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sga_flashficTitle: Could She Love, Could She Woo
Author: Teaphile
Challenge: Second Amnesty/First Contact
Genre: Comedy
Pairing: John/Other, John/Rodney/Teyla/Ronon
Rating: N for no sex please, we're comedy writers
Notes: Total crackfic. I wrote the flashback for the original First Contact challenge, but had nowhere to go with the rest of the story, so I didn't post. A locked conversation in my journal provided the rest.
Could She Love, Could She Woo
The last day on the Daedalus passed far too slowly for Rodney, who just wanted to be back home on Atlantis. He'd spent most of his days in the engine room with Ronon -- who had inexplicably bonded with Hermiod -- teaching him the finer points of Earth engineering. Ronon was a quick learner and had obviously had some decent training before he'd been taken by the Wraith, and Rodney felt it was his duty to nurture him so he'd have someone else not-completely incompetent along when they went offworld. So Rodney's days weren't exactly unpleasant, just… monotonous. As early as day four he'd started joining Teyla and Elizabeth for their morning exercises. At least that kept Ronon off his back about running. Rodney was many things to many people, but he was no one's jogging buddy. That's what Sheppard was for.
Despite the boredom of the trip back -- or perhaps enhancing said boredom -- Rodney was pleasantly relaxed from the month on Earth. He'd had a great time working with Doctor Lee again, and an even better time showing off his teammates to the generals and SG-1. More than once Elizabeth had had to remind him that he shouldn't be quite so smugly proud of Teyla's and Ronon's skills; he hadn't had anything to do with training them, after all. Rodney had of course answered that they'd honed their skills protecting him, and therefore he was instrumental to their achievement. Even the quiet snorts of laughter from Carter and Jackson couldn't ruin that moment.
He'd shown Teyla around Colorado and bits of New Mexico, but Ronon had taken one look at the sheer number of people in downtown Colorado Springs and had fled back into SGC, so they'd also spent a fair amount of time with him there. All in all it was a good vacation, and Rodney was a little sad to leave Earth, but more than glad to be nearly back in Atlantis.
Finally they arrived, and at Colonel Sheppard's welcome they transported into the gate room where Rodney stopped dead with shock. For there, coming to greet them with an excited grin, was Sheppard, and hanging off his arm was an endomorphic strawberry-blonde woman whom he introduced as his wife. His wife. Who was very much not Rodney's type, but was otherwise adorable.
"Congratulations," Ronon said with a chuckle from somewhere to Rodney's left, while Teyla, on his right, stiffened palpably. Rodney himself just stood there, slackjawed, as the barely-five-foot high woman smiled gently at them all.
"Thank you," Sheppard replied pointedly, glaring at Rodney as though it was a normal day.
"Well, Colonel," Elizabeth faltered briefly. "This is quite a surprise."
Sheppard grinned again, looking down fondly at his attachment. "I know. She came as a surprise to me, too, but I've never been happier in my life." She gazed back up at him adoringly, vacuously.
Rodney could have sworn he heard Teyla growl. Or maybe that was him.
*
Rodney took a deep breath as they entered the briefing room, which was miraculously Mrs. Sheppard free. He tried to think nice thoughts, he tried to wish away his perplexing (although not too perplexing seeing as this was Sheppard) anger, but it only worked until he met Teyla's narrowed eyes and saw her anger was twin to his own. Sheppard didn't notice, having been involved in a tussle with Elizabeth, after he'd accidentally-out-of-a-month's-habit-I-swear sat in her chair.
They finally settled into their usual places and Sheppard too-innocently folded his hands on the table in front of him. "So," he began mildly, "How was your debriefing?"
"Apparently not as good as yours," Rodney snapped without thinking. Sheppard just smiled at him, though, as if all that taunting about hot alien women had gone to waste.
"It went well. Tell us how you met… I'm sorry, I didn't catch her name," Elizabeth said politely.
"Clarissa," Sheppard replied proudly. Then he frowned slightly. "At least, that's as near as I can come to pronouncing it." He smiled again fondly and continued. "Remember that planet with the badgers?"
"The ones with the little hats?" Teyla asked.
"Yeah, those. What did Ford call them?"
“They’re yecks,” Ford said quietly.
“Really, Lieutenant, anyone can see they look nothing like yaks,” McKay responded just as softly.
The three men watched as Teyla approached one of the small, furry creatures that filled the meadow in front of them.
“Not yaks, yecks.” Ford emphasized the vowel.
“Whatever,” McKay replied, fiddling with a zipper on his vest. “They kind of look like badgers. With cat tails.”
“And little white hats,” John said, not taking his eyes off Teyla and the striped animal that was nuzzling her hand. “Ford, are you saying you’ve seen these before?”
“Not seen them, no.”
“So you’re just making the ‘yeck’ thing up, then,” John said.
Ford shrugged, shaking his head. “I once had to do a project in grade school on the mythical creatures of India. Trust me, these are yecks.”
