever. Let's just try and get this thing open shall we?"
"With what?"
"Actually, I was thinking of using your head."
"Funny."
"Alright, the contents of your head, such as they are. Think 'open'"
"I don't know what you expect to happen but-"
"Pretty much that."
"Oh. Cool."
"You know, Rodney, cool wasn't meant to be a literal description."
"It is a bit chilly, isn't it?"
"Try freezing. Where are we?"
"You're asking me? I'm not the one whose spider sense was tingling. You tell me what it is. Huh. What's that?"
"Could you not do that? I'd like to have some use of my arm if we ever get out of this."
"Sorry. But this wall doesn't feel natural. I think these caves were constructed."
"Really? The fact that one of the rocks swung open when I asked it to wasn't a clue?"
"That could just have been a doorway that they installed, but this looks like they built a whole base underground. Why would they do that?"
"You know, right now I'm more interested in finding a way out."
"We only just got in! Besides, if the Ancients built this place, they must have had a good reason."
"Summer getaway?"
"The rainforest: everyone's favorite vacation spot. Complete with underground lair."
"It's a bit cobwebby, but I wouldn't call it a lair. Not yet."
"Then let's just hope nothing else thought of it as a lair, shall we?"
"Are you sure we're going the right way?"
"What the hell is that?"
"That's impossible."
"Rodney. What. Is. It?"
"It can't be here. It just can't. That makes no sense whatsoever."
"Rodney."
"I can't be sure, I mean, no one's sure except for the writing."
"Sure about what?"
"This writing is in Furling."
"Furling."
"I think so."
"Well that's...good..."
"You have no idea what that means, do you?"
"Nope."
"They were one of the four races. The Nox, the Ancients, the Asgard and the Furlings. Except no one's ever seen a Furling, and we have no idea what their technology was like."
"So how do you know this is theirs?"
"The writing. Daniel Jackson found it on an abandoned – well, sort of abandoned – planet. But we've never managed to get our hands on a whole piece of technology."
"Damnit, watch where you're putting your hands. Unless it's a gun or a hacksaw, I'm not interested."
"How can you not be interested? Technology from an unknown civilization, who must have been at least as advanced as the Ancients and the Asgard, and you don't care?"
"Not when a whole lot of less technologically advanced people could be coming in here any minute. Arrows, Rodney, remember?"
"The door looks like a rock. How are they supposed to get in here?"
"Because they know what Ancient technology looks like, don't they? And if they figure out the rock is in fact a door, they could find a way to force it, couldn't they?"
"Fair point. Just let me-"
"Now, McKay. Move."
"This is Asgard."
"Not now, Rodney."
"No, wait."
"Ow! Give me some warning, would you?"
"I said wait, didn't I? This is Asgard."
"You said that too. So?"
"So?!"
"Either you can stand there and make spluttering noises or you can tell me what it is."
"Hacksaw."
"What?"
"Oh, sorry. I just thought I'd better put it in terms that you could understand. Hack. Saw. Two syllables alright for you or do you need me to break it down a bit?"
"You're serious?"
"About sticking to monosyllables? Possibly. About this being a hacksaw. Sort of. It's an Asgard device, like a matter transformer although, to be honest, I have a sneaking suspicion that they use it for-"
"Will it get these damn things off?"
"I think so. Ah."
"What?"
"I'm going to need two hands for this, preferably without broken fingers."
"Fine. Just show me what to do. And be careful where you point that thing. Let's not accidentally transform anything we don't want to, shall we?"
"You know, McKay, we didn't get our hands free just so that you could go prod more of the stuff around here."
"Do you have any idea what this place is?"
"Dirty, dark, kinda smelly."
"It's- it's like an Ancient Radio Shack."
"Well you're not charging anything to my card. Keep moving."
"There's nothing Ancient here."
"What?"
"Sheppard, would you just stop for a second? There's no Ancient technology here, apart from the light fittings and the occasional console. All of this stuff, it's all from the Milky Way or the Asgard galaxy, and it's all non-Ancient."
"Meaning..."
