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sga_flashfictitle: it will not swiftly abate
author: thisissirius
category: angst
word count: ~1, 266
rating: r [for themes]
characters: team
warnings: maimin.
summary: She opens the door and tries not to notice how her hands are shaking.
She opens the door and tries not to notice how her hands are shaking.
Carson cleared her for duty three days ago, but she hasn’t left the infirmary since. She’s spent too long going over every word and action, every move they had made in hope it would yeild something. It’s the first time she’s wanted them to have done something wrong, to have given the natives some cause to hurt them, to maim.
Elizabeth’s words of comfort and hope were brittle, and Teyla had stared at her until she’d left, shoulders sagging just a little. Teyla can’t find it in her heart to feel guilty, aware that they have no idea what it feels like to be alone amongst friends.
She wishes, now, that she’d suffered too, that she’d have some excuse not to feel this way.
Lorne and Radek have been by and she pretended not to notice how their eyes lingered on her face, rarely looking anywhere else. She knows they have it hard, too, that they suffer. They have new responsibilities and someday she’ll help them. She knows that with a certainty she tries not to feel.
For now, she has time.
The door closes behind her with a soft snick and two faces turn towards her, the third is slow, it's movements sluggish, as though only just seeing her. Her body feels heavy as she closes the distance between them, but she sits on the floor, waiting for them to follow.
Rodney is first and her heart clenches as he drops down beside her, hand brushing her thigh. Her body shudders at the contact, and she hadn’t realised how much she’d been missing this until it was no longer there. She draws his head down in the customary Athosian greeting and she ignores how hard his hands clutch at her shoulders; as though she’s a lifeline. Her hand’s move past his shoulders, towards his face and he stiffens involuntarily. She knows this will hurt him, to acknowledge a weakness, but she also knows he needs this. That he needs to feel useful again. She knows that Elizabeth, Radek, everyone has been skirting them, hoping that the problem would just appear, give them a way to fix this. Teyla knows that this is something they have to work at, that it will take all the time she has.
Rodney. She wants to say his name aloud, to hear herself say it one more time, but it hurts. Her hands brush his lips, and he closes his eyes, still shuddering. She remembers the blood more than anything else and her breath catches in her throat.
.
Oh god. Teyla? What’s happening? Sheppard shifted beside her, panicked and open and yet unable to gauge the natives’ response. What are they doing to him?
The sun glinted off of the blade in the chieftain’s hands, and Teyla watched it descend in slow motion, moving towards Rodney’s wide eyes and cursing mouth. It was over in seconds, and then there were no more words, only blood.
She scrambled towards Rodney, aware that Ronon had stopped shouting long ago, as resigned as she was. She fumbled for Rodney’s vest, hauling him up as his hands moved towards his face. Her hands shook as she tore her shirt and tried to stem the blood. Rodney tried to scream, but there would never be words again and he held the material close to his mouth. The silence, she knows, is worse.
.
Rodney pulls back, and for a moment she almost sees the blood again, stark and hard against his face. She’s broken from her thoughts when John clumsily knocks her leg as he tries to sit down. Her hands still tremble as she takes his face in her hands. Carson’s done a good job of hiding his wounds with bandages, but Teyla reaches behind his head fumbling for the soft material. John’s breath catches, but he doesn’t try and stop her. She can feel Rodney’s gaze on her back, but it’s not cold, just curious.
The material falls through her fingers and her heart clenches.
.
John’s screams penetrate the cold silence and Rodney’s hand it so tight on hers as to be painful. She closes her eyes as Ronon screams his own challenge into the daylight. It’s ignored and John is pushed towards her, his fingers scrambling against his face.
John, John! Rodney echoes the name over and over, until he’s pulled away from her too, tied to the post in the center of the square.
She doesn’t want to look, so she focuses on John, pressing a crude bandage to his face. John, I don’t-
He cuts her off, trying to get himself under control. Teyla, don’t let them take Rodney. Don’t-
It’s too late, she thinks, and her hands keep the bandage in place, watching the blood spread across the white slowly and dangerously.
.