The yeck placed one delicate forefoot on Teyla’s knee. She glanced back at the men before lifting a hand to the animal’s head. As soon as she touched the white fur, the yeck disappeared. Teyla shrugged and stood, rejoining her team.
“Now that’s interesting,” McKay said quickly. He reached out to a little brown yeck that had ventured close to him. It sniffed his hand, so he stroked it down its long, broad back. When he reached up to its head, though, it disappeared as thoroughly as the first. “Okay, very weird.”
“It is strange,” Teyla agreed. “I could still feel the fur for a moment, even when I could see the creature no longer.”
John frowned. “Maybe they’re just invisible, and not able to teleport.”
McKay grinned. “Who cares? Either way it’s something we need to know.”
“So you want to just take one back with us?”
Before McKay could reply, Teyla answered, “I believe we should study them here a while longer.”
McKay shrugged. “Sure. Couldn’t hurt.” He knelt down and held out a hand towards one. “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.”
Ford chuckled. “Kitty?”
McKay tossed him a withering glance; Ford remained unwithered. “It’s not the words that matter, it’s the tone of voice.”
Sure enough, the yeck was coming closer. It snuffled at his fingertips for a moment, before losing interest. McKay pulled a nutrition bar out of his vest and broke off a chunk, laying it on the ground in front of him. The yeck sniffed it, then started to eat. Very carefully, McKay slipped one hand under its belly and the other under its ribs and lifted it to his chest. The yeck struggled a bit, then snuggled in and tucked its nose in McKay’s elbow.
“Cute,” John said, half meaning it. He reached out and stroked the soft amber fur, avoiding the white cap. The yeck closed its eyes and started making a crooning noise.
“It likes you,” Teyla offered.
McKay looked up from the yeck. “Can I take him home, Dad, please?”
John smiled. “All right, Rodney, but you have to promise to take care of him yourself or we’ll bring him right back.”
The moment McKay started walking back to the stargate, though, the yeck suddenly shrank to a quarter its size, slipped through his arms to the ground and scampered off a short distance.
“The hell,” Ford exclaimed, stopping short of stepping on it as it passed his boots.
The yeck just resumed its previous size and watched them from safety. All the other yecks started to run, forming a galloping wave of fur as they slowly headed out of the meadow in the opposite direction. McKay’s yeck cocked its head, ran quickly up to John, raised itself up on its hind legs and tapped his knee gently with a speckled paw. Then it ran as fast as it could to catch up, stopping from time to time to look at them.
Teyla frowned at John. “You are It.”
"Yecks," Rodney answered quickly. "They were cute." He looked at Elizabeth. "Kind of cat-like."
"We followed them around for a while, but then you called us back," Sheppard added. "Then we got caught up with the Wraith and everything, and never got back there. Well, I decided to go back, take a science team and see what was up with the yecks. Turns out, there are people living there, too." He looked over at Rodney. "Advanced people."
Elizabeth was nodding. "So, you…."
"Went over and introduced ourselves." Sheppard continued. "They let us look around and told us stories about the Ancients and the Wraith -- and by the way, they've never been culled," his eyebrows popped up with that statement, "and then introduced us to Clarissa, their… actually the term is untranslatable. She assesses things. Threats. Weather. Genetic compatibility of mates. That kind of thing."
"Sounds mystical," Ronon said warily.
Sheppard frowned again and shook his head. "Not exactly. She's very smart. She has a knack for putting data together in strange new ways." He looked up at Rodney almost nervously. "She's been here a week and already she's done some amazing things with our systems."
Yeah, because that pleased Rodney, really. Some stranger playing with his city? He planned to have a long talk with Zelenka about alien cooties.
"She could be very valuable to us, then," Elizabeth said quickly, cutting off Rodney's reply.
Sheppard twiddled his fingers against the table. "It's not like that. I do love her, and it's just a bonus that she's okay with living here. She kinda looks like my fourth-grade girlfriend," he added sheepishly.
"She kind of looks like Lieutenant Cadman," Ronon said with a wink.
Rodney sighed heavily. "Forget Cadman, your new wife looks almost exactly like my sister."
Sheppard frowned, then shrugged. “Good thing I never met your sister, then.”
“Oh, so that’s what I should be pleased about. Not that you’ve brought yet another alien into our city to do God knows what to it. Just as long as she’s not another McKay.”
“Rodney, you know I--”
Rodney couldn’t be bothered to let him finish his doubtless pathetic protests. “Not to mention that she might give away the fact that Atlantis still exists!”
“Rodney!” Elizabeth nearly shouted to get his attention. She got it, but just barely. He subsided, opting to glare Sheppard into submission.
Teyla folded her hands on the table in front of her. “I am forced to agree with Doctor McKay. We do not know if we can trust her.” She turned her attention to Sheppard. “Colonel, do you not think it strange that when we first went to her planet, we saw no people at all? Where were they at that time?”
“Most of the time they live in these fantastic caves,” he drew an arc in the air. “Probably why the Wraith leave them alone.”
“But you don’t know for sure,” Ronon interjected. “Why they’ve never been culled.”
