Five Paragraphs.... - by Teaphile

[teaphile.livejournal.com]

Title: Five Paragraphs Eventually Cut from Atlantis Mission Reports
Author: Teaphile
Challenge: Mission Report
Classification: Gen

Five Paragraphs Eventually Cut from Atlantis Mission Reports:

1. I have never seen such unprofessionalism in my life! Usually I can at least depend on Teyla to do the right thing, but this time, she went along with Hairboy and WonderDog! I was left alone, in an admittedly pretty nice village, sure, while they went out doing god knows what! I still don’t know! They won’t tell me! I had to negotiate all on my own and Elizabeth, you know I’m crap at that kind of thing.

Shut up, Sheppard, and go write your own report.

2. Your language is extremely inefficient. I could have written this report in Athosian in half the time and with many fewer words. I find your entire society confusing, at times. You have leadership styles that are truly appalling and your priorities are not mine. Why did I join you? I am not sure your impressive weapons and willingness to fight are worth the aggravation.

3. Does your command really read these things and evaluate people on them? Anyone can lie on paper. Hell, we lie to you all the time in the debriefings.

4.Then we ended up naked, which was okay–we’re all adults here.... Wait, okay, Rodney kind of freaked out and ended up trying to climb the altar to get the cloth on it. That was not a pretty sight, let me tell you. Full moon doesn’t begin to describe it. Teyla was kind enough to not laugh, but Ronon was egging him on and it was just bad all around. You don’t need to know what I did then. You really don’t even need to know any of this, because it didn’t affect the mission at all and if it got out? Rodney would kill me.

5. Please, please, Dr. Weir, don’t make me go out with them again. Ever. They’re psychotic. I’ll resign my commission if I have to.

Comments

[teaphile.livejournal.com]

Thanks.