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sga_flashficTitle: Muscle and Blood and Skin and Bones (for Amnesty 2007 and Men and Machines Challenges)
Author: Leah (One half of the duo of LeahWoof, again using the shared journal to post, because![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
springwoof is awesome.)
Main Characters: Lorne, Sheppard, Mitchell, Zelenka, Lee and a few cameos.
Summary: "You want me to babysit your robots?"
Rating:: PG-13
Word Count: 18,101
Notes: This is GEN fic. It's also a companion story to Male Enhancement (The Soul and the Company Store Remix). I wrote this for my sister Squeaky as a Christmas present, and once again I am in her debt because not only did she cheer me on every word of the way, but she also handed me the idea that made the fic work, and even beta-read this sucker in record time and told me she really, really liked it to boot. ::Loves the Squeak::
This story will make no sense unless you've read Male Enhancement (The Soul and the Company Store Remix) first. It is both a prequel and missing scenes.
cpt_untouchable for this post, that started me thinking of the story in the first place. You might notice my firm denial of ever writing a sequel to my original remix. ::coughs::
springwoof, thank you very, very much, for also doing a lightning-fast beta on this sucker. Springwoof wags and rocks, all the time. (And if anyone missed it before, The fics we've written together are The Body Holographic and Aegis, both of which can be found in the leahwoof journal by scrolling on down, and down.)
Haggy was again fantastically helpful, by reading whatever scenes I sent her and reassuring me that they didn't actually suck, which I needed to hear very, very badly.
My library buddy Scott (no website alas, but he is very cool and incredibly smart, trust me on this one) who has actually worked with robots, was instrumental in helping me figure out the robot communication code. And he said it was fun, bless him.
Finally, I wanted to thanklavvyan again, because if it wasn't for her Male Enhancement fic (still a WIP at the moment), I would never have written the remix fic, or this one.
The title is again from the song Sixteen Tons. I couldn't get it out of my head.
Prologue
>Robot 0008 (13:30:00 08/11/2000): MESSAGE all systems within normal parameters
>Robot 0008 (14:00:00 08/11/2000): MESSAGE all systems within normal parameters
>Robot 0008 (14:17:42 08/11/2000): MESSAGE new photo stimulus detected - bearing 243.2º - elevation 0.2º
>Robot 0008 (14:17:43 08/11/2000): MESSAGE ALERTING robots in 8 meter radius - new photo stimulus detected
>Robot 0008 (14:17:44 08/11/2000): MESSAGE investigating photo stimulus
>Robot 0008 (14:18:03 08/11/2000): MESSAGE DANGER photo stimulus ≠ power source
>Robot 0008 (14:18:04 08/11/2000): MESSAGE ALERTING robots in 8 meter radius - DANGER photo stimulus ≠ power source
>Robot 0008 (14:18:06 08/11/2000): MESSAGE DANGER caught in power drain sequence (battery 85.7%)
>Robot 0008 (14:18:08 08/11/2000): MESSAGE experiencing power drain (battery 84.3%)
>Robot 0008 (14:47:19 08/11/2000): MESSAGE experiencing power drain (battery 50.0%)
>Robot 0008 (15:02:13 08/11/2000): MESSAGE experiencing power drain (battery 20.0%)
>Robot 0008 (15:11:50 08/11/2000): MESSAGE experiencing power drain (battery 10.0%)
>Robot 0008 (15:15:58 08/11/2000): MESSAGE require immediate recharging (battery 5%)
>Robot 0008 (15:17:24 08/11/2000): MESSAGE require immediate recharging (battery 2.5%)
>Robot 0008 (15:18:02 08/11/2000): MESSAGE require immediate recharging (battery 1%)
>Robot 0008 (15:18:22 08/11/2000): MESSAGE initiating SHUTDOWN sequence - require recharge
>Robot 0008 (15:18:25 08/11/2000): MESSAGE entering SHUTDOWN MODE
>
>
>
>
***
"Yes, yes, I can see it. You can stop hitting me now, please," Radek said tiredly, being careful not to damage the small robot as he gently shoved it aside with his foot. 0007 rolled back about half a meter, whirred as it changed direction, then rammed Radek's foot again. It kept chirping in warning, which was becoming somewhat wearisome. Radek had already checked Seven's assigned terminal to make sure it didn't actually need any maintenance itself, but the only abnormal messages were:
>Robot 0007 (15:20:39 08/11/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA Robot 0008 requires maintenance
>Robot 0007 (15:22:39 08/11/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA Robot 0008 requires maintenance
>Robot 0007 (15:24:39 08/11/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA Robot 0008 requires maintenance
>Robot 0007 (15:25:10 08/11/2000) MESSAGE new object detected – moving 1.34 m/s - bearing 84.6º - elevation 0.1º
>Robot 0007 (15:25:12 08/11/2000) MESSAGE signal detected – 01002846 – correlates to DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (02:25:13 08/11/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~2.6kHz)
>Robot 0007 (02:25:14 08/11/2000) MESSAGE investigating DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (02:25:16 08/11/2000) MESSAGE investigating DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (02:25:17 08/11/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~3kHz)
The first message had started at nearly the same second Radek's pager had signaled that one of the robots was down, then repeated every two minutes until Radek arrived. The other messages showed Seven registering Radek entering the room, then recognizing the signal from his pager. And then repeatedly hitting his foot.
But the most significant messages, of course, were the three that Seven had sent to let Bill and himself know that Eight needed help.
Bill had been delighted when Seven had created that particular message specifically for when Eight got into difficulties. Eight had its own, similar code for Seven. Bill insisted that it meant the two robots 'were pals'. Radek was not certain it showed anything more significant than that 0007 and 0008 had each become aware that the other frequently required maintenance. That kind of responsiveness to their environment was obviously of great importance in and of itself, but Radek would not go so far as to assign any kind of…familiarity between the robots because of it.
"I said stop it!" Radek snapped, when Seven rammed his foot yet again, this time hard enough to hurt. He swore in Czech, then sighed. "You know, I would be able to get to Eight that much faster if you stopped trying to trip me."
Seven would have probably rammed his foot again all the same, except at that moment 0006 looped by in one of the odd, interminable circles it occasionally lapsed into and knocked into Seven, causing it to go off course and hit 0010 instead. 0010 (which was somewhat prone to histrionics, Radek had to admit) started chirping as if Seven had smashed it. Then 0006 added its own birdlike noise to the din, perhaps in sympathy with Ten, though a quick look at Six's terminal only showed an 'all systems within normal parameters' message. Six had always been a little strange.
"Enough! Enough!" Radek yelled, which unfortunately didn't stop the noise, but did create a flurry of DANGER maximum vibration stimulus threshold reached/exceeded messages scrolling across all but Eight's terminal screen. "Apologies," Radek muttered, picking his way carefully across the gauntlet of small, tank-treaded robots, most of whom had registered his presence then gone back to rumbling around their enclosure and ignoring him completely. 0004 was hovering by one of the recharging units again, effectively keeping the other robots away while it waited until the unit lit up to show it could be used. The fact that all of the recharging units switched to power draining at random hadn't seemed to register in Four's Core Processor yet, which meant that Radek or Bill were forced to come and rescue it half the time as well.
Seven and Eight, on the other hand, had learned very quickly that the same unit could either become sustenance or starvation with no warning, and had taken it upon themselves to not only tell the other robots when power was potentially available, but to also warn the others away when it turned out to be harmful instead. Bill had even noticed both Seven and Eight 'testing' the units, then generously pulling back to allow the other robots to recharge first. He wasn't sure which robot had developed this particular behavior initially--'heroic self-sacrifice' Bill called it, though Radek thought that was a little much--but they both did it so readily now that Radek and Bill's reports attributed the altruism equally to each of them.
"See what becomes of those who are too nice?" Radek asked Eight's translucent red dome. The light behind it had shut off, and the little robot was completely still in his hand like a toy waiting to be turned on. The power-draining unit was still attached to Eight's sides, where it had latched on so the robot wouldn't be able to flee. "There is a saying--'no good deed goes unpunished.' You must learn that, I think."
Seven rammed Radek's foot again.
"And you," Radek said, glaring down at the little blue dome, "need to learn when to stop. Can you not see I am about to help your companion? There." He flicked the switch on the unit over to 'recharge'. The clamps disengaged, so Radek needed to use both hands now to make sure neither the charging unit nor the robot fell to the floor. Seven parked itself right next to his foot, but thankfully didn't try to hit him again. The possibility that it had somehow understood what Radek had just said was intriguing.
>Robot 0007 (15:26:54 08/11/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~2.8kHz)
>Robot 0007 (15:26:57 08/11/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 receiving maintenance
"Finally, yes. Thank you," Radek said. "I am so glad you noticed before you broke my foot. Here." He gently set Eight down beside Seven, in the spot it had been when Radek had picked it up. Eight's light turned on a moment later, glowing cheerfully red through the dome. Its terminal screen showed that the robot was recharging. "There." Radek straightened. "All is well now, yes? I can go to lunch, perhaps?" He shook his head. "Please try not to get into trouble while I am gone. I do not like to leave my meals unfinished."
He began picking his way among the robots again, this time going towards the door. As soon as he'd moved out of the way, Seven scooted in front of Eight and stopped there, as if making sure none of the other robots bothered his….
Radek grimaced. "You are becoming overly sentimental, Radek," he admonished himself. "Bad enough that you speak to robots. You should not call them 'friends' just because that is the first word that comes into your mind. Where is empirical evidence?" He scowled as he was finally able to step over the low wall on the far end of the robot enclosure, nearest the door.
He saw Bill jogging up, puffing, as the door to their AI lab slid open. Bill obviously realized that Radek had already solved the problem and slowed to a walk, panting and wiping his forehead. He held up his pager and waggled it, to show that he had also been alerted when a problem had occurred with one of the robots.
"All is well," Radek said, going to meet with him. He looked over his shoulder as the door closed, but all he could see was their small collection of ten multi-colored robots, Seven in front of Eight, still as a sentinel. Guarding…well, guarding the other one.
