![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
teaphile.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
sga_flashficTitle: On A Clear Day (You Can See Frustration)
Category: Gen
Challenge: Harlequin
Summary: Really, Rodney should know better than to open his mouth in front of Ronon.
On A Clear Day
Rodney struggled, wiggling his shoulders this way and that, trying to juggle his knife into position to cut the ropes that tied his hands behind his back. He fumbled the knife again and sighed heavily as it thunked against the ground.
The low chuckle drew his attention forward and he glared at Ronon. “You could help, you know, instead of posing there in heroic manliness like the cover of a romance novel.”
Ronon crossed his arms and leaned against the doorpost. “Nope. Can’t. Sheppard wants you to do this yourself.”
“Only he would be dumb enough to think that a captor would leave me with my knife anyway.” He managed to pick up said knife with the tips of his fingers and worked to get it into position again. “Even the least technologically advanced culture will recognize a knife as a weapon. They’d be more likely to leave me my handgun.”
Smiling, Ronon approached Rodney and handed him his weapon. “Hey, if you want to try shooting the ropes apart, be my guest.”
Rodney just stared at him in horror and continued trying to get free. “I am going to do something incredibly nasty to Sheppard when we get back to Atlantis. I don’t know what, yet, but believe me he will rue the day he decided I needed more training.”
“It’s not like you don’t.” Ronon went back to posing, the bastard. “You’re okay when we need ideas, but your survival skills are nonexistent.”
“I hate you.”
Ronon shrugged. “I could have hung you upside down from a tree, first.”
“I believe what Sheppard had in mind was that you teach me to get free, not stand there threatening me.”
“I could go ask him,” Ronon said, gesturing a thumb over his shoulder. “He’s only a few miles away. It’ll take me fifteen, twenty minutes.”
Finally, Rodney got the knife into a decent position and it sliced through the rope in three strokes. “Never mind.” He nearly tossed the knife away in disgust, then thought better of it and sheathed it at the small of his back.
Stalking out of the hut, he was greeted by cheers and the sight of bets changing hands. “Very funny,” he shouted to the dozen or so Athosians who’d been waiting for his appearance. He ploughed through them on his way to the puddlejumper, not stopping to wait for Ronon.
*
“Romance novel?”
“What?” Rodney glanced up from his code to see Ronon at the door.
“You said something about the cover of a romance novel, earlier,” he replied, advancing into the lab and taking up position in Rodney’s field of view. “I just wondered what that meant.”
“Your people didn’t have novels?” He found that very hard to believe, given the state of their technology.
Ronon lifted a shoulder. “Yeah, but none of them were about romance.”
“What were they about?”
“Survival, mostly.” Rodney thought Ronon looked sad, but sometimes it was hard to tell; no matter what expression ruled his face at any given time, there was always a smirk underneath it. “Romance was something that took place in the background. It was never the focus of the story.”
“Huh.” Rodney finished a line of code and saved the whole mess. “Our people have a long tradition of being obsessed with love and romance and sex, usually to the detriment of other parts of our lives.” He stood and pulled Ronon after him. “I’ll bet I can find a romance novel for you easily.”
*
“Oh, come on! Eighty women here and not one brought a trashy novel?” Rodney paced around the bio lab--which had the highest concentration of women in the entire science department--ranting at the personnel. “I find that extremely hard to believe.”
“Maybe they just won’t admit it,” Gianetti replied, not bothering to look up at him. "Besides, men read romance too. Why don't you ask them?"
Ronon stopped toying with a microscope and took interest in the conversation. “Why would they not admit it?”
Before Gianetti could reply, Rodney cut her off. “There’s a stigma attached to that kind of thing. Intellectuals aren’t supposed to like escapist trash. I fail to see how that applies here, seeing as we have documented proof that no one in this city is egregiously stupid.”
Gianetti turned to look at Hayes. “He said we’re not egregiously stupid. I think that calls for a celebration.”
Rodney ignored her. “And anyway, how could anything compare to the fact that it’s really two Star Trek novels Sheppard has glued inside that cover of War and Peace? If anything’s embarrassing, it would be that.” He turned to Ronon, grinning. “Sheppard was red for days after I let that be known.”
Gianetti snorted. “Now you know why we’re not telling you who has the romance novels.”
“Star Trek?”
Rodney shook his head. “I”ll tell you about that later.” To Gianetti he said, “Bad romance can be ignored, but bad science? That’s personally insulting. Look, all I want to do is show Ronon the cover of a romance novel, so he can see how much he looks like the hero of one, okay?”
“Sorry,” she said simply. “If it’s any consolation, you’re completely right.”
“Really not looking for validation here,” he tossed out as he left, Ronon trailing behind him, no doubt looking amused.
