A Toy Story (Doppleganger Challenge)
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sga_flashficTitle: A Toy Story
Author: irishamber
Rating: Gen/Probably PG
Description: SGA/SG-1/Toy Story crossover.
Humor
word count: 3000
spoilers: takes place sometime between mid-second season and early to mid-third, I'm not up enough on the time line of events to place it better.
HOW IT BEGAN…
"Why are they here again? We just got rid of them," Rodney rolled an ancient do-hickey back and forth in his palms. Entertaining SG-1 was not on the list of things he wanted to accomplish this week. Number one of which was figure out what this little ball did.
Elizabeth put on her I-will-not-kill-my-senior-staff face. "They're here to search our database for help in fighting the Ori."
Rodney rolled his eyes, "Yes, yes. That's what they say. And Carter and Jackson may actually do that. But Colonel Buzz Lightyear and company are just going to get in the way."
"Buzz Lightyear?" John said. "If you're going to start naming people after Toy Story characters, I should be Buzz Lightyear."
Rodney stopped fidgeting with the ancient do-hickey to stare at Sheppard. "Oh, please. I know you like things that go fast and have wings -- as exhibited by your susceptibility to ascended women -- but," Rodney steamrollered on over Sheppard's indignant yelp, "with your slouchy boneless thing and desire to save everyone, you are so clearly Woody."
"Yeah? Well, you're Hamm."
"Hey! No call to be mean. I can't help it if my body requires more padding than a toothpick."
Beckett cleared his throat, "I do not believe the colonel was referring to your weight."
Elizabeth interrupted. "Gentlemen, while this discussion is quite illuminating," Rodney resisted the urge to laugh when Sheppard pulled a face and mouthed 'illuminating', "I expect you to extend SG-1 every courtesy."
"Yes, yes. Consider it done." Rodney perched on the edge of his chair, ignoring the skeptical looks of the rest of the command staff. "Can I go now? I'd like to prep the labs for Bo Beep’s arrival."
Colonel Carter’s voice sounded from behind him, "Bo Peep? And who is Bo Peep?"
Startled, Rodney jumped in his chair and dropped the ancient do-hickey when he stood up to face the newly beamed in SG-1. “Sam! How’d you get here —,” he cut himself off, wiping the question out with a wave of his hand, “Delighted to have you. Here. Delighted to have you here. I merely meant I needed to make sure everything was locked up before Vala arrived.”
“Uh-huh,” Sam looked skeptical, and rightfully so. Vala did not exactly bring Bo Peep to mind. “Well, rest easy. Vala wasn’t able to join us this trip.”
“Bummer,” Sheppard said as he stood to greet SG-1. “She was fun to have around.”
Everyone except Mitchell looked at Sheppard in disbelief. Instead, as the two of them shook hands, Mitchell said, “Yeah, she can be counted on to add life to any party. Unfortunately, we had to leave both her and Teal’c home this trip. General Landry was not happy at having to explain their newly acquired skills after our last visit.”
Having had enough of meaningless pleasantries, Rodney looked around for the ancient ball and spied it under Sheppard’s chair, both Mitchell and Sheppard standing between him and it. “Excuse me, Colonels.” When he had their attention, Rodney pointed to the device.
“You should be more careful with your toys,” Sheppard said. And then he smirked at Rodney and leaned over to pick it up.
When he touched it, there was a quick flash and the ancient device disappeared. Everyone stared at the things that had appeared in its place on the floor until Daniel, speaking for the first time since beaming in, said, “Bo Peep looks more like Sam than Vala to me.”
Mitchell said, “Hey cool! I’m Buzz Lightyear.”
Sheppard huffed and glared at his own likeness, Woody.
Sam glared at Rodney.
And Rodney thought it monumentally unfair that his face was squished onto the body of a pink pig. His face was not that pink.
A RESCUE PLAN…
“Mitchell, give it rest. It’s not real. It’s a light, not a laser.” Sheppard leaned against the wall and stared way up at the red dot that Mitchell was making on the control panel.
Mitchell scowled down at the toy laser on his arm and said, “It could have been real. And my name is Buzz.”
“Cripes. Buzz,” Sheppard said in disgust. “And in what universe could it be real?”
