John's left leaving in horror the aftermath of his killing all those soldiers, all those human beings, either personally or against the 'gate shield. The part about the cleaning bring the reality of it crashing home for the reader.
That this is a part of his life that John Sheppard had thought he had left behind helps explain why he tolerated being sent to Antarctica. The fact that he is watching the effect Kolya has had on Rodney, doing actions that aren't a million miles away from ones he inflicted on others just brings the nightmare closer. After all he dug that mode he slipped into out of somewhere and Ford, at least, was expecting it.
But all through this he still has to try and stay strong as he is the only one who can get through to Rodney, as his friend and someone who was there. The wrongness of seeing defiant, angry and arrogant Rodney possible crying, huddled on a balcony is something he can barely deal with; it's a fist, not a hand he slides into his pocket.
But it's in helping Rodney deal and realise that he isn't weak, merely human that John will probably find his way back because, even/especially in his exhaustion, Rodney won't let him totally avoid the hard topics.
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Date: 2010-05-19 06:59 pm (UTC)That this is a part of his life that John Sheppard had thought he had left behind helps explain why he tolerated being sent to Antarctica. The fact that he is watching the effect Kolya has had on Rodney, doing actions that aren't a million miles away from ones he inflicted on others just brings the nightmare closer. After all he dug that mode he slipped into out of somewhere and Ford, at least, was expecting it.
But all through this he still has to try and stay strong as he is the only one who can get through to Rodney, as his friend and someone who was there. The wrongness of seeing defiant, angry and arrogant Rodney possible crying, huddled on a balcony is something he can barely deal with; it's a fist, not a hand he slides into his pocket.
But it's in helping Rodney deal and realise that he isn't weak, merely human that John will probably find his way back because, even/especially in his exhaustion, Rodney won't let him totally avoid the hard topics.