Enclosed spaces: Damages, by eli

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Notes: Post-38 Minutes. Gen, 236 words. Thanks to jenlev for the check on a somewhat offbeat take on the challenge.


He thought he was wandering, moving over known ground because he could again now, until he found Zelenka poking at the damage the jumper had taken.

Not too bad, John agreed after a slow clockwise evaluation. Even with going from being Wraith target practice to being crammed through a stargate, there were hardly any visible scars, he noted.

Scorch marks, a couple of them, flaring black against natural gray. They were beginning to get a handle on what to do with those, Zelenka said in more words than that. John still had hope that they won't get too good at it. He'd like for them to take as little fire as possible, thanks, he added when Zelenka's confusion kept the man from following him to the next mark.

Gouges, though, a long scrape like that one that dug in down the starboard pod, those were going to take some testing, they determined one complete orbit later. Can't afford any weak spots when it's you versus something as impossible to fight as vacuum, John muttered, drawing his finger along the jagged metal. Skin's temperamental.

Zelenka was silent again, but this frown wasn't confused.

When John left the bay, he didn't wander. And he kept his hand at his side, away from his neck and the tenderness that Beckett said will fade (eventually; give it more time than a bullet, major), until he made it to his room.

##

Comments

[merryish.livejournal.com]

Hey, they *were* enclosed. Works for me. =)

Hardly any visible scars...Skin's tempermental

Very, very cool.

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

And they're gonna be enclosed again! ::sigh:: I started out with a straightforward idea. Not entirely sure what happened.

And thanks.

[zortified.livejournal.com]

Nice. I like. :-)

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm glad you did.

[ex-danvers514.livejournal.com]

I liked this. Especially this:

And he kept his hand at his side, away from his neck and the tenderness that Beckett said will fade (eventually; give it more time than a bullet, major), until he made it to his room.

I think that's John in a nutshell - oh hey! Another enclosed space ;-)

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Thanks. And yep, there are so many physical and metaphorical enclosed spaces in this thing it's like a game. A McKay squeeze toy to the person who guesses 'em all.

[julad.livejournal.com]

Oooh, very, very nice. There's something a little distant and vague in the narrative voice that works really well with the subject matter, gives the feeling of being in shock. They were beginning to get a handle on what to do with those, Zelenka said in more words than that. --there's also a rhythm to the words that I'm finding really compelling. I love how the other layer of meaning is revealed with the ending. Skin/hull as enclosed spaces? I can't stop re-reading this.

[flatlanddan.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I missed all the first levels on the first read but coming back to this it's very intrigueing

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It was an interesting one to write.

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there are a couple of layers in there, and getting right into John's head got a little too close for them. So, thanks. I'm glad it worked.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I love reading about traumatized John, and this is perfect in the distance and the suggestion of far-reaching effects.

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Yes. It'll screw with you to only be alive because you died.

(I love doing these little glimpses into John's head. Although they each keep threatening to turn into larger, longer looks. He's more fun to play with than Jack, really.)

[aithine]

I like the sense of distance with which John is dealing with everything; it conveys his shock at what happened very well, as does Zelenka's silent response when he figures out what's up with John. Very well done. :)

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Shep bottles well, to deal with what needs to be done.

And Zelenka seems much better at appropriate silence than some. ;)

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

*smooches you*

this really is powerful, and the quiet subdued tone to john is wonderfully done. it is so intriguing, it makes me think about john in all the enclosed spaces, including perhaps the self imposed enclosed space of his own mind. write more please. *g*

i loved the image of him keeping his hand away from his neck, wow.

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. But heh. You cheated. I told you about the enclosed space in his head in that last e-mail. No squeeze toy for you!

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

heh, i'll have to get one the next time around. *veg*

[minnow1212.livejournal.com]

>Skin's temperamental.<

Oh, how nice and sharp.

You're making me want to see Zelenka and Sheppard interact more on screen...

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

You just think Zelenka's adorable. ;)

Thanks, though. This fell into place easily once I stopped fighting it.

[minnow1212.livejournal.com]

Well. All right. Yes. (Because he *is.*) But mostly we've seen him interact with McKay or Weir, and I always think it's interesting when they mix it up a bit.

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Oh definitely. But I have hope, since they keep pulling him out to play.

And he is fun to play with.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Zelenka said in more words than that

That man is clearly spending too much time with McKay. :o)

Can't afford any weak spots when it's you versus something as impossible to fight

The way he examines himself, his own worries and fears through the damage on the jumper is fascinating. Cataloging "wounds" on the jumper is much easier than admitting his own vulnerability, but it's there, in his mind, even if he's maybe not even seeing it.

Brilliant.

So is Zelenka as a seemingly confused and unknowing bystander - but oh, that man sees more than everyone thinks.

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Thanks, you smart thing, you. :)