fic: there is no mystery left by kiden

[http://users.livejournal.com/_kiden/]

title: there is no mystery left
author: _kiden
pairing: mckay/sheppard
words: 1,376
rating: R - lets go with mature, for the sexual talking over breakfast
summary: "The truth is no matter how much you know that after a few weeks the joke is going to get old, the first few days of being stuck in a time loop are hilarious."
notes: crack that turned into angst that turned into fluff



It was kind of funny, at first. The truth is no matter how much you know that after a few weeks the joke is going to get old, the first few days of being stuck in a time loop are hilarious.

If no one is dying, the city isn't blowing up, and there is no danger at all, the biggest problem is having to listen to Ronon say, over and over again, "So what's the difference between a rim for your car and a rim job?" And then having to watch as Sheppard stumbles through an explanation, only to cover is face with his hands by the end, and say, "Ask Keller, okay? Just don't talk to me anymore."

Teyla though, her crazy pregnant woman hormones out of control, is the one who finally slams her hand down on the table and says, "Rim jobs are when you put your mouth on another -"

"No," Rodney says, springing to his feet and covering her mouth with both his hands. "I know you are stressed, but I, for the sake of my sanity, need you to not finish that sentence."

Teyla turns on him like a wild beast, a hand clutching at a chunk of her own hair, and growls, "If you don't get us out of this time loop, I'm going to castrate you."

Which makes Rodney cover is crotch defensively and Ronon laugh with delight.

"You're stuck in a time loop?" Sheppard says for the 34th time.

"Don't listen to her," Rodney says, pulling Teyla away by her arm. "She's crazy. The pregancy is causing some kind of dementia. I'm going to bring her to Keller right now and get it checked out. Not to worry, just stay right where you are, thanks."

_______________


"So what's the difference between a rim for your car and a rim job?"

Teyla, fast as lightening, pulls a knife out of Ronon's dreadlocks and looks menacingly at Rodney.

"I'm working on it!" Rodney says defensively, holding up his hands. "I think it has something to do with the Ancient device. After I activated it, you were the first person I ran into afterwards! I'm just having trouble, uh, turning it off."

"Whoa whoa whoa," Sheppard says, plucking the knife from Teyla's hand. "Don't kill Rodney, please. He's the only one who knows how to sneak beer onto Atlantis. We need him."

_______________


By the 40th day Teyla stops threatening to cut off the most important bits of Rodney's anatomy, so he decides to consider that a victory and move on. He has her doing other things - things far, far away from his groin.

He says, "Why don't you use this time to do things you wouldn't otherwise. There are no consequences. Tell people how much you really hate them. Eat 5 gallons of ice cream. Kick that marine who called you fat in neck. Just, go, go, please, somewhere else."

She tilts her head, considering, and says, "I would very much like to kick him in the neck." And then disappears in a cloud of crazy.

Rodney sighs, it's been the most exhausting 960 hour long Thursday of his life.

_______________

"I just need you to think off at something, okay?"

"Rodney..."

"I'm not asking you to design the coast line of Norway or explain why your hair is starting to morph into it's own species, Sheppard!" Rodney says, tiredly. "You just need to walk into a room and think. And although I know that is a very difficult thing for you, it's kind of important. So."

And then Sheppard does something ridiculous: he smiles. With his whole face, teeth showing, eyes crinkling - the works. He says, "You are so weird, McKay."

It's not the first time Sheppard's called him weird, and it probably won't be the last, but it's the first time Rodney's ever wanted to kiss him because of it. He looks into his lab, to the device on his desk glowing and spinning and being generally Ancienty, and thinks, well, one more day couldn't hurt.

When he kisses Sheppard, it's not fireworks and Christmas morning and new episodes of Doctor Who, but it's pretty damn close. Sheppard squeaks and clutches at Rodney's shirt, but doesn't push away. Of course, he isn't kissing back, but Rodney isn't bleeding from the face and sprawled across the floor, so he has to assume things aren't going so bad.

Finally, Rodney pulls away because there is only so much time he can spend kissing Sheppard closed mouthed before it starts getting awkward (and they passed that point about a minute ago). Sheppard looks at him, his eye comedically wide, and says, "Fuck."

So Rodney says, flatly, "Fine, but if you want to do that, you're going to have to tell me I'm pretty first."

"So what's the difference between a rim for your car and a rim job?" Ronon says.

"One of them involved tires and the other involves sticking your tongue inside -."

"Rodney!" Sheppard says, horrified.

Telya smiles and says, "I kicked Watson in the face, and it felt amazing."

_______________


"Listen," Rodney says on the 55th Thursday. "Do you want to have sex with me?"

Around his ham and cheese omlette, Ronon says, "Not even a little bit."

"Because I'm not asking you," Rodney says, scrunching his face up. "You don't even know what a rim job is."

"I... I don't even know how to think about beginning to know how to respond to that," Sheppard says, looking like he might shoot himself with Ronon's stunner any second.

"Yes or no, Sheppard. I'm not asking for you to write an essay."

"Right here?" Sheppard whispers urgently, looking around at the crowded commissary.

"Oh, yes," Rodney says, waving his hands dramatically. "Take me, you big stud, right here while everyone is trying to eat breakfast. No, not right here, you idiot."

"Well, in that case, I've - wh - ah, no!" he says, dropping his fork. "No, Rodney, no sex. I don't want to have sex with you. Not during breakfast, not ever."

"Liar," Ronon says.

Sheppard looks at Ronon like a wounded puppy and says, "You are a bad person."

Ronon shrugs.

__________________


"One more day, Teyla. Just give me one more day to -."

"To try and convince Colonel Sheppard to sleep with you? So then we can exit this time loop and you will have your memory but he will lose his?"

Rodney sighs, poking at the Ancient Time Loop Device sadly. He says, "When you put it that way it sounds horrible."

Teyla touches her forehead to Rodney's and says, "That's because it is."

__________________


Rodney holds his hand out, the device spinning wildly, colorfully, in his palm. He says, "Just turn it off."

Sheppard looks at Rodney, then back at his hand, and says, "What does it do?"

"Nothing," Rodney says.

__________________


"I asked Keller," Ronon says, spooning Fruit Loops into his mouth. "And she gave me a book."

"Maybe this would've made a difference," Rodney says, pushing around his eggs with a fork. "But it wasn't just about sex, Sheppard. I should've told you that the first 20 times."

"Excuse me?" he says, narrowing his eyes and glancing around at Ronon and Teyla.

Teyla frowns, her hands resting across her stomach. She says, softly, "Rodney, perhaps the time for this is lost?"

"I'm a little in love with you, John," he says, ignoring Teyla. "But she was right, I would've wanted you to remember everything."

"I don't even know how to begin thinking about how to respond to that," Sheppard says, once again looking like he wants to shoot himself with Ronon's stunner.

Rodney laughs, stands and gathers up his tray. He says, "I know."

_______________


"Teyla says she kicked Watson in the face."

"He shouldn't have called her fat."

"Ask me again," Sheppard says, palming closed the door to Rodney's lab. "What you asked me that day in the loop. Ask me again."

"Do you want to have sex with me, Sheppard?" Rodney says off-handedly, not looking at Sheppard, but instead keeping his eyes glued to his laptop.

"Yes," Sheppard says, no, breathes. "Now ask me the important question."

Rodney looks up, says, "Are you in love with me, John?"

"You're so weird, McKay," Sheppard says and kisses him.