>Robot 0007 (02:00:00 08/15/2000) MESSAGE all systems within normal parameters
>Robot 0007 (02:08:50 08/15/2000) MESSAGE new vibration stimulus detected
>Robot 0007 (02:08:51 08/15/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING robots in 8 meter radius - new vibration stimulus detected
>Robot 0007 (02:08:53 08/15/2000) MESSAGE new object detected – moving 3.13 m/s - bearing 102.14º - elevation 0.1º
>Robot 0007 (02:08:54 08/15/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING robots in 8 meter radius - new object detected
>Robot 0007 (02:08:55 08/15/2000) MESSAGE investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:08:56 08/15/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~4kHz)
>Robot 0007 (02:08:57 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER maximum vibration stimulus threshold reached/exceeded
>Robot 0007 (02:08:59 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER Robot 0006 structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:01 08/15/2000) MESSAGE investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:02 08/15/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:03 08/15/2000) MESSAGE investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:04 08/15/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:05 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER Robot 0008 structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:06 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:18 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER Robot 0002 structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:19 08/15/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:20 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER tread malfunction detected
>Robot 0007 (02:09:21 08/15/2000) MESSAGE investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:22 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:23 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER sonar sensor malfunction detected
>Robot 0007 (02:09:24 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER photo sensor malfunction detected
>Robot 0007 (02:09:25 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER vibration sensor malfun----Robot 0007 communication channel to Robot 0008 lost
>Robot 0007 (02:09:26 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER maximum vibration stimulus threshold reached/exceeded
>Robot 0007 (02:09:27 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0008 – attempt 1/3…attempt failed
>Robot 0007 (02:09:28 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0008 – attempt 2/3…at----COMMUNICATON CHANNEL FROM TERMINAL 0007 TO ROBOT 0007 LOST
***
Sometimes Major Evan Lorne wondered what it said about his career choice in general, and the SGC in particular, that he wasn't surprised when the easiest way to track Captain Strickland was by the trail of bodies he had left between the infirmary and the lower-level laboratories.
Evan figured it probably also said something about him that he wasn't even remotely surprised that someone coming back from off-world had suddenly lost it during his routine post-mission exam and gone tearassing down the corridor, screaming at the top of his lungs. Evan wasn't sure what it said about him exactly, though, except that maybe he'd been going through the gate a little too often, if this kind of chaos and panic had become sort of routine.
"These things always happen on Tuesday," said Ford, jogging along beside him, and Evan glanced over at him right after telling Doctor Chow to go to the infirmary to get her shiner looked at.
"I think you've been here too long," Evan said.
"No, seriously!" Ford insisted. He was a Second Lieutenant, barely over twenty-one, and still so driven and enthusiastic that he made Evan feel about a million years old. "Tuesday is always the day weird crap like this happens. Ask anyone."
"It wasn't Tuesday on the planet Strickland's team was visiting," Evan said, not entirely sure why he was continuing the conversation. But right then they found Doctor Lee, so Ford didn't answer.
Doctor Lee was sitting against the wall, looking dazed and in pain with his hands cupped over his obviously broken nose, if the bruises spreading around his eyes were any indication.
"Doctor Lee!" Ford exclaimed, crouching down next to him. "Are you okay, sir?"
"No," Lee said miserably. He blinked up at Ford, and Evan remembered that the man wore glasses normally, but he didn't have them. A quick look around showed them smashed several feet down the corridor. "What happened? I was just going to get coffee--"
"Captain Strickland was bitten by an insect off-world," Evan supplied quickly. "He's not lucid right now. He got out of the infirmary."
Lee sniffed, winced, then his eyes widened. "Oh! Is he going to be all right?"
"Absolutely, Sir," Ford jumped right in, thank God, lying through his perfect teeth. "We just need to get him back to the infirmary." Doctor Fraiser was still trying to figure out what the hell had even happened to Strickland, as far as Evan knew, though it wasn't as if he'd had time to ask. The priority had been making sure Strickland didn't hurt himself or anyone else. Or at least as few people as possible, since the 'not hurting anyone else' part had effectively become null and void about two Airmen, one Marine and three civilians ago. Luckily no one had been seriously injured; Evan just hoped they could keep it that way.
"Let's get you to the infirmary, Sir," Ford said. He started helping a decidedly woozy Doctor Lee to his feet, giving a quick glance to Evan, who nodded.
"Thank you," Lee said weakly. He started down the corridor leaning heavily on Ford, as they went back the way Ford and Evan had come. "Oh, wait!" Lee said. He turned awkwardly, still gripping Ford's jacket. "He stole my ID!" Lee peered at Evan with bleary concern. "Please, don't let him get into the lab!"
Evan nodded, and took off running.
***
There were a lot of laboratories in this part of the base, but the blood-curdling scream echoing down the corridor was probably a pretty good indication of which one Strickland was in. Evan skidded to a stop in front of the nearest lab door, swiped his own ID and raced inside with his Zat up and ready, as soon as the door slid open.
Strickland was there, still screaming, and stomping on one of ten little robots, each about the size of two stacked paperbacks, with a colored dome and treads. At least two of the robots--one splintered dome was sunshine yellow, the other dark green--had been broken beyond repair, crushed beneath Strickland's military-issue boots. Another one, this one blinking angry red with an '8' stenciled on its side, kept backing up and ramming one of Strickland's feet, even though it was listing heavily, obviously damaged.
Evan quickly fired his Zat once, hitting Strickland squarely in the chest. Strickland's unholy screaming trailed into a quiet whimper as he collapsed, hitting loudly against the metal floor. Evan winced on Strickland's behalf, even though the guy wouldn't be able to feel anything until after he woke up. As soon as Strickland was quiet, Evan could hear chirping from all the still-intact robots. He didn't know if it was a warning noise or what, but it was damn loud.
He holstered the Zat and checked Strickland's pulse, which was fast but steady, and arranged him as comfortably as possible among the robots. '8' kept trying to ram him and Strickland, apparently at random, though it was listing so badly it could barely move at a crawl. Evan watched it bemusedly as he radioed in that Strickland had been found and subdued, shouting over the chirping, and let the infirmary know where the Captain was. Then he went over to Strickland's last victim and picked it up.
Its badly-cracked dome was blue, the bulb inside shattered, and there was a '7' on its side. The two treads had been flattened, though Evan could still hear a tiny, sickly whir, as if the little robot was still trying to move, maybe to get away.
"It's okay, little guy," Evan said. He felt faintly ridiculous--it wasn't as if the robot could hear him, or even understand what he was saying. But still, when the whirring suddenly stopped, Evan felt kind of bad, like the robot had just died in his hand.
He put it gently on the nearest lab table, and then leaned against the table himself, waiting for the medics to get there. '8' bumped against his boot again, then just sat there, as if it had run out of juice. On a whim, Evan picked it up too.
"What the hell's your problem?" he asked it, holding the robot at eye level. "I'm not the one who was stomping on you or your buddy. Here." He put it on the table next to '7', as much to prevent it hitting him again as anything. "See? He's right there."
'8's red light blinked for a moment, and there was even more of the Godawful chirping, then the robot started whirring madly, as if trying to get nearer to '7', but it's broken treads seemed to have finally given out, and it couldn't move.
"Fine," Evan said. He nudged it a little closer to 7.
Nothing happened for a couple seconds, then a new line of text appeared on one of the ten terminal screens lined up against the opposite wall of the room.
>Robot 0008 (02:12:01 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0007 – attempt 1/3…attempt failed
>Robot 0008 (02:12:02 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0007 – attempt 2/3…attempt failed
>Robot 0008 (02:12:03 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0007 – attempt 3/3…attempt failed
>Robot 0008 (02:12:04 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0007 – attempt 1/3…attempt failed
The same message, over and over again. Evan blinked and then looked at the little red-domed robot on the table. It didn't look like it was doing anything, but those messages had to come from somewhere. It was kind of creepy, and kind of sad.
Evan shuddered despite himself and looked away, trying to ignore the chirping and waiting for the medics to come.
***
"Hey, Doc," Evan said. "Docs," he amended when he saw Lee. He gestured at his face. "How's the nose?"
"Fine, fine," Lee said. He smiled uncomfortably. "A little painful, actually. Doctor Fraiser says it's healing well, though." He lifted his hand as if he wanted to scratch under the large plastic cast. It looked like an alien moth taking up most of his face. Lee's glasses were perched precariously on top of it, about to slip off any second. Lee's fingers hit the plastic and he dropped his hand with a sigh.
"Bill lies to you," Zelenka said from his slumped perch on one of the lab stools. He sounded a little bitter. "He is not fine, and I am not fine and they are certainly not fine." He pointed to the floor, and Evan realized there were two robots there, the little red and blue ones Strickland had been doing his Godzilla impression on a few days ago. The red one, still with the '8' stenciled on its side, kept nudging '7', strangely gently, as if trying to dislodge it from the corner 7 had wedged itself into, its treads spinning like mad. Zelenka sighed, rubbing at one eye under his glasses. "We have turned off Seven's alarm, so as not to make ourselves deaf."
Right. The chirping. Evan was just as happy about that. "Okay," he said. He scratched the back of his head. "Uh, I don't mean to be rude, Doc, but I have no idea what any of this has to do with you wanting to speak with me."
Lee blinked at him, then looked startled. "Oh! Sorry--of course you wouldn't know, would you? This is highly classified."
Evan looked at Lee sharply, but Zelenka waved his hand.
"Do not worry about that. You will get clearance, if you can truly help." He took another breath. He was beginning to remind Evan of a harassed parent. His sister looked like that with her toddlers from time to time. Zelenka gestured sadly at the robots. "This is going on for days, now. Seven is fine until human it doesn't know comes in. Then all is chaos and tragedy."
Evan looked at Zelenka, his eyebrows shooting up in confusion. "It knows I'm here?"
Zelenka rolled his eyes. "No. It is simple remote-controlled tank we are using to play a practical joke, because we have no vital work to do." He pointed at two terminal screens, apparently replacing the ten that Evan had seen the last time he was in that lab. They both had lines of text appearing almost continuously. "These are sophisticated robot processors, Major, and have recently been reprogrammed. They are aware of everything in this room."
Evan read the nearer screen.
>Robot 0007 (09:02:16 08/23/2000) MESSAGE new object detected – moving 1.50 m/s - bearing 312.08º - elevation 0.3º
>Robot 0007 (09:02:17 08/23/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~3kHz)
>Robot 0007 (09:02:18 08/23/2000) MESSAGE DANGER vocal signal ≠ DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (09:02:19 08/23/2000) MESSAGE attempting to avoid human ≠ DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (09:02:21 08/11/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 investigating Robot 0007
>Robot 0007 (09:02:22 08/23/2000) MESSAGE communication from Robot 0008 – investigate human ≠ DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (09:02:23 08/23/2000) MESSAGE attempting to avoid human ≠ DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA
Evan bobbed back a bit, surprised and more than a little impressed. "That's from the robots' heads?"
"That's right," Lee said. He didn't look much happier than Zelenka, though he seemed more hopeful. He made a weird gesture by his ear. "It's a way for us to know what they're thinking. Which is why we know that Seven is now terrified of any human he--I mean it, sorry--doesn't recognize. Since, um, Captain Strickland crushed it."
--Which seemed like a pretty reasonable reaction, actually, but it was obvious that it wasn't making the two scientists very happy. "Jeff's really sorry about that, by the way," Evan said. "And about breaking your nose."
Lee gave a small smile. "Well, I'm glad he's all right."