Mitchell just looked at him through that stupid bubble helmet.
“Okay. Okay! Point. It could have been real. Now take the damn helmet off.”
“It doesn’t come off, Woody.”
Sheppard gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to test his revolver on Mitchell. “My name is not Woody.”
“Well I can hardly call you Sheppard, or John, or Colonel. No one would ever know whether we were talking about you or the other one.”
“Fine. You can call me Sheriff.”
“Sure thang, Sheriff. Now hows about we rescue ourselves a damsel in distress.” Mitchell, no Buzz, smirked and John ground his teeth together harder.
The sound of crinkling foil caught their attention and they turned to see Rodney with his snout in an empty PowerBar wrapper.
“You know, Rodney. This might be easier, if you helped,” Sheppard said.
Hamm, uh, Rodney, snorted. “I was just waiting for you two to realize you need my expertise.”
“Yeah, right.” Mitchell glared at him, “More likely you get off on the thought that McKay is going molest Sam.”
“Get a grip. He’s not going to molest her. I wouldn’t do that!” Hamm spit crumbs on them in his excitement.
Sheppard grimaced and wiped the spittle from under his eye while looking enviously at the protection Mitchell’s, uh, Buzz’s bubble helmet had provided.
“So? What? It’s okay because he’s only going to sit her on a shelf and stare at her while he jerks off?” Mitchell looked like he was ready to make pork chops.
“He wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that to Sam!”
“But this isn’t Sam. As far as he knows she’s just a toy,” Sheppard said.
Pig-Rodney gave a panicked squeal and hopped up and down a couple times, “Oh my, God. We’ve got to get her out. What are you two idiots doing just standing there? Find a rope or something to get Sheppard up near the controls so he can use his gene to think open the door.”
MEANWHILE, IN RODNEY’S DEN OF INIQUITY…
Rodney thought his door shut, giving it an extra little push to let Atlantis know he didn’t want to be interrupted and then emptied his back pack.
Laptop, notebook, notebook, book, notebook, clipboard. Finally, he pulled out the Bo Peep Sam doll along with a fistful of pens. He dropped them all on his dresser, picked up Sam and tried dusting the lint off her. “Sorry. So sorry. I didn’t have time to do more then drop you in headfirst. Couldn’t let Elizabeth see.”
He winced at a book-corner shaped dent in her arm and tried to rub it away. He winced again when he saw the pen mark on her neck and, licking his finger, tried to rub it away too.
Rodney stood the now slightly ragged Bo Peep Sam doll on the desk shelf.
“Oops. Missing your cane thingy. Uh, it’s called a crook, right? I’ll have to ask Carson. He should know.” Not seeing the crook in the pile of pens on his desk, he rummaged through the bottom of the back pack. Finding it, he dusted it off and put it in Bo-Peep’s hand.
“Rodney. Where are you?” Sheppard’s voice came over his comm.
Hand to ear, to activate his comm, Rodney said, “In my room, why?”
“Because Carter and Jackson are waiting for you in the lab.” Sheppard spoke slowly, as if to someone for whom English was not their first language.
“Well, then I suggest you get Zelenka to give them access.” Rodney spoke equally slowly.
“Zelenka is on the kid planet where you sent him,” Sheppard bit out his reply, obviously having lost his patience. “Tell you what, Rodney. If you aren’t here in three minutes, I’ll tell the new recruit to do whatever needs to be done to give them full access to Atlantis. Sheppard out.”
Crap. He’d do it too. He’d let that wet behind the ears tech destroy Atlantis and everyone would blame Rodney. Damn it. Rodney sighed and told Bo Peep Sam, “Sorry, Babe. I’ve got to go take care of this. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
The door closed behind him and Bo Peep Sam said, “Eeeew” and raised her hand to scrub at the spot on her neck that was covered with McKay’s spit.
BACK WITH OUR INTREPID HEROES….
“Whichever one of you decided to use the steps sucks,” Hamm said.
Sheppard, struggling under the weight of Hamm’s hind end, gasped, “You’re the one that thought activating the transporter would be too difficult.”