Sheppard sat up a little straighter in his chair, but kept his gaze on the table. “They’re kind of secretive about it.”
“Fantastic,” said Rodney. “Secretive alien women. That always works out so well.”
*
Rodney should have known she'd be in his lab. Hadn't Sheppard said she was helping out? Of course, he was ninety-eight percent sure that Sheppard was blinded by love and the science team was simply humouring her, letting her think she was contributing. They were nice people, unlike Rodney. They probably gave her a scanner and clapped whenever she found a person.
Right now she was making coffee, chatting and laughing with Alderson in a pleasantly-accented voice. Alderson glanced over at Rodney and Clarissa's warm, dark gaze followed.
He took a few steps closer and stuck out his hand stiffly. "Doctor Rodney McKay."
She smiled and grasped his hand as if she was an old friend. "Pleased to meet you. John speaks of you frequently."
"He does?" Mollified for the moment, Rodney dropped her hand and moved to his work area. "What does he say?" He realized he was talking about Sheppard and backtracked. "Never mind. I don't want to know."
"He admires you greatly," she said, completely ignoring his wishes, very Sheppard-like, actually.
"Of course he does," Alderson piped in. He caught Rodney's glare of ‘you did not just kiss my ass’ and quickly stepped back to his own station.
"John has told me many things about Earth. Did you have a nice time? Did you eat many delicious foods and be entertained?"
Rodney didn't want to talk about Earth. He and Teyla, and then later Ronon, had come to an agreement -- more of an arrangement, really -- about their team, and now this pert little seductress had barged in and stood to ruin everything. Would Sheppard even want to go on missions now, let alone hang out with them? Would they now have to break in Major Lorne? That was not a happy thought. "It was great. I have work to do now. Been away for a month, busy busy you know." He shooed her away with one hand and opened up his laptop with the other. He hoped she got the point.
When he looked around later she was gone, but he heard Zelenka talking to her over the radio and from the half a conversation he could hear it sounded like she was working on something important. He glared over at Zelenka, who glared back and muted his headset. “She’s brilliant, you know,” he said. Rodney was not encouraged.
In the mess that evening he found out that she was brilliant and she was funny, and even though Zelenka seemed to have a crush on her, Sheppard watched her verbally spar with him fondly. Rodney glowered in concert with Teyla, and even Ronon seemed warier than usual.
Clarissa was far too good to be true.
*
As if reading his mind, Teyla and Ronon waited with Rodney for Clarissa to leave, then cornered Sheppard.
"Bring him," Rodney said curtly as he stalked towards his quarters, Teyla firmly at his side.
Ronon grabbed Sheppard by the shirt-front, nearly yanking him off his feet, and Sheppard had two choices: he could look undignified being pulled along by Ronon, or he could look extremely undignified struggling not to be pulled along by Ronon. Either way, he'd still have to talk to Rodney and Teyla.
They entered his room and shut the door and Rodney could only hope he looked half as imposing and Ronon and Teyla as they stood united, arms crossed, facing their nominal leader.
Sheppard cracked. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”
“Tell us,” Teyla said curtly. “Tell us exactly how you met her.”
Sheppard wandered over to the desk and picked up a framed photo, holding it in front of him like a shield. “They took me to her and we started talking. We had dinner together.”
“And you charmed her,” Rodney filled in.
“Hey,” Sheppard held one hand up. “She came on to me.”
“Of course she did. They always do. You just don’t realize that you bring it on yourself.”
“You are very attractive, Sheppard,” Ronon told him.
Teyla stalked closer to Sheppard. “When did you get married?”
He looked at the floor. “After a few weeks we just decided it would be a good idea.” He met her eyes defiantly. “We’ve only been married a week, you know.”
“A few weeks?” Rodney didn’t know whether to laugh at Sheppard’s romantic streak or beat some sense into him. “How could you possibly think that’s enough time to get to know someone?”
"She's strong, she's serene, she's smart-,” Sheppard started, but Rodney cut him off.
“She’s of average intelligence.”
“She figured out that problem with the energy distribution in Jumper Seven that you couldn’t.” Sheppard’s expression clearly said ‘beat that.’
“She handed Zelenka tools while he figured it out.”
“-and she has a wicked sense of humour.” Sheppard put down the picture and confronted Rodney directly, eyes hard. “That much I knew right away. She's everything I could want in a woman. In a friend."
Rodney threw his hands up in the air. "Oh my God, she's not human."
“Of course she’s human. I’ve checked.”
“Ah yes. I’m sure the sex is fantastic, too.”
“Our relationship isn’t about sex, Rodney, it’s about love and companionship.”
“You couldn’t get love and companionship here?” He was yelling now, and didn’t care.
“What, are you volunteering?”
“That’s not the point!”
“So what is?”
Teyla stepped between them, facing Sheppard. “Simply put, we don’t wish to share you.”
Sheppard blinked.
“You’re ours, Sheppard.” Ronon said from his position at the door. “That’s all you need to know.”