"Yes, well, much as I am ecstatic to know the man who destroyed two of our robots suffered no permanent damage from the malevolent insect; that does not solve our problem." He gestured at the two robots again, the blue one still fleeing uselessly for its mechanical life, and the red one apparently still uselessly trying to make it see reason. "Seven is not 'terrified'"--Zelenka shot a mild glare at Lee--"because these robots are not capable of feeling emotion. But it will not be able to learn how to interact with humans if it is convinced that everyone who is not Bill or myself will stomp on it."
"I get that," Evan said. More text spilled onto Seven's terminal--it looked like its battery was running low. Evan wondered if it was overheating as well. "But I'm still not sure what you want me to do about it."
"Well, um." Lee looked a little embarrassed. "We were hoping…you could talk to him? It?"
"Get Seven used to humans," Zelenka clarified, as Evan was staring at Lee in shock. "Since you already rescued Seven and Eight, we are hoping they will be more prone to…accepting you is best term, I think. As mentor."
Evan looked at him, then at the robots, then back at Zelenka. "You want me to babysit your robots?"
"Well, yeah, sort of," Lee chimed in, and Evan started staring at him instead. Seven was still whirring desperately in the background. "Just, get them used to people again, you know?" He rubbed the side of his plastic-covered nose, then winced. "Seven has to be able to interact with people. It's vital to the project."
"What project?" Evan asked. "And, um, I'm scheduled for Gate missions. I don't think I'm going to have time for this." And the idea of playing robot whisperer, or whatever the hell Lee and Zelenka wanted was just really weird.
That got another dismissive hand wave from Zelenka. "General Hammond will allow you to be seconded to us. This is important enough for it."
"What?" Evan snapped his mouth shut so he wouldn't gape. His eyes were drawn back to the two robots. They looked about as important as a high school science fair project. He blinked and looked at Zelenka and Lee again. "You're really going to have to tell me what the hell's going on," he said.
Zelenka sighed. "Yes, of course." He slid off his lab stool. "You will need to come with me."
***
He hadn't expected to see the corpses.
Okay, they weren't corpses. And it was really only pieces of them. Like unfinished mannequins: a metal face with hollow eye sockets, like a funeral mask, resting on the table beside the empty bowl of a skull. A single leg, sharp metal like in the Terminator, every joint and tendon visible--something yellow that wasn't plastic. Two arms, with beautifully articulated hands, lying palm-up and empty, long fingers fitted with the translucent perfection of nails. Ribs lying separate like museum pieces. No pelvis, yet. No collarbones. No muscles or nerves or skin.
"Later," Zelenka had said, almost apologetically, his fingers lightly stroking along something that wasn't bone. "Later they will have skin and real faces and hair, everything they will need to look human, like you or me." He had smiled then, proud and smug and somehow shy. "This is my specialty, here--the bodies. Not just the frames, but the internal functions." He'd gestured at his chest, then his head. "The heart and lungs, and the brain."
The heart and lungs, and the brain. This was what the tiny little tank-treaded robots were going to be, Zelenka had explained. AI that looked and moved and sounded like humans. And Major Evan Lorne, apparently, was going to help teach them how to act like them.
"I don't get it," he said. It was hard to tear his eyes away from the metal bones--they looked like skeletons, polished to a sheen. Like he was in a morgue. "Why are you doing this? What's it for?"
And Zelenka had just smiled. "That," he said, "is what I cannot tell you. But I promise it is as important as the Stargate."
So the robots were going to be on Gate teams, Evan figured. It made sense, in a way. Maybe they were going to use robots instead of people, save lives. But it was hard to believe that would ever really happen. Maybe they'd just have a few, like MALPS.
Evan scratched the back of his head. He wondered what they would look like, when they were finished. Right now it was impossible to imagine. He wondered if he'd recognize them.
"And what do you want me to do, exactly?" Evan asked. "I don't really have any experience with…." He trailed off. He didn't even know what this was. 'Mentoring', Zelenka had said. That was as good a word as any. "Mentoring." At least not with robots.
Zelenka shrugged. "We are none of us experts, Major. Bill insists it will be like raising children. I am not so sure. But what I am sure of is that numbers Seven and Eight were the most promising of all the robots for the next stages of the project, before Captain Strickland damaged them. And if Seven will not interact with other people now, we will have no project at all."
"I'll have to relocate to Nevada," Evan said, though Zelenka had already told him that.
"Yes," Zelenka said. "You have already seen how easily things can go badly, here. The robots will be safer at Area 51."
Evan nodded slowly, his eyes drifting back to the skeletons again. "Will you still want me to do the mentoring thing when…." He gestured with his chin at the two lab tables, side-by side like cemetery vaults. "When they're finished?"
"I don't know," Zelenka said, but he was nodding. "But I think yes. Likely, yes."
Robots who looked and sounded and moved exactly like humans. "Aliens." He hadn't meant to say the word out loud, but it fit--that's exactly what they would be.
Zelenka looked startled for a moment, then his expression became considering. "Aliens. Yes. I suppose that is so. They will be aliens you will have to teach to behave so that no one knows they are aliens. Like Teal'c, or the other, Nyan."
Evan had never really met Nyan, though he was aware he worked with Doctor Jackson. But he knew who he was, and he'd seen the guy a few times in the mountain. He always seemed a little bit confused, out of his depth, like every time he'd thought he'd figured Earth out, someone threw something else at him he couldn't understand. And it wasn't like Evan had ever felt bad for him or anything, just more like he'd never wanted to be in his shoes: always feeling like everyone else knew the subtext, or the joke, or the special secret handshake he just couldn't get.
"I guess it might be interesting," Evan said quietly, and he didn't realize he'd actually agreed to do it until Zelenka beamed at him.
***
Evan had had dogs as a kid. He knew how to deal with dogs. That was the only thing he could think of that might work here.
Seven and Eight had been milling around quietly, checking out some of the random objects and obstacles in their enclosure, right up until Evan walked through the door again. And then Seven went insane.
Evan didn't have to look at Seven's terminal to know that something along the lines of 'Run away! Run away!' would be covering the whole screen. Seven seemed to have already learned that just running itself into a wall wouldn't work, which made Evan's eyes widen, considering it'd only been an hour since he was last in the room. Now, the little robot kept darting this way and that, depending on which direction it seemed to anticipate Evan moving in, instead of making itself an easy target.
"It's okay, Seven," Lee said. He was crouched down next to the enclosure, one hand on the low plastic wall for balance. He was crooning, as if he was trying to calm an upset child. "Major Lorne is your friend. He's not going to hurt you. See? Eight knows Lorne's nice--why don't you come say hello the way Eight is?"
Evan didn't think that Eight was 'saying hello', exactly--it seemed more wary than that--but it did come near the wall in front of Evan's feet, which he figured meant something good.
"Hi," Evan said, feeling self-conscious, then took Lee's lead and sat cross-legged on the floor next to the wall. "Uh…my name's Evan. Zelenka and Lee thought it would be a good idea for me to get to know you guys." Evan could feel his face heating up, but he ignored it. Zelenka had been adamant that the robots were aware of him, and they could obviously communicate, at least in a limited way, so there was no reason for him to feel embarrassed, even though to any stranger who walked in it would look like he was talking to a toy.
Seven was on the far side of the enclosure, at a standstill behind a large plastic triangle and whirring softly, as if getting ready to bolt if Evan so much as twitched. Evan thought about dogs and ignored it, talking to Eight instead.
He told Eight that he was an Airman who went through the Stargate, though he didn't have a permanent team. He talked about geological engineering, and how he'd painted with his mom as a kid, and how he loved to fly and how he still missed that sometimes, though he liked going through the Stargate more.
Eventually the floor got really uncomfortable, and Evan's throat was getting sore from all the talking. It was also really strange to be carrying on a one-sided conversation--it felt like he was giving his Master's dissertation, which hadn't been that much fun the first time--though occasionally Doctor Lee would ask him questions or make comments, which Evan appreciated.
Still, he'd been stuck on the floor talking to a robot for nearly two hours. At the very least he needed some lunch.
"Do you want to get some chow, doc?" Evan asked as he pulled himself to his feet a little painfully. He figured they could swing by the other lab (the skeleton lab, Evan kept trying not to call it in his head) and pick up Zelenka as well, because Evan wanted to talk to him about the robots some more. Now that he'd signed the clearance forms, he also thought he had the right to make some suggestions, like new vocabulary the robots could use to make their messages more specific.
Eight edged a little closer to him as Evan stood, and Evan smiled. "Don't worry, little guy," he said. "I'll be back soon. I just need to eat something."
Out of the corner of his eye, Evan saw Seven move, just a little bit, as if peeking out from behind the triangle. And three lines of new code blinked into life on the second terminal.
>Robot 0007 (11:46:24 08/23/2000) MESSAGE communication from Robot 0008 – vocal signal = MAJOREVANLORNE
>Robot 0007 (11:46:25 08/23/2000) MESSAGE communication from Robot 0008 – investigate MAJOREVANLORNE
>Robot 0007 (11:46:25 08/23/2000) MESSAGE investigating MAJOREVANLORNE
Evan grinned, then shared it with Lee, who looked so relieved that for an uncomfortable second Evan thought he was going to cry. For his part, Evan felt like pumping his fist in the air and hollering, but he was sure that would be a bad idea, so he didn't.
But he couldn't stop grinning, all the way to Zelenka's lab, then all the way to the mess, and for a while after that.
***
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:00 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – Sing TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:02 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – Sing TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:03 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – this unit will not enter SLEEP MODE in absence of TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:04 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – Sing TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:07 11/27/2001) MESSAGE vocal signal = TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:10 11/27/2001) MESSAGE vocal signal falls within acceptable parameters
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:12 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication from Quadruped 08 – this unit attempting to enter SLEEP MODE
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:15 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA – this unit will not enter SLEEP MODE
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:16 11/27/2001) MESSAGE entering SLEEP MODE
***
Evan walked down the corridor towards the Artificial Intelligence Lab at Area 51. He was carrying Seven and Eight, one under each arm, and a small soccer ball in his hand. Both of the quadruped robots were whirring contentedly, their stumpy little legs moving back and forth, and Evan was sure his portable terminal was filling up with all kinds of messages asking about the stuff they were passing in the corridor (explain purpose of colored lights, MAJOREVANLORNE?), or expressing satisfaction at having spent most of the afternoon chasing around after the ball. The metal sides of the rectangle-shaped robots were dusty, and still warm from the sun.
Evan was whistling, sunburned and happy, and already thinking about what he was going to do with the quadrupeds the next day. He figured another hike would be good, just around the base. Both the little robots' walking skills had improved tremendously over the last few months, but a little more practice couldn't hurt. Besides, they liked to race each other, even though Seven won most of the time.
