The Knife Didn't by Ekaterinn (Postsecret)

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

The Knife Didn't
by ekaterinn

Summary: McKay, The knife didn't make him talk.
Warnings: Mature/dark themes. Not graphic, but also not for the faint of heart.
Notes: Based on this postcard by overchay. 287 words. Slight spoilers for The Storm/The Eye.


The knife didn’t make him talk. It was just blood, welling up from the jagged cut, the pain not even registering until a second later. He’d been horrified, at loss for words. Even the words they wanted. What had came after the knife, Rodney remembers only as a series of movements.

Pants being violently jerked down.

Hands holding him in place.

And his words spilling out, getting everywhere, even before that first spike of pain.

He told them about the plan, about their weapons, everything about Atlantis and the storm before they told him to stop. He would have told them anything, just to make this not be happening.

Rodney’s sitting on the edge of his bed now. He’s not quite sure how he got there. His hair is wet, so he hypothesizes that he must have showered. Hopes he didn’t scrub at his skin too hard, trying to wash away the day.

Rodney knows he should talk to Dr. Heightmeyer, knows in the deeply sensible part of his brain that he should tell her even if he doesn’t tell anyone else. But he can’t imagine ever having words to describe the - what had happened.

Besides, he didn’t fall apart directly afterwards and he’s not about to do so now. That holds true even if he can’t bear the thought of sleep. Rodney’s been having nightmares about the Wraith for months. The thought of his brain hellishly combining those dreams and the events of the day shakes him to his core. He’ll go to the lab instead; there will be work to do there now, after the storm has passed.

And maybe the knife didn’t make him talk. But he’ll tell the others that it did.

Comments

[thefannishwaldo.livejournal.com]

Oh damn... ouch! Guh... I'm all speechless...

Please tell me there's a part two with the C for all this H. Please?

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it worked for you. No part 2, I'm afraid, since I think Rodney breathes a sigh of relief when nothing shows up in his monthly physical. And then he compartmentalizes this until it all goes to hell on mission - blood, so much blood, and he would have never thought blood would be a trigger, but he's shaking so bad, and he's only vaguely aware of Sheppard's arms around his body, holding him close, keeping him together. And on from there - actually talking to Heightmeyer and other people about it, learning that the experience of rape can't be pushed away by an act of a will, but has to faced full-on. But that's very long fic, and I'm not sure that I'm a good enough writer to do a subject like this justice.

Anyway, so for the rambling reply, and thank you so much for your comment!

[from-the-corner.livejournal.com]

Are you kidding? What you rote above (ALL of this) just makes me want to lock you up somewhere until you give up this fic! And ok, I'm gonna feed you with cookies, chocolate or whatever makes you happy. And other would probably help, too. :D

[neery.livejournal.com]

I loved the fic, it works really well for me - Rodney's reavction, and his shock, and the way he tries to keep it together.
And your "sequel" is somehow pretty satisfying even though it's only a summary...

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

I'm glad the fic worked for you, and that Rodney's reaction is believable. He's determined to not fall apart, and it will work, for a time. And I'm doubly pleased you thought the little comment sequel summary was satisfying! I feel bad leaving Rodney like this, but at the same time I don't want to dive into the darkness that would be the sequel; I'm already working a quite long, happier fic. Thanks so much for your comment! ^_^

[darsnape-dracul.livejournal.com]

I second from_the_corner . I'll help

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Oh, I like this. It's--hm--angsty without being overwrought. Satisfyingly angsty!

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! I'm always worried that my angst might be over-the-top, so I'm very pleased to hear this fic described as "satisfying angsty".

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

Wow, very well done.

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[overchay.livejournal.com]

This was absolutely perfect. That first paragraph had me. The second sentence is just what I was thinking when I pulled together the idea for the postcard. Wow. This was fabulous. His detachment, his fear; it all works together so well the way you told it.

I am so in love for life now, thank you for writing this! :D

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Oh, thank you!

The second sentence is just what I was thinking when I pulled together the idea for the postcard.

I'm so glad! Such a wonderful and heartbreaking postcard, by the way - this fic just seemed to pour out of your image.

His detachment, his fear; it all works together so well the way you told it.

I'm pleased both the detachment and the fear came through for you. Rodney's just going to compartmentalize this experience, I'm afraid, until/unless something triggers the memory in a major way - and then it's going to hurt in a way that he's not letting it do now. ^^

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

*nods* Rodney is truly courageous, which almost made it harder for me to write this, because I see him just compartmentalizing this and getting on with life the best he can, telling no one.

I'm glad it worked for you; thank you!

[mirabile-dictu.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is really disturbing, and scary, and good. Thank you.

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it worked for you - and that you found it disturbing, because it was supposed to be. Thank you!

[justhuman.livejournal.com]

Oh!

Great. There was something about the look on his face that it was more than the knife. Well done.

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

Thank you; I'm glad it worked for oyu!

[palebluebell.livejournal.com]

Wow!

Very good. I'll admit I was hesitant about reading this, but goodness me - good job It was almost a bit too real for comfort.

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

Thanks; I'm glad it worked for you!

I'll admit I was hesitant about reading this

Well, I was a bit hesitant about writing it, so. ^^ I'm glad you found it real.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

ouch. And possibly ouch some more.

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

*nods* This isn't pretty. Thank you for commenting!

[meredevachon]

Wonderfully done. The writing style reflects what Rodney is experiencing just beautifully. Thanks for sharing this.

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! I'm glad that you think the writing reflects what is happening to Rodney; that's one of the things I was going for.

[kat-lair.livejournal.com]

ouch.

lovely, just lovely.

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

*smiles* Thank you very much; I'm glad it worked for you.

[nova-bright.livejournal.com]

Wow. You blow me away with you excellence. And, oh my poor Rodney...*pats*

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you! And yes, Rodney coukd use all the pats he can get.

[lishel_fracrium.livejournal.com]

damn..that's just damn..I have no other words.

[ekaterinn.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you had a strong reaction to it, since that means it seems to have worked like I meant it to. Thank you for commenting!

[delcamy.livejournal.com]

wow. That had the powet behind it. Thanks!