Title: MVP (74k) Author: Speranza Pairing: Sheppard/McKay Postcard: here Summary: "All right, all right, nothing to see here," he heard Sheppard say. "You've seen one giant snake, you've seen 'em all."
OK, so I'm back to leave a proper comment and this time I got WORDS! (On several occasions, in caps. Because I'm all emotional and stuff, so apologies in advance.)
The reason why I was so completely struck and rendered speechless by this story is the way it dug into all of my issues with John - or actually, my issues with LOVING John. Because he's amazing and hot and smart and aloof and heroic and supposed to be The Good Guy, but at the same time, he creeps me out for a whole bunch of reasons and at times even makes me WISH I HATED HIM instead. (I have complex, profound, and sometimes contradictory feelings for TV characters, and I tend to overthink said feelings. Mock away.)
And that's why THE WAY Rodney loves him in this fic, the way Rodney looks at him/after him and worries about him and interprets some arguably quite shitty behavior as acceptable and understandable and even hopeful - oh, that just gets me where I live. Not only did you write Rodney in a way that made me empathize with him the way I haven't until now (I'm too invested in John and have been since day one); you've also placed me, reader and fangirl, in a position I haven't expected AT ALL from ANY fic.
It's as if you've raised a mirror to fangirling John as I experience it, to the fan's power of interpretation of a beloved character, except you've also shown how limited or even blind that interpretation can be (inside the story: for both John and Rodney, for both their relationship and the way they view/value each other AND themselves); and by doing so, it's as if you have RECOGNIZED and NAMED and maybe even PETTED a little THE SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS I feel as a fan about what I love, hate, see, read in my favorite obsessions. Er, characters.
(Btw, any and all meta hereby perceived is mine and mine alone, but your fic has superpowers in my universe and I wanted to let you know, just in case. Really, what an exquisite way to present these intricate issues, and what a powerful approach to their relationship AND our relationship to them. SUPERPOWERS.)
John Sheppard is not my typical choice of a character to adore, and I keep trying to figure out WHY I adore him despite everything. This fic, which - in my mind's eye - stretches him between woobiefied object (by Rodney, via that psych evaluation) and needy, maybe deliberately oblivious, at times cruel-simply-by-being-active subject (by the way he is shown to us) offers that PERFECTLY BALANCED AMBIGUITY, the reason I'm drawn to him so much, and I STILL have no words to tell you how happy I am that this story EXISTS, period.
If I weren't completely exhausted right now, I'd talk a bit about your terrific writing style and action sequences and humor and suspense and tempo and precision and clarity (so fucking important in a fic with so many "confusing" statements!)... But for now, let me just thank you again for uncovering the pathologies of BOTH these characters so masterfully, and for not stopping there but humanizing said pathologies into painful yet still embraceable flaws. And THEN, on top of that, thank your for doing Emotionally Honest Revelation things that never turn the fic into schmoop but allow us - allow ME - to keep loving them, to keep loving HIM while still being reasonably creeped out about it.
P.S. The weirdest thing is, in this whole fic, the character I really felt the closest to was Elizabeth. Seeing more than two sides per issue, trying to make the best decision given what she knows and sees about everybody, struggling to stick to the chosen perspective, inevitably feeling a bit guilty about it anyway... She doesn't come across as likeable in this story, and yet... well. Obviously, I need to get some sleep because coherence has been running thin since a few paragraphs ago.
Actually, my response to this is--YOU TOO? I mean, I feel very similarly about John--there's this combination of love and hate (you didn't want to be there when I saw Hot Zone, you really did NOT; I was yelling at the screen, because John was OMG so wrong! and he does these stupid, wrong bad things in canon, and yet--pant, pant) Anyway, yes, I know what you mean about having mixed feelings for a character and yet adoring him nonetheless, and in my head, I've kind of found a way to reconcile it all, and it's THIS. *points to story*
It's hard to fangirl John Sheppard. I mean, he's every guy you should stay away from, let's face it. And YET.
Meanwhile I'm also so glad to hear you say this about Elizbeth--a lot of people said that she didn't come off well in this story, but seriously--Rodney is so PROJECTING onto her. Elizabeth does nothing wrong in this story except value Rodney and praise John, but she's the site of a lot of Rodney's anger. I personally think that when Rodney yells at Elizabeth, he's totally yelling at HIMSELF, because he's guilty, he feels guilty--but what do I know. *g*
YES YES ME TOO! He does terrible and impulsive and bad things, and he gets away with it too often usually on account of good intentions, and when he gets angry he kills people, sometimes en masse - and I still lust after him. However...
in my head, I've kind of found a way to reconcile it all, and it's THIS. *points to story*
... and it's worked wonders in MY head as well, for which I cannot thank you enough.
As for Elizabeth and Rodney's projection - YES! I picked up on John's tendency to project most recently in "The Tower", when he goes all knight in shining armor for that chick who throws herself at him (seriously, he feels compelled to save her and take care of her because she offered him sex!); and the way he talks to McKay in your fic is TOTALLY along those lines - I could HEAR him. Same with Rodney, who's never been a reliable narrator anyway and who, on the show, keeps struggling with guilt over the fact that, hey, people have sacrificed their lives to save his! So of course he'd freak out over his MVP status, and of course he'd pass the freakout onto John. I mean, it's not just logical, it's CANON.