“Are you three possessed? Did something happen on Earth? Some strange, alien virus that came through the gate and infested your brains?”
“We came to a realization, Colonel,” Teyla explained smoothly. She laid a hand on his shoulder, then turned her head to Rodney. “Didn’t we?”
“Would it make you feel better if we told you it was an Athosian custom for a woman to take three husbands?” Rodney replied with a smirk.
Sheppard’s eyes widened. “Not really.” He shot a look over at Ronon. “What about you?”
Ronon shrugged. “I’m just along for the ride.”
Sheppard leaned away from Teyla, taking a step back and to the side. “I’m going to leave now.” He took a long stride towards the door Ronon was guarding. “I need to see my wife.”
Ronon let him go. “Three’s better than none, I guess.”
*
Days later Rodney found himself gazing at Clarissa, for no apparent reason, over the dining table. She seemed unaware of his attention, focused solely on Sheppard, who was joking with Ronon. Or trying to, anyway; Ronon had quickly learned that Sheppard was thrown by stoicism. It was like the guy was powered by other people’s smiles.
Clarissa turned her head quickly, and Rodney thought he caught a flash of something pale in her hair.
Teyla’s hand landed on his thigh. “Did you see that?”
“I think so.”
She leaned closer to him, turning her head to shield her mouth from Sheppard’s view. “Like a white cap, perhaps?”
Rodney nodded. Teyla glanced over at Clarissa, and Rodney saw the cap again. “That’s impossible.”
Teyla gripped his thigh a little tighter. “Are you sure about that?”
He wasn’t. “You want to...?”
“Yes.” Teyla stood casually, gathering her tray as she did after every meal, plate, utensils, napkin, cup. She crossed behind the Sheppards
and neatly swept her hand across Clarissa’s head as she passed.
One moment Sheppard was talking to his wife, the next he was looking at a badger.
“I knew it!” Rodney pointed at Sheppard. “Ha!”
Sheppard just looked sad as he picked up the badger and stroked her back. “Why?”
The badger put a paw on his chest and gave a little badger shrug.
*
"No bestiality jokes, please," John said from where he was propped up in the corner of the couch.
"Was I going to make a bestiality joke?” Rodney widened his eyes innocently. “Teyla, did I look like I was going to say anything about John's badger lust?"
"Of course not. Rodney would never be so crude." She nodded sagely, but then glanced slyly up at Rodney. "Congress with animals is clearly a sign of mental incompetency, and Rodney is never anything but gracious to the insane."
“Depends on your definition of ‘gracious’,” Ronon said, digging his head a little deeper into Rodney’s thigh. It hurt, but Rodney just smacked Ronon lightly on the forehead in retaliation.
“That cap thing was kind of nifty,” John said after a moment.
“Invisible,” Rodney added. “I’d hoped that when I put it on I would go invisible, but no such luck.” He sighed. “Imagine what fear I could put into the hearts of morons if I was invisible.”
“Not to mention the shape-shifting,” John said, rolling over to lay across Teyla’s lap and put his own head on Rodney’s other thigh. “So you guys really talked this over while you were on Earth?”
Teyla nodded and stroked a hand down the side of his neck. “It seemed the logical thing to do.”
Rodney snorted. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone with those Star Trek DVDs.”
“We just want to keep you out of trouble,” Ronon explained drowsily.
“I don’t get into trouble,” John protested, leading Rodney to roll his eyes so hard he thought he might need an ophthalmologist.
“Badger,” said Rodney simply. “From now on that will be our rallying cry when the alien women come around. Badger.”
"She really was cute," was all John had to say in reply.
END
Author: Teaphile
Challenge: Second Amnesty/First Contact
Genre: Comedy
Pairing: John/Other, John/Rodney/Teyla/Ronon
Rating: N for no sex please, we're comedy writers
Notes: Total crackfic. I wrote the flashback for the original First Contact challenge, but had nowhere to go with the rest of the story, so I didn't post. A locked conversation in my journal provided the rest.
Could She Love, Could She Woo
The last day on the Daedalus passed far too slowly for Rodney, who just wanted to be back home on Atlantis. He'd spent most of his days in the engine room with Ronon -- who had inexplicably bonded with Hermiod -- teaching him the finer points of Earth engineering. Ronon was a quick learner and had obviously had some decent training before he'd been taken by the Wraith, and Rodney felt it was his duty to nurture him so he'd have someone else not-completely incompetent along when they went offworld. So Rodney's days weren't exactly unpleasant, just… monotonous. As early as day four he'd started joining Teyla and Elizabeth for their morning exercises. At least that kept Ronon off his back about running. Rodney was many things to many people, but he was no one's jogging buddy. That's what Sheppard was for.
Despite the boredom of the trip back -- or perhaps enhancing said boredom -- Rodney was pleasantly relaxed from the month on Earth. He'd had a great time working with Doctor Lee again, and an even better time showing off his teammates to the generals and SG-1. More than once Elizabeth had had to remind him that he shouldn't be quite so smugly proud of Teyla's and Ronon's skills; he hadn't had anything to do with training them, after all. Rodney had of course answered that they'd honed their skills protecting him, and therefore he was instrumental to their achievement. Even the quiet snorts of laughter from Carter and Jackson couldn't ruin that moment.
