Festival! By Moonloon (Culture clash challenge)

[maryavatar.livejournal.com]

Another last-minute flashfic. I had a much much worse idea, but fortunately it died. Believe me, you're all very glad I didn't finish it.

Festival!

"Pigs!" Elizabeth yelled, almost deafening John, who'd been standing a little too close. "Why are there pigs in the gateroom?" A particularly frisky porker squealed, leaped out of Halling's arms, and ran up the stairs towards them.

"I am so sorry, Dr Weir," Halling said, as he tackled the escapee. "These pigs are for the planting festival."

John looked at the pig, which seemed to be grinning at him. "What do pigs have to do with planting?"

"Ah, well..." Halling grinned. "Not much, but after we've finished the planting, we eat the pigs."

Elizabeth paled, and John decided to have fish for lunch.

~

John watched the last of the pigs being herded out of the Puddlejumper. "So, Halling, what's this planting festival like?"

Halling started brushing pig dung out of the Puddlejumper. "It is a very spiritual time for my people. All the able-bodied men retreat to the forest for three nights, where we give thanks to the Ancestors for surviving another winter, and ask for a bountiful harvest. We make offerings of mead and meat and sing songs around pits of fire."

Teyla appeared at John's elbow. "Or, translated into the truth, it's an excuse for the men to spend a few days in the forest, getting drunk and eating barbecue."

Halling shrugged and smiled at John. "Perhaps you would like to join us this year? We have more than enough mead to go around, and I got a very good deal on pigs because I bought the whole herd."

"I don't know..." Although getting drunk and eating barbecue did sound good.

"Bring Dr McKay along. He looks like he'd enjoy a few days with good food, drink and no responsibilities."

"Hmmm, he probably would, wouldn't he?"

~

"You know, I don't recall you mentioning that we were going to have to be naked for this little excursion," Rodney said, as he stripped to disturbingly floral boxer shorts, and took another mouthful of mead, grimacing at the sickly sweet flavour.

"I didn't know, okay? Sorry. All Halling and Teyla told me was booze and barbecue. The naked thing is as much of a shock to me as it is to you." John was trying very hard not to grin at way Rodney was blushing.

"It's all right for you," Rodney moaned, "You look good naked."

"There you are!" Halling bounced into view, completely comfortable with his nudity. "This is the unguent." He handed John and Rodney a jar each of greenish greasy-looking paste. "Spread it all over your flesh to protect against insect bites, and... well... you might need it for the wrestling later."

"Wow," John said. "I was feeling pretty good about myself until now. Did you see the size..."

"Yes!" Rodney glared at John. "I did, thank you." He sniffed the contents of the jar in his hand. "Goose grease, I think. With fragrant herbs."

John shucked his underwear. "Come on Rodney, they can't all be built like Holling. Grease up and lets go snag some barbecue."

~

"Oh God," John whimpered.

"I'd guess Halling and Teyla didn't tell you about this either?"

"Um... no." John didn't know where too look. His mind kept yelling , 'Oh my God, fifty naked Athosian men! In the forest! Having gay sex!' Although that wasn't entirely true: only about half of them were having gay sex, the other half were drinking and shouting encouragement from the sidelines. And occasionally making obscene gestures with pork parts.

Rodney stared in horror at the jar in his hand. "We're covered in... lube!"

John squinted at the writhing pile of greasy limbs and moans in front of him. "Wow, is that Dr Zelenka?"

Comments

[maryavatar.livejournal.com]

Probably something similar, only they'd make the obscene gestures with fruit.

[verstehen.livejournal.com]

Weir: You didn't tell me I'd be watching them do that with mangos, Teyla.
Teyla: I did not? I apologize, Dr. Weir. I hadn't realized our customs were so different.
Weir: ...I don't want to know what you're doing with the watermelons.

[maryavatar.livejournal.com]

BWAH! *dies*

[verstehen.livejournal.com]

I can just imagine them all coming back, meeting in the gateroom, giving each other guilty/shifty looks and going their separate ways.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

It's when they make the gestures with the kumquats and star fruit that you have to worry.

[maryavatar.livejournal.com]

I wrote a Highlander story involving sex and kumquats a couple of years ago ;)