*
“Why am I killing myself doing this? There are at least forty-six other things I could be doing. I could take up wood carving. I’m sure Carson has some petit point he could lend me. And yet, here I am searching a cloaked, floating, alien city for a stupid novel.” The hall didn’t respond, although several people turned to watch Rodney stalk by.
Ronon just kept smirking at Rodney, lifting an eyebrow for the novelty of it. “I guess you like me.”
Rodney stared at him as if he’d grown a second head. “Of course I like you. You have weapons and know how to use them.”
Looking down at Rodney, Ronon’s expression turned very familiar. “Aw, shucks.”
“You need to stop hanging around Sheppard. Trust me, the hero-worship can only go so far.” They arrived at Elizabeth’s office, Rodney entering, Ronon hanging back at the door. “Elizabeth!”
She lifted her head, eyes laughing. “Rodney! Delightful to see you.” She shuffled a few papers on her desk, moving them out of the centre. “How did your extra training go?”
“I now have three more skills that I have never needed before and will probably never need in the future.”
She nodded decisively. “Good for you.”
Rodney seated himself across from her and propped one ankle on the other knee. “Did you bring any books with you?”
“Pardon?”
“I’m trying to illustrate a concept, here. Did you or anyone else you know bring the kind of cheesy romance novel with half-naked people on the cover?” He ignored the snort from behind him.
Elizabeth was trying hard not to laugh; he could see it in the set of her mouth. “Not that I am aware of.”
“There’s no need to cover up for anyone. I really don’t care who’s reading what. I just need the picture.”
Ronon edged up behind Rodney, leaned over, and muttered just in hearing, “You never mentioned half-naked people before. This could be interesting.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened and she nearly lost her battle to maintain composure. “Sorry, I can’t help you there.”
Rodney turned and caught Ronon laughing silently at him. “Oh, what? You’ve been yanking my chain the whole time?”
“You’re fun when you get all worked up.” He smiled his most charming smile.
“Lovely.” Rodney turned back to Elizabeth. “I’m fun.”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before answering. “Well, I’ve always thought so. What started this anyway?”
Rodney sighed. “I made an idle comment about Ronon looking like the cover of a romance novel and he’s never seen one, so I thought I’d further his education on all things Earth-human.”
“So let me ask you, Rodney,” came Sheppard’s voice from the door. “How would you know?”
Rodney just rolled his eyes at him. “I have a mother and a sister.”
“Shouldn’t you have been looking at the women on the covers?”
“They were never very interesting.” He hmmed a little in thought. “Sure, they had big breasts and nicely toned thighs, but their faces were just too... vapid. I prefer a little more in the way of brains than that.”
Sheppard nodded. “Yeah, I can see that. Anyway, I need to talk to Elizabeth for a minute.”
“Thank you for remembering that I’m in the room,” she said tartly, and Rodney took that as his cue to leave.
*
Rodney opened his email and vowed to kill Sheppard. Or Gianetti. Or both. But at least Ronon, as well as everyone else on the city, now knew what the cover of a romance novel looked like, even if the faces--and in one case, body--had been digitally altered. Rodney felt a moment of vindication. Ronon really did belong on the cover of a historical romance. He scoffed at the rest of the picture; he’d never be caught in that kind of pose. Aside from being not in the least sexy, it looked extremely uncomfortable.
He filed the e-mail and went back to work, only to find Ronon at his door again.
"What's Star Trek?"
END
Category: Gen
Challenge: Harlequin
Summary: Really, Rodney should know better than to open his mouth in front of Ronon.
On A Clear Day
Rodney struggled, wiggling his shoulders this way and that, trying to juggle his knife into position to cut the ropes that tied his hands behind his back. He fumbled the knife again and sighed heavily as it thunked against the ground.
The low chuckle drew his attention forward and he glared at Ronon. “You could help, you know, instead of posing there in heroic manliness like the cover of a romance novel.”
Ronon crossed his arms and leaned against the doorpost. “Nope. Can’t. Sheppard wants you to do this yourself.”
“Only he would be dumb enough to think that a captor would leave me with my knife anyway.” He managed to pick up said knife with the tips of his fingers and worked to get it into position again. “Even the least technologically advanced culture will recognize a knife as a weapon. They’d be more likely to leave me my handgun.”
Smiling, Ronon approached Rodney and handed him his weapon. “Hey, if you want to try shooting the ropes apart, be my guest.”
Rodney just stared at him in horror and continued trying to get free. “I am going to do something incredibly nasty to Sheppard when we get back to Atlantis. I don’t know what, yet, but believe me he will rue the day he decided I needed more training.”
“It’s not like you don’t.” Ronon went back to posing, the bastard. “You’re okay when we need ideas, but your survival skills are nonexistent.”
“I hate you.”
Ronon shrugged. “I could have hung you upside down from a tree, first.”