He'd shown Teyla around Colorado and bits of New Mexico, but Ronon had taken one look at the sheer number of people in downtown Colorado Springs and had fled back into SGC, so they'd also spent a fair amount of time with him there. All in all it was a good vacation, and Rodney was a little sad to leave Earth, but more than glad to be nearly back in Atlantis.
Finally they arrived, and at Colonel Sheppard's welcome they transported into the gate room where Rodney stopped dead with shock. For there, coming to greet them with an excited grin, was Sheppard, and hanging off his arm was an endomorphic strawberry-blonde woman whom he introduced as his wife. His wife. Who was very much not Rodney's type, but was otherwise adorable.
"Congratulations," Ronon said with a chuckle from somewhere to Rodney's left, while Teyla, on his right, stiffened palpably. Rodney himself just stood there, slackjawed, as the barely-five-foot high woman smiled gently at them all.
"Thank you," Sheppard replied pointedly, glaring at Rodney as though it was a normal day.
"Well, Colonel," Elizabeth faltered briefly. "This is quite a surprise."
Sheppard grinned again, looking down fondly at his attachment. "I know. She came as a surprise to me, too, but I've never been happier in my life." She gazed back up at him adoringly, vacuously.
Rodney could have sworn he heard Teyla growl. Or maybe that was him.
*
Rodney took a deep breath as they entered the briefing room, which was miraculously Mrs. Sheppard free. He tried to think nice thoughts, he tried to wish away his perplexing (although not too perplexing seeing as this was Sheppard) anger, but it only worked until he met Teyla's narrowed eyes and saw her anger was twin to his own. Sheppard didn't notice, having been involved in a tussle with Elizabeth, after he'd accidentally-out-of-a-month's-habit-I-swear sat in her chair.
They finally settled into their usual places and Sheppard too-innocently folded his hands on the table in front of him. "So," he began mildly, "How was your debriefing?"
"Apparently not as good as yours," Rodney snapped without thinking. Sheppard just smiled at him, though, as if all that taunting about hot alien women had gone to waste.
"It went well. Tell us how you met… I'm sorry, I didn't catch her name," Elizabeth said politely.
"Clarissa," Sheppard replied proudly. Then he frowned slightly. "At least, that's as near as I can come to pronouncing it." He smiled again fondly and continued. "Remember that planet with the badgers?"
"The ones with the little hats?" Teyla asked.
"Yeah, those. What did Ford call them?"
“They’re yecks,” Ford said quietly.
“Really, Lieutenant, anyone can see they look nothing like yaks,” McKay responded just as softly.
The three men watched as Teyla approached one of the small, furry creatures that filled the meadow in front of them.
“Not yaks, yecks.” Ford emphasized the vowel.
“Whatever,” McKay replied, fiddling with a zipper on his vest. “They kind of look like badgers. With cat tails.”
“And little white hats,” John said, not taking his eyes off Teyla and the striped animal that was nuzzling her hand. “Ford, are you saying you’ve seen these before?”
“Not seen them, no.”
“So you’re just making the ‘yeck’ thing up, then,” John said.
Ford shrugged, shaking his head. “I once had to do a project in grade school on the mythical creatures of India. Trust me, these are yecks.”
The yeck placed one delicate forefoot on Teyla’s knee. She glanced back at the men before lifting a hand to the animal’s head. As soon as she touched the white fur, the yeck disappeared. Teyla shrugged and stood, rejoining her team.
“Now that’s interesting,” McKay said quickly. He reached out to a little brown yeck that had ventured close to him. It sniffed his hand, so he stroked it down its long, broad back. When he reached up to its head, though, it disappeared as thoroughly as the first. “Okay, very weird.”
“It is strange,” Teyla agreed. “I could still feel the fur for a moment, even when I could see the creature no longer.”
John frowned. “Maybe they’re just invisible, and not able to teleport.”
McKay grinned. “Who cares? Either way it’s something we need to know.”
“So you want to just take one back with us?”
Before McKay could reply, Teyla answered, “I believe we should study them here a while longer.”
McKay shrugged. “Sure. Couldn’t hurt.” He knelt down and held out a hand towards one. “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.”
Ford chuckled. “Kitty?”
McKay tossed him a withering glance; Ford remained unwithered. “It’s not the words that matter, it’s the tone of voice.”
Sure enough, the yeck was coming closer. It snuffled at his fingertips for a moment, before losing interest. McKay pulled a nutrition bar out of his vest and broke off a chunk, laying it on the ground in front of him. The yeck sniffed it, then started to eat. Very carefully, McKay slipped one hand under its belly and the other under its ribs and lifted it to his chest. The yeck struggled a bit, then snuggled in and tucked its nose in McKay’s elbow.