“That didn’t mean I thought we should take the steps! I don’t have opposable thumbs —”
“Shh! Someone’s coming, Sheriff.” Mitchell called down the warning from his position as lookout at the top of the steps. Too bad it was only three steps up from them.
While he and Rodney froze in place, Sheppard started making a list of every way he could make Mitchell’s life hell, starting with telling Vala that Mitchell had a secret crush on her. And Teal’c. Definitely a crush on Teal’c too.
Footsteps started down the stairs. Sheppard could see the sole of a military issued boot from the corner of his eye when he was suddenly relieved of Hamm’s weight and the pig went bouncing down the stairs.
“What the —,” Lorne muttered and then yelled out, “Corporal, I don’t know what these toys are doing on the steps and I don’t want to know,” Sheppard had always know Lorne was a good man, “Just get them off the steps.”
“Yes, sir!”
Lorne tsked in irritation before carefully stepping around Sheppard and continuing down the steps. The moment he disappeared from view, Sheppard called, “Hey, Mitchell. Get a move on.”
Mitchell looked down at him, folded his arms and turned his back.
“Sweet Jesus. What did I ever do to deserver this?” Sheppard hung his head a moment. Then, bracing his hands on his hips and stiffening his spine, he lifted his head back up and called, “Hey, Buzz. Get a move on. Hamm is waiting at the bottom.”
“Sure thing, Sheriff.” Mitchell joined Sheppard in a mad scramble down the steps. When they reached bottom, Rodney was just wobbling to his feet.
“Oh my, God. Did my tail break off? I think my tail broke off.” Rodney hopped a little, trying to twist around to see his tail end.
“I don’t think you ever had a tail. Come on, we’ve got to move quick before we’re spotted again.” Sheppard tried to push Rodney out of the open. Unfortunately, it was hard to move a stubborn pig.
“What do you mean I never had a tail? What are you? A moron? I’m a pig. Pigs have tails.”
“Buzz Lightyear to Star Command. Come in Star Command.” Mitchell spoke into the communications decal glued to his forearm.
“Great. I’m stuck here with a moron and an escapee from the looney bin,” Hamm said.
Hoping Mitchell was just suffering from oxygen deprivation, Sheppard leaned over and hit the release button on his bubble helmet. Luckily, before Mitchell could go off on a rant of his own, footsteps approached and they all ran for cover.
EXPERIMENTAL OBLIGATIONS…
When Rodney got to the lab, Sam and Daniel were laughing with the newest bumble-head as if they were all best friends. Rodney made note to check everything the bumble-head put in the weekly data burst and then noticed that Sheppard wasn’t around. “Where’s Sheppard?”
The three of them looked up startled. “Rodney,” Sam said with every evidence of pleasure, “thanks for coming down. Sheppard said he wanted to show Cam the newest jumper modifications.”
“Yes, well,” Rodney cleared his throat and stood up a little straighter, “always glad to help out.” He pointedly ignored Daniel’s sudden coughing fit as he logged in to reactivate their accounts and reset their passwords. “You’ve got the same access as before. Let me know if you need any other data. Hey, you!” He pointed at the bumble-head that had been trying to fade into the background since Rodney had walked into the room. “Why are you just sitting there? Aren’t you supposed to be researching that ancient device?”
“Yes, sir!” The kid came to attention, “I think I found it in the database. It says that as long as you keep all the pieces together —”
“Yes, yes. Write up a report and mail it to me. Then go help Anderson the power studies he’s doing.” The kid nodded at him, staying at attention. “Well? Get to it!” Rodney made a sharp sweep with his hand and the bumble-head yes-sirred him again before saluting and turning back to his screen. And he couldn’t even enjoy it because Sam and Daniel were snickering behind their hands.
“Quite a way you have with your staff, Rodney.” Sam said.
“Yes, well, at least this bunch seems to know their place. Zelenka totally ruined the last bunch.” He looked around to make sure there was nothing else that was going to call him away and asked, “Now, if that’s all, I’m feeling quite tired and would like to retire early this evening.”
Both Sam and Daniel narrowed their eyes in suspicion which Rodney ignored as he swept out of the lab. He had placed to be. And a Bo Peep Sam doll to see.
ALMOST THERE….
