sga_flashfic | "Command Decision" by Ismene - Dark Side Challenge (Reply)

Title: Command Decision
Author: Ismene
Pairing: McShep
Rating: R
Summary: I seem obsessed with Shep, McKay and torture. *looks disturbed by self* The show just...keeps ignoring that you can't just do things. I seem to need consequences to either their actions or actions I could see them taking. 500 words, one-shot.

PX9-734 was a nightmare. Rodney had played damsel in distress the whole time, held hostage by fucking peasants for knowing how to work their decrepit technology. It had been every worst-case-scenario John has imagined, and he’d done what had been necessary to get Rodney back. But even when Rodney had seen him covered in other mens’ blood, he’d assumed Rodney wouldn’t ask, wouldn’t question.

They’ve just gotten out of the shower, cleared by Beckett and Elizabeth for some down time, when Rodney finally demands an answer. “How many?”

His voice isn’t shaky or hesitant; he’s perfectly calm. John narrows his eyes but doesn’t answer, just keeps scrubbing through his hair with a towel.

“How many?”

“Does it really matter?” John snarls, but there’s no heat in his voice. He knows as well as Rodney that it’s the most important thing in the world right now. This could fuck everything up, if Rodney can’t handle it.

Rodney touches John’s face, turning it towards him, and repeats gently, “How many?”

“Five dead; one who isn’t, quite.” It’s more of a straight answer than Rodney expected, obviously. John glimpses something in those eyes, and jerks out from under Rodney’s hands.

“I refuse to belive I was wrong,” he says, and knows his shuttered face reflects how hurt he is.

“They – they were people, John. With friends and lovers… How could it be right?”

“You don’t leave people behind,” John grinds out, eyes everywhere but on Rodney. “You don’t get your people captured,” and something shifts in his voice, despite his attempts to stay blank.

Rodney hears it, makes the connection. “You think I’d talk. You think I’d break.”

John winces. “No-“

“Here I am, flattering myself that you did this because you love me, and it turns out you don’t even –“

“Jesus, Rodney. Of course I did it because… of that. I couldn’t… couldn’t let them...” John finds his hands have landed on Rodney’s broad shoulder. “No one else is questioning what I did – had you noticed that?” He only pauses for a moment, and then, “I did it because I love you. Does that mean I was wrong?”

Rodney pulls away and starts getting dressed, quickly.

Rodney’s silence gives John strength to whisper, “It was a command decision.” He wants to believe it too.

“Bullshit,” Rodney snaps back, lashing out like always. “It was a lover’s decision. I told you this would happen if we got involved.”

“Rodney-“

“You killed – you tortured someone.”

“I know.”

“To find me.”

“I know, Rodney, Christ-”

“John…I can’t do this.”

“Isn’t it supposed to be romantic, that I’d do anything for you?” His voice comes out far more bitter than he meant it to and Rodney zips his shirt before heading for the door.

“I love you,” John says, honestly angry, and Rodney pauses in the doorway. Their eyes haven’t met since John told him.

“Fuck you.”

He walks away, leaving John standing in his room half-naked, with inexplicable cold chilling him.