“Cute,” John said, half meaning it. He reached out and stroked the soft amber fur, avoiding the white cap. The yeck closed its eyes and started making a crooning noise.
“It likes you,” Teyla offered.
McKay looked up from the yeck. “Can I take him home, Dad, please?”
John smiled. “All right, Rodney, but you have to promise to take care of him yourself or we’ll bring him right back.”
The moment McKay started walking back to the stargate, though, the yeck suddenly shrank to a quarter its size, slipped through his arms to the ground and scampered off a short distance.
“The hell,” Ford exclaimed, stopping short of stepping on it as it passed his boots.
The yeck just resumed its previous size and watched them from safety. All the other yecks started to run, forming a galloping wave of fur as they slowly headed out of the meadow in the opposite direction. McKay’s yeck cocked its head, ran quickly up to John, raised itself up on its hind legs and tapped his knee gently with a speckled paw. Then it ran as fast as it could to catch up, stopping from time to time to look at them.
Teyla frowned at John. “You are It.”
"Yecks," Rodney answered quickly. "They were cute." He looked at Elizabeth. "Kind of cat-like."
"We followed them around for a while, but then you called us back," Sheppard added. "Then we got caught up with the Wraith and everything, and never got back there. Well, I decided to go back, take a science team and see what was up with the yecks. Turns out, there are people living there, too." He looked over at Rodney. "Advanced people."
Elizabeth was nodding. "So, you…."
"Went over and introduced ourselves." Sheppard continued. "They let us look around and told us stories about the Ancients and the Wraith -- and by the way, they've never been culled," his eyebrows popped up with that statement, "and then introduced us to Clarissa, their… actually the term is untranslatable. She assesses things. Threats. Weather. Genetic compatibility of mates. That kind of thing."
"Sounds mystical," Ronon said warily.
Sheppard frowned again and shook his head. "Not exactly. She's very smart. She has a knack for putting data together in strange new ways." He looked up at Rodney almost nervously. "She's been here a week and already she's done some amazing things with our systems."
Yeah, because that pleased Rodney, really. Some stranger playing with his city? He planned to have a long talk with Zelenka about alien cooties.
"She could be very valuable to us, then," Elizabeth said quickly, cutting off Rodney's reply.
Sheppard twiddled his fingers against the table. "It's not like that. I do love her, and it's just a bonus that she's okay with living here. She kinda looks like my fourth-grade girlfriend," he added sheepishly.
"She kind of looks like Lieutenant Cadman," Ronon said with a wink.
Rodney sighed heavily. "Forget Cadman, your new wife looks almost exactly like my sister."
Sheppard frowned, then shrugged. “Good thing I never met your sister, then.”
“Oh, so that’s what I should be pleased about. Not that you’ve brought yet another alien into our city to do God knows what to it. Just as long as she’s not another McKay.”
“Rodney, you know I--”
Rodney couldn’t be bothered to let him finish his doubtless pathetic protests. “Not to mention that she might give away the fact that Atlantis still exists!”
“Rodney!” Elizabeth nearly shouted to get his attention. She got it, but just barely. He subsided, opting to glare Sheppard into submission.
Teyla folded her hands on the table in front of her. “I am forced to agree with Doctor McKay. We do not know if we can trust her.” She turned her attention to Sheppard. “Colonel, do you not think it strange that when we first went to her planet, we saw no people at all? Where were they at that time?”
“Most of the time they live in these fantastic caves,” he drew an arc in the air. “Probably why the Wraith leave them alone.”
“But you don’t know for sure,” Ronon interjected. “Why they’ve never been culled.”
Sheppard sat up a little straighter in his chair, but kept his gaze on the table. “They’re kind of secretive about it.”
“Fantastic,” said Rodney. “Secretive alien women. That always works out so well.”
*
Rodney should have known she'd be in his lab. Hadn't Sheppard said she was helping out? Of course, he was ninety-eight percent sure that Sheppard was blinded by love and the science team was simply humouring her, letting her think she was contributing. They were nice people, unlike Rodney. They probably gave her a scanner and clapped whenever she found a person.
Right now she was making coffee, chatting and laughing with Alderson in a pleasantly-accented voice. Alderson glanced over at Rodney and Clarissa's warm, dark gaze followed.
He took a few steps closer and stuck out his hand stiffly. "Doctor Rodney McKay."
She smiled and grasped his hand as if she was an old friend. "Pleased to meet you. John speaks of you frequently."
"He does?" Mollified for the moment, Rodney dropped her hand and moved to his work area. "What does he say?" He realized he was talking about Sheppard and backtracked. "Never mind. I don't want to know."
"He admires you greatly," she said, completely ignoring his wishes, very Sheppard-like, actually.
"Of course he does," Alderson piped in. He caught Rodney's glare of ‘you did not just kiss my ass’ and quickly stepped back to his own station.
"John has told me many things about Earth. Did you have a nice time? Did you eat many delicious foods and be entertained?"