Sheppard scanned the last section of hall. Twenty feet to go without cover, then they had to open McKay’s door and hope he wasn’t there. Wasn’t much of a plan but they couldn’t take the risk of being discovered while doing proper surveillance. Escape wasn’t going to be as easy a second time.
“It’s clear here. How about at your end, Buzz?” Sheppard said.
“All clear.”
“Okay, Rodney. Let’s go.” Sheppard gave Hamm an encouraging pat on the shoulder and stepped out into the hallway. “We need to move fast.”
“So says the skinny toothpick.” Hamm huffed and trundled along slower than ever. “You try going fast on these stubby legs.”
“Don’t talk. Save your breath in case we have to run.”
Hamm was so alarmed by that thought his pig-shaped face looked exactly like McKay did when faced with a wraith. Even better, he stopped talking and picked up his pace a little bit. Finally, they reached the door.
Sheppard gave two sharp whistles and Mitchell came running at top speed. Right before he reached them, Mitchell yelled, “Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!”, veered off and ran full tilt at the wall opposite Rodney’s door, used his momentum to run up the wall and then spread his wings.
That’s when the plan fell apart. Instead of catching flight so he could get up high enough to loop the string over the control pad by McKay’s door, Mitchell went splat to the ground.
And that’s when Sheppard decided that he preferred being Woody. At least he had more brains. And fewer dents.
“Come on, Buzz. Pick yourself up and bring that string over here. Space Ranger’s don’t give up after a couple of hard knocks.” Lo and behold it actually worked. Mitchell, sat up, righted his helmet, picked up both the rope and his broken wing and hobbled across the hall. The guy should have been a Marine.
McKay’s door opened behind them and they all froze.
“Aw! You guy’s came to rescue me.” Bo Peep Sam sashayed out and gave Sheppard a peck on the cheek while Hamm looked on and glared. Sheppard shrugged at him as Bo Peep Sam went over to give Mitchell a hug.
“Hey! What about me?” Hamm said.
“You licked me!” Sam glared at him and poked him with her crook. Hamm squealed and jumped back.
TWO WORLDS COLLIDE…
Rodney turned the corner to his quarters saw Bo Peep Sam poking her crook at his own pig-like resemblance while Buzz and Woody laughed. Then they all froze.
He stared at the toys in the hallway for a moment, his mind working at top speed. This was not good. He keyed his mic, “Anderson, have the new guy send me everything he found on the ancient device he was researching immediately. He can write up a complete report later. Oh, and have Carter and Jackson meet me in Weir’s office.”
He keyed his mic again, “Sheppard, McKay here. I need you to come to my quarters immediately. Bring Mitchell. And a box.”
He keyed his mic one last time, “McKay here. Elizabeth, we have a problem.”
ALL IS AS IT WAS?…
“Let me get this straight,” Elizabeth said, “If we put all the toys together, they’ll disappear exactly one day after they appeared?”
“That’s right,” Rodney rubbed his sweaty palms on his pant legs and cast a quick nervous look at Sam, “But we’ll also have the memories of our, uhm, likeness.”
Sheppard looked doubtfully in the box. “What if a piece of one of them is missing? They look a little beat up.”
“Then we have to wait a year to try again.” Horrified looks passed around. Rodney wasn’t sure which they thought was worse, having living dolls terrorizing Atlantis for a year or having a years worth of the doll’s memories at the end of it. He already knew which was worse and was not looking forward to Sam finding out the details of her abduction.
A third scan of Atlantis was done, the marines and scientists instructed to look in every crevice and cranny. A small piece of plastic matching a chipped area from one of Buzz’s wings was added to the box. Then Sheppard sealed the box and they sat down to wait.
“Uhm, how much longer is this going to be?” Daniel said.
“About two hours.” Rodney kept his eye on the box. They weren’t going to have a chance at escaping before time was up.
“Maybe we could take shifts watching the box.” Elizabeth suggested.
Rodney shrugged and kept his eye on the box. No one else answered either and they all settled down to wait.
INSIDE THE BOX…
“Not to worry,” Hamm whispered, “I broke my tail.”
“You never had a tail,” Sheppard whispered back.
