Five Ways the Wraith Got to Rodney and One Way He Really Pissed Them Off (Five Things Challenge)

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

 Title: Five Ways the Wraith Got to Rodney and One Way He Really Pissed Them Off

Author:badwolf36 
Rating: R; warnings for dark subject matter for a few of them. The rest are just (I hope) funny.

Pairings: Gen with occasional McShep undertones

Summary: Five times the Wraith really messed with Rodney’s head and one way he totally (with Zelenka’s help) messed back.

 

 

1. Enzyme

 

            “You’ve been touched by us before,” the soldier said, stroking long fingers over Rodney’s left cheek. The hand drifted downwards and Rodney flinched, futilely struggling against the bonds holding him to the examination table.

 

            Drawing on bits of bravado he didn’t feel, Rodney snapped back, “And very inappropriately I might add. I should complain to someone about harassment. You at least have to get me chocolate and two dates into the relationship before I normally let you suck out my life-source.”

 

            The soldier stepped back, bowing low as someone else entered the room. Rodney couldn’t see who it was, but the chill that started crawling along his bones let him know instantly. Long, white hair brushed his naked chest as the queen bent over him; her putrid breath tickling his nostrils.

 

            “You tasted our power,” she said, pressing her sharp nails into his jugular vein, using just enough pressure to split his skin. “You liked it.”

 

            She smiled and Rodney decided that that grin was even scarier than the murderous look Ronon had given him when Rodney had snagged the last serving of Ronon’s favorite Meeshan ribs out from under his nose.

 

            He stopped to consider the implications of what the queen had said. And immediately tried desperately to shove the thoughts to the back of his mind. The enzyme had made him feel incredible. Powerful. Strong. Ideas had raced at him from beyond the realms of his genius and it didn’t matter to him that no one else was understood because the thoughts had been orange haze- tinted beautiful.

 

            And in the dark nights, sitting vigil at the bed of a teammate who gotten hurt because he wasn’t quick enough or strong enough, in the black days when his thoughts moved at such a sluggish pace that he shredded someone’s self-esteem just to make sure he could still do something, in those days, he craved the enzyme the most.

 

            The queen must have picked up on his rampant trail of thoughts because her smile grew impossibly wider, showing off the sharp lines of her jagged teeth. He shuddered as she spoke again, not sure whether it was from the cold, slimy feeling she had left along his synapses or the siren song of her offer.

 

            “We can give it to you. That power you seek; that you crave. All you have to do is tell us.”

 

            The enzyme had made him feel strong. So strong. Yet now, he just felt weak. His thoughts started splintering even as they skittered in front of him. He doesn’t even remember what they want from him anymore; though he desperately wishes he did. Maybe it’s something small, something that wouldn’t really hurt anyone if he told them. And if it gave him just a taste of that strength back…

 

            He shook his head and the queen recoiled, hissing.

 

            Another stray thought crossed Rodney’s mind and he tried to hold onto it even as it tried to disintegrate, tried to keep it hidden from the queen.

 

            But her smile returned. “Your friends will not come for you.”

 

            All he had to do was tell them what they wanted. He didn’t know how the queen hadn’t already taken it. He could tell them and be rewarded with that beautiful orange song singing through his veins. He was already breaking under each interrogation; his brilliance crumbling into dust with each foray the Wraith made into his mind.

 

            And then images of Atlantis, his home, his team, his family flashed across his mind. And whatever he was going to say, whatever they wanted, was lost.

 

            He smiled and felt his mind fall apart to the ululating scream of the Wraith queen.

 

2. Rites of Passage

 

            “It appears to be a Wraith ceremony,” Teyla whispered, clutching her P-90 to her chest as she peered over the berm they had shielded themselves behind upon checking out the cluster of life signs that had suddenly appeared on the LSD.

 

            “We should kill them now,” Ronon said, switching the setting on his blaster to ‘kill’. “Take them while they don’t know what’s going on.”

 

            “No,” Sheppard said. “We can’t risk it. McKay, those life signs just showed up out of nowhere, right?”

 

            “Yeah. I’m pretty sure it was beaming technology. There’s probably a Hive ship in orbit above us.”

 

            “And we can’t move right now because that would draw their attention to us. So just sit still,” Sheppard commanded.

 

            Ronon looked somewhat mutinous, but remained in the crouch he had dropped into.

 

            All four of them returned to spying on the Wraith, rows and rows of drones lined up and executing a series of arm movements.

 

            “Are they…?” Sheppard asked; equal parts horror and fascination in his voice.