He was thinking it might be good to get some more flashcards too, improve their vocabulary. The quadrupeds learned really, really fast, but Evan was still noticing a tendency to use the same words over and over again, and Eight especially enjoyed assimilating new ways of saying things.
But right now it was time to get the little guys down for the night, and Evan had promised them he'd start another read-through of The Brave Little Toaster before it was time for Sleep Mode. Evan didn't really like the book very much, but Bill had recommended it since he thought the quadrupeds needed good role-models. And the robots kept saying how acceptable they found it, so Evan wasn't going to argue.
Radek had been absent for days--squirreled away in his new skeleton lab, Evan figured--so it was no surprise that he wasn't in the lab that the quadrupeds lived in and where Bill worked most of the time. Seven asked about Radek's whereabouts a lot, though he seemed satisfied with Evan's explanation that Radek had a lot of work to do. But Evan still wished that the Czech would make more of an effort to drop in from time to time.
Bill was there, though, just like Evan had been certain he would be, and he smiled broadly when he saw Evan carrying Seven and Eight.
"Hi, guys!" Bill said. He rushed over and took the nearer robot, and Evan smiled at him gratefully. Bill carried Seven over to its cot and gently set it down. Seven tucked its legs under itself and rolled onto its side. "Wow, you're warm! Did you have a good day? It looks like you did--you're both all dusty. I guess you played a lot, huh?"
Evan put Eight down as well, then shook out his arms, smiling to himself as he listened to Bill chatting at the two robots. He put the soccer ball back in the toy box and watched as the terminals indicated that they were sending and receiving signals from the two quadrupeds. He fished the portable terminal out of his pocket and scanned it, chuckling at the messages but not finding any that couldn't wait until the morning to be answered.
"Okay," Evan said, stretching. "Who wants to hear The Brave Little Toaster again?" He laughed as both terminal screens filled up, Eight's with enthusiastic repetitions of 'TOASTERTOASTERTOASTER', and Seven's more sedate 'that would be acceptable, MAJOREVANLORNE'.
"Um, would you mind if I read to them tonight, Evan?" Bill asked him. He sounded sad.
"Sure," he said, wondering what was wrong. He knew Bill had kids of his own, though he was pretty sure the scientist was divorced, though he hadn't wanted to pry by asking him. Maybe something had gone wrong at home. He turned towards the two robots. "Is it okay if Doctor Lee reads the story to you, guys?" Both screens indicated that the quadrupeds thought that was fine, so Evan grabbed the book off the shelf and gave it to Bill. "Knock yourself out--I'll just go to the mess, then. Get some dinner."
Bill nodded, though he looked uncertain now, and no happier. "Do you…would you mind coming back in about half an hour? They should be asleep then, and I need to talk to you."
Evan blinked. "Okay," he said, wondering what the hell was wrong. Obviously something bad enough that Bill didn't want the kids to hear it, which meant Evan probably didn't want to hear it, either. Evan just hoped it didn't concern the quadrupeds.
He said goodnight to the robots and went to the mess, but he didn't have much of an appetite anymore. Half an hour moved so slowly it felt like he was in a time dilation field.
***
"We shouldn't talk here," Bill said as soon as Evan got back. He sounded like they were in a Cold War conspiracy movie. He started down the corridor, gesturing for Evan to follow.
Evan went with him, getting more and more nervous all the time. He wasn't really surprised that they ended up in the skeleton lab, or to see Radek there, blinking up at them as if he hadn't expected the intrusion, and then Evan saw the two pale bodies and leapt backwards with a yell.
He was automatically reaching for a gun he hadn't carried in over a year, because those were corpses, each laid out neatly on a lab table as if about to be autopsied, and Radek had been doing something to one of them, and then Evan suddenly remembered the metal bones and why he kept calling this place the skeleton lab in his head, and how Radek had said his specialty was the bodies.
The bodies. Not just the frames, Radek had said. These weren't corpses; they had never been alive.
"Holy fuck," Evan said quietly. He was breathing like he'd just run a marathon, and he was sure his face was as white as Radek's lab coat. He kind of wanted to sit down. "Holy fuck." He swallowed, looking at Bill. "This…was this what you wanted to tell me?" He looked back at Radek, who was staring at him in open shock. "What, why are you showing this to me?"
Radek blinked, then pushed his glasses further up his nose. "I was not going to show this to you, Major," he said tartly. He looked at his colleague. "I have not finished with them yet. I need you to go away now, please, so I may work."
"I'm sorry!" Bill said, looking miserable. "I really didn't mean to scare you, Evan. I just…I thought this was a better place to talk, and--"
"This is not better place to talk," Radek cut in, "because I am working."
"And you needed to know that the AIs are getting their new bodies tomorrow," Bill finished. He pointed, needlessly, at the two still forms on the tables.
"Okay," Evan said softly, mostly because he had no idea what to say. Almost despite himself he moved closer, ignoring Radek's scowl.
The bodies were male, which Evan supposed shouldn't surprise him, since Bill called the quadrupeds 'he' a lot of the time though he tried not to. They looked older than Evan's age, which did surprise him. He'd always imagined that they'd be adolescents or something, when they got the human-form bodies, because the quadrupeds were so obviously children. When he'd thought about it, which wasn't often. But these were definitely adults, somewhere in their mid-thirties, he figured, though with them being so still and--empty was the best word he could come up with--it was hard to tell.
They were handsome men, too, which he hadn't expected either. Evan had just assumed that Radek wouldn't want the human bodies to be memorable. But maybe it was an aesthetic thing, since he'd designed them.
The one Radek had been working on had short brown hair, but its eyes were closed, so Evan couldn't see the color. Its torso had a square hole in it, with part of the pale chest laid neatly aside. It was a gaping silver mass of metal and wires.
Evan looked up and away from the bodies, over at Bill, and pulled his hands behind his back so he wouldn't be tempted to touch. It felt wrong to do that, like an invasion of privacy. But part of him wanted to know if the skin was as cold as it looked, or if the hair would feel real or plastic, like a doll.
"This is happening tomorrow?" Evan asked, knowing his amazement, his disbelief, would carry in his voice. The bodies didn't look like they could ever have anything living in them. He thought of Seven and Eight, sleeping quietly on their cots in Bill's lab, dusty and warm from the sun, and the idea of forcing their vibrant, joyous intelligence into these…husks was enough to make him shiver with revulsion. "Why didn't you tell them?" His voice got louder. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"You knew this was the outcome when you agreed to participate in the project," Radek said mildly. He seemed to have given up on trying to work.
"I didn't know when!" Evan shot back, betrayed and angry. He hadn't thought about it. He always knew it was coming, it was inevitable, but the little quadrupeds had seemed so, self-contained, so perfect as they were, that he'd put it out of his mind. He'd never thought there wouldn't even be any warning, when it finally happened. He glared accusingly at Bill. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Bill still looked as sad as he had upstairs, but now there was defiance, as well. "Did you ever read Pinocchio?" he asked.
"I think I saw the movie," Evan said.
"So you know the basic plot, then," Bill said. Evan nodded warily. "How the wooden puppet has to prove himself so that he can become a real boy?"
"Yeah." Evan nodded again, then looked back at the two robot bodies. They seemed less real than the quadrupeds had ever been. "So?"
"So…" Bill took a breath. "How do you think you would feel, Major, to know for your whole life that you weren't good enough as you were, but that, eventually, you'd become something better?"
Evan stared at him. "I think I'd feel pretty normal, actually." Wasn't that the point of existence? To strive to become better than you were? His mom had always told him that.
"I think what he means," Radek said, "is that he didn't want the robots to feel, hm, inferior, I think. Yes. He did not want the robots to feel inferior as they were, if they knew they were not going to stay in those bodies." He smiled thinly. "He thought it would damage their 'self-esteem'. I argued that there was no esteem for their selves to have, but he does not listen."
"And we, uh, didn't tell you because we thought you would tell them," Bill said. He had taken off his glasses, and was fiddling with them guiltily. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah," Evan said roughly. "Me too." He remembered asking Radek if they'd still want him to keep mentoring the robots, once they were in the new bodies, and Radek had said probably, but that he wasn't sure. It had seemed like such a distant thing at the time, with Seven and Eight still running on treads and each smaller than a tissue box. Evan wished he'd thought more about it, now.
It was really, really hard imagining Seven and Eight in these new bodies; really hard imagining how he'd even relate to them. "Which is which?" he asked suddenly, surprising himself.
Bill looked surprised, too. "Oh, um…that one, the one Radek's still working on, that's Eight. Or, will be Eight, I mean. The other one is Seven."
"Okay, thanks," Evan said. He stepped a little closer to Eight, looking down at the smooth, blank features, trying to imagine the quadruped in there. Tried to imagine the still face animated, the lifeless body moving. It was almost impossible.
"I really am sorry," Bill said again, and now that tiny bit of defiance was back. "But I still stand by my decision. I think it was the right thing to do."
"What time?" Evan snapped.
Bill blinked. "Um, six." He looked at Radek, who shrugged, then nodded. "Yes. Um, six. Six in the morning."
"I'll be here," Evan said. Then he turned and left, so he wouldn't have to keep seeing the bodies his quadrupeds were going to be.
On to Part Two
Author: Leah (One half of the duo of LeahWoof, again using the shared journal to post, because
springwoof is awesome.)Main Characters: Lorne, Sheppard, Mitchell, Zelenka, Lee and a few cameos.
Summary: "You want me to babysit your robots?"
Rating:: PG-13
Word Count: 18,101
Notes: This is GEN fic. It's also a companion story to Male Enhancement (The Soul and the Company Store Remix). I wrote this for my sister Squeaky as a Christmas present, and once again I am in her debt because not only did she cheer me on every word of the way, but she also handed me the idea that made the fic work, and even beta-read this sucker in record time and told me she really, really liked it to boot. ::Loves the Squeak::
This story will make no sense unless you've read Male Enhancement (The Soul and the Company Store Remix) first. It is both a prequel and missing scenes.
cpt_untouchable for this post, that started me thinking of the story in the first place. You might notice my firm denial of ever writing a sequel to my original remix. ::coughs::springwoof, thank you very, very much, for also doing a lightning-fast beta on this sucker. Springwoof wags and rocks, all the time. (And if anyone missed it before, The fics we've written together are The Body Holographic and Aegis, both of which can be found in the leahwoof journal by scrolling on down, and down.)Haggy was again fantastically helpful, by reading whatever scenes I sent her and reassuring me that they didn't actually suck, which I needed to hear very, very badly.
My library buddy Scott (no website alas, but he is very cool and incredibly smart, trust me on this one) who has actually worked with robots, was instrumental in helping me figure out the robot communication code. And he said it was fun, bless him.