Author: irishamber
Rating: Gen/Probably PG
Description: SGA/SG-1/Toy Story crossover.
Humor
word count: 3000
spoilers: takes place sometime between mid-second season and early to mid-third, I'm not up enough on the time line of events to place it better.
HOW IT BEGAN…
"Why are they here again? We just got rid of them," Rodney rolled an ancient do-hickey back and forth in his palms. Entertaining SG-1 was not on the list of things he wanted to accomplish this week. Number one of which was figure out what this little ball did.
Elizabeth put on her I-will-not-kill-my-senior-staff face. "They're here to search our database for help in fighting the Ori."
Rodney rolled his eyes, "Yes, yes. That's what they say. And Carter and Jackson may actually do that. But Colonel Buzz Lightyear and company are just going to get in the way."
"Buzz Lightyear?" John said. "If you're going to start naming people after Toy Story characters, I should be Buzz Lightyear."
Rodney stopped fidgeting with the ancient do-hickey to stare at Sheppard. "Oh, please. I know you like things that go fast and have wings -- as exhibited by your susceptibility to ascended women -- but," Rodney steamrollered on over Sheppard's indignant yelp, "with your slouchy boneless thing and desire to save everyone, you are so clearly Woody."
"Yeah? Well, you're Hamm."
"Hey! No call to be mean. I can't help it if my body requires more padding than a toothpick."
Beckett cleared his throat, "I do not believe the colonel was referring to your weight."
Elizabeth interrupted. "Gentlemen, while this discussion is quite illuminating," Rodney resisted the urge to laugh when Sheppard pulled a face and mouthed 'illuminating', "I expect you to extend SG-1 every courtesy."
"Yes, yes. Consider it done." Rodney perched on the edge of his chair, ignoring the skeptical looks of the rest of the command staff. "Can I go now? I'd like to prep the labs for Bo Beep’s arrival."
Colonel Carter’s voice sounded from behind him, "Bo Peep? And who is Bo Peep?"
Startled, Rodney jumped in his chair and dropped the ancient do-hickey when he stood up to face the newly beamed in SG-1. “Sam! How’d you get here —,” he cut himself off, wiping the question out with a wave of his hand, “Delighted to have you. Here. Delighted to have you here. I merely meant I needed to make sure everything was locked up before Vala arrived.”
“Uh-huh,” Sam looked skeptical, and rightfully so. Vala did not exactly bring Bo Peep to mind. “Well, rest easy. Vala wasn’t able to join us this trip.”
“Bummer,” Sheppard said as he stood to greet SG-1. “She was fun to have around.”
Everyone except Mitchell looked at Sheppard in disbelief. Instead, as the two of them shook hands, Mitchell said, “Yeah, she can be counted on to add life to any party. Unfortunately, we had to leave both her and Teal’c home this trip. General Landry was not happy at having to explain their newly acquired skills after our last visit.”
Having had enough of meaningless pleasantries, Rodney looked around for the ancient ball and spied it under Sheppard’s chair, both Mitchell and Sheppard standing between him and it. “Excuse me, Colonels.” When he had their attention, Rodney pointed to the device.
“You should be more careful with your toys,” Sheppard said. And then he smirked at Rodney and leaned over to pick it up.
When he touched it, there was a quick flash and the ancient device disappeared. Everyone stared at the things that had appeared in its place on the floor until Daniel, speaking for the first time since beaming in, said, “Bo Peep looks more like Sam than Vala to me.”
Mitchell said, “Hey cool! I’m Buzz Lightyear.”
Sheppard huffed and glared at his own likeness, Woody.
Sam glared at Rodney.
And Rodney thought it monumentally unfair that his face was squished onto the body of a pink pig. His face was not that pink.
A RESCUE PLAN…
“Mitchell, give it rest. It’s not real. It’s a light, not a laser.” Sheppard leaned against the wall and stared way up at the red dot that Mitchell was making on the control panel.
Mitchell scowled down at the toy laser on his arm and said, “It could have been real. And my name is Buzz.”
“Cripes. Buzz,” Sheppard said in disgust. “And in what universe could it be real?”
Mitchell just looked at him through that stupid bubble helmet.
“Okay. Okay! Point. It could have been real. Now take the damn helmet off.”
