Five Paragraphs.... - by Teaphile
Aug. 22nd, 2006 12:09 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
teaphile.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
sga_flashficTitle: Five Paragraphs Eventually Cut from Atlantis Mission Reports
Author: Teaphile
Challenge: Mission Report
Classification: Gen
Five Paragraphs Eventually Cut from Atlantis Mission Reports:
1. I have never seen such unprofessionalism in my life! Usually I can at least depend on Teyla to do the right thing, but this time, she went along with Hairboy and WonderDog! I was left alone, in an admittedly pretty nice village, sure, while they went out doing god knows what! I still don’t know! They won’t tell me! I had to negotiate all on my own and Elizabeth, you know I’m crap at that kind of thing.
Shut up, Sheppard, and go write your own report.
2. Your language is extremely inefficient. I could have written this report in Athosian in half the time and with many fewer words. I find your entire society confusing, at times. You have leadership styles that are truly appalling and your priorities are not mine. Why did I join you? I am not sure your impressive weapons and willingness to fight are worth the aggravation.
3. Does your command really read these things and evaluate people on them? Anyone can lie on paper. Hell, we lie to you all the time in the debriefings.
4.Then we ended up naked, which was okay–we’re all adults here.... Wait, okay, Rodney kind of freaked out and ended up trying to climb the altar to get the cloth on it. That was not a pretty sight, let me tell you. Full moon doesn’t begin to describe it. Teyla was kind enough to not laugh, but Ronon was egging him on and it was just bad all around. You don’t need to know what I did then. You really don’t even need to know any of this, because it didn’t affect the mission at all and if it got out? Rodney would kill me.
5. Please, please, Dr. Weir, don’t make me go out with them again. Ever. They’re psychotic. I’ll resign my commission if I have to.
Author: Teaphile
Challenge: Mission Report
Classification: Gen
Five Paragraphs Eventually Cut from Atlantis Mission Reports:
1. I have never seen such unprofessionalism in my life! Usually I can at least depend on Teyla to do the right thing, but this time, she went along with Hairboy and WonderDog! I was left alone, in an admittedly pretty nice village, sure, while they went out doing god knows what! I still don’t know! They won’t tell me! I had to negotiate all on my own and Elizabeth, you know I’m crap at that kind of thing.
Shut up, Sheppard, and go write your own report.
2. Your language is extremely inefficient. I could have written this report in Athosian in half the time and with many fewer words. I find your entire society confusing, at times. You have leadership styles that are truly appalling and your priorities are not mine. Why did I join you? I am not sure your impressive weapons and willingness to fight are worth the aggravation.
3. Does your command really read these things and evaluate people on them? Anyone can lie on paper. Hell, we lie to you all the time in the debriefings.
4.Then we ended up naked, which was okay–we’re all adults here.... Wait, okay, Rodney kind of freaked out and ended up trying to climb the altar to get the cloth on it. That was not a pretty sight, let me tell you. Full moon doesn’t begin to describe it. Teyla was kind enough to not laugh, but Ronon was egging him on and it was just bad all around. You don’t need to know what I did then. You really don’t even need to know any of this, because it didn’t affect the mission at all and if it got out? Rodney would kill me.
5. Please, please, Dr. Weir, don’t make me go out with them again. Ever. They’re psychotic. I’ll resign my commission if I have to.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:25 am (UTC)sure, while they went out doing god knows what! I still don’t know! They won’t tell me!
And I'm joining Rodney in curiosity, because I want to know as well what they did!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:31 am (UTC)Ahahaha, yes.
This was funny as hell and I really needed that, thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:36 am (UTC)Feeling sorta sorry for whomever was placed with SGA1 for that last one.
-Off to wonder if insanity is a prereq for being on the flagship team of any gate base-
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:41 am (UTC)for 'quote that made me laugh out loud and then have happy mental pictures'.
And poor old Teyla. She deserves waaaay better (I personally dream that 'Serenity' out of Firefly will come pick her up and move her into a universe where women have actual plotlines.)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:05 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:46 am (UTC)That was the line that got me. Very cute! :-)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:06 am (UTC)Thanks.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 02:53 am (UTC)Oh - this cracked me up, and I'm guessing this is Ronon. I wonder who edits their mission reports before they get sent back to the SGC. LOL...
Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:07 am (UTC)Well, Chuck used to, but he had a habit of leaving some of the funnier stuff in, so Elizabeth gave the job to Lorne. Poor Lorne.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 03:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 03:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 03:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 03:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 04:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 06:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 07:36 am (UTC)1. I like how Telya was the only one without a nickname from Rodney. Also, Rodney negotiating...the mind boggles, then breaks. O.o
2. Teyla questioning why she joined SGA-1. *snorts* I bet she's grumpy because she just came from a mission where she had to be mommy to the boys. *giggles*
3. Ronon! *shrieks with laughter* Admiting to the lies! *flails* Oooh, I bet John got such a stern talking to after Weir read that!
4. John! Starting off all cool then deciding know one needs to know about Rodney being naked because Rodney would kill him. *snickers*
5. Awww. I know it could be anyone. But for some reason I'm really liking the idea of it being Caldwell. *back to snorting with laughter*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 09:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 10:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 11:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 12:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 03:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 07:51 pm (UTC)3. Does your command really read these things and evaluate people on them? Anyone can lie on paper. Hell, we lie to you all the time in the debriefings.
--with its totally blase confession, is my FAVORITE. Hilarious spin on the challenge!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 07:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 08:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-22 10:45 pm (UTC)*giggles madly*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-24 07:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-25 01:39 am (UTC)5 paragraphs
Date: 2006-08-25 11:44 pm (UTC)Re: 5 paragraphs
Date: 2006-08-28 11:28 am (UTC)