Finally, I wanted to thank
lavvyan again, because if it wasn't for her Male Enhancement fic (still a WIP at the moment), I would never have written the remix fic, or this one. The title is again from the song Sixteen Tons. I couldn't get it out of my head.
Prologue
>Robot 0008 (13:30:00 08/11/2000): MESSAGE all systems within normal parameters
>Robot 0008 (14:00:00 08/11/2000): MESSAGE all systems within normal parameters
>Robot 0008 (14:17:42 08/11/2000): MESSAGE new photo stimulus detected - bearing 243.2º - elevation 0.2º
>Robot 0008 (14:17:43 08/11/2000): MESSAGE ALERTING robots in 8 meter radius - new photo stimulus detected
>Robot 0008 (14:17:44 08/11/2000): MESSAGE investigating photo stimulus
>Robot 0008 (14:18:03 08/11/2000): MESSAGE DANGER photo stimulus ≠ power source
>Robot 0008 (14:18:04 08/11/2000): MESSAGE ALERTING robots in 8 meter radius - DANGER photo stimulus ≠ power source
>Robot 0008 (14:18:06 08/11/2000): MESSAGE DANGER caught in power drain sequence (battery 85.7%)
>Robot 0008 (14:18:08 08/11/2000): MESSAGE experiencing power drain (battery 84.3%)
>Robot 0008 (14:47:19 08/11/2000): MESSAGE experiencing power drain (battery 50.0%)
>Robot 0008 (15:02:13 08/11/2000): MESSAGE experiencing power drain (battery 20.0%)
>Robot 0008 (15:11:50 08/11/2000): MESSAGE experiencing power drain (battery 10.0%)
>Robot 0008 (15:15:58 08/11/2000): MESSAGE require immediate recharging (battery 5%)
>Robot 0008 (15:17:24 08/11/2000): MESSAGE require immediate recharging (battery 2.5%)
>Robot 0008 (15:18:02 08/11/2000): MESSAGE require immediate recharging (battery 1%)
>Robot 0008 (15:18:22 08/11/2000): MESSAGE initiating SHUTDOWN sequence - require recharge
>Robot 0008 (15:18:25 08/11/2000): MESSAGE entering SHUTDOWN MODE
>
>
>
>
***
"Yes, yes, I can see it. You can stop hitting me now, please," Radek said tiredly, being careful not to damage the small robot as he gently shoved it aside with his foot. 0007 rolled back about half a meter, whirred as it changed direction, then rammed Radek's foot again. It kept chirping in warning, which was becoming somewhat wearisome. Radek had already checked Seven's assigned terminal to make sure it didn't actually need any maintenance itself, but the only abnormal messages were:
>Robot 0007 (15:20:39 08/11/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA Robot 0008 requires maintenance
>Robot 0007 (15:22:39 08/11/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA Robot 0008 requires maintenance
>Robot 0007 (15:24:39 08/11/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA Robot 0008 requires maintenance
>Robot 0007 (15:25:10 08/11/2000) MESSAGE new object detected – moving 1.34 m/s - bearing 84.6º - elevation 0.1º
>Robot 0007 (15:25:12 08/11/2000) MESSAGE signal detected – 01002846 – correlates to DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (02:25:13 08/11/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~2.6kHz)
>Robot 0007 (02:25:14 08/11/2000) MESSAGE investigating DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (02:25:16 08/11/2000) MESSAGE investigating DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (02:25:17 08/11/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~3kHz)
The first message had started at nearly the same second Radek's pager had signaled that one of the robots was down, then repeated every two minutes until Radek arrived. The other messages showed Seven registering Radek entering the room, then recognizing the signal from his pager. And then repeatedly hitting his foot.
But the most significant messages, of course, were the three that Seven had sent to let Bill and himself know that Eight needed help.
Bill had been delighted when Seven had created that particular message specifically for when Eight got into difficulties. Eight had its own, similar code for Seven. Bill insisted that it meant the two robots 'were pals'. Radek was not certain it showed anything more significant than that 0007 and 0008 had each become aware that the other frequently required maintenance. That kind of responsiveness to their environment was obviously of great importance in and of itself, but Radek would not go so far as to assign any kind of…familiarity between the robots because of it.
"I said stop it!" Radek snapped, when Seven rammed his foot yet again, this time hard enough to hurt. He swore in Czech, then sighed. "You know, I would be able to get to Eight that much faster if you stopped trying to trip me."
Seven would have probably rammed his foot again all the same, except at that moment 0006 looped by in one of the odd, interminable circles it occasionally lapsed into and knocked into Seven, causing it to go off course and hit 0010 instead. 0010 (which was somewhat prone to histrionics, Radek had to admit) started chirping as if Seven had smashed it. Then 0006 added its own birdlike noise to the din, perhaps in sympathy with Ten, though a quick look at Six's terminal only showed an 'all systems within normal parameters' message. Six had always been a little strange.
"Enough! Enough!" Radek yelled, which unfortunately didn't stop the noise, but did create a flurry of DANGER maximum vibration stimulus threshold reached/exceeded messages scrolling across all but Eight's terminal screen. "Apologies," Radek muttered, picking his way carefully across the gauntlet of small, tank-treaded robots, most of whom had registered his presence then gone back to rumbling around their enclosure and ignoring him completely. 0004 was hovering by one of the recharging units again, effectively keeping the other robots away while it waited until the unit lit up to show it could be used. The fact that all of the recharging units switched to power draining at random hadn't seemed to register in Four's Core Processor yet, which meant that Radek or Bill were forced to come and rescue it half the time as well.
Seven and Eight, on the other hand, had learned very quickly that the same unit could either become sustenance or starvation with no warning, and had taken it upon themselves to not only tell the other robots when power was potentially available, but to also warn the others away when it turned out to be harmful instead. Bill had even noticed both Seven and Eight 'testing' the units, then generously pulling back to allow the other robots to recharge first. He wasn't sure which robot had developed this particular behavior initially--'heroic self-sacrifice' Bill called it, though Radek thought that was a little much--but they both did it so readily now that Radek and Bill's reports attributed the altruism equally to each of them.
"See what becomes of those who are too nice?" Radek asked Eight's translucent red dome. The light behind it had shut off, and the little robot was completely still in his hand like a toy waiting to be turned on. The power-draining unit was still attached to Eight's sides, where it had latched on so the robot wouldn't be able to flee. "There is a saying--'no good deed goes unpunished.' You must learn that, I think."
Seven rammed Radek's foot again.
"And you," Radek said, glaring down at the little blue dome, "need to learn when to stop. Can you not see I am about to help your companion? There." He flicked the switch on the unit over to 'recharge'. The clamps disengaged, so Radek needed to use both hands now to make sure neither the charging unit nor the robot fell to the floor. Seven parked itself right next to his foot, but thankfully didn't try to hit him again. The possibility that it had somehow understood what Radek had just said was intriguing.
>Robot 0007 (15:26:54 08/11/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~2.8kHz)
>Robot 0007 (15:26:57 08/11/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 receiving maintenance
"Finally, yes. Thank you," Radek said. "I am so glad you noticed before you broke my foot. Here." He gently set Eight down beside Seven, in the spot it had been when Radek had picked it up. Eight's light turned on a moment later, glowing cheerfully red through the dome. Its terminal screen showed that the robot was recharging. "There." Radek straightened. "All is well now, yes? I can go to lunch, perhaps?" He shook his head. "Please try not to get into trouble while I am gone. I do not like to leave my meals unfinished."
He began picking his way among the robots again, this time going towards the door. As soon as he'd moved out of the way, Seven scooted in front of Eight and stopped there, as if making sure none of the other robots bothered his….
Radek grimaced. "You are becoming overly sentimental, Radek," he admonished himself. "Bad enough that you speak to robots. You should not call them 'friends' just because that is the first word that comes into your mind. Where is empirical evidence?" He scowled as he was finally able to step over the low wall on the far end of the robot enclosure, nearest the door.
He saw Bill jogging up, puffing, as the door to their AI lab slid open. Bill obviously realized that Radek had already solved the problem and slowed to a walk, panting and wiping his forehead. He held up his pager and waggled it, to show that he had also been alerted when a problem had occurred with one of the robots.
"All is well," Radek said, going to meet with him. He looked over his shoulder as the door closed, but all he could see was their small collection of ten multi-colored robots, Seven in front of Eight, still as a sentinel. Guarding…well, guarding the other one.
>Robot 0007 (02:00:00 08/15/2000) MESSAGE all systems within normal parameters
>Robot 0007 (02:08:50 08/15/2000) MESSAGE new vibration stimulus detected
>Robot 0007 (02:08:51 08/15/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING robots in 8 meter radius - new vibration stimulus detected
>Robot 0007 (02:08:53 08/15/2000) MESSAGE new object detected – moving 3.13 m/s - bearing 102.14º - elevation 0.1º
>Robot 0007 (02:08:54 08/15/2000) MESSAGE ALERTING robots in 8 meter radius - new object detected
>Robot 0007 (02:08:55 08/15/2000) MESSAGE investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:08:56 08/15/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~4kHz)
>Robot 0007 (02:08:57 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER maximum vibration stimulus threshold reached/exceeded
>Robot 0007 (02:08:59 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER Robot 0006 structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:01 08/15/2000) MESSAGE investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:02 08/15/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:03 08/15/2000) MESSAGE investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:04 08/15/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:05 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER Robot 0008 structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:06 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:18 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER Robot 0002 structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:19 08/15/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:20 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER tread malfunction detected
>Robot 0007 (02:09:21 08/15/2000) MESSAGE investigating object
>Robot 0007 (02:09:22 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER structural integrity possibly compromised
>Robot 0007 (02:09:23 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER sonar sensor malfunction detected
>Robot 0007 (02:09:24 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER photo sensor malfunction detected
>Robot 0007 (02:09:25 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER vibration sensor malfun----Robot 0007 communication channel to Robot 0008 lost
>Robot 0007 (02:09:26 08/15/2000) MESSAGE DANGER maximum vibration stimulus threshold reached/exceeded
>Robot 0007 (02:09:27 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0008 – attempt 1/3…attempt failed
>Robot 0007 (02:09:28 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0008 – attempt 2/3…at----COMMUNICATON CHANNEL FROM TERMINAL 0007 TO ROBOT 0007 LOST
***
Sometimes Major Evan Lorne wondered what it said about his career choice in general, and the SGC in particular, that he wasn't surprised when the easiest way to track Captain Strickland was by the trail of bodies he had left between the infirmary and the lower-level laboratories.
Evan figured it probably also said something about him that he wasn't even remotely surprised that someone coming back from off-world had suddenly lost it during his routine post-mission exam and gone tearassing down the corridor, screaming at the top of his lungs. Evan wasn't sure what it said about him exactly, though, except that maybe he'd been going through the gate a little too often, if this kind of chaos and panic had become sort of routine.