Rodney didn't want to talk about Earth. He and Teyla, and then later Ronon, had come to an agreement -- more of an arrangement, really -- about their team, and now this pert little seductress had barged in and stood to ruin everything. Would Sheppard even want to go on missions now, let alone hang out with them? Would they now have to break in Major Lorne? That was not a happy thought. "It was great. I have work to do now. Been away for a month, busy busy you know." He shooed her away with one hand and opened up his laptop with the other. He hoped she got the point.
When he looked around later she was gone, but he heard Zelenka talking to her over the radio and from the half a conversation he could hear it sounded like she was working on something important. He glared over at Zelenka, who glared back and muted his headset. “She’s brilliant, you know,” he said. Rodney was not encouraged.
In the mess that evening he found out that she was brilliant and she was funny, and even though Zelenka seemed to have a crush on her, Sheppard watched her verbally spar with him fondly. Rodney glowered in concert with Teyla, and even Ronon seemed warier than usual.
Clarissa was far too good to be true.
*
As if reading his mind, Teyla and Ronon waited with Rodney for Clarissa to leave, then cornered Sheppard.
"Bring him," Rodney said curtly as he stalked towards his quarters, Teyla firmly at his side.
Ronon grabbed Sheppard by the shirt-front, nearly yanking him off his feet, and Sheppard had two choices: he could look undignified being pulled along by Ronon, or he could look extremely undignified struggling not to be pulled along by Ronon. Either way, he'd still have to talk to Rodney and Teyla.
They entered his room and shut the door and Rodney could only hope he looked half as imposing and Ronon and Teyla as they stood united, arms crossed, facing their nominal leader.
Sheppard cracked. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”
“Tell us,” Teyla said curtly. “Tell us exactly how you met her.”
Sheppard wandered over to the desk and picked up a framed photo, holding it in front of him like a shield. “They took me to her and we started talking. We had dinner together.”
“And you charmed her,” Rodney filled in.
“Hey,” Sheppard held one hand up. “She came on to me.”
“Of course she did. They always do. You just don’t realize that you bring it on yourself.”
“You are very attractive, Sheppard,” Ronon told him.
Teyla stalked closer to Sheppard. “When did you get married?”
He looked at the floor. “After a few weeks we just decided it would be a good idea.” He met her eyes defiantly. “We’ve only been married a week, you know.”
“A few weeks?” Rodney didn’t know whether to laugh at Sheppard’s romantic streak or beat some sense into him. “How could you possibly think that’s enough time to get to know someone?”
"She's strong, she's serene, she's smart-,” Sheppard started, but Rodney cut him off.
“She’s of average intelligence.”
“She figured out that problem with the energy distribution in Jumper Seven that you couldn’t.” Sheppard’s expression clearly said ‘beat that.’
“She handed Zelenka tools while he figured it out.”
“-and she has a wicked sense of humour.” Sheppard put down the picture and confronted Rodney directly, eyes hard. “That much I knew right away. She's everything I could want in a woman. In a friend."
Rodney threw his hands up in the air. "Oh my God, she's not human."
“Of course she’s human. I’ve checked.”
“Ah yes. I’m sure the sex is fantastic, too.”
“Our relationship isn’t about sex, Rodney, it’s about love and companionship.”
“You couldn’t get love and companionship here?” He was yelling now, and didn’t care.
“What, are you volunteering?”
“That’s not the point!”
“So what is?”
Teyla stepped between them, facing Sheppard. “Simply put, we don’t wish to share you.”
Sheppard blinked.
“You’re ours, Sheppard.” Ronon said from his position at the door. “That’s all you need to know.”
“Are you three possessed? Did something happen on Earth? Some strange, alien virus that came through the gate and infested your brains?”
“We came to a realization, Colonel,” Teyla explained smoothly. She laid a hand on his shoulder, then turned her head to Rodney. “Didn’t we?”
“Would it make you feel better if we told you it was an Athosian custom for a woman to take three husbands?” Rodney replied with a smirk.
Sheppard’s eyes widened. “Not really.” He shot a look over at Ronon. “What about you?”
Ronon shrugged. “I’m just along for the ride.”
Sheppard leaned away from Teyla, taking a step back and to the side. “I’m going to leave now.” He took a long stride towards the door Ronon was guarding. “I need to see my wife.”
Ronon let him go. “Three’s better than none, I guess.”
*
Days later Rodney found himself gazing at Clarissa, for no apparent reason, over the dining table. She seemed unaware of his attention, focused solely on Sheppard, who was joking with Ronon. Or trying to, anyway; Ronon had quickly learned that Sheppard was thrown by stoicism. It was like the guy was powered by other people’s smiles.
Clarissa turned her head quickly, and Rodney thought he caught a flash of something pale in her hair.
Teyla’s hand landed on his thigh. “Did you see that?”
“I think so.”
She leaned closer to him, turning her head to shield her mouth from Sheppard’s view. “Like a white cap, perhaps?”
Rodney nodded. Teyla glanced over at Clarissa, and Rodney saw the cap again. “That’s impossible.”
Teyla gripped his thigh a little tighter. “Are you sure about that?”