 

            “No. Just…no. That is so wrong.” Rodney turned to stare at Sheppard and then back at the Wraith. Teyla and Ronon exchanged confused glances as they noticed how hard their teammates were trying to suppress their mirth.

 

            And even with no music, McKay and Sheppard were perfectly in time with the Wraith turning as they whispered, “Hey, Macarena.”

 

3. Hunger

 

            They had cut his arm off.

 

Rodney woke up in the Atlantis infirmary; that thought firmly pressed into his mind.

 

He flexed the fingers of his left hand, ticking them off in his head. He tried to flex the fingers of his non-existent right hand and was shocked to feel them respond. ‘Phantom limb syndrome,’ Rodney thought, unwilling to look down his body.

 

He twitched each finger, unable to believe what his body was telling him. He remembered the Wraith laboratory. He remembered being strapped to the table and being given the Wraith enzyme. He remembered the laser slicing through his arm, just below where it ran into his shoulder. He remembered his team coming to save him. He attempted to curl his hand into a fist and recoiled when his fingertips brushed something in the center of his palm.

 

The strangeness of the sensation finally kicked his curiosity into overdrive and he lifted his head from the pillow at the same time he lifted his palm so that it was facing him.

 

And promptly screamed.

 

Because in that laboratory, they had cut his arm off. And replaced it with that of a Wraith, complete with a feeding slit.

 

 

           

            They let him out of the infirmary on the condition that he was to be guarded at all times. It drove Rodney mad, but he was grateful to have someone by him who wouldn’t hesitate to shoot him if he became a danger to his friends.

 

            Keller had offered to amputate immediately, but he’d refused; although he really couldn’t pinpoint the reasons why. The thing felt unnatural, the skin clammy where it rested against his side as he slept. But it allowed him to stay in Atlantis, allowed him to keep working and fixing the home that he loved, allowed him to stay among the people he respected and loved, even though some of them now looked at him with suspicion in their eyes.

 

            Sheppard volunteered for guard duty as often as he could; saying that he already spent plenty of time with Rodney anyways, no need to scar some poor Marine for life by inflicting McKay on him. Rodney had promptly punched him in the arm as hard as he could, looking completely unrepentant as John whined about bruises.

 

            Teyla and Ronon did their best to keep him company, but they usually came in a pair, and they always came armed.

 

            It was two weeks after his release from the infirmary when he noticed it. Noticed it wasn’t quite the term though. Acknowledged it was more like it. Rodney ate more than he usually did, piling his mess hall tray as high as he could and devouring all the contents before he returned to his work. It didn’t help. It never helped.

 

            They were in Sheppard’s room, watching a movie on John’s laptop as they sat together on the bed, when he finally admitted it out loud.

 

            “I’m so hungry John.”

 

            “Let’s head down to the mess then buddy. I hear the Daedalus brought chocolate pudding.”

 

            “Won’t work. I’m so hungry John.”

 

            “Oh.” Rodney waited for the realization to set in. “Oh.”

 

            Rodney gestured at John’s thigh holster with his human hand. “Do what you have to do.”

 

            John’s hand drifted for the handle of the 9mm without thought. Rodney stood up and walked to the balcony.

 

            “May as well not stain your floor,” he explained as John stood and followed him. “And for what it’s worth, I’m glad we were friends.”

 

            “God, Rodney.” John joined him on the balcony, hand still hovering above the grip of his weapon.

 

            Rodney shut his eyes hard; then opened them again. He took a long moment to gaze across Atlantis’ sculpted spires and the ocean beyond before he turned to John. “Okay.”

 

            But John wasn’t holding his gun.

 

            “John, you know this is what needs to happen.”

 

            “There’s another way.”

 

            “What are you…no. Absolutely not.”

 

            John grabbed Rodney’s Wraith arm at the elbow with both hands, trailing his fingers down the forearm as he drew it up. He pressed the palm to the center of his chest before he looked up at Rodney, green eyes bright with terrible understanding. “Take what you need.”

 

            “No! Nononononononono!” Rodney tried to pull his hand back from John’s chest, but John held him tight. The desire to suck the sweet life he could feel flowing in John’s chest was becoming exponentially stronger. He spied John’s field knife in its sheath at his hip and was moving before he knew what he was doing.

 

            The next thing that he remembered, John was curled protectively around him. They were sitting on the floor of the balcony and John was cradling Rodney’s hand with both of his own, careful not to disturb the field knife that was fully embedded in his palm.

 

            “Not like that. Never like that,” Rodney whispered. “I could never hurt you like that.”

 

            “Shh, Rodney. Shhh. It’ll be okay.”

 

            And even with the hunger still gnawing at his being, Rodney appreciated the lie.

