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sga_flashficYou Can't Always Get
by MrsHamill (mrshamill@gmail.com)
Archive: My site, Mom's Kitchen. All others please ask.
Category: Angst-R-Us
Pairing: J/R
Rating: G
Spoilers: In a general way for the entire series to date.
Summary: It's like the Rolling Stones said, isn't it?
Disclaimer: Please enter standard useless boilerplate disclaimer of all intent to damage here.
Notes: Written for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sga_flashfic challenge 'Superpower.' Not betaed, very sorry, but it's short.
Then there was the time when they turned on yet another Ancient machine and it gave them all superpowers.
Most were fairly prosaic, unremarkable powers. Kate Heightmeyer found she could sew anything, by hand, better than with a sewing machine. Laura Cadman, who could tap dance but couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, was suddenly able to sing so beautifully it brought her listeners to tears. Nayer Ashwani could calm people just by being around them. Eddie Stoker could take ordinary flour and water and bake extraordinary breads and cakes. Teyla could paint anyone's portrait and it would be like a photograph.
Some were more exceptional. Ronon knew exactly where every person was in a quarter-mile radius around him. Carson could heal with a touch. John could fly, without the use of artificial means. Elizabeth could hear everyone's thoughts. Lorne could hit any target, even around corners. Janice Cooper could start fires with a look, even on non-flammable items.
No one knew what Radek could do. After straightening up with a gasp, he barricaded himself in his room with a stack of MREs and a coffee maker and wouldn't come out.
No one knew what Rodney's talent was either. He was last seen standing in a corner, his face stricken as he looked around at people happily talking about their new powers. After that, he'd disappeared.
There were limitations, they discovered. When Carson used his power to heal, he would feel the pain of what he cured until the person was healed. When it was a hangnail, it wasn't bad, but broken bones and such were sheer torture on him. John discovered he could only fly for a few short minutes before becoming exhausted and falling (which is how Carson discovered how painful a broken leg could be). Elizabeth could only hear 'surface' thoughts but that was more than enough; she almost felt like retreating as Radek had done. They weren't exactly complete superheroes, but by and large, it was better than nothing.
John finally went looking for Rodney when he couldn't find his friend anywhere. It took a while but he finally located Rodney on the northeast pier, huddled into a corner, sobbing.
It was the crying that freaked John out the most. Rodney simply didn't cry, not even from exhaustion or frustration or both. When John tried to move closer, Rodney held up his hand.
"Don't. Don't come any closer," Rodney said harshly. He wouldn't look at John.
"Rodney. What's wrong? Why are you..."
"I'm hiding, okay? I... I don't want to... to feel it. To see it. Just leave me alone!"
"I can't do that! You're... what's wrong? Is it your--"
"Yes, it's my so-called 'superpower' and I don't want to talk about it! Go away!"
"I won't do that," John said softly. "I can't do that. Tell me how I can help."
"You can't!" Rodney tried to pull himself into a tighter ball of misery. "What part of get the hell away from me don't you understand?!"
John didn't move closer, but he did crouch down. The wind off the ocean was as salty as tears. "I'm not leaving. Tell me how I can help. Talk to me, McKay."
Rodney still wouldn't look at him. "Fucking persistent asshole. Fine. I'm hiding because I don't want to... to see anyone. Anyone at all. Because if I see them, I know what... I know what..." His words fumbled to a stop.
"What?"
"I'll know what they need." Rodney whispered, his voice barely carrying over the wind and the waves. He pushed his head deeper into his lap, curling up almost into a fetal position.
"What they need?" John blinked in confusion but stayed where he was. "Rodney. Buddy, you need to tell me more. Tell me what I can do. Please."
Rodney was silent for several long minutes. "I don't want to know," he finally whispered. John leaned forward, straining to hear Rodney's pain-filled words. "I could see what they needed, all of them, and... and it... it hurt. Hurt so much. I can't give it to them. I know what they need and I can't give it to them. What kind of a fucking superpower is... is this to... to give me..."