“It doesn’t come off, Woody.”
Sheppard gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to test his revolver on Mitchell. “My name is not Woody.”
“Well I can hardly call you Sheppard, or John, or Colonel. No one would ever know whether we were talking about you or the other one.”
“Fine. You can call me Sheriff.”
“Sure thang, Sheriff. Now hows about we rescue ourselves a damsel in distress.” Mitchell, no Buzz, smirked and John ground his teeth together harder.
The sound of crinkling foil caught their attention and they turned to see Rodney with his snout in an empty PowerBar wrapper.
“You know, Rodney. This might be easier, if you helped,” Sheppard said.
Hamm, uh, Rodney, snorted. “I was just waiting for you two to realize you need my expertise.”
“Yeah, right.” Mitchell glared at him, “More likely you get off on the thought that McKay is going molest Sam.”
“Get a grip. He’s not going to molest her. I wouldn’t do that!” Hamm spit crumbs on them in his excitement.
Sheppard grimaced and wiped the spittle from under his eye while looking enviously at the protection Mitchell’s, uh, Buzz’s bubble helmet had provided.
“So? What? It’s okay because he’s only going to sit her on a shelf and stare at her while he jerks off?” Mitchell looked like he was ready to make pork chops.
“He wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that to Sam!”
“But this isn’t Sam. As far as he knows she’s just a toy,” Sheppard said.
Pig-Rodney gave a panicked squeal and hopped up and down a couple times, “Oh my, God. We’ve got to get her out. What are you two idiots doing just standing there? Find a rope or something to get Sheppard up near the controls so he can use his gene to think open the door.”
MEANWHILE, IN RODNEY’S DEN OF INIQUITY…
Rodney thought his door shut, giving it an extra little push to let Atlantis know he didn’t want to be interrupted and then emptied his back pack.
Laptop, notebook, notebook, book, notebook, clipboard. Finally, he pulled out the Bo Peep Sam doll along with a fistful of pens. He dropped them all on his dresser, picked up Sam and tried dusting the lint off her. “Sorry. So sorry. I didn’t have time to do more then drop you in headfirst. Couldn’t let Elizabeth see.”
He winced at a book-corner shaped dent in her arm and tried to rub it away. He winced again when he saw the pen mark on her neck and, licking his finger, tried to rub it away too.
Rodney stood the now slightly ragged Bo Peep Sam doll on the desk shelf.
“Oops. Missing your cane thingy. Uh, it’s called a crook, right? I’ll have to ask Carson. He should know.” Not seeing the crook in the pile of pens on his desk, he rummaged through the bottom of the back pack. Finding it, he dusted it off and put it in Bo-Peep’s hand.
“Rodney. Where are you?” Sheppard’s voice came over his comm.
Hand to ear, to activate his comm, Rodney said, “In my room, why?”
“Because Carter and Jackson are waiting for you in the lab.” Sheppard spoke slowly, as if to someone for whom English was not their first language.
“Well, then I suggest you get Zelenka to give them access.” Rodney spoke equally slowly.
“Zelenka is on the kid planet where you sent him,” Sheppard bit out his reply, obviously having lost his patience. “Tell you what, Rodney. If you aren’t here in three minutes, I’ll tell the new recruit to do whatever needs to be done to give them full access to Atlantis. Sheppard out.”
Crap. He’d do it too. He’d let that wet behind the ears tech destroy Atlantis and everyone would blame Rodney. Damn it. Rodney sighed and told Bo Peep Sam, “Sorry, Babe. I’ve got to go take care of this. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
The door closed behind him and Bo Peep Sam said, “Eeeew” and raised her hand to scrub at the spot on her neck that was covered with McKay’s spit.
BACK WITH OUR INTREPID HEROES….
“Whichever one of you decided to use the steps sucks,” Hamm said.
Sheppard, struggling under the weight of Hamm’s hind end, gasped, “You’re the one that thought activating the transporter would be too difficult.”
“That didn’t mean I thought we should take the steps! I don’t have opposable thumbs —”
“Shh! Someone’s coming, Sheriff.” Mitchell called down the warning from his position as lookout at the top of the steps. Too bad it was only three steps up from them.