 

4. Cocoons…again.

 

            Rodney squirmed in his cocoon, unable to move more than a few inches. “Okay, note to self. Outrun the stupid Dart beam next time.”

 

            Giving up, Rodney slumped back into the sticky bindings. “You know, these really do have good back support. They’re warm. They’re comfy once you get past the stickiness. I wonder if Atlantis has anything this comfy.” Rodney blinked a few times, reviewing his ramblings.

 

            “And oh dear god, I’m actually thinking about transporting a freaking Wraith-brand human Tupperware container to Atlantis.”

 

            He renewed his struggles, finally working free one of the knives that Ronon had taught him to conceal. Hacking at the organic webbing, Rodney idly began writing a requisition form for a La-Z-Boy in his head.

 

5. Worshipper

 

            He traced the edges of the tattoo on his face, liking the way the delicate swirls around his eye and across his right cheek marked him as his queen’s. She took care of him; it was only right that she should be able to lay her claim to him as well.

 

            “Come,” she said, and he obeyed instantly.

 

            “You’ve been a good pet.” He nodded enthusiastically, pleased to have made her happy. She slammed her hand into his chest and he cried out in ecstasy as he felt the years flowing into this body, the energy rejuvenating him and peeling the years away from him. She released him far too soon and he almost begged her not to stop, but she’d trained him very efficiently not to do that after the first time. He fell to his knees before her and bowed his head, watching a drop of blood from his chest splatter on the floor.

 

            “But you’ve failed me again. I ask one simple thing of you in return for all that I grant you and you continue to fail me.”

 

            “I’m sorry,” he whimpered, cowed by her wrath and disappointment. He hated to disappoint her.

 

            “What is the address for Earth?” she asked, and just as before, he didn’t know. He shook his head, unable to look her in the eye. He knew about Earth. It was a vague memory, as everything was before his queen had rescued him. He could think of the gate symbols, but they never stayed in the right order, always changing to different symbols or rearranging themselves in his head. “You could provide a feeding ground for your brothers so that they would never know hunger again. And yet you refuse to do so.”

 

            He shook his head again and waited for her to take away her gift. But a soldier entered behind him and drew his queen’s attention away from him, something he was both grateful and resentful of.

 

            “We’ve captured the Lanteans. They were trying to sneak onboard the ship.”

 

            “Bring them to me.” She turned her attention back to him. “Resume your work on the hyperdrives. I expect them to have the intergalactic modifications in place soon.” He resisted a faint urge to tell her that it was impossible and that she should be respecting his genius. He wasn’t allowed to talk to her like that.

 

            Drones dragged one of the prisoners in as he started towards his assigned task.

 

            “Rodney!” The shaggy-haired prisoner screamed. “Hey buddy, good to see you're okay.”

 

            He looked at the man for a moment. He’d called him Rodney. The name was a vague memory, just as the Earth address was.

 

            “Rodney, I really need you to snap out of it now. That would be really good. Rodney? Rodney!”

 

            ‘Rodney’ stared at the man as he was dragged past him towards his queen. Her feeding hand was already raised towards his chest. Something vague tightened in Rodney’s chest even as he started walking away.

 

            “John?” he whispered as the screaming started.

 

1. DOS

 

            “So let me get this straight,” John said, eyeing the two scientists who were practically bouncing with glee. “You sent the Wraith a virus.”

 

            “Not exactly a virus, but the coding is very similar,” Radek explained.

 

            “Really similar. And we took the idea off of them to have the virus hide in systems and than expand out to other systems until it leaves them with our unique gift,” Rodney added.

 

            Sam, with fond exasperation, finally asked them the question. “How and what did you send to the Wraith that has you two acting like teenagers?”

 

            “Funny you should mention teenagers. It was always kind of a passion of mine when I was young. Had to do something until Minesweeper came along,” Rodney said, his grin threatening to split his face.

 

            “Rodney,” John warned.

 

            “Okay, okay. So, a few years back, remember how Ronon and I were trapped on that Hive ship? It turns out that the Wraith use an OS very close to DOS in design.”

 

            “And?”

 

            “And, the program we uploaded to their systems is a DOS program.”

 

            “Only, we modified it a little. So that it would affect their targeting computers, their navigation, and other crucial systems.” Radek gestured broadly, encompassing the wide array of systems.

 

            John lost patience. “What. Did. You. Two. Do?”

 

            “Basically? We gave the Wraith Pong.” Rodney did bounce in his seat this time, turning to give Radek a high five.

 

            “Wait a minute,” Sam said. “Are you telling me that right now, every Wraith Hive ship in the galaxy is fully equipped with Pong?”