“I believe what Sheppard had in mind was that you teach me to get free, not stand there threatening me.”
“I could go ask him,” Ronon said, gesturing a thumb over his shoulder. “He’s only a few miles away. It’ll take me fifteen, twenty minutes.”
Finally, Rodney got the knife into a decent position and it sliced through the rope in three strokes. “Never mind.” He nearly tossed the knife away in disgust, then thought better of it and sheathed it at the small of his back.
Stalking out of the hut, he was greeted by cheers and the sight of bets changing hands. “Very funny,” he shouted to the dozen or so Athosians who’d been waiting for his appearance. He ploughed through them on his way to the puddlejumper, not stopping to wait for Ronon.
*
“Romance novel?”
“What?” Rodney glanced up from his code to see Ronon at the door.
“You said something about the cover of a romance novel, earlier,” he replied, advancing into the lab and taking up position in Rodney’s field of view. “I just wondered what that meant.”
“Your people didn’t have novels?” He found that very hard to believe, given the state of their technology.
Ronon lifted a shoulder. “Yeah, but none of them were about romance.”
“What were they about?”
“Survival, mostly.” Rodney thought Ronon looked sad, but sometimes it was hard to tell; no matter what expression ruled his face at any given time, there was always a smirk underneath it. “Romance was something that took place in the background. It was never the focus of the story.”
“Huh.” Rodney finished a line of code and saved the whole mess. “Our people have a long tradition of being obsessed with love and romance and sex, usually to the detriment of other parts of our lives.” He stood and pulled Ronon after him. “I’ll bet I can find a romance novel for you easily.”
*
“Oh, come on! Eighty women here and not one brought a trashy novel?” Rodney paced around the bio lab--which had the highest concentration of women in the entire science department--ranting at the personnel. “I find that extremely hard to believe.”
“Maybe they just won’t admit it,” Gianetti replied, not bothering to look up at him. "Besides, men read romance too. Why don't you ask them?"
Ronon stopped toying with a microscope and took interest in the conversation. “Why would they not admit it?”
Before Gianetti could reply, Rodney cut her off. “There’s a stigma attached to that kind of thing. Intellectuals aren’t supposed to like escapist trash. I fail to see how that applies here, seeing as we have documented proof that no one in this city is egregiously stupid.”
Gianetti turned to look at Hayes. “He said we’re not egregiously stupid. I think that calls for a celebration.”
Rodney ignored her. “And anyway, how could anything compare to the fact that it’s really two Star Trek novels Sheppard has glued inside that cover of War and Peace? If anything’s embarrassing, it would be that.” He turned to Ronon, grinning. “Sheppard was red for days after I let that be known.”
Gianetti snorted. “Now you know why we’re not telling you who has the romance novels.”
“Star Trek?”
Rodney shook his head. “I”ll tell you about that later.” To Gianetti he said, “Bad romance can be ignored, but bad science? That’s personally insulting. Look, all I want to do is show Ronon the cover of a romance novel, so he can see how much he looks like the hero of one, okay?”
“Sorry,” she said simply. “If it’s any consolation, you’re completely right.”
“Really not looking for validation here,” he tossed out as he left, Ronon trailing behind him, no doubt looking amused.
*
“Why am I killing myself doing this? There are at least forty-six other things I could be doing. I could take up wood carving. I’m sure Carson has some petit point he could lend me. And yet, here I am searching a cloaked, floating, alien city for a stupid novel.” The hall didn’t respond, although several people turned to watch Rodney stalk by.
Ronon just kept smirking at Rodney, lifting an eyebrow for the novelty of it. “I guess you like me.”
Rodney stared at him as if he’d grown a second head. “Of course I like you. You have weapons and know how to use them.”
Looking down at Rodney, Ronon’s expression turned very familiar. “Aw, shucks.”
“You need to stop hanging around Sheppard. Trust me, the hero-worship can only go so far.” They arrived at Elizabeth’s office, Rodney entering, Ronon hanging back at the door. “Elizabeth!”
She lifted her head, eyes laughing. “Rodney! Delightful to see you.” She shuffled a few papers on her desk, moving them out of the centre. “How did your extra training go?”
“I now have three more skills that I have never needed before and will probably never need in the future.”
She nodded decisively. “Good for you.”
Rodney seated himself across from her and propped one ankle on the other knee. “Did you bring any books with you?”
“Pardon?”
“I’m trying to illustrate a concept, here. Did you or anyone else you know bring the kind of cheesy romance novel with half-naked people on the cover?” He ignored the snort from behind him.
Elizabeth was trying hard not to laugh; he could see it in the set of her mouth. “Not that I am aware of.”
“There’s no need to cover up for anyone. I really don’t care who’s reading what. I just need the picture.”