While he and Rodney froze in place, Sheppard started making a list of every way he could make Mitchell’s life hell, starting with telling Vala that Mitchell had a secret crush on her. And Teal’c. Definitely a crush on Teal’c too.
Footsteps started down the stairs. Sheppard could see the sole of a military issued boot from the corner of his eye when he was suddenly relieved of Hamm’s weight and the pig went bouncing down the stairs.
“What the —,” Lorne muttered and then yelled out, “Corporal, I don’t know what these toys are doing on the steps and I don’t want to know,” Sheppard had always know Lorne was a good man, “Just get them off the steps.”
“Yes, sir!”
Lorne tsked in irritation before carefully stepping around Sheppard and continuing down the steps. The moment he disappeared from view, Sheppard called, “Hey, Mitchell. Get a move on.”
Mitchell looked down at him, folded his arms and turned his back.
“Sweet Jesus. What did I ever do to deserver this?” Sheppard hung his head a moment. Then, bracing his hands on his hips and stiffening his spine, he lifted his head back up and called, “Hey, Buzz. Get a move on. Hamm is waiting at the bottom.”
“Sure thing, Sheriff.” Mitchell joined Sheppard in a mad scramble down the steps. When they reached bottom, Rodney was just wobbling to his feet.
“Oh my, God. Did my tail break off? I think my tail broke off.” Rodney hopped a little, trying to twist around to see his tail end.
“I don’t think you ever had a tail. Come on, we’ve got to move quick before we’re spotted again.” Sheppard tried to push Rodney out of the open. Unfortunately, it was hard to move a stubborn pig.
“What do you mean I never had a tail? What are you? A moron? I’m a pig. Pigs have tails.”
“Buzz Lightyear to Star Command. Come in Star Command.” Mitchell spoke into the communications decal glued to his forearm.
“Great. I’m stuck here with a moron and an escapee from the looney bin,” Hamm said.
Hoping Mitchell was just suffering from oxygen deprivation, Sheppard leaned over and hit the release button on his bubble helmet. Luckily, before Mitchell could go off on a rant of his own, footsteps approached and they all ran for cover.
EXPERIMENTAL OBLIGATIONS…
When Rodney got to the lab, Sam and Daniel were laughing with the newest bumble-head as if they were all best friends. Rodney made note to check everything the bumble-head put in the weekly data burst and then noticed that Sheppard wasn’t around. “Where’s Sheppard?”
The three of them looked up startled. “Rodney,” Sam said with every evidence of pleasure, “thanks for coming down. Sheppard said he wanted to show Cam the newest jumper modifications.”
“Yes, well,” Rodney cleared his throat and stood up a little straighter, “always glad to help out.” He pointedly ignored Daniel’s sudden coughing fit as he logged in to reactivate their accounts and reset their passwords. “You’ve got the same access as before. Let me know if you need any other data. Hey, you!” He pointed at the bumble-head that had been trying to fade into the background since Rodney had walked into the room. “Why are you just sitting there? Aren’t you supposed to be researching that ancient device?”
“Yes, sir!” The kid came to attention, “I think I found it in the database. It says that as long as you keep all the pieces together —”
“Yes, yes. Write up a report and mail it to me. Then go help Anderson the power studies he’s doing.” The kid nodded at him, staying at attention. “Well? Get to it!” Rodney made a sharp sweep with his hand and the bumble-head yes-sirred him again before saluting and turning back to his screen. And he couldn’t even enjoy it because Sam and Daniel were snickering behind their hands.
“Quite a way you have with your staff, Rodney.” Sam said.
“Yes, well, at least this bunch seems to know their place. Zelenka totally ruined the last bunch.” He looked around to make sure there was nothing else that was going to call him away and asked, “Now, if that’s all, I’m feeling quite tired and would like to retire early this evening.”
Both Sam and Daniel narrowed their eyes in suspicion which Rodney ignored as he swept out of the lab. He had placed to be. And a Bo Peep Sam doll to see.
ALMOST THERE….
Sheppard scanned the last section of hall. Twenty feet to go without cover, then they had to open McKay’s door and hope he wasn’t there. Wasn’t much of a plan but they couldn’t take the risk of being discovered while doing proper surveillance. Escape wasn’t going to be as easy a second time.