John inched closer, slowly, carefully, non-threateningly. "What... what they need? Want? I don't get it, Rodney, people don't always get what they want anyway, it's not--"
"No, you idiot!" Rodney's head came up but he carefully didn't look at John. His jaw was working and he was panting, gasping, his hands were tight fists. "Not what you want! What you need! What you need, need like water, like you're going to die if you don't get it, not want! Christ! Could you get any stupider?"
Feeling as if there was something important he was missing, John shook his head in confusion. He inched closer but before he could speak again, Rodney continued.
"Elizabeth needs to atone for every death under her command. Ronon needs... he needs his fucking wife back! Teyla needs to know she's not letting her people down. Carson... oh, God, Carson..." The sound Rodney made was more painful than a sob and it made John's chest hurt. "Carson needs to be punished for all the Wraith he's killed, for all the people he's lost. Cadman needs her grandfather back from the dead so she can hurt him for hurting his wife and his daughter. Washington needs to know if she's gay. Lorne needs to know if he should take that transfer. Brinkman needs to know if his son is really his. And you!" Rodney pressed the heels of his hands to his eye sockets. "You... You need to know if Ford... oh, God..."
John swallowed hard. Jesus God, that wasn't a superpower, that was... that was... "That's a curse, not a power," he murmured.
Rodney kept his eyes closed. He began banging his head, which was turned away from John, against the wall behind him. "You think?!" He was breathing harshly. "And I don't dare look in the mirror, I can't... I won't..."
Moving almost before he had the thought, John lunged forward and pulled Rodney to him, holding him as tightly as he could. Rodney was stiff for a moment then he relaxed all at once, sagging his head onto John's shoulder with a moan. "I can't do this," he sobbed. "I'm a self-absorbed, petty asshole, not Ann Landers! Oh, God..."
John patted Rodney's back, trying to soothe but knowing it wasn't enough. It was awkward and painful but he tried to let his touch convey the anguish he felt for his friend. "Christ, Rodney, I'm so sorry," he said quietly. He wanted to say that Rodney was wrong, that he wasn't petty and while he might have been self-absorbed in the past, he wasn't, not anymore. Atlantis had changed them all, mostly for the better. But this change... he felt rotten about being glad he hadn't been stuck with such a curse. And here he had been feeling bad about only being able to fly under his own power for a few minutes...
Wait. "Rodney. You see what people need, not what they want? You said need, need like they'd die without it?"
Rodney sighed and tensed. "Yes. That is what I said."
It took John a few moments to find the right words. "Needs change, Rodney. Yes, I know, need, not want, but just like we can't always get what we want, we can't always get what we need, either. No one has died from that. You won't die from needing water in the desert; you die because you have nothing to drink. There's a difference. Needs change. And needs aren't always logical or even absolutely necessary."
The body he was holding was calming. He could feel Rodney's breath evening out and he moved just enough to get more comfortable, relaxing his legs. "I..."
John needed to make Rodney see, needed to get the guy's super brain working. "Think about it. How many needs have you had in your life? I mean, Christ, I didn't even know I needed Atlantis until I came here. How would I have known I needed it before?" He felt Rodney relax a bit further, so helped him straighten until he was practically sitting on John's lap. "Just think about it, Rodney. Do you see it?"
Rodney's breathing was definitely calmer. John continued, almost as fast as the words formed in his brain. "Maybe it is a superpower. Maybe it's designed so you can help people see what they need, help them realize it... the need... might not get... I don't know, fulfilled. Maybe all people really need to know is what they need, so they can either move past it or find a way to get it."
He wasn't even sure if he was making sense any longer, but John could tell, could almost feel Rodney thinking. Hell, there was probably smoke coming out of Rodney's ears.
"Maybe... maybe I'm not supposed to... to give it to them?" Rodney's voice was tentative but he wasn't distraught any longer, so John counted that as an improvement. "I thought... thought I was supposed to..."