I’m so sorry. It’s something she would never tell him, especially not now. He can read it in her silence, anyway, and she kisses him slowly. First the right eye, scarred and yet beautiful. She moves to the left and kisses that just as softly, lingering to kiss him gently on the cheek. You will always be beautiful.
John relaxes against her hands and she looks up, watching Ronon watch her. He wants to sit down, but she can still see the indecision on his face, and knows that he blames himself. She lifts her hand, palm down, and waits for him to take it.
.
She doesn’t see it happen, as concerned with Rodney and John as she is. She’s tried uttering platitudes, tried anger and rage, and yet the natives keep going, keep hurting. She remembers, later, that Ronon doesn’t utter a sound.
What have they done? She moves towards him, one hand still on John’s face and she tries to reach for him, but he doesn’t move. There’s blood on his face, right and left, and she sees what’s missing. Seven years he had been on the run, and for seven years he’d relied on the very thing they’d taken. She swallows hard as she struggles to stand, holding Rodney and John against her.
The natives approach and Ronon stands in front of her. They’re damaged, all but her, and yet maybe her too, but still he protects. The chieftain holds up a hand and he doesn’t have to say anything for Teyla to know that it’s over, that she isn’t going to suffer.
They don’t stay to listen to anything, just push their way through the crowd. Teyla tries to keep Rodney upright as Ronon takes control of John, with them and yet not.
.
It seems to take forever, but eventually his hand slides against hers and he sits. His eyes are dark and hold a pain that she can understand.
They’re so close that she can almost hear their heartbeats, in time with hers. She closes her eyes and feels their warmth and acceptance. She knows that they don’t hate her for being safe, that they’re relieved. It doesn’t stop the guilt, not yet, but for now she’s content to sit with them. They’re incomplete, missing vital pieces, and yet they’re still a team.
She’s no stranger to this; on Athos they had people who couldn’t communicate with words, who could only sign. Her father had taught her every word and nuance in Athosian Sign and she still remembers them now.
Rodney moves first, taking John’s hands in his. Ronon raises an eyebrow at her, and she gives him a soft smile. Slowly, together, they learn the sign for family.
author: thisissirius
category: angst
word count: ~1, 266
rating: r [for themes]
characters: team
warnings: maimin.
summary: She opens the door and tries not to notice how her hands are shaking.
She opens the door and tries not to notice how her hands are shaking.
Carson cleared her for duty three days ago, but she hasn’t left the infirmary since. She’s spent too long going over every word and action, every move they had made in hope it would yeild something. It’s the first time she’s wanted them to have done something wrong, to have given the natives some cause to hurt them, to maim.
Elizabeth’s words of comfort and hope were brittle, and Teyla had stared at her until she’d left, shoulders sagging just a little. Teyla can’t find it in her heart to feel guilty, aware that they have no idea what it feels like to be alone amongst friends.
She wishes, now, that she’d suffered too, that she’d have some excuse not to feel this way.
Lorne and Radek have been by and she pretended not to notice how their eyes lingered on her face, rarely looking anywhere else. She knows they have it hard, too, that they suffer. They have new responsibilities and someday she’ll help them. She knows that with a certainty she tries not to feel.
For now, she has time.
The door closes behind her with a soft snick and two faces turn towards her, the third is slow, it's movements sluggish, as though only just seeing her. Her body feels heavy as she closes the distance between them, but she sits on the floor, waiting for them to follow.
Rodney is first and her heart clenches as he drops down beside her, hand brushing her thigh. Her body shudders at the contact, and she hadn’t realised how much she’d been missing this until it was no longer there. She draws his head down in the customary Athosian greeting and she ignores how hard his hands clutch at her shoulders; as though she’s a lifeline. Her hand’s move past his shoulders, towards his face and he stiffens involuntarily. She knows this will hurt him, to acknowledge a weakness, but she also knows he needs this. That he needs to feel useful again. She knows that Elizabeth, Radek, everyone has been skirting them, hoping that the problem would just appear, give them a way to fix this. Teyla knows that this is something they have to work at, that it will take all the time she has.
Rodney. She wants to say his name aloud, to hear herself say it one more time, but it hurts. Her hands brush his lips, and he closes his eyes, still shuddering. She remembers the blood more than anything else and her breath catches in her throat.