"These things always happen on Tuesday," said Ford, jogging along beside him, and Evan glanced over at him right after telling Doctor Chow to go to the infirmary to get her shiner looked at.
"I think you've been here too long," Evan said.
"No, seriously!" Ford insisted. He was a Second Lieutenant, barely over twenty-one, and still so driven and enthusiastic that he made Evan feel about a million years old. "Tuesday is always the day weird crap like this happens. Ask anyone."
"It wasn't Tuesday on the planet Strickland's team was visiting," Evan said, not entirely sure why he was continuing the conversation. But right then they found Doctor Lee, so Ford didn't answer.
Doctor Lee was sitting against the wall, looking dazed and in pain with his hands cupped over his obviously broken nose, if the bruises spreading around his eyes were any indication.
"Doctor Lee!" Ford exclaimed, crouching down next to him. "Are you okay, sir?"
"No," Lee said miserably. He blinked up at Ford, and Evan remembered that the man wore glasses normally, but he didn't have them. A quick look around showed them smashed several feet down the corridor. "What happened? I was just going to get coffee--"
"Captain Strickland was bitten by an insect off-world," Evan supplied quickly. "He's not lucid right now. He got out of the infirmary."
Lee sniffed, winced, then his eyes widened. "Oh! Is he going to be all right?"
"Absolutely, Sir," Ford jumped right in, thank God, lying through his perfect teeth. "We just need to get him back to the infirmary." Doctor Fraiser was still trying to figure out what the hell had even happened to Strickland, as far as Evan knew, though it wasn't as if he'd had time to ask. The priority had been making sure Strickland didn't hurt himself or anyone else. Or at least as few people as possible, since the 'not hurting anyone else' part had effectively become null and void about two Airmen, one Marine and three civilians ago. Luckily no one had been seriously injured; Evan just hoped they could keep it that way.
"Let's get you to the infirmary, Sir," Ford said. He started helping a decidedly woozy Doctor Lee to his feet, giving a quick glance to Evan, who nodded.
"Thank you," Lee said weakly. He started down the corridor leaning heavily on Ford, as they went back the way Ford and Evan had come. "Oh, wait!" Lee said. He turned awkwardly, still gripping Ford's jacket. "He stole my ID!" Lee peered at Evan with bleary concern. "Please, don't let him get into the lab!"
Evan nodded, and took off running.
***
There were a lot of laboratories in this part of the base, but the blood-curdling scream echoing down the corridor was probably a pretty good indication of which one Strickland was in. Evan skidded to a stop in front of the nearest lab door, swiped his own ID and raced inside with his Zat up and ready, as soon as the door slid open.
Strickland was there, still screaming, and stomping on one of ten little robots, each about the size of two stacked paperbacks, with a colored dome and treads. At least two of the robots--one splintered dome was sunshine yellow, the other dark green--had been broken beyond repair, crushed beneath Strickland's military-issue boots. Another one, this one blinking angry red with an '8' stenciled on its side, kept backing up and ramming one of Strickland's feet, even though it was listing heavily, obviously damaged.
Evan quickly fired his Zat once, hitting Strickland squarely in the chest. Strickland's unholy screaming trailed into a quiet whimper as he collapsed, hitting loudly against the metal floor. Evan winced on Strickland's behalf, even though the guy wouldn't be able to feel anything until after he woke up. As soon as Strickland was quiet, Evan could hear chirping from all the still-intact robots. He didn't know if it was a warning noise or what, but it was damn loud.
He holstered the Zat and checked Strickland's pulse, which was fast but steady, and arranged him as comfortably as possible among the robots. '8' kept trying to ram him and Strickland, apparently at random, though it was listing so badly it could barely move at a crawl. Evan watched it bemusedly as he radioed in that Strickland had been found and subdued, shouting over the chirping, and let the infirmary know where the Captain was. Then he went over to Strickland's last victim and picked it up.
Its badly-cracked dome was blue, the bulb inside shattered, and there was a '7' on its side. The two treads had been flattened, though Evan could still hear a tiny, sickly whir, as if the little robot was still trying to move, maybe to get away.
"It's okay, little guy," Evan said. He felt faintly ridiculous--it wasn't as if the robot could hear him, or even understand what he was saying. But still, when the whirring suddenly stopped, Evan felt kind of bad, like the robot had just died in his hand.
He put it gently on the nearest lab table, and then leaned against the table himself, waiting for the medics to get there. '8' bumped against his boot again, then just sat there, as if it had run out of juice. On a whim, Evan picked it up too.
"What the hell's your problem?" he asked it, holding the robot at eye level. "I'm not the one who was stomping on you or your buddy. Here." He put it on the table next to '7', as much to prevent it hitting him again as anything. "See? He's right there."
'8's red light blinked for a moment, and there was even more of the Godawful chirping, then the robot started whirring madly, as if trying to get nearer to '7', but it's broken treads seemed to have finally given out, and it couldn't move.
"Fine," Evan said. He nudged it a little closer to 7.
Nothing happened for a couple seconds, then a new line of text appeared on one of the ten terminal screens lined up against the opposite wall of the room.
>Robot 0008 (02:12:01 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0007 – attempt 1/3…attempt failed
>Robot 0008 (02:12:02 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0007 – attempt 2/3…attempt failed
>Robot 0008 (02:12:03 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0007 – attempt 3/3…attempt failed
>Robot 0008 (02:12:04 08/15/2000) MESSAGE attempting to reestablish communication channel to Robot 0007 – attempt 1/3…attempt failed
The same message, over and over again. Evan blinked and then looked at the little red-domed robot on the table. It didn't look like it was doing anything, but those messages had to come from somewhere. It was kind of creepy, and kind of sad.
Evan shuddered despite himself and looked away, trying to ignore the chirping and waiting for the medics to come.
***
"Hey, Doc," Evan said. "Docs," he amended when he saw Lee. He gestured at his face. "How's the nose?"
"Fine, fine," Lee said. He smiled uncomfortably. "A little painful, actually. Doctor Fraiser says it's healing well, though." He lifted his hand as if he wanted to scratch under the large plastic cast. It looked like an alien moth taking up most of his face. Lee's glasses were perched precariously on top of it, about to slip off any second. Lee's fingers hit the plastic and he dropped his hand with a sigh.
"Bill lies to you," Zelenka said from his slumped perch on one of the lab stools. He sounded a little bitter. "He is not fine, and I am not fine and they are certainly not fine." He pointed to the floor, and Evan realized there were two robots there, the little red and blue ones Strickland had been doing his Godzilla impression on a few days ago. The red one, still with the '8' stenciled on its side, kept nudging '7', strangely gently, as if trying to dislodge it from the corner 7 had wedged itself into, its treads spinning like mad. Zelenka sighed, rubbing at one eye under his glasses. "We have turned off Seven's alarm, so as not to make ourselves deaf."
Right. The chirping. Evan was just as happy about that. "Okay," he said. He scratched the back of his head. "Uh, I don't mean to be rude, Doc, but I have no idea what any of this has to do with you wanting to speak with me."
Lee blinked at him, then looked startled. "Oh! Sorry--of course you wouldn't know, would you? This is highly classified."
Evan looked at Lee sharply, but Zelenka waved his hand.
"Do not worry about that. You will get clearance, if you can truly help." He took another breath. He was beginning to remind Evan of a harassed parent. His sister looked like that with her toddlers from time to time. Zelenka gestured sadly at the robots. "This is going on for days, now. Seven is fine until human it doesn't know comes in. Then all is chaos and tragedy."
Evan looked at Zelenka, his eyebrows shooting up in confusion. "It knows I'm here?"
Zelenka rolled his eyes. "No. It is simple remote-controlled tank we are using to play a practical joke, because we have no vital work to do." He pointed at two terminal screens, apparently replacing the ten that Evan had seen the last time he was in that lab. They both had lines of text appearing almost continuously. "These are sophisticated robot processors, Major, and have recently been reprogrammed. They are aware of everything in this room."
Evan read the nearer screen.
>Robot 0007 (09:02:16 08/23/2000) MESSAGE new object detected – moving 1.50 m/s - bearing 312.08º - elevation 0.3º
>Robot 0007 (09:02:17 08/23/2000) MESSAGE vibration stimulus in human vocal range detected (~3kHz)
>Robot 0007 (09:02:18 08/23/2000) MESSAGE DANGER vocal signal ≠ DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (09:02:19 08/23/2000) MESSAGE attempting to avoid human ≠ DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (09:02:21 08/11/2000) MESSAGE Robot 0008 investigating Robot 0007
>Robot 0007 (09:02:22 08/23/2000) MESSAGE communication from Robot 0008 – investigate human ≠ DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA
>Robot 0007 (09:02:23 08/23/2000) MESSAGE attempting to avoid human ≠ DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA
Evan bobbed back a bit, surprised and more than a little impressed. "That's from the robots' heads?"
"That's right," Lee said. He didn't look much happier than Zelenka, though he seemed more hopeful. He made a weird gesture by his ear. "It's a way for us to know what they're thinking. Which is why we know that Seven is now terrified of any human he--I mean it, sorry--doesn't recognize. Since, um, Captain Strickland crushed it."
--Which seemed like a pretty reasonable reaction, actually, but it was obvious that it wasn't making the two scientists very happy. "Jeff's really sorry about that, by the way," Evan said. "And about breaking your nose."
Lee gave a small smile. "Well, I'm glad he's all right."
"Yes, well, much as I am ecstatic to know the man who destroyed two of our robots suffered no permanent damage from the malevolent insect; that does not solve our problem." He gestured at the two robots again, the blue one still fleeing uselessly for its mechanical life, and the red one apparently still uselessly trying to make it see reason. "Seven is not 'terrified'"--Zelenka shot a mild glare at Lee--"because these robots are not capable of feeling emotion. But it will not be able to learn how to interact with humans if it is convinced that everyone who is not Bill or myself will stomp on it."
"I get that," Evan said. More text spilled onto Seven's terminal--it looked like its battery was running low. Evan wondered if it was overheating as well. "But I'm still not sure what you want me to do about it."
"Well, um." Lee looked a little embarrassed. "We were hoping…you could talk to him? It?"
"Get Seven used to humans," Zelenka clarified, as Evan was staring at Lee in shock. "Since you already rescued Seven and Eight, we are hoping they will be more prone to…accepting you is best term, I think. As mentor."
Evan looked at him, then at the robots, then back at Zelenka. "You want me to babysit your robots?"
"Well, yeah, sort of," Lee chimed in, and Evan started staring at him instead. Seven was still whirring desperately in the background. "Just, get them used to people again, you know?" He rubbed the side of his plastic-covered nose, then winced. "Seven has to be able to interact with people. It's vital to the project."