He wasn’t. “You want to...?”
“Yes.” Teyla stood casually, gathering her tray as she did after every meal, plate, utensils, napkin, cup. She crossed behind the Sheppards
and neatly swept her hand across Clarissa’s head as she passed.
One moment Sheppard was talking to his wife, the next he was looking at a badger.
“I knew it!” Rodney pointed at Sheppard. “Ha!”
Sheppard just looked sad as he picked up the badger and stroked her back. “Why?”
The badger put a paw on his chest and gave a little badger shrug.
*
"No bestiality jokes, please," John said from where he was propped up in the corner of the couch.
"Was I going to make a bestiality joke?” Rodney widened his eyes innocently. “Teyla, did I look like I was going to say anything about John's badger lust?"
"Of course not. Rodney would never be so crude." She nodded sagely, but then glanced slyly up at Rodney. "Congress with animals is clearly a sign of mental incompetency, and Rodney is never anything but gracious to the insane."
“Depends on your definition of ‘gracious’,” Ronon said, digging his head a little deeper into Rodney’s thigh. It hurt, but Rodney just smacked Ronon lightly on the forehead in retaliation.
“That cap thing was kind of nifty,” John said after a moment.
“Invisible,” Rodney added. “I’d hoped that when I put it on I would go invisible, but no such luck.” He sighed. “Imagine what fear I could put into the hearts of morons if I was invisible.”
“Not to mention the shape-shifting,” John said, rolling over to lay across Teyla’s lap and put his own head on Rodney’s other thigh. “So you guys really talked this over while you were on Earth?”
Teyla nodded and stroked a hand down the side of his neck. “It seemed the logical thing to do.”
Rodney snorted. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone with those Star Trek DVDs.”
“We just want to keep you out of trouble,” Ronon explained drowsily.
“I don’t get into trouble,” John protested, leading Rodney to roll his eyes so hard he thought he might need an ophthalmologist.
“Badger,” said Rodney simply. “From now on that will be our rallying cry when the alien women come around. Badger.”
"She really was cute," was all John had to say in reply.
END
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feedback
Date: 2006-01-03 01:33 am (UTC)Re: feedback
Date: 2006-01-03 05:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 01:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 05:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 01:45 am (UTC)"No bestiality jokes, please," John said from where he was propped up in the corner of the couch.
"Was I going to make a bestiality joke?” Rodney widened his eyes innocently. “Teyla, did I look like I was going to say anything about John's badger lust?"
"Of course not. Rodney would never be so crude." She nodded sagely, but then glanced slyly up at Rodney. "Congress with animals is clearly a sign of mental incompetency, and Rodney is never anything but gracious to the insane."
“Depends on your definition of ‘gracious’,” Ronon said, digging his head a little deeper into Rodney’s thigh. It hurt, but Rodney just smacked Ronon lightly on the forehead in retaliation.
I love you.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 02:00 am (UTC)...sorry. *g*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:15 am (UTC)So basically a badger is a fangirl. Cool.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 02:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 02:32 am (UTC)And the SGA comedy award goes to...this fic.
That last scene? It rocks my life.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 02:38 am (UTC)John and a badger???? That had me cracking up - it's about time something like this happened - I kinda thought he had it coming to him for hitting on too many alien women!
What a novel idea you had and I'm glad to have read it.
Thanks for sharing.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 03:16 am (UTC)Very amusing. Great story.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 03:42 am (UTC)I liked the team dynamics...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 04:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 04:07 am (UTC)lol
“Fantastic,” said Rodney. “Secretive alien women. That always works out so well.”
Heeeeee!
Badgers. How did you come up with the animal?
And the way you used "congress" made me think of Firefly. Jayne saying "She's in congress?". But that's beside the point.
I like fic that makes me smile. I haven't smiled all day today, so thank you. :D
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:10 am (UTC)And I love badgers.
Glad I could make you smile, hon.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 04:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 06:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 11:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-04 12:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-03 10:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-04 12:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-04 01:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-04 08:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-04 05:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-04 08:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-10 11:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-01-11 12:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-24 07:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-04-15 02:48 pm (UTC)We know that most authors are thrilled to be nominated for an award and eagerly await the voting results, but there are some authors who don't care for awards and chose not to participate.
To that end we'd like you to reply to this letter letting us know if we have your permission to include your story/s in the awards.
Your nominated stories are:
Dex/Emmagan/McKay/Sheppard Could She Love, Could She Woo http://community.livejournal.com/sga_flashfic/232772.html
Jackson/McKay Stumbling Around (Underground) http://www.wraithbait.com/viewstory.php?sid=10016
For each story please let us know if you give permission for the story to be included in the awards. Also, please check the link and let us know if that is the posting of the story you want us to use when we announce nominations.
You can reach the DiversiFICation awards by leaving a comment at http://community.livejournal.com/sgdiverse_award/3955.html.
If for some reason, you can't reply at that post, please email Waldo at smallwaldo at comast.net, but replying at the LJ post is preferred. Thanks.