 

            “And nothing else.”

 

            “It will take them weeks to fix the coding. At least in the meantime they’ve got entertainment.” Suddenly they were all grinning. Radek grabbed Sam for a quick waltz as John slapped Rodney on the back.

 

            “You know buddy, this could be one of the crazier ideas you’ve ever had. And the Wraith are going to be really, really pissed at you once they figure this out.”

 

            Rodney’s grin just got broader. “Oh, I’m counting on it.” He glanced over at where Sam was trying to subtlety extract herself from Zelenka’s hold. “Care to join me for a round of computer golf?”

 

Comments

[berry-hearts.livejournal.com]

The title intrigued me, intrigued me a lot, so naturally i read the fic. and I was amused. pleaseantly amused. until this Because in that laboratory, they had cut his arm off. And replaced it with that of a Wraith, complete with a feeding slit.

and then i proceeded to smile ecstatically. :D good job .

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

I read the "until this" portion of your review and I was momentarily crushed. But then I realized that you liked it. :] The title amused me as well, but it just so perfectly described this little hodgepodge of six. I'm really glad you were amused. Thank you so much for the review!

[kelly-girl.livejournal.com]

Awesome fic. And John would so offer himself to rodney to feed on.

Liked the one with him having a tattoo also.

Oh and the last one where the wraith are all now playing Pong.

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

John's all self-sacrificing like that. *nods*

The Wraith Hive tattoos fascinate me for some reason. And I kind of like the thought of Rodney with one. I have no idea why.

Culling is a bit harder when all you have for beaming technology is that wonderful little bouncing pixel :)

Thank you so much for the review!

[silver_galaxy]

I really liked these, they had a good mix of humour and angst. I especially liked the idea of Wraith pong!

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I kept trying to balance those two out and I think I got the mix somewhere between funny and really, really creepy. :}

Thanks so much for the review!

P.S. Wraith Pong is awesome. That is all.

[master-kogane.livejournal.com]

And even with no music, McKay and Sheppard were perfectly in time with the Wraith turning as they whispered, “Hey, Macarena.”

I will never recover from this mental image. NEVER. *dies*

PS: I always liked Pong.

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

Forever scarring someone with a mental image? Check. My work here is done. :)

I honestly could not stop laughing when the image popped into my head when I was planning out this fic. It's just way too priceless. :)

Thank you for the review!

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

It's always a wonderful compliment to be told you write in character. Thank you so much. I was watching "No Man's Land" and Rodney's comments on the cocoons just made this part of the fic. And how could I resist the human Tupperware reference? :) Thanks so much for reviewing!

[kiku65.livejournal.com]

Pong and Macarena are now my two favourite things! *dies laughing*

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

Excellent! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review!

[scifinut.livejournal.com]

Pong. Macarena. Feeding arm. How do I even START to describe how awesome this was? Seriously, loved it. It's so fantastic.

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

I'm really, really glad you enjoyed it. I don't think I've ever done a five things fic before and I had a blast coming up with all the little bits in this one. I figured the Macarena and Pong could balance out the angsty bits and it appears I might have been right. :) Thank you so much for reviewing!

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

I liked the darker edge to most of these, of all the possibilities that are out there that could give him nightmares at the very least. But, really, the bestest thing in the world is Rodney and Radek giving the Wraith Pong. :)

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked the darker edge. I really thought it would be best to bring it out in a fic dealing with the Wraith. And yes, the Wraith playing Pong had me laughing for a long while when I conceptualized it. Thanks for the review!

[ezazahaz.livejournal.com]

I liked this a lot. In particular, I think I liked 3 and 5 more than I really should... :)

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

Those two haunted my plot bunnies for a long time. I'm glad that they were well-received. Thank you so much for reviewing!

[bitter-crimson.livejournal.com]

I liked this. I think the Pong was probably my favorite. XD

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

Pong is a popular one. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the review!

[trishkafibble.livejournal.com]

Really nice mix of humor and shivery tension--and such creative ideas! Loved every one of them. ^^

[hajimebassaidai.livejournal.com]

The first one is both touching and horrifying; the one thing that lets him resist and be destroyed rather than give in his thinking about his Atlantis family.

The second is inspired crack!fic. Oh good grief!

The third is just *shudder* because I've a nasty feeling John would offer and a certainty that Rodney would never accept.

The fourth is just very, very funny! Plus I like the fact that Rodney has been paying attention to Ronon.

The fifth is coldly frightening. Question: have you read Caliber by KathainBowen? Worth reading.

The final one is hilarious! Love it!