"I don't see how you, or anyone, could," John said, putting as much sincerity in his voice as possible. "Unless it's something that directly affects you, personally..."
John stopped in mid-stream, a thought filling his brain so fast it dizzied him. It took him a long minute to get the courage to pull away from Rodney and even longer to speak. His voice sounded raw to his ears though he kept it from shaking, barely. "Rodney. Look at me." John's whole body was tense as a bow and demanded he jump to his feet and run away, as fast as he could; he fought it with every ounce of willpower he had. "Look at me, please."
Rodney swallowed hard. "I..."
"Before I lose my nerve, Rodney. Please."
Slowly Rodney's head turned and his eyes opened. John could see exactly when Rodney managed to focus on him, see exactly when Rodney saw what John knew he would see, was afraid he would see. "Oh." Rodney's face turned from anxious to tentative to wondering and his jaw dropped. "Oh."
"Yeah." John licked his lips nervously.
"Huh." Rodney was looking at him and the expression on his face was one John had never seen on Rodney's face before. He realized he'd go a long way to get that expression on permanent rotation. "I never..."
One corner of Rodney's mouth turned up and the next thing John knew, Rodney was kissing him. John only had time for one, fervent, thank God before he started kissing Rodney back.
After about five days, the superpowers began to fade. Elizabeth no longer had to keep people at a distance and she stopped taking Excedrin by the bucket. Cadman stopped singing when she went flat in the shower. John's flying became limited to hovering over his bed, but it was still fun. Carson was intensely relieved he hadn't had to deal with anything more serious than broken bones. Heightmeyer actually took a day off.
By the end of two weeks, the powers were completely gone. Everyone agreed it had been interesting and, in some cases, fun -- but they wouldn't want to repeat the experience, not even on a bet.
Then again, that was before a gaunt, pale Radek Zelenka -- his hair sparser and wilder than ever and an exhausted smile on his face -- emerged from his quarters clutching three fully-charged zero-point modules to his chest. They never could get that coffee maker to work after that.
end
by MrsHamill (mrshamill@gmail.com)
Archive: My site, Mom's Kitchen. All others please ask.
Category: Angst-R-Us
Pairing: J/R
Rating: G
Spoilers: In a general way for the entire series to date.
Summary: It's like the Rolling Stones said, isn't it?
Disclaimer: Please enter standard useless boilerplate disclaimer of all intent to damage here.
Notes: Written for the
sga_flashfic challenge 'Superpower.' Not betaed, very sorry, but it's short.* * *
Then there was the time when they turned on yet another Ancient machine and it gave them all superpowers.
Most were fairly prosaic, unremarkable powers. Kate Heightmeyer found she could sew anything, by hand, better than with a sewing machine. Laura Cadman, who could tap dance but couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, was suddenly able to sing so beautifully it brought her listeners to tears. Nayer Ashwani could calm people just by being around them. Eddie Stoker could take ordinary flour and water and bake extraordinary breads and cakes. Teyla could paint anyone's portrait and it would be like a photograph.
Some were more exceptional. Ronon knew exactly where every person was in a quarter-mile radius around him. Carson could heal with a touch. John could fly, without the use of artificial means. Elizabeth could hear everyone's thoughts. Lorne could hit any target, even around corners. Janice Cooper could start fires with a look, even on non-flammable items.
No one knew what Radek could do. After straightening up with a gasp, he barricaded himself in his room with a stack of MREs and a coffee maker and wouldn't come out.
No one knew what Rodney's talent was either. He was last seen standing in a corner, his face stricken as he looked around at people happily talking about their new powers. After that, he'd disappeared.
There were limitations, they discovered. When Carson used his power to heal, he would feel the pain of what he cured until the person was healed. When it was a hangnail, it wasn't bad, but broken bones and such were sheer torture on him. John discovered he could only fly for a few short minutes before becoming exhausted and falling (which is how Carson discovered how painful a broken leg could be). Elizabeth could only hear 'surface' thoughts but that was more than enough; she almost felt like retreating as Radek had done. They weren't exactly complete superheroes, but by and large, it was better than nothing.