"I think it's a storage facility of some kind. Do you have any idea what could be here? Asgard hyperdrives, the healing devices the Nox have, who knows what else. We can't just walk past it all."
"You're not walking, you're limping."
"Oh, ha ha. But for all you know there could be a superweapon lying around here and we don't find it because you're being paranoid."
"Did you hear that?"
"You do not get to change the subject just because-"
"I'm serious, Rodney. I thought I heard something."
"Again?"
"I was right last time, wasn't I? Just be quiet for a minute."
"Okay, now I'm hearing that too."
"I think they found us."
"You must have left the door open."
"Me? You were the last through it."
"We came though together, Rodney, remember?"
"But you were behind me."
"Point the finger later. Run now."
"I'm trying to. Ooh, I think that's one of the Asgard transport devices. Looks like the Ancients did well out of that deal."
"Shop later. Run right now."
"We need somewhere to hide, something to fight with and a way out of here. Not necessarily in that order."
"If you don't slow down a bit, you're going to be the only one needing them. Broken toe, remember?"
"How could I forget?"
"Hey!"
"Come here. Put your arm-"
"Much as I appreciate the gesture, I'd be more convinced if you weren't turning an interesting shade of green."
"Shoulder hurts."
"I know. Let me go."
"Now isn't the time to get all noble on me, Rodney."
"You actually think that's likely? Just let me have a look at this, would you?"
"Enough with the sightseeing. They're going to be on us any minute."
"You need to hold them off."
"With what? And I thought we were doing okay with the running thing. Or the hobbling thing, anyways."
"Oh yeah, with you wincing every time I leant on you and me trying not to scream every time I took a step. This is a better idea."
"What's a better idea?"
"This."
"Which is..."
"It's an Asgard scanner, from one of their ships, I think."
"Alright."
"You could show a bit more enthusiasm."
"I would if I knew what the hell you're talking about."
"Sorry. I just need to...there. Gosh, what a surprise, I was right."
"You know, I'm seriously thinking about just letting them find you right about now."
"Yeah, yeah, it'd be more impressive if you meant it. One of the things that an Asgard scanner has built into it is a subspace transceiver. And if it's got the equivalent of a subspace radio, and if there's enough juice, we should be able to get in touch with whoever's out there looking for us."
"Who don't have subspace radios."
"Minor detail. Give me ten minutes."
"I think you've got about two before company arrives."
"Then stall them."
"Stall them? How am I meant to do that?"
"I'm sure you'll think of something."
"I've got an idea."
"Busy here."
"Rodney, I've got an idea."
"That's nice for you. Still busy."
"Fine. Just wanted to warn you, it could get a little noisy."
"Whatever. Seriously busy."
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
"I consider myself warned. And busy."
"Alright then. I'll just get on with it then."
"You do that."
"Sheppard! What the hell did you do?"
"I told you it was going to get noisy."
"You failed to mention the earthquake."
"It was barely a tremor."
"You brought the ceiling down!"
"That was the idea."
"That was your great idea?"
"Well, you said you could get the radio working, and there's not exactly much to barricade the way around here."
"What did you use? I'm pretty sure I'd've noticed if you had a grenade hidden on you."
"The Asgard transporter. I locked onto the some of the rocks above the ceiling and beamed them inside. Eventually, everything just kind of fell of its own accord."
"...you know, that's actually kind of clever."
"Gee, thanks. Are you done?"
"Almost. Just need to find the right frequency."
"Tell them to bring a shovel."
"Or possibly some C4."
"Teyla? Ronon? This is Sheppard. Can anyone hear me?"
"Are you getting anything?"
"Only an annoying breeze down the back of my neck."
"Oh, excuse me for caring whether we're going to get rescued before we run out of air."
"Look, you said this was a scanner, didn't you? Can you use it to see if there's anyone in the forest?"
"I can try, but really there's barely enough power to get the radio working so-"
"Shut up a second."
"You know, this is getting really old. I'm just as entitled to offer an opinion-"
"Teyla? Yes, it's me. Good to hear you too. Yes, Rodney's here too. We're a bit banged up, but we're alright. Where are you?"
