Amnesty Challenge: Home, by Zulu

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Title: The Places You Will Be From
Author: queenzulu
Challenge: Amnesty, Thirty-Eight Minutes
Summary: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
Word Count: 500
Rating: G
Warnings: Spoilers up to "Intruder"
Author's Notes: Wouldn't have gotten finished (or, probably, started) without troutkitty. My first efforts in this fandom; constructive criticism is welcome. Crossposted to my journal.




Home

*

The controls of a Black Hawk hadn't changed. John's radio crackled instructions, and he chafed under the belts holding him to his seat. He dreamed the preflight, checking gauges and switches. When he was cleared for takeoff, he opened the throttle like a green pilot on his first solo flight. The helicopter churned air, pitched forward, the rotor blades blurring. John waited for the muscle-deep memory of flying to embrace him, eager and fierce. He waited for the helicopter to welcome him, to send joy-in-movement singing through his senses. But the Black Hawk hadn't changed, and John ached for home.

*

"Wrong wrong wrong," Rodney says, "what do they dump here, toxic waste? Did Godzilla wash up and rot?"

Jeannie sniffs. "It's the Pacific."

Rodney waves disgust. Half his brain is calculating the Daedalus's load limits, three-eighths is writing rants to international science journals, but one sixteenth remembers Atlantis, clean water and sharp air. "Don't let your kids in it; I know mortal danger and the pollution--"

Jeannie catches his fingers before he snaps. "I'm glad you're here."

Yes, yes, it's been wonderful bonding, but this isn't Rodney's ocean, and the remaining sixteenth counts down by primes until he's home.

*

"I think you'll find, Colonel, that my mandate can't be dictated by the military." Elizabeth refuses to break Caldwell's gaze. Again and again, she hears her voice on tape, mourning those she's lost. "It is clear you would veto my choices for your self-importance."

"My concerns--"

She's lost so many. She poured compassion into each message, emptying herself. "I'm sorry, Colonel." She wants to close her eyes. The world shimmers before her, like an event horizon. "This briefing is over."

From the control room, she watches the Stargate ripple. Instead of missions and aliens, she sees her pathway home.

*

"It sounds as though you're doing well, Carson?"

"Is that a question, Mum?" Carson smiled as she presented him with the pot roast. "I can tell you, it is going well."

"And you're happy, are you?" She fluttered about, bringing vegetables, warm butter, thick dark bread. "Did those military boys get my woollen socks to you?"

"Yes, Mum." Carson put his fork down and laid his hand over hers. She smiled, uncertainly, but her eyes were warm. Aliens, he thought; galactic wars, nanoviruses, inoculations that killed. "I am keeping warm."

She talked of other things, and Carson thought of home.

*

Radek hunched over laptops for many hours and muttered. Raised head now and then, surprised to be not interrupted by Rodney snapping fingers and yelling insane brilliance. He reconfigured puddlejumpers, tweaked shields, but with Major Sheppard not there for testing he must shoo away unqualified pilots, all who thought they could not blow up. He woke up at desk, forgot eating, woke up at desk again, and wondered why Beckett did not drag him to messhall. Teyla forced meetings on him to settle dispute; he rolled eyes and wished for Weir.

Only when Daedalus landed, he knew Atlantis was home.

*

end

Comments

[suaine.livejournal.com]

It's lovely, especially the last sentence. Great job.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It was fun trying to get into five different voices, a great challenge. Of course, now I think I've been sucked in to this fandom for good...

[samdonne.livejournal.com]

I enjoy the surgical precision of each snapshot, and the individual pitch of each moment. Excellent work.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Thank you muchly! This is the reason I love drabbles: they're like the haikus of fanfic, they depend so heavily on form. One moment, one emotion, one hundred words, then bang!, you're done.

[burningchaos.livejournal.com]

Oh I love this, Carson was stunning, John was perfect, Rodney was ..ok so I loved it alot...

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Hee, icon love!

I think I like the Carson part best. And OMG, you would not believe how tough it is to write Rodney's POV--and dialogue!--and keep it down to a hundred words. That guy just doesn't understand that less is more.

Thanks for commenting.

[joatamon]

Oh this is just fantastically beautiful, and I love that the SGA writers didn't specify what everyone did back on Earth because it gives so much scope for, well, stories like this. Possibly my favourite line of this story is: She talked of other things, and Carson thought of home.. With all the others, it's clear that Atlantis is the home they're thinking of, but with Carson, I think it's nicely ambiguous. I think he's the one most likely to be happy back on Earth. And, oh, Radek's thoughts, and John and Rodney. Just - cool.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Okay, awesome, amazing, because that is exactly what I hoped would come through for Carson. The others have very little to leave behind (what with Weir getting dumped), but Carson loves Earth. I know he wants to go back, and Atlantis is *becoming* home to him, but he isn't ever going to abandon Scotland or his family in his heart. Thank you!