John finally went looking for Rodney when he couldn't find his friend anywhere. It took a while but he finally located Rodney on the northeast pier, huddled into a corner, sobbing.
It was the crying that freaked John out the most. Rodney simply didn't cry, not even from exhaustion or frustration or both. When John tried to move closer, Rodney held up his hand.
"Don't. Don't come any closer," Rodney said harshly. He wouldn't look at John.
"Rodney. What's wrong? Why are you..."
"I'm hiding, okay? I... I don't want to... to feel it. To see it. Just leave me alone!"
"I can't do that! You're... what's wrong? Is it your--"
"Yes, it's my so-called 'superpower' and I don't want to talk about it! Go away!"
"I won't do that," John said softly. "I can't do that. Tell me how I can help."
"You can't!" Rodney tried to pull himself into a tighter ball of misery. "What part of get the hell away from me don't you understand?!"
John didn't move closer, but he did crouch down. The wind off the ocean was as salty as tears. "I'm not leaving. Tell me how I can help. Talk to me, McKay."
Rodney still wouldn't look at him. "Fucking persistent asshole. Fine. I'm hiding because I don't want to... to see anyone. Anyone at all. Because if I see them, I know what... I know what..." His words fumbled to a stop.
"What?"
"I'll know what they need." Rodney whispered, his voice barely carrying over the wind and the waves. He pushed his head deeper into his lap, curling up almost into a fetal position.
"What they need?" John blinked in confusion but stayed where he was. "Rodney. Buddy, you need to tell me more. Tell me what I can do. Please."
Rodney was silent for several long minutes. "I don't want to know," he finally whispered. John leaned forward, straining to hear Rodney's pain-filled words. "I could see what they needed, all of them, and... and it... it hurt. Hurt so much. I can't give it to them. I know what they need and I can't give it to them. What kind of a fucking superpower is... is this to... to give me..."
John inched closer, slowly, carefully, non-threateningly. "What... what they need? Want? I don't get it, Rodney, people don't always get what they want anyway, it's not--"
"No, you idiot!" Rodney's head came up but he carefully didn't look at John. His jaw was working and he was panting, gasping, his hands were tight fists. "Not what you want! What you need! What you need, need like water, like you're going to die if you don't get it, not want! Christ! Could you get any stupider?"
Feeling as if there was something important he was missing, John shook his head in confusion. He inched closer but before he could speak again, Rodney continued.
"Elizabeth needs to atone for every death under her command. Ronon needs... he needs his fucking wife back! Teyla needs to know she's not letting her people down. Carson... oh, God, Carson..." The sound Rodney made was more painful than a sob and it made John's chest hurt. "Carson needs to be punished for all the Wraith he's killed, for all the people he's lost. Cadman needs her grandfather back from the dead so she can hurt him for hurting his wife and his daughter. Washington needs to know if she's gay. Lorne needs to know if he should take that transfer. Brinkman needs to know if his son is really his. And you!" Rodney pressed the heels of his hands to his eye sockets. "You... You need to know if Ford... oh, God..."
John swallowed hard. Jesus God, that wasn't a superpower, that was... that was... "That's a curse, not a power," he murmured.
Rodney kept his eyes closed. He began banging his head, which was turned away from John, against the wall behind him. "You think?!" He was breathing harshly. "And I don't dare look in the mirror, I can't... I won't..."
Moving almost before he had the thought, John lunged forward and pulled Rodney to him, holding him as tightly as he could. Rodney was stiff for a moment then he relaxed all at once, sagging his head onto John's shoulder with a moan. "I can't do this," he sobbed. "I'm a self-absorbed, petty asshole, not Ann Landers! Oh, God..."