"What's she going to do? Describe the trees to you?"
"Yeah, McKay's going to get a scanner working, so hopefully we should be able to work out relative positions in a minute."
"No pressure then."
"Is it just me, or is it getting kind of warm in here?"
"I'm working on it."
"Teyla? You might want to watch your backs. The guys who were holding us may be around the entrance somewhere. We kind of had to seal ourselves in. Tell Lorne to bring either digging or blasting equipment."
"I've got them. That's their signal, there."
"Alright, Teyla, you're about two clicks north of us. Fine. See you soon, and be careful."
"They're on their way?"
"They're on their way."
"So now?"
"We wait."
"Hang on a minute, Rodney, did you hear that?"
"Stop dodging the question."
"Right, because my future credibility rests on my answer."
"You don’t know, do you?"
"I don't care. Ronon? Yup, that's us. We're alright, but you might want to get a move on before I'm forced to kill someone. Possibly myself."
"If you don't know, you can just say so."
"Fine. Whatever Uh...Superman."
"Not a bad guess. Right publishing house. Wrong character."
"You know what, if you want to just sit here and debate comic books with yourself, that's fine. I'm going to help them with the rocks."
"Or not."
"I'm fine."
"Of course you are. You meant to fall over halfway through standing up. Ow, by the way."
"Sorry. Do you think you could-"
"Hang on. Just move your hand- No, to your right. Your other right. There you go. Now, just sit there and wait to be rescued for once, would you? And if you've had enough of comics, what about a little prime not prime?"
"Ronon!"
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 04:30 pm (UTC)The whole thing was funny, but that line had me rolling!
I loved the format, and you nailed their voices.
Thanks for sharing....
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 05:14 pm (UTC)Thanks! I'm so, so chuffed it sounded right :D
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 04:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 05:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 04:54 pm (UTC)And:
ROTFL!! This is a great fic, and just sooo John and Rodney! I love how they bicker - you've got it down just perfect!! Thanks for sharing!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 05:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 06:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 08:36 pm (UTC)Thanks :)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 06:14 pm (UTC)I love the all-dialogue format.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 08:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-11 10:53 pm (UTC)"Mhfnmum?"
"I think they've found us."
"Mhnmfn"
"Exactly. Come on."
LOL. This is great. Humor with a bit of angst. Well done.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-12 07:49 am (UTC)Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-12 01:06 am (UTC)"Well you're not charging anything to my card. Keep moving."
Snorfle. And for four races that supposedly at least kinda got along don't we see more, ummm, junk- I mean, repositories like this? Hmmmm?
Nice!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-12 07:49 am (UTC)junk heaprepository may get revisited, I think...Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-12 01:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-12 07:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-12 03:07 pm (UTC)I liked this a lot.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-13 12:28 pm (UTC)Thanks :)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-12 09:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-13 12:29 pm (UTC)Thank so much - the hand-holding was much appreciated :D
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-12 10:27 pm (UTC)We're alright, but you might want to get a move on before I'm forced to kill someone. Possibly myself.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-13 12:29 pm (UTC)Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-13 04:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-13 12:30 pm (UTC)Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-08 07:53 am (UTC)I think it's great that you always know what's going on, even if it is all dialogue - I mean they do so much of that on the show (sometimes it works on the show, sometimes it doesn't - I'm thinking of the very fake sounding exposition Weir gives at the beginning of "Rising") that it doesn't sound strange here.
I don't think people give enough credit to dialogue. They always want "He opined, and looked woeful as they reached the edge of the clearing of darkly ominious trees" which is great, but there's something appealing about something more pared down. Not that I would choose to read more dialogue only stories, my preference is for a little more meat on the bones, but it was a interesting experiment, and I wish more people would gain an appreciation for dialogue driven stories.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-11 05:34 pm (UTC)I'm not sure I'd want to read more like this - it's the first time I've ever posted against the advice of my beta who just couldn't get through it. But it was very interesting to try :)