[mmmchelle.livejournal.com]

Wonderful look at each of the characters, love Rodney and the ocean especially. Lovely fic, thank you for sharing it.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

I'm glad Rodney and the ocean worked--that's the drabble I edited the most. It originally started with a big "the Pacific is like this but Atlantis is like that" descriptive thing, and then I was like, What the hell is this? Rodney isn't saying all that metaphor crap, *I* am. So I started with his dialogue and let him yell at me for a while. Cut this from 174 down to 100: I'm very proud, so thank you!

[flatlanddan.livejournal.com]

Glad you got suckered into this fandom, since this is some damn fine writing.

"Did those military boys get my woollen socks to you?" Lovely. That's exactly what I'd expect my mom to say to me if I'd shown up after havn't been gone "somewhere" for a year.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the welcome! Heh, the fandom has definitely taken over my brain; already I have two epic John/Rodney plotbunnies eying me and fingering their guns, waiting for the perfect time to strike.

Moms, I think, are like Carson's the world over: mine certainly is. And Carson is my woobie in this scene--I could just *see* the look on his face, and I wanted to show that even though we're in his POV. I'm glad it worked.

[nullabona.livejournal.com]

I can’t believe you said so much in so few words--Fantastic characterization! Please continue to share. Lovely.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. I'll certainly be writing more drabbles. I've been inspired by the Taxonomy of Love Pairing Generator (http://www.debchan.com/livia/sga/sga_taxonomy.htm) and the Porn Cliche Generator (http://www.debchan.com/livia/sga/sga_cliche.html). Now *those* are a lot of fun.

[stormydawn111.livejournal.com]

I love this. The use of the different voices was beautifully done. I'm not sure whose part I liked best ^^

And the last line. *loves*

Welcome to the fandom! I hope to see lots more from you.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

It's been a great introduction to SGA fandom, thank you. And, yes, the last line makes me smile--I wanted all the characters to be thinking of Atlantis as home, but it's not *really* home until they're all there together.

[sundara.livejournal.com]

Wonderful voices, vignettes. You've captured the essence that's tied them together in their new place.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Thank you. They're my heroes, and they just had a horrible year fighting the Wraith: the least I could do was write them the sense of belonging I know they all feel.

[cybersyd.livejournal.com]

"Wrong wrong wrong," Rodney says, "what do they dump here, toxic waste? Did Godzilla wash up and rot?"

Both geeky and snarky, and so very very Rodney.

Great fic, very nicely done and completely believable. The last line is lovely.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Yay, the quoting of me! That's always my favourite part. Thank you muchly. It was great fun to write, and a good introduction to the characters' voices: I discovered that Rodney loves present tense, and Weir is clearer to me through dialogue than description, and Radek needs me to hug him. I think there'll be a lot more SGA fic in my future.

[coreopsis.livejournal.com]

Constructive crit: That last section would benefit greatly by a liberal sprinkling of the word "his"--his laptop, his head, his desk, etc. It would also read better if dispute was disputes.

Otherwise, I liked this very much. :-)

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Good point. There are lots of grammatical twitches in the last part; I hoped it would help to evoke Zelenka's speech patterns. But, of course, if I lose too many words it just looks jumpy and incomplete, and it's confusing to readers. My dilemma: I add a few possessive pronouns, and I have to cut words elsewhere to keep it a drabble. I don't know if I'll edit this particular piece, but of course, if I write Zelenka again I won't skip words--overall, I think his dialect should be shown through word order and phrasing, not through obvious grammatical errors.

Thanks for your help!

[raviahmad.livejournal.com]

Awww. That was great. The team has become such a family and so tied to Atlantis, I love how well you drew that out.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It was a wonderful theme to work with.

[merelyn.livejournal.com]

Squee! I've been waiting for someone to write a great gen fic to flesh out "Intruder", and this was just perfect. Lovely job!

[zulu.livejournal.com]

There's so much potential for "when they were on Earth" stories, as quine pointed out. Earth hasn't changed: *they* have; yet they will perceive *everything* differently because of Atlantis. Unnoticed change--that's always fascinating to explore.

I see your squee and raise you a whee!

[canadian-snoopy.livejournal.com]

I must echo the praise here. This is *wonderfully* done, and the recurring thread of home ties all the vignettes together really well.

John's was my favourite, with Zelenka's being a close second, they wow, they all ruled. Hope to see more from you soon!

[zulu.livejournal.com]

And that hope is mutual--I've been going through your memories and reading your stuff. I'm a sucker for a good sports story, and "Hockey Night In Atlantis" made me grin for an hour. Comments to follow!

John's an amazingly poetic guy, I discovered when I wrote this. Far more so than Rodney, that's for sure. I didn't know he'd be as introspective as this, and maybe he's not--I did write him first, and I tend to get all metaphorical, so it could have been my voice diluting his--but the fact that he hides his lyrical side really *gets* me. Oh, I will be writing more of him, no question.

[alizarin-nyc.livejournal.com]

Very nicely done.