.
Oh god. Teyla? What’s happening? Sheppard shifted beside her, panicked and open and yet unable to gauge the natives’ response. What are they doing to him?
The sun glinted off of the blade in the chieftain’s hands, and Teyla watched it descend in slow motion, moving towards Rodney’s wide eyes and cursing mouth. It was over in seconds, and then there were no more words, only blood.
She scrambled towards Rodney, aware that Ronon had stopped shouting long ago, as resigned as she was. She fumbled for Rodney’s vest, hauling him up as his hands moved towards his face. Her hands shook as she tore her shirt and tried to stem the blood. Rodney tried to scream, but there would never be words again and he held the material close to his mouth. The silence, she knows, is worse.
.
Rodney pulls back, and for a moment she almost sees the blood again, stark and hard against his face. She’s broken from her thoughts when John clumsily knocks her leg as he tries to sit down. Her hands still tremble as she takes his face in her hands. Carson’s done a good job of hiding his wounds with bandages, but Teyla reaches behind his head fumbling for the soft material. John’s breath catches, but he doesn’t try and stop her. She can feel Rodney’s gaze on her back, but it’s not cold, just curious.
The material falls through her fingers and her heart clenches.
.
John’s screams penetrate the cold silence and Rodney’s hand it so tight on hers as to be painful. She closes her eyes as Ronon screams his own challenge into the daylight. It’s ignored and John is pushed towards her, his fingers scrambling against his face.
John, John! Rodney echoes the name over and over, until he’s pulled away from her too, tied to the post in the center of the square.
She doesn’t want to look, so she focuses on John, pressing a crude bandage to his face. John, I don’t-
He cuts her off, trying to get himself under control. Teyla, don’t let them take Rodney. Don’t-
It’s too late, she thinks, and her hands keep the bandage in place, watching the blood spread across the white slowly and dangerously.
.
I’m so sorry. It’s something she would never tell him, especially not now. He can read it in her silence, anyway, and she kisses him slowly. First the right eye, scarred and yet beautiful. She moves to the left and kisses that just as softly, lingering to kiss him gently on the cheek. You will always be beautiful.
John relaxes against her hands and she looks up, watching Ronon watch her. He wants to sit down, but she can still see the indecision on his face, and knows that he blames himself. She lifts her hand, palm down, and waits for him to take it.
.
She doesn’t see it happen, as concerned with Rodney and John as she is. She’s tried uttering platitudes, tried anger and rage, and yet the natives keep going, keep hurting. She remembers, later, that Ronon doesn’t utter a sound.
What have they done? She moves towards him, one hand still on John’s face and she tries to reach for him, but he doesn’t move. There’s blood on his face, right and left, and she sees what’s missing. Seven years he had been on the run, and for seven years he’d relied on the very thing they’d taken. She swallows hard as she struggles to stand, holding Rodney and John against her.
The natives approach and Ronon stands in front of her. They’re damaged, all but her, and yet maybe her too, but still he protects. The chieftain holds up a hand and he doesn’t have to say anything for Teyla to know that it’s over, that she isn’t going to suffer.
They don’t stay to listen to anything, just push their way through the crowd. Teyla tries to keep Rodney upright as Ronon takes control of John, with them and yet not.
.
It seems to take forever, but eventually his hand slides against hers and he sits. His eyes are dark and hold a pain that she can understand.
They’re so close that she can almost hear their heartbeats, in time with hers. She closes her eyes and feels their warmth and acceptance. She knows that they don’t hate her for being safe, that they’re relieved. It doesn’t stop the guilt, not yet, but for now she’s content to sit with them. They’re incomplete, missing vital pieces, and yet they’re still a team.
She’s no stranger to this; on Athos they had people who couldn’t communicate with words, who could only sign. Her father had taught her every word and nuance in Athosian Sign and she still remembers them now.
Rodney moves first, taking John’s hands in his. Ronon raises an eyebrow at her, and she gives him a soft smile. Slowly, together, they learn the sign for family.
Quick review
Date: 2007-09-21 07:09 pm (UTC)Re: Quick review
Date: 2007-10-02 11:23 pm (UTC)