John patted Rodney's back, trying to soothe but knowing it wasn't enough. It was awkward and painful but he tried to let his touch convey the anguish he felt for his friend. "Christ, Rodney, I'm so sorry," he said quietly. He wanted to say that Rodney was wrong, that he wasn't petty and while he might have been self-absorbed in the past, he wasn't, not anymore. Atlantis had changed them all, mostly for the better. But this change... he felt rotten about being glad he hadn't been stuck with such a curse. And here he had been feeling bad about only being able to fly under his own power for a few minutes...
Wait. "Rodney. You see what people need, not what they want? You said need, need like they'd die without it?"
Rodney sighed and tensed. "Yes. That is what I said."
It took John a few moments to find the right words. "Needs change, Rodney. Yes, I know, need, not want, but just like we can't always get what we want, we can't always get what we need, either. No one has died from that. You won't die from needing water in the desert; you die because you have nothing to drink. There's a difference. Needs change. And needs aren't always logical or even absolutely necessary."
The body he was holding was calming. He could feel Rodney's breath evening out and he moved just enough to get more comfortable, relaxing his legs. "I..."
John needed to make Rodney see, needed to get the guy's super brain working. "Think about it. How many needs have you had in your life? I mean, Christ, I didn't even know I needed Atlantis until I came here. How would I have known I needed it before?" He felt Rodney relax a bit further, so helped him straighten until he was practically sitting on John's lap. "Just think about it, Rodney. Do you see it?"
Rodney's breathing was definitely calmer. John continued, almost as fast as the words formed in his brain. "Maybe it is a superpower. Maybe it's designed so you can help people see what they need, help them realize it... the need... might not get... I don't know, fulfilled. Maybe all people really need to know is what they need, so they can either move past it or find a way to get it."
He wasn't even sure if he was making sense any longer, but John could tell, could almost feel Rodney thinking. Hell, there was probably smoke coming out of Rodney's ears.
"Maybe... maybe I'm not supposed to... to give it to them?" Rodney's voice was tentative but he wasn't distraught any longer, so John counted that as an improvement. "I thought... thought I was supposed to..."
"I don't see how you, or anyone, could," John said, putting as much sincerity in his voice as possible. "Unless it's something that directly affects you, personally..."
John stopped in mid-stream, a thought filling his brain so fast it dizzied him. It took him a long minute to get the courage to pull away from Rodney and even longer to speak. His voice sounded raw to his ears though he kept it from shaking, barely. "Rodney. Look at me." John's whole body was tense as a bow and demanded he jump to his feet and run away, as fast as he could; he fought it with every ounce of willpower he had. "Look at me, please."
Rodney swallowed hard. "I..."
"Before I lose my nerve, Rodney. Please."
Slowly Rodney's head turned and his eyes opened. John could see exactly when Rodney managed to focus on him, see exactly when Rodney saw what John knew he would see, was afraid he would see. "Oh." Rodney's face turned from anxious to tentative to wondering and his jaw dropped. "Oh."
"Yeah." John licked his lips nervously.
"Huh." Rodney was looking at him and the expression on his face was one John had never seen on Rodney's face before. He realized he'd go a long way to get that expression on permanent rotation. "I never..."
One corner of Rodney's mouth turned up and the next thing John knew, Rodney was kissing him. John only had time for one, fervent, thank God before he started kissing Rodney back.
* * *
After about five days, the superpowers began to fade. Elizabeth no longer had to keep people at a distance and she stopped taking Excedrin by the bucket. Cadman stopped singing when she went flat in the shower. John's flying became limited to hovering over his bed, but it was still fun. Carson was intensely relieved he hadn't had to deal with anything more serious than broken bones. Heightmeyer actually took a day off.
By the end of two weeks, the powers were completely gone. Everyone agreed it had been interesting and, in some cases, fun -- but they wouldn't want to repeat the experience, not even on a bet.
Then again, that was before a gaunt, pale Radek Zelenka -- his hair sparser and wilder than ever and an exhausted smile on his face -- emerged from his quarters clutching three fully-charged zero-point modules to his chest. They never could get that coffee maker to work after that.
end