Welcome to SGA fandom crack!

[zulu.livejournal.com]

OMG it *is* crack. I've been overdosing on episodes and David Hewlett movies for four days straight. It's a scary, scary thing; I've never had such a shiny, new, alive fandom. (Started loving X-Files in season 7, Buffy the same, Angel in season four...and then they all *died* and *left me*.)

Thank you, and when the plotbunnies come for me, I'm going to look to all of you to SAVE MY BRAIN.

[elvinborn.livejournal.com]

love this. the way you wrote the same idea from so many different character POVs. Loved John's and Carson's the most, but they are all fantastic.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I think all the characters bonded so closely over the course of season one that, although in these drabbles they're thinking of Atlantis as home, what they really feel is that they're home when they're with each other. I think I'll probably keep exploring that idea, because I love these people. (In a, you know, non-freaky I-understand-they're-fictional kind of way).

[roothekittykat.livejournal.com]

that was really great :)

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It was fun to write.

[nerdinpink.livejournal.com]

Oh I really liked that.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Then my work here is done! Thanks.

[agentotter.livejournal.com]

That was absolutely terrific. I think John and Rodney's sections were the most effective, providing a stark contrast between what they thought they might've wanted to get back to, and what they really would miss when they were gone. I liked Carson's too, but I wondered if he would've been slightly happier to be home... that guy's hard to peg, so I dunno. :D I liked the last line of Elizabeth's section, but the events there weren't as interesting to me; it would've been nice to see more of her view of the things she left behind, rather than the on-going spat with Caldwell. ;) And Radek is tooooo cute. :) This is great, I might have to go read it again. Thanks!

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Carson, I think, has more of a tie to home than most of them--other than Ford--because he has family that he loves. So, yeah, there's ambiguity there, but I think he's learned to care just as much about Atlantis. We only really got to see how he cares about people in "Poisoning the Well" because of Perna, and I think that he fell in love with his fellow Atlanteans (though far more platonically) in much the same way.

Elizabeth...I wanted to write something for her that grew out of her break up with Simon, but I really couldn't get her voice until I had her sniping at Caldwell...her characterization arose out of her facade of leadership. She was the toughest one, and I think I haven't succeeded with her yet. Well, there's only one solution to that: write Weir/Heightmeyer! Yes, okay, good plan, thank you.

Radek is amazingly cute to me in a very...hmm, a very non-sexualized way; he feels like a younger sibling to me, or a teddy bear, or someone who needs a hug; and I imagined him running out to the Daedalus and giving everyone a big group hug as soon as they got back.

And this is all very inspiring and I want to write more now.

[green-key.livejournal.com]

I love Radek's sleeping at his station and forgeting to eat while everyone was away. So sweet.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

He's dedicated! And he's lonely without Rodney to snipe at. Thanks.

[the-green-sheep.livejournal.com]

Oh, these are lovely. I wanted to choose a favourite, but I just can't. Though Rodney, mostly indoor geek, missing his ocean is especially nice.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

That's a good point: I didn't really incorporate what an indoor kind of guy he is. Didn't even occur to me. Still, I imagine he stands on balconies all the time: high, lonely, romantic balconies, alone with John and some Ancient fireworks.

[duskyfox.livejournal.com]

Lovely. You had a nice Rodney-voice, Carson's mum was just as I'd picture her, and I loved that you included Radek in the last shot. Of course, I'm a big Radek fan, so I may be biased, but the fact that you included his p.o.v from Atlantis tied the tale together nicely.

[zulu.livejournal.com]

I wasn't sure about writing Rodney originally, but it turns out all he needs is lots of dialogue and room to bounce around, and he'll deliver. And, Radek keeping the home fires burning is exactly how I wanted things to fit together in the end. Glad it worked for you, and thanks.

[(Anonymous)]

They're all lovely, tautly constructed vignettes. (Or drabbles? Didn't do word count.)

I'm impressed with how you got each character's voice down so well, and you captured that vague ache of homesickness they're feeling.

I love Carson too. Thanks for showing another side of him I hadn't really contemplated much before -- the ambiguity about his idea of home and the tension between his scientific curiosity (why else would he agree to the expedition in the first place?) and his own emotional ties to Earth.

Come party in this fandom, you know you want to. :-)

[zulu.livejournal.com]

Yes, they're drabbles; I usually try to be precise about word counts, because it's like the meter in a sonnet or the syllabic count in a haiku. Voice is equally as important to me...I think it works if you can hear them in your head while you're writing, and for the most part, that happened here. It worked out well. And Carson is so earnest and caring and he has ties to so many different groups.

Let's get this party started! Whee!

[the-moonmoth.livejournal.com]

This is just terrific. I particularly liked Radek's section, with Rodney's as a close second. All them though, really, very well done. I'm glad you've decided to come play in this sandpit :)

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

Love 'em all, but especially John's, where yes, he lives for flying, but the Ancients stuff is just so much more than copters.