“It’s clear here. How about at your end, Buzz?” Sheppard said.
“All clear.”
“Okay, Rodney. Let’s go.” Sheppard gave Hamm an encouraging pat on the shoulder and stepped out into the hallway. “We need to move fast.”
“So says the skinny toothpick.” Hamm huffed and trundled along slower than ever. “You try going fast on these stubby legs.”
“Don’t talk. Save your breath in case we have to run.”
Hamm was so alarmed by that thought his pig-shaped face looked exactly like McKay did when faced with a wraith. Even better, he stopped talking and picked up his pace a little bit. Finally, they reached the door.
Sheppard gave two sharp whistles and Mitchell came running at top speed. Right before he reached them, Mitchell yelled, “Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!”, veered off and ran full tilt at the wall opposite Rodney’s door, used his momentum to run up the wall and then spread his wings.
That’s when the plan fell apart. Instead of catching flight so he could get up high enough to loop the string over the control pad by McKay’s door, Mitchell went splat to the ground.
And that’s when Sheppard decided that he preferred being Woody. At least he had more brains. And fewer dents.
“Come on, Buzz. Pick yourself up and bring that string over here. Space Ranger’s don’t give up after a couple of hard knocks.” Lo and behold it actually worked. Mitchell, sat up, righted his helmet, picked up both the rope and his broken wing and hobbled across the hall. The guy should have been a Marine.
McKay’s door opened behind them and they all froze.
“Aw! You guy’s came to rescue me.” Bo Peep Sam sashayed out and gave Sheppard a peck on the cheek while Hamm looked on and glared. Sheppard shrugged at him as Bo Peep Sam went over to give Mitchell a hug.
“Hey! What about me?” Hamm said.
“You licked me!” Sam glared at him and poked him with her crook. Hamm squealed and jumped back.
TWO WORLDS COLLIDE…
Rodney turned the corner to his quarters saw Bo Peep Sam poking her crook at his own pig-like resemblance while Buzz and Woody laughed. Then they all froze.
He stared at the toys in the hallway for a moment, his mind working at top speed. This was not good. He keyed his mic, “Anderson, have the new guy send me everything he found on the ancient device he was researching immediately. He can write up a complete report later. Oh, and have Carter and Jackson meet me in Weir’s office.”
He keyed his mic again, “Sheppard, McKay here. I need you to come to my quarters immediately. Bring Mitchell. And a box.”
He keyed his mic one last time, “McKay here. Elizabeth, we have a problem.”
ALL IS AS IT WAS?…
“Let me get this straight,” Elizabeth said, “If we put all the toys together, they’ll disappear exactly one day after they appeared?”
“That’s right,” Rodney rubbed his sweaty palms on his pant legs and cast a quick nervous look at Sam, “But we’ll also have the memories of our, uhm, likeness.”
Sheppard looked doubtfully in the box. “What if a piece of one of them is missing? They look a little beat up.”
“Then we have to wait a year to try again.” Horrified looks passed around. Rodney wasn’t sure which they thought was worse, having living dolls terrorizing Atlantis for a year or having a years worth of the doll’s memories at the end of it. He already knew which was worse and was not looking forward to Sam finding out the details of her abduction.
A third scan of Atlantis was done, the marines and scientists instructed to look in every crevice and cranny. A small piece of plastic matching a chipped area from one of Buzz’s wings was added to the box. Then Sheppard sealed the box and they sat down to wait.
“Uhm, how much longer is this going to be?” Daniel said.
“About two hours.” Rodney kept his eye on the box. They weren’t going to have a chance at escaping before time was up.
“Maybe we could take shifts watching the box.” Elizabeth suggested.
Rodney shrugged and kept his eye on the box. No one else answered either and they all settled down to wait.
INSIDE THE BOX…
“Not to worry,” Hamm whispered, “I broke my tail.”
“You never had a tail,” Sheppard whispered back.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-06-05 05:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-06-05 06:47 pm (UTC)Thanks for commenting. It's nice to know someone read it.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-06-06 01:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-06-06 01:43 am (UTC)