OK, I'm going to stop commenting here obsessively and take this squee over to my LJ. *g*
He does terrible and impulsive and bad things, and he gets away with it too often usually on account of good intentions, and when he gets angry he kills people, sometimes en masse - and I still lust after him.
OH MY GOD--I KNOW! I KNOW! HOW DO WE STAND IT???
But yes, yes, about the projection--I mean, I often think that John in particular is playing out some script that's in his own head despite whatever's actually going on. He's fucking TERRIFYING, really!
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sga_flashfic
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-03 07:13 am (UTC)Thank you, thank you, thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-04 02:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-04 08:38 am (UTC)The reason why I was so completely struck and rendered speechless by this story is the way it dug into all of my issues with John - or actually, my issues with LOVING John. Because he's amazing and hot and smart and aloof and heroic and supposed to be The Good Guy, but at the same time, he creeps me out for a whole bunch of reasons and at times even makes me WISH I HATED HIM instead. (I have complex, profound, and sometimes contradictory feelings for TV characters, and I tend to overthink said feelings. Mock away.)
And that's why THE WAY Rodney loves him in this fic, the way Rodney looks at him/after him and worries about him and interprets some arguably quite shitty behavior as acceptable and understandable and even hopeful - oh, that just gets me where I live. Not only did you write Rodney in a way that made me empathize with him the way I haven't until now (I'm too invested in John and have been since day one); you've also placed me, reader and fangirl, in a position I haven't expected AT ALL from ANY fic.
It's as if you've raised a mirror to fangirling John as I experience it, to the fan's power of interpretation of a beloved character, except you've also shown how limited or even blind that interpretation can be (inside the story: for both John and Rodney, for both their relationship and the way they view/value each other AND themselves); and by doing so, it's as if you have RECOGNIZED and NAMED and maybe even PETTED a little THE SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS I feel as a fan about what I love, hate, see, read in my favorite obsessions. Er, characters.
(Btw, any and all meta hereby perceived is mine and mine alone, but your fic has superpowers in my universe and I wanted to let you know, just in case. Really, what an exquisite way to present these intricate issues, and what a powerful approach to their relationship AND our relationship to them. SUPERPOWERS.)
John Sheppard is not my typical choice of a character to adore, and I keep trying to figure out WHY I adore him despite everything. This fic, which - in my mind's eye - stretches him between woobiefied object (by Rodney, via that psych evaluation) and needy, maybe deliberately oblivious, at times cruel-simply-by-being-active subject (by the way he is shown to us) offers that PERFECTLY BALANCED AMBIGUITY, the reason I'm drawn to him so much, and I STILL have no words to tell you how happy I am that this story EXISTS, period.
If I weren't completely exhausted right now, I'd talk a bit about your terrific writing style and action sequences and humor and suspense and tempo and precision and clarity (so fucking important in a fic with so many "confusing" statements!)... But for now, let me just thank you again for uncovering the pathologies of BOTH these characters so masterfully, and for not stopping there but humanizing said pathologies into painful yet still embraceable flaws. And THEN, on top of that, thank your for doing Emotionally Honest Revelation things that never turn the fic into schmoop but allow us - allow ME - to keep loving them, to keep loving HIM while still being reasonably creeped out about it.
P.S. The weirdest thing is, in this whole fic, the character I really felt the closest to was Elizabeth. Seeing more than two sides per issue, trying to make the best decision given what she knows and sees about everybody, struggling to stick to the chosen perspective, inevitably feeling a bit guilty about it anyway... She doesn't come across as likeable in this story, and yet... well. Obviously, I need to get some sleep because coherence has been running thin since a few paragraphs ago.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-05 03:00 am (UTC)It's hard to fangirl John Sheppard. I mean, he's every guy you should stay away from, let's face it. And YET.
Meanwhile I'm also so glad to hear you say this about Elizbeth--a lot of people said that she didn't come off well in this story, but seriously--Rodney is so PROJECTING onto her. Elizabeth does nothing wrong in this story except value Rodney and praise John, but she's the site of a lot of Rodney's anger. I personally think that when Rodney yells at Elizabeth, he's totally yelling at HIMSELF, because he's guilty, he feels guilty--but what do I know. *g*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-06 08:42 am (UTC)in my head, I've kind of found a way to reconcile it all, and it's THIS. *points to story*
... and it's worked wonders in MY head as well, for which I cannot thank you enough.
As for Elizabeth and Rodney's projection - YES! I picked up on John's tendency to project most recently in "The Tower", when he goes all knight in shining armor for that chick who throws herself at him (seriously, he feels compelled to save her and take care of her because she offered him sex!); and the way he talks to McKay in your fic is TOTALLY along those lines - I could HEAR him. Same with Rodney, who's never been a reliable narrator anyway and who, on the show, keeps struggling with guilt over the fact that, hey, people have sacrificed their lives to save his! So of course he'd freak out over his MVP status, and of course he'd pass the freakout onto John. I mean, it's not just logical, it's CANON.
OK, I'm going to stop commenting here obsessively and take this squee over to my LJ. *g*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-09 05:54 pm (UTC)OH MY GOD--I KNOW! I KNOW! HOW DO WE STAND IT???
But yes, yes, about the projection--I mean, I often think that John in particular is playing out some script that's in his own head despite whatever's actually going on. He's fucking TERRIFYING, really!