"What project?" Evan asked. "And, um, I'm scheduled for Gate missions. I don't think I'm going to have time for this." And the idea of playing robot whisperer, or whatever the hell Lee and Zelenka wanted was just really weird.
That got another dismissive hand wave from Zelenka. "General Hammond will allow you to be seconded to us. This is important enough for it."
"What?" Evan snapped his mouth shut so he wouldn't gape. His eyes were drawn back to the two robots. They looked about as important as a high school science fair project. He blinked and looked at Zelenka and Lee again. "You're really going to have to tell me what the hell's going on," he said.
Zelenka sighed. "Yes, of course." He slid off his lab stool. "You will need to come with me."
***
He hadn't expected to see the corpses.
Okay, they weren't corpses. And it was really only pieces of them. Like unfinished mannequins: a metal face with hollow eye sockets, like a funeral mask, resting on the table beside the empty bowl of a skull. A single leg, sharp metal like in the Terminator, every joint and tendon visible--something yellow that wasn't plastic. Two arms, with beautifully articulated hands, lying palm-up and empty, long fingers fitted with the translucent perfection of nails. Ribs lying separate like museum pieces. No pelvis, yet. No collarbones. No muscles or nerves or skin.
"Later," Zelenka had said, almost apologetically, his fingers lightly stroking along something that wasn't bone. "Later they will have skin and real faces and hair, everything they will need to look human, like you or me." He had smiled then, proud and smug and somehow shy. "This is my specialty, here--the bodies. Not just the frames, but the internal functions." He'd gestured at his chest, then his head. "The heart and lungs, and the brain."
The heart and lungs, and the brain. This was what the tiny little tank-treaded robots were going to be, Zelenka had explained. AI that looked and moved and sounded like humans. And Major Evan Lorne, apparently, was going to help teach them how to act like them.
"I don't get it," he said. It was hard to tear his eyes away from the metal bones--they looked like skeletons, polished to a sheen. Like he was in a morgue. "Why are you doing this? What's it for?"
And Zelenka had just smiled. "That," he said, "is what I cannot tell you. But I promise it is as important as the Stargate."
So the robots were going to be on Gate teams, Evan figured. It made sense, in a way. Maybe they were going to use robots instead of people, save lives. But it was hard to believe that would ever really happen. Maybe they'd just have a few, like MALPS.
Evan scratched the back of his head. He wondered what they would look like, when they were finished. Right now it was impossible to imagine. He wondered if he'd recognize them.
"And what do you want me to do, exactly?" Evan asked. "I don't really have any experience with…." He trailed off. He didn't even know what this was. 'Mentoring', Zelenka had said. That was as good a word as any. "Mentoring." At least not with robots.
Zelenka shrugged. "We are none of us experts, Major. Bill insists it will be like raising children. I am not so sure. But what I am sure of is that numbers Seven and Eight were the most promising of all the robots for the next stages of the project, before Captain Strickland damaged them. And if Seven will not interact with other people now, we will have no project at all."
"I'll have to relocate to Nevada," Evan said, though Zelenka had already told him that.
"Yes," Zelenka said. "You have already seen how easily things can go badly, here. The robots will be safer at Area 51."
Evan nodded slowly, his eyes drifting back to the skeletons again. "Will you still want me to do the mentoring thing when…." He gestured with his chin at the two lab tables, side-by side like cemetery vaults. "When they're finished?"
"I don't know," Zelenka said, but he was nodding. "But I think yes. Likely, yes."
Robots who looked and sounded and moved exactly like humans. "Aliens." He hadn't meant to say the word out loud, but it fit--that's exactly what they would be.
Zelenka looked startled for a moment, then his expression became considering. "Aliens. Yes. I suppose that is so. They will be aliens you will have to teach to behave so that no one knows they are aliens. Like Teal'c, or the other, Nyan."
Evan had never really met Nyan, though he was aware he worked with Doctor Jackson. But he knew who he was, and he'd seen the guy a few times in the mountain. He always seemed a little bit confused, out of his depth, like every time he'd thought he'd figured Earth out, someone threw something else at him he couldn't understand. And it wasn't like Evan had ever felt bad for him or anything, just more like he'd never wanted to be in his shoes: always feeling like everyone else knew the subtext, or the joke, or the special secret handshake he just couldn't get.
"I guess it might be interesting," Evan said quietly, and he didn't realize he'd actually agreed to do it until Zelenka beamed at him.
***
Evan had had dogs as a kid. He knew how to deal with dogs. That was the only thing he could think of that might work here.
Seven and Eight had been milling around quietly, checking out some of the random objects and obstacles in their enclosure, right up until Evan walked through the door again. And then Seven went insane.
Evan didn't have to look at Seven's terminal to know that something along the lines of 'Run away! Run away!' would be covering the whole screen. Seven seemed to have already learned that just running itself into a wall wouldn't work, which made Evan's eyes widen, considering it'd only been an hour since he was last in the room. Now, the little robot kept darting this way and that, depending on which direction it seemed to anticipate Evan moving in, instead of making itself an easy target.
"It's okay, Seven," Lee said. He was crouched down next to the enclosure, one hand on the low plastic wall for balance. He was crooning, as if he was trying to calm an upset child. "Major Lorne is your friend. He's not going to hurt you. See? Eight knows Lorne's nice--why don't you come say hello the way Eight is?"
Evan didn't think that Eight was 'saying hello', exactly--it seemed more wary than that--but it did come near the wall in front of Evan's feet, which he figured meant something good.
"Hi," Evan said, feeling self-conscious, then took Lee's lead and sat cross-legged on the floor next to the wall. "Uh…my name's Evan. Zelenka and Lee thought it would be a good idea for me to get to know you guys." Evan could feel his face heating up, but he ignored it. Zelenka had been adamant that the robots were aware of him, and they could obviously communicate, at least in a limited way, so there was no reason for him to feel embarrassed, even though to any stranger who walked in it would look like he was talking to a toy.
Seven was on the far side of the enclosure, at a standstill behind a large plastic triangle and whirring softly, as if getting ready to bolt if Evan so much as twitched. Evan thought about dogs and ignored it, talking to Eight instead.
He told Eight that he was an Airman who went through the Stargate, though he didn't have a permanent team. He talked about geological engineering, and how he'd painted with his mom as a kid, and how he loved to fly and how he still missed that sometimes, though he liked going through the Stargate more.
Eventually the floor got really uncomfortable, and Evan's throat was getting sore from all the talking. It was also really strange to be carrying on a one-sided conversation--it felt like he was giving his Master's dissertation, which hadn't been that much fun the first time--though occasionally Doctor Lee would ask him questions or make comments, which Evan appreciated.
Still, he'd been stuck on the floor talking to a robot for nearly two hours. At the very least he needed some lunch.
"Do you want to get some chow, doc?" Evan asked as he pulled himself to his feet a little painfully. He figured they could swing by the other lab (the skeleton lab, Evan kept trying not to call it in his head) and pick up Zelenka as well, because Evan wanted to talk to him about the robots some more. Now that he'd signed the clearance forms, he also thought he had the right to make some suggestions, like new vocabulary the robots could use to make their messages more specific.
Eight edged a little closer to him as Evan stood, and Evan smiled. "Don't worry, little guy," he said. "I'll be back soon. I just need to eat something."
Out of the corner of his eye, Evan saw Seven move, just a little bit, as if peeking out from behind the triangle. And three lines of new code blinked into life on the second terminal.
>Robot 0007 (11:46:24 08/23/2000) MESSAGE communication from Robot 0008 – vocal signal = MAJOREVANLORNE
>Robot 0007 (11:46:25 08/23/2000) MESSAGE communication from Robot 0008 – investigate MAJOREVANLORNE
>Robot 0007 (11:46:25 08/23/2000) MESSAGE investigating MAJOREVANLORNE
Evan grinned, then shared it with Lee, who looked so relieved that for an uncomfortable second Evan thought he was going to cry. For his part, Evan felt like pumping his fist in the air and hollering, but he was sure that would be a bad idea, so he didn't.
But he couldn't stop grinning, all the way to Zelenka's lab, then all the way to the mess, and for a while after that.
***
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:00 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – Sing TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:02 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – Sing TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:03 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – this unit will not enter SLEEP MODE in absence of TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:04 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – Sing TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:07 11/27/2001) MESSAGE vocal signal = TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:10 11/27/2001) MESSAGE vocal signal falls within acceptable parameters
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:12 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication from Quadruped 08 – this unit attempting to enter SLEEP MODE
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:15 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to DRWILLIAMLEE/DRRADEKZELENKA – this unit will not enter SLEEP MODE
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:16 11/27/2001) MESSAGE entering SLEEP MODE
***
Evan walked down the corridor towards the Artificial Intelligence Lab at Area 51. He was carrying Seven and Eight, one under each arm, and a small soccer ball in his hand. Both of the quadruped robots were whirring contentedly, their stumpy little legs moving back and forth, and Evan was sure his portable terminal was filling up with all kinds of messages asking about the stuff they were passing in the corridor (explain purpose of colored lights, MAJOREVANLORNE?), or expressing satisfaction at having spent most of the afternoon chasing around after the ball. The metal sides of the rectangle-shaped robots were dusty, and still warm from the sun.
Evan was whistling, sunburned and happy, and already thinking about what he was going to do with the quadrupeds the next day. He figured another hike would be good, just around the base. Both the little robots' walking skills had improved tremendously over the last few months, but a little more practice couldn't hurt. Besides, they liked to race each other, even though Seven won most of the time.
He was thinking it might be good to get some more flashcards too, improve their vocabulary. The quadrupeds learned really, really fast, but Evan was still noticing a tendency to use the same words over and over again, and Eight especially enjoyed assimilating new ways of saying things.
But right now it was time to get the little guys down for the night, and Evan had promised them he'd start another read-through of The Brave Little Toaster before it was time for Sleep Mode. Evan didn't really like the book very much, but Bill had recommended it since he thought the quadrupeds needed good role-models. And the robots kept saying how acceptable they found it, so Evan wasn't going to argue.
Radek had been absent for days--squirreled away in his new skeleton lab, Evan figured--so it was no surprise that he wasn't in the lab that the quadrupeds lived in and where Bill worked most of the time. Seven asked about Radek's whereabouts a lot, though he seemed satisfied with Evan's explanation that Radek had a lot of work to do. But Evan still wished that the Czech would make more of an effort to drop in from time to time.
Bill was there, though, just like Evan had been certain he would be, and he smiled broadly when he saw Evan carrying Seven and Eight.
"Hi, guys!" Bill said. He rushed over and took the nearer robot, and Evan smiled at him gratefully. Bill carried Seven over to its cot and gently set it down. Seven tucked its legs under itself and rolled onto its side. "Wow, you're warm! Did you have a good day? It looks like you did--you're both all dusty. I guess you played a lot, huh?"
