Function by Nilahasi
Apr. 19th, 2006 11:54 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
ex-nilahasi174.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
sga_flashficTitle: Function
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nilahasi
Rating: R
Warnings: Angst, Character Death (sort of)
Challenge: This Is Not Happening Challenge
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: Many, many thanks to my beta,fledge; all mistakes/weirdness belong to me.
Summary: Every time Sheppard comes to see him now, Rodney’s overwhelmed with guilt, and sometimes he wants to function properly but sometimes he just doesn’t care.
Every time Sheppard comes to see him now, Rodney’s overwhelmed with guilt, and sometimes he wants to function properly but sometimes he just doesn’t care.
Sheppard says “You can snap out of this” and “Goddammit, Rodney, you can wake up if you want to,” and Rodney doesn’t say a word.
++++
“Come on, Rodney, tell me what’s bothering you,” Elizabeth said, cajoling and sweet.
Rodney stared at her, bloodshot eyes unblinking. “This isn’t real.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw you kill them, Elizabeth,” Rodney said.
++++
Rodney frowned at the image reflected in his mirror, all the dips and lines in his face so much like hyperbolas charting his skin but so organic and fallible and he might as well just be dead, he thought, putting his fist through the glass, and looking at all the different men reflected back at him, all the possibilities, all the little drops of blood on the floor–and it occurs to him that none of this might be real, but he can feel the pain in his hand and he doesn’t really care.
++++
Rodney remembered stumbling through the Stargate, dragging Sheppard through with him as Ronon pulled Teyla through and lowered her gently to the floor.
Elizabeth ran up to Rodney, put a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?” she asked, demanding.
Rodney shook his head. “They jumped us–” he managed, and then Elizabeth shook her head, put a palm over his mouth to silence him.
“That’s not what I meant, Rodney,” she said. “I mean, why aren’t you dead?”
Rodney backed away but Elizabeth followed him, and maybe she was smiling.
++++
“Rodney, you have to tell me what’s wrong,” Elizabeth said.
“This isn’t real,” Rodney said.
“What?”
“I watched you die,” Rodney said, and turned to face the wall.
***
Teyla had told them that the people of P4X-221 were technology traders, peaceful, and for the first few minutes out of the Stargate nothing happened. They walked a paved road–Rodney could’ve danced at the feeling of pavement under his feet–through trees and a broad field of bright red flowers with thick petals like cups until the shooting started and Ronon went down in a haze of darts, and Teyla and Sheppard fell somewhere nearby and then Rodney hit the ground, a cloud of pollen all around his body, screaming as a man pressed something cool and metal to his forehead and then everything was black and white-hot at the same time, and nothing.
***
It must have been a couple of days after Rodney could stay awake for long periods of time that everyone started dying: rotting from the outside in, dropping pieces of themselves everywhere, blaming Rodney the whole time, and Rodney couldn’t disagree.
++++
Rodney looked at himself in the mirror–his face was empty, almost thin, almost old, almost alien enough to believe that it wasn’t real.
He heard Elizabeth behind him, saw her in the reflection as she came to stand behind him. “You see that you’re different,” she said.
Rodney nodded.
“Do you remember anything?” she asked. “Anything at all, Rodney.”
“Just waking up here,” Rodney said .
Elizabeth sighed, but Rodney could still see her face in the mirror, and she was smiling.
“If you don’t remember something in the next twenty-four hours, I’m going to cut off Teyla’s hands.”
++++
Rodney couldn’t remember the return trip, just waking up in the infirmary, and he must’ve been on really good drugs because everything was blurry–but he could hear Beckett in the background talking to someone about the drugs in Rodney’s system, and a time frame, and then Rodney was pulled back under the darkness.
++++
It must’ve been a few days after they’d come back through the Stargate when Elizabeth dragged Rodney into a small white cell, and almost before Rodney could recognize the person inside Elizabeth had shot Ronon in the head.
“So, Rodney,” she said, as the widening pool of blood puddled under her shoes, “let’s have a chat, shall we?”
++++
Every time Sheppard comes to see him now it’s quiet, like someone’s died, and Rodney thinks he could be like this forever, like a ghost.
****
The sound of the heart monitor is like a metronome, steady and strong, and Carson watches it through the infirmary’s nighttime half-light. He doesn’t know how long Sheppard’s been asleep in the chair next to Rodney’s bed, or how many nights in a row he’s found the man like this, but he lets him sleep.
Elizabeth walks into the infirmary, yawning and eyes full of sleep. “What’s the news?”
Carson shakes his head, shrugs. “At this point, I truly don’t know. It’s just a waiting game. Teyla and Ronon are putting in to go back to that planet, but Colonel Sheppard shot that down. Rightly, I think,” he added. “It’s a matter of time–like waiting for a fever to break. He should be fine.”
Elizabeth nods and straightens the sheet around Rodney’s arms, tucking it around him softly.