Ronon edged up behind Rodney, leaned over, and muttered just in hearing, “You never mentioned half-naked people before. This could be interesting.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened and she nearly lost her battle to maintain composure. “Sorry, I can’t help you there.”
Rodney turned and caught Ronon laughing silently at him. “Oh, what? You’ve been yanking my chain the whole time?”
“You’re fun when you get all worked up.” He smiled his most charming smile.
“Lovely.” Rodney turned back to Elizabeth. “I’m fun.”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before answering. “Well, I’ve always thought so. What started this anyway?”
Rodney sighed. “I made an idle comment about Ronon looking like the cover of a romance novel and he’s never seen one, so I thought I’d further his education on all things Earth-human.”
“So let me ask you, Rodney,” came Sheppard’s voice from the door. “How would you know?”
Rodney just rolled his eyes at him. “I have a mother and a sister.”
“Shouldn’t you have been looking at the women on the covers?”
“They were never very interesting.” He hmmed a little in thought. “Sure, they had big breasts and nicely toned thighs, but their faces were just too... vapid. I prefer a little more in the way of brains than that.”
Sheppard nodded. “Yeah, I can see that. Anyway, I need to talk to Elizabeth for a minute.”
“Thank you for remembering that I’m in the room,” she said tartly, and Rodney took that as his cue to leave.
*
Rodney opened his email and vowed to kill Sheppard. Or Gianetti. Or both. But at least Ronon, as well as everyone else on the city, now knew what the cover of a romance novel looked like, even if the faces--and in one case, body--had been digitally altered. Rodney felt a moment of vindication. Ronon really did belong on the cover of a historical romance. He scoffed at the rest of the picture; he’d never be caught in that kind of pose. Aside from being not in the least sexy, it looked extremely uncomfortable.
He filed the e-mail and went back to work, only to find Ronon at his door again.
"What's Star Trek?"
END
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:27 pm (UTC)It would happend JUST LIKE this.
*g*
B
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:28 pm (UTC)Love to hear Rodney explain that one to Ronon.
That was fun.
lds
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:28 pm (UTC)Hee! Nicely done!
Now please tell me that SOMEBODY is going to bring that "digitally altered" book cover to life!
M.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:56 am (UTC)Heh. Not me.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:29 pm (UTC)Someone needs to manip that cover for us so we can see, too.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:56 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:57 am (UTC)brilliant
Date: 2005-09-07 11:43 pm (UTC)“You need to stop hanging around Sheppard. Trust me, the hero-worship can only go so far.”
hee hee hee.
Nice little hint of "Don't even try it, buddy."
Re: brilliant
Date: 2005-09-08 03:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:48 pm (UTC)Yes. YES.
I now fully expect canon to comply with this story -- SGA better not disappoint!
Thanks for the laugh!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:59 am (UTC)Thank you for the feedback.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-07 11:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 12:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 12:37 am (UTC)“And anyway, how could anything compare to the fact that it’s really two Star Trek novels Sheppard has glued inside that cover of War and Peace? If anything’s embarrassing, it would be that.”
Hee! Star Trek novels are far more embarrassing than romance novels.
Ronon really did belong on the cover of a historical romance. He scoffed at the rest of the picture; he’d never be caught in that kind of pose. Aside from being not in the least sexy, it looked extremely uncomfortable.
*glee*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:04 am (UTC)That's why John brought him home. Nothing to do with his knowledge and experience. Nope.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 01:30 am (UTC)“I now have three more skills that I have never needed before and will probably never need in the future.”
She nodded decisively. “Good for you.”
*dies laughing*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 01:30 am (UTC)“I now have three more skills that I have never needed before and will probably never need in the future.”
She nodded decisively. “Good for you.”
*dies laughing*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 01:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 01:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 02:17 am (UTC)and his nipples peeking out.Or *checks wallet, watches moths fly out* my undying gratitude.
OMG was this brilliant! I'm still waiting for the Star Wars references, though, since that's like, canon. *laughs*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 02:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:09 am (UTC)ROFLOL!
Date: 2005-09-08 02:28 am (UTC)namaste SF Nancy
Re: ROFLOL!
Date: 2005-09-08 04:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 02:57 am (UTC)hee!
*wipes eyes*
I really love your Rodney here, there's something about him that I can't quite put my finger on. He's, I don't know. There's almost a happier, bouncier vibe about him than I normally get from fic. That's not quite it, but there's a vibe from his mood or attitude here that I really like and wish I got more often. I wasn't hearing Ronon's voice much in this, but very much seeing him in my minds' eye, leaning in doorways, taking up space, taking it all in. *g* And oh, man, it's funny. I'm still giggling, and my eyes are still watering. Fantastic use of the harlequin challenge, and I really hope to see the cover soon! *g*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:50 am (UTC)Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 03:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-08 04:10 am (UTC)