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sga_flashficChallenge: The Swimming Challenge
Title: Gone
Category: gen
Rating: G
Author: Raven_lore
Summary: She's going down
Spoilers: SG1 season 6 and SGA pilot
GONE
Games of light and shadow seeping through stained glasses.
Colored rays sliding on metallic bones.
The city is sinking. Leaving the sun for the ocean-deep darkness.
Air for water.
Water all around her.
Her.
Not Atlantis. Not water even.
Too soft to the touch. Too difficult to tread.
All around her, though. And no air.
Atlantis would have preserved some for her.
Cold. An icy layer of sweat all over her skin.
No ambitiously beautiful shell of grey and transparencies to protect her.
Only darkness.
***
Cold. But there's air now.
"She's conscious."
Atlantis is her first thought. But this is not Atlantis.
"She's breathing on her own."
The something in her throat, the people around her, the structure cocooning her, nothing speaks of her city.
"I think we're scaring her."
Her body panics, spasms and soon she is falling again.
A long dive into darkness. No lights or familiar thoughts.
She's alone. Atlantis is gone.
Notes: mmm... not totally sure this can be considered Atlantis. I mean, it is, but it is also SG1, maybe more SG1. Anyway this is what brain came up with. If it's out of place I'll take it away.
Title: Gone
Category: gen
Rating: G
Author: Raven_lore
Summary: She's going down
Spoilers: SG1 season 6 and SGA pilot
GONE
Games of light and shadow seeping through stained glasses.
Colored rays sliding on metallic bones.
The city is sinking. Leaving the sun for the ocean-deep darkness.
Air for water.
Water all around her.
Her.
Not Atlantis. Not water even.
Too soft to the touch. Too difficult to tread.
All around her, though. And no air.
Atlantis would have preserved some for her.
Cold. An icy layer of sweat all over her skin.
No ambitiously beautiful shell of grey and transparencies to protect her.
Only darkness.
***
Cold. But there's air now.
"She's conscious."
Atlantis is her first thought. But this is not Atlantis.
"She's breathing on her own."
The something in her throat, the people around her, the structure cocooning her, nothing speaks of her city.
"I think we're scaring her."
Her body panics, spasms and soon she is falling again.
A long dive into darkness. No lights or familiar thoughts.
She's alone. Atlantis is gone.
Notes: mmm... not totally sure this can be considered Atlantis. I mean, it is, but it is also SG1, maybe more SG1. Anyway this is what brain came up with. If it's out of place I'll take it away.
I like it !
Date: 2005-03-31 04:26 pm (UTC)Way to go!
Re: I like it !
Date: 2005-03-31 04:38 pm (UTC)And thanks for coming and reading it just to quell my doubts.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-02 08:13 am (UTC)I found this interesting, but I didn't have enough to grab on to, here. I wasn't sure who the speaking character was, or what had happened to the main character to put her in this situation. Because of the italicized tag at the end, I was able to figure out a little of what was going on, that some female had - escaped Atlantis and death, but no one else had, and made it back to the SGC? Maybe? I think I wanted a little more...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-02 06:10 pm (UTC)::sighs:
I knew it wasn't that clear, and that's the reason I added the bits from the episode ("She's conscious." - "She's breathing on her own." - "I think we're scaring her." which I only now notice that I've forgotten to italicize... even if I doubt it would have made such a big difference) and the Spoiler for SG1 season 6 warning.
So no, it's not a female from the Atlantis expedition and she's not at the SGC at the end. It's Ayiana.
This will probably teach me not to post something without having it betaed first.
Thanks for taking the time to point out what didn't work.