Bait by Jacqueline (Shark Challenge)

[squarked.livejournal.com]

Title: Bait
Author: Jacqueline
Feedback: Email and LiveJournal
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: None.
Rating: PG, if that.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: The noise was loud; like blood in the water.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: A drabble of nihilistic proportions (not for the faint of heart). For the Shark Challenge.



Rodney fights his fear, forces himself to breathe shallow, quieter, so he won't give away his position.

After a few minutes he manages it. Around him the forest is silent. Its darkness is omnipresent.

Then a twig snaps. Somewhere off to the right, and Rodney's breath is coming in desperate gasps again. The noise he's making is loud; like blood in the water.

Rodney wonders if this is how unfortunate swimmers feel upon finding themselves in shark-infested waters, just as they realize they're about to be devoured.

Against all reason, the Wraith jumps him from the left.

Rodney dies screaming.

Comments

[othercat.livejournal.com]

"Note to self: "When Jacqueline means 'nihilistic porportions' she actually means 'I'm killing off a character'."

[squarked.livejournal.com]

I considered putting "character death" in the warning, but I figured for a drabble it would kinda ruin the effect.

[mercurys-winter.livejournal.com]

Noooooooooooooo! :D For a drabble, it sure conveyed a lot of suspense and fear and GAH! you killed him! :D Excellent job!

[squarked.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

drabble

[laceymcbain.livejournal.com]

Good Lord - Death by Drabble.

*dies*

[katt9966.livejournal.com]

Marvelous -- I love a bit of death and doom sometimes :-). I agree that a character death warning would've ruined the effect -- secretly I hate those warnings anyway especially when as a writer you're trying to build up suspense and surprise (a bit like writing what's in the present on the wrapping paper :-).

Thanks for sharing your talent.

[squarked.livejournal.com]

When as a writer you're trying to build up suspense and surprise.

Exactly. Thanks for commenting!

[neery.livejournal.com]

Mm, I like this - you manage to get his panic across quite well. And the last sentence is very effective.

I can understand that you don't want to give the surprise away with a death warning, but some people really hate death stories, and I think it's not really fair to let them stumble over one unannounced.
Maybe you could put something like "Warning for the easily squicked at the end of the story" and put it there, so the people who would rather be spoiled than read a death story can scroll down and find it?

[duskwings.livejournal.com]

Fantastic! You packed a lot of punch into those 100 words, with the fear and the tension. I love it! *adds to memories*

[akimi-hime.livejournal.com]

...:O You killed him! I mean, it was an awesome sort of killing, but...you killed him!

(Translation: That was frickin' cool. :D)