The monitor beeps around all the silence, clamorous and insistent.
Author:
nilahasiRating: R
Warnings: Angst, Character Death (sort of)
Challenge: This Is Not Happening Challenge
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: Many, many thanks to my beta,
fledge; all mistakes/weirdness belong to me. Summary: Every time Sheppard comes to see him now, Rodney’s overwhelmed with guilt, and sometimes he wants to function properly but sometimes he just doesn’t care.
Every time Sheppard comes to see him now, Rodney’s overwhelmed with guilt, and sometimes he wants to function properly but sometimes he just doesn’t care.
Sheppard says “You can snap out of this” and “Goddammit, Rodney, you can wake up if you want to,” and Rodney doesn’t say a word.
++++
“Come on, Rodney, tell me what’s bothering you,” Elizabeth said, cajoling and sweet.
Rodney stared at her, bloodshot eyes unblinking. “This isn’t real.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw you kill them, Elizabeth,” Rodney said.
++++
Rodney frowned at the image reflected in his mirror, all the dips and lines in his face so much like hyperbolas charting his skin but so organic and fallible and he might as well just be dead, he thought, putting his fist through the glass, and looking at all the different men reflected back at him, all the possibilities, all the little drops of blood on the floor–and it occurs to him that none of this might be real, but he can feel the pain in his hand and he doesn’t really care.
++++
Rodney remembered stumbling through the Stargate, dragging Sheppard through with him as Ronon pulled Teyla through and lowered her gently to the floor.
Elizabeth ran up to Rodney, put a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?” she asked, demanding.
Rodney shook his head. “They jumped us–” he managed, and then Elizabeth shook her head, put a palm over his mouth to silence him.
“That’s not what I meant, Rodney,” she said. “I mean, why aren’t you dead?”
Rodney backed away but Elizabeth followed him, and maybe she was smiling.
++++
“Rodney, you have to tell me what’s wrong,” Elizabeth said.
“This isn’t real,” Rodney said.
“What?”
“I watched you die,” Rodney said, and turned to face the wall.
***
Teyla had told them that the people of P4X-221 were technology traders, peaceful, and for the first few minutes out of the Stargate nothing happened. They walked a paved road–Rodney could’ve danced at the feeling of pavement under his feet–through trees and a broad field of bright red flowers with thick petals like cups until the shooting started and Ronon went down in a haze of darts, and Teyla and Sheppard fell somewhere nearby and then Rodney hit the ground, a cloud of pollen all around his body, screaming as a man pressed something cool and metal to his forehead and then everything was black and white-hot at the same time, and nothing.
***
It must have been a couple of days after Rodney could stay awake for long periods of time that everyone started dying: rotting from the outside in, dropping pieces of themselves everywhere, blaming Rodney the whole time, and Rodney couldn’t disagree.
++++
Rodney looked at himself in the mirror–his face was empty, almost thin, almost old, almost alien enough to believe that it wasn’t real.
He heard Elizabeth behind him, saw her in the reflection as she came to stand behind him. “You see that you’re different,” she said.
Rodney nodded.
“Do you remember anything?” she asked. “Anything at all, Rodney.”
“Just waking up here,” Rodney said .
Elizabeth sighed, but Rodney could still see her face in the mirror, and she was smiling.
“If you don’t remember something in the next twenty-four hours, I’m going to cut off Teyla’s hands.”
++++
Rodney couldn’t remember the return trip, just waking up in the infirmary, and he must’ve been on really good drugs because everything was blurry–but he could hear Beckett in the background talking to someone about the drugs in Rodney’s system, and a time frame, and then Rodney was pulled back under the darkness.
++++
It must’ve been a few days after they’d come back through the Stargate when Elizabeth dragged Rodney into a small white cell, and almost before Rodney could recognize the person inside Elizabeth had shot Ronon in the head.
“So, Rodney,” she said, as the widening pool of blood puddled under her shoes, “let’s have a chat, shall we?”
++++
Every time Sheppard comes to see him now it’s quiet, like someone’s died, and Rodney thinks he could be like this forever, like a ghost.
****
The sound of the heart monitor is like a metronome, steady and strong, and Carson watches it through the infirmary’s nighttime half-light. He doesn’t know how long Sheppard’s been asleep in the chair next to Rodney’s bed, or how many nights in a row he’s found the man like this, but he lets him sleep.
Elizabeth walks into the infirmary, yawning and eyes full of sleep. “What’s the news?”
Carson shakes his head, shrugs. “At this point, I truly don’t know. It’s just a waiting game. Teyla and Ronon are putting in to go back to that planet, but Colonel Sheppard shot that down. Rightly, I think,” he added. “It’s a matter of time–like waiting for a fever to break. He should be fine.”
Elizabeth nods and straightens the sheet around Rodney’s arms, tucking it around him softly.
The monitor beeps around all the silence, clamorous and insistent.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-20 10:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-25 01:56 pm (UTC)