Evan put Eight down as well, then shook out his arms, smiling to himself as he listened to Bill chatting at the two robots. He put the soccer ball back in the toy box and watched as the terminals indicated that they were sending and receiving signals from the two quadrupeds. He fished the portable terminal out of his pocket and scanned it, chuckling at the messages but not finding any that couldn't wait until the morning to be answered.
"Okay," Evan said, stretching. "Who wants to hear The Brave Little Toaster again?" He laughed as both terminal screens filled up, Eight's with enthusiastic repetitions of 'TOASTERTOASTERTOASTER', and Seven's more sedate 'that would be acceptable, MAJOREVANLORNE'.
"Um, would you mind if I read to them tonight, Evan?" Bill asked him. He sounded sad.
"Sure," he said, wondering what was wrong. He knew Bill had kids of his own, though he was pretty sure the scientist was divorced, though he hadn't wanted to pry by asking him. Maybe something had gone wrong at home. He turned towards the two robots. "Is it okay if Doctor Lee reads the story to you, guys?" Both screens indicated that the quadrupeds thought that was fine, so Evan grabbed the book off the shelf and gave it to Bill. "Knock yourself out--I'll just go to the mess, then. Get some dinner."
Bill nodded, though he looked uncertain now, and no happier. "Do you…would you mind coming back in about half an hour? They should be asleep then, and I need to talk to you."
Evan blinked. "Okay," he said, wondering what the hell was wrong. Obviously something bad enough that Bill didn't want the kids to hear it, which meant Evan probably didn't want to hear it, either. Evan just hoped it didn't concern the quadrupeds.
He said goodnight to the robots and went to the mess, but he didn't have much of an appetite anymore. Half an hour moved so slowly it felt like he was in a time dilation field.
***
"We shouldn't talk here," Bill said as soon as Evan got back. He sounded like they were in a Cold War conspiracy movie. He started down the corridor, gesturing for Evan to follow.
Evan went with him, getting more and more nervous all the time. He wasn't really surprised that they ended up in the skeleton lab, or to see Radek there, blinking up at them as if he hadn't expected the intrusion, and then Evan saw the two pale bodies and leapt backwards with a yell.
He was automatically reaching for a gun he hadn't carried in over a year, because those were corpses, each laid out neatly on a lab table as if about to be autopsied, and Radek had been doing something to one of them, and then Evan suddenly remembered the metal bones and why he kept calling this place the skeleton lab in his head, and how Radek had said his specialty was the bodies.
The bodies. Not just the frames, Radek had said. These weren't corpses; they had never been alive.
"Holy fuck," Evan said quietly. He was breathing like he'd just run a marathon, and he was sure his face was as white as Radek's lab coat. He kind of wanted to sit down. "Holy fuck." He swallowed, looking at Bill. "This…was this what you wanted to tell me?" He looked back at Radek, who was staring at him in open shock. "What, why are you showing this to me?"
Radek blinked, then pushed his glasses further up his nose. "I was not going to show this to you, Major," he said tartly. He looked at his colleague. "I have not finished with them yet. I need you to go away now, please, so I may work."
"I'm sorry!" Bill said, looking miserable. "I really didn't mean to scare you, Evan. I just…I thought this was a better place to talk, and--"
"This is not better place to talk," Radek cut in, "because I am working."
"And you needed to know that the AIs are getting their new bodies tomorrow," Bill finished. He pointed, needlessly, at the two still forms on the tables.
"Okay," Evan said softly, mostly because he had no idea what to say. Almost despite himself he moved closer, ignoring Radek's scowl.
The bodies were male, which Evan supposed shouldn't surprise him, since Bill called the quadrupeds 'he' a lot of the time though he tried not to. They looked older than Evan's age, which did surprise him. He'd always imagined that they'd be adolescents or something, when they got the human-form bodies, because the quadrupeds were so obviously children. When he'd thought about it, which wasn't often. But these were definitely adults, somewhere in their mid-thirties, he figured, though with them being so still and--empty was the best word he could come up with--it was hard to tell.
They were handsome men, too, which he hadn't expected either. Evan had just assumed that Radek wouldn't want the human bodies to be memorable. But maybe it was an aesthetic thing, since he'd designed them.
The one Radek had been working on had short brown hair, but its eyes were closed, so Evan couldn't see the color. Its torso had a square hole in it, with part of the pale chest laid neatly aside. It was a gaping silver mass of metal and wires.
Evan looked up and away from the bodies, over at Bill, and pulled his hands behind his back so he wouldn't be tempted to touch. It felt wrong to do that, like an invasion of privacy. But part of him wanted to know if the skin was as cold as it looked, or if the hair would feel real or plastic, like a doll.
"This is happening tomorrow?" Evan asked, knowing his amazement, his disbelief, would carry in his voice. The bodies didn't look like they could ever have anything living in them. He thought of Seven and Eight, sleeping quietly on their cots in Bill's lab, dusty and warm from the sun, and the idea of forcing their vibrant, joyous intelligence into these…husks was enough to make him shiver with revulsion. "Why didn't you tell them?" His voice got louder. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"You knew this was the outcome when you agreed to participate in the project," Radek said mildly. He seemed to have given up on trying to work.
"I didn't know when!" Evan shot back, betrayed and angry. He hadn't thought about it. He always knew it was coming, it was inevitable, but the little quadrupeds had seemed so, self-contained, so perfect as they were, that he'd put it out of his mind. He'd never thought there wouldn't even be any warning, when it finally happened. He glared accusingly at Bill. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Bill still looked as sad as he had upstairs, but now there was defiance, as well. "Did you ever read Pinocchio?" he asked.
"I think I saw the movie," Evan said.
"So you know the basic plot, then," Bill said. Evan nodded warily. "How the wooden puppet has to prove himself so that he can become a real boy?"
"Yeah." Evan nodded again, then looked back at the two robot bodies. They seemed less real than the quadrupeds had ever been. "So?"
"So…" Bill took a breath. "How do you think you would feel, Major, to know for your whole life that you weren't good enough as you were, but that, eventually, you'd become something better?"
Evan stared at him. "I think I'd feel pretty normal, actually." Wasn't that the point of existence? To strive to become better than you were? His mom had always told him that.
"I think what he means," Radek said, "is that he didn't want the robots to feel, hm, inferior, I think. Yes. He did not want the robots to feel inferior as they were, if they knew they were not going to stay in those bodies." He smiled thinly. "He thought it would damage their 'self-esteem'. I argued that there was no esteem for their selves to have, but he does not listen."
"And we, uh, didn't tell you because we thought you would tell them," Bill said. He had taken off his glasses, and was fiddling with them guiltily. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah," Evan said roughly. "Me too." He remembered asking Radek if they'd still want him to keep mentoring the robots, once they were in the new bodies, and Radek had said probably, but that he wasn't sure. It had seemed like such a distant thing at the time, with Seven and Eight still running on treads and each smaller than a tissue box. Evan wished he'd thought more about it, now.
It was really, really hard imagining Seven and Eight in these new bodies; really hard imagining how he'd even relate to them. "Which is which?" he asked suddenly, surprising himself.
Bill looked surprised, too. "Oh, um…that one, the one Radek's still working on, that's Eight. Or, will be Eight, I mean. The other one is Seven."
"Okay, thanks," Evan said. He stepped a little closer to Eight, looking down at the smooth, blank features, trying to imagine the quadruped in there. Tried to imagine the still face animated, the lifeless body moving. It was almost impossible.
"I really am sorry," Bill said again, and now that tiny bit of defiance was back. "But I still stand by my decision. I think it was the right thing to do."
"What time?" Evan snapped.
Bill blinked. "Um, six." He looked at Radek, who shrugged, then nodded. "Yes. Um, six. Six in the morning."
"I'll be here," Evan said. Then he turned and left, so he wouldn't have to keep seeing the bodies his quadrupeds were going to be.
On to Part Two
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-28 11:06 pm (UTC)This was so cool. I hadn't actually given any real thought to what they would have been like before your first story but now that I've started reading, I'm totally hooked and so glad you wrote the prequel. Its sweet and funny and nicely sets up the personalities of what is Mitchell and Sheppard from the shows.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-29 01:53 am (UTC)Anyway, yes! Thank you! And I really appreciate you letting me know you enjoyed it!
Leah
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-29 01:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-29 01:53 am (UTC)Leah
Hee hee...
Date: 2007-12-29 07:31 am (UTC)And then I wanted to cry when I read about poor Mitch almost dying and in pain in bed and physio and Evan's always there for him when he can. Just so well written and well developed characters that I was amazed. And what I loved the most is that I usually read McShep and this wasn't about that but I loved it anyways. Thanks for writing this sequel!!!
Re: Hee hee...
Date: 2008-01-01 07:11 pm (UTC)And hey, I usually write McShep, and believe me, it was very strange to have an entire long story without McKay even being in it, let alone with Sheppard. Thank you for reading it anyway. :)
Leah
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-04 05:34 pm (UTC)>Quadruped 07 (19:32:02 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – Sing TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
>Quadruped 07 (19:32:03 11/27/2001) MESSAGE communication to MAJOREVANLORNE – this unit will not enter SLEEP MODE in absence of TWINKLETWINKLELITTLESTAR
For being adorable and childlike and also for recalling/foreshadowing the winding-down scene in your other story, which, if it had been a scene in a movie version, would have left me sobbing.
Eight's with enthusiastic repetitions of 'TOASTERTOASTERTOASTER', and Seven's more sedate 'that would be acceptable, MAJOREVANLORNE'.
OMG adorable.
Reading on now....
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-06 01:28 am (UTC)I have to admit I love the 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' thing. After having it in the first story, I really wanted it in this one (I figured that Lorne and Lee traded off on the singing, except for the nights when the 'bots got songs out of both of them), and it pleases me greatly that it was one of your favourite moments. And the fact that its inclusion in the original remix story had you even thinking about crying is high praise indeed. Thank you. :D
Leah
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-06 01:54 am (UTC)I think it is partly your fault I am watching the movie A.I. right now. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-06 03:03 am (UTC)Leah
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-08 03:01 am (UTC)*returns to read rest of story*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-08 03:25 am (UTC)*returns to read part two. promises not to comment on every section*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-10 04:08 am (UTC)Leah
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-10 05:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-08 05:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-10 04:09 am (UTC)Leah
the babyhood of seven and eight
Date: 2008-01-20 05:22 am (UTC)Re: the babyhood of seven and eight
Date: 2008-01-21 02:02 am (UTC)Leah
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-20 02:34 pm (UTC)This post made me think of the quadrupeds and finally got me to say as much.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-20 04:57 pm (UTC)I loved the article about the soccerbots, too. It really fits, huh? ::g::
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-27 04:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-31 02:13 am (UTC)Leah (using my