The Princess and the P-90, by Darkrose (Folklore Challenge)

[darkrosetiger.livejournal.com]

Author: Darkrose (darkrosetiger)
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Characters: John/Rodney and a cast of thousands. Well, okay. Three.
Archive: sga_flashfic; all others, please ask.
Rating: G
Length: ~700 words
Summary: Only a true princess is good enough for Prince Rodney of Canadia
Warnings: Extremely silly
Disclaimer: None of these people are mine, and I'm not making any money. OMGMGMDUNSUE!

Notes: Written for the "Folklore and Superstitions" challenge on sga_flashfic, while watching the commentary for "The Rising", "The Storm" and "The Eye". Thanks as always to telesilla for giving it a read.



Once upon a time,

Oh, come on--that is the most clichéd opening line ever.

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,

That's even stupider! Who'd ever want to hear a story that started like that?

Once there was a prince from the land of Canadia named Rodney. He was clever and handsome--well, maybe not so much with the handsome--but he was very, very clever. Although he was past the age when he should have taken a bride, Prince Rodney had rejected countless suitors. His mother, Queen Elizabeth (not the Queen of England; that's a different Queen Elizabeth) worried that her son would never marry because he was too choosy.

But Rodney was determined."My bride must be both brave and beautiful, strong and clever--not as clever as me, of course, but then who is?--and above all, must be a true princess who possesses the gene of the Ancients. Until I find that one, I shall not marry."

One day, visitors arrived from a distant kingdom: King Jack and his consort, Queen Daniel, and with them, their son, Princess John. Queen Elizabeth was excited, for the princess was of an age with Prince Rodney and with luck, they would fall in love and wed and Rodney would finally move out of the castle basement.

"Only if he's a real princess," Rodney said. He had been disappointed many times before, so he was somewhat skeptical.

Now, Princess John was very brave, and strong, and despite the fact that he was indeed a pretty, pretty princess, he was also pretty smart. But the Queen knew that unless John had the gene of the Ancients, Rodney would never agree to marry him. There was only one way to see if he did, and so the Queen ordered the servants to remove all of the chairs in the great hall save one.

John had been on his feet all day, and he was tired. While his parents chatted with Queen Elizabeth, he wandered into the great hall and sat down. As soon as he did, the chair itself began to glow with a bright white light. Everything in the palace stopped as King Jack and Queen Daniel and Queen Elizabeth and Prince Rodney came running to see what had happened.

"I said don't touch anything!" King Jack snapped.

"I-I just sat down!" John protested.

Rodney crouched down beside the chair. He noticed for the first time how beautiful John was, but he had to be sure. "Princess, think about where we are in the solar system," he said quietly. John closed his eyes and concentrated, and a map made of light appeared on the ceiling above him.

"Did I do that?" Princess John asked.

Prince Rodney nearly swooned--that is, passed out from manly desire--for he had finally found the true princess he had dreamed of. "Marry me!"

"Um...we just met. Could you maybe take me out to dinner first, at least?"

John and Rodney's parents discussed the matter, and finally decided that while it was a little soon to start planning the wedding, they agreed that John would go with Elizabeth and Rodney through the magic ring to a distant land where they hoped to found a new kingdom and okay, you know what? This is ridiculous. They went through the Stargate and stuff happened and there were Athosians and Wraith and yadda yadda technobabble reverse the polarity of the gravitachyon repulsor field, city rises, commander is killed, and then it was the morning after the first night in Atlantis and Princess John stood on a balcony, staring out at the ocean.

"Good morning," John said.

"Not really. I don't know about you, but these beds are incredibly uncomfortable--way too soft--and we don't have nearly enough food and we're probably going to run out of coffee before too long and they told me that those yummy berry things from Athos weren't citrus but I'm not sure, and--"

"Wow--I thought I was supposed to be the princess," John said, and he kissed Rodney in order to make him shut up.

And eventually, they lived happily--for the most part--ever after.

The End.

Comments

[darkrosetiger.livejournal.com]

*g* That actually happened because I'm lazy. I was originally going to write out them getting to Atlantis and meeting Teyla, but I got tired and I figured that wasn't going to play out any differently than it did in canon.