Darkness Challenge: Hush by anatolia1
Apr. 26th, 2005 06:30 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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sga_flashficTitle: Hush
Author: Anatolia1
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, Others
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis belongs to other people…not me.
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None really, vague ones for the end of season.
Title: Hush
Author: Anatolia1
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, Others
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis belongs to other people…not me.
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None really, vague ones for the end of season.
****
Radek will find him working alone in the bowels of Atlantis. He’ll sit and watch until he figures out what Rodney is working on and then he’ll join in. Sorting the pieces so that it will be easier to put back together or adding a pair of hands to the dismantling.
He doesn’t usually help with the re-assembly or the actual repair because Rodney’s so much better at it now than he is. Instead he’ll sit close, eyes glued to what Rodney is doing. Radek will follow the order in which Rodney does his work and the repairs Rodney makes with his warm gentle hands resting on Rodney’s shoulders or an arm along the small of his back.
Rodney will never be able to tell him how much this means to him but he guesses Radek knows anyway.
****
Carson brings him music. An electronic keyboard he got from who knows where. He’ll drag Rodney off to one of the large cavernous rooms that they’ve never discovered the purpose for. The sound echoes wonderfully off the walls and fills the room to overflowing. Sometimes Rodney will play a gentle uplifting piece but more likely it will be a loud pounding piece.
Rodney’s started writing music again, no words of course, but the musical symbols now flow easier. He’s been thinking about Atlantis, the way he felt when they first arrived and everything that has happened since and putting it down on paper. If his smile is anything to go by Carson likes what he’s created so far.
****
Teyla used to come and stare at him that calm look upon her face the one that Rodney believed meant she was judging him and not in a good way. Now he’s not so sure.
She came to his quarters the first time ringing his newly modified bell. He ignored the flickering light but annoyance got the better of him and he finally answered. Once inside his room Teyla pushed and pulled him into a standing position, ignoring his frown. Then she adopted a similar pose before flowing through a series of postures that looked a little like Tai Chi. Rodney figured she was crazy and flopped back down on his bed. Bad move because that thing she did with her fingers hurt like hell and he got back up awfully damn fast.
They resumed the pose and she went through the postures again. When she wiggled her fingers at him he made a half-assed attempt to follow and she smiled at him like he done something worthy of a Nobel Prize. He’s gotten pretty good at it. Sometimes when Teyla’s off world with the team he’ll do it on his own, but not even a swarm of alien bees threatening immediate anaphylactic shock would get him to admit it.
****
John is hot skin and a heavy weight in his arms. John anchors him to this world and refuses to let go. After the incident, after finally being released by Beckett, Rodney had shut himself in his quarters but a locked door and a foul mood have never been enough to chase John away. It can’t possibly last. Rodney knows this because he doesn’t lie to himself and he is far, far too crippled now to hold onto someone like John.
John doesn’t seem to understand.
John mouths silent words into Rodney’s skin, across his shoulder blade, along his stomach and into the soft skin of his inner thigh and if Rodney can’t hear what those words are he can imagine them…don’t give up…I need you…I love you…because John’s eyes tell him everything he needs to know. And Rodney is starting to believe them because John’s hands and mouth and teeth don’t lie.
****
The latest test is going well, John is slouching against the wall looking a little bored and Carson is humming happily in that way he uses to let Rodney know that everything is looking good and Rodney if finally starting to relax. When it all goes wrong.
One of the newer members of the medical staff enters the sound proofed room with some equipment and says, “Doctor Beckett-“ and Rodney whimpers just once before his brain explodes and all he can hear is his own screams. The last thing Rodney sees as the welcoming burn of the drug rips through his veins is the corpsman being shoved up against the wall his mouth covered by a furious looking John.
“He’s under,” Beckett says, keeping a close eye on the Rodney’s vitals as the fast beating blips shown on the monitor slow down at last. “You can let him go now Major. Major! Let him go.”
Sheppard drops his hands and steps back his face hard. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I’m sorry sir,” the corpsman a corporal said worried eyes slipping to an unconscious McKay. “It just slipped out. I’ve read the reports sir but I didn’t think…”
“No you didn’t think,” John snaps. “You’re dismissed.” He ignores Carson’s disproving look as the corporal leaves the room. “If he can’t remember something as simple as not speaking aloud around Rodney during a god damn test…then I don’t want him around Rodney at all. Did you at least get the data you needed?”
“Maybe, give me a couple of hours to analyze it.”
This time they meet in Carson’s office
“It doesn’t tell us more than we already knew,” Carson explains. I’ve mapped the area of his brain that fires when he hears someone speak, but I’ve still no idea of how to fix. To be honest I’d be afraid of causing more damage.”
The progression had been slow, first spoken words sent Rodney into pain filled convulsions, then his ability to speak dissipated leaving his language unintelligible to the others, and finally Rodney could no longer read or write in English or French or any other human language.
“The only comfort thing I can offer is that it’s not getting any worse. All the tests I’ve run show that the changes within his cerebral cortex have stabilized. This should be as bad as it gets.” Carson paused. “What I’m worried about know is the secondary affect this is having on Rodney. Not being able to interact with people, to understand what they are saying or to make him self understood has raised his levels of stress and frustration. And then there is the fact that he’s self isolating himself from other people. Of course, some of Rodney’s isolation is due to his fear,” Carson said. “It’s understandable given the agony he suffers whenever a word slips through.” He glanced between them. “There is another option…” Carson makes himself ignore Sheppard’s flinch; he already knows how the Major feels about this matter.
Elizabeth shakes her head. “I am not ready to permanently deafen him…that’s not an option. For now the ear plugs are a workable solution. Doctor Zalenka’s science team is still working on their final analysis of the equipment we recovered from P3X592.” The equipment they thought had been used to alter McKay. “That may give us more to go on.”
John sighs. “We may be reaching the point where we should allow Rodney to try to work on the equipment again himself. He may be able to do more with it than Zalenka’s people can.”
No one can explain why Rodney’s ability to understand and interact with Atlantis’ technology has increased a hundred-fold or why his math, always good, is so much better. Zalenka swears that Rodney latest calculations show that he’s on the verge of something spectacular. It’s all connected of course, but they don’t understand how.
“The last time we tried that it didn’t go well,” Elizabeth said.
“I know.” John had been there when Rodney tried and it had scared the hell out of him when Rodney had calmly sat down next to the equipment and started to quietly sob. It was the only time he’d ever seen him cry. “But I feel like we’re running out of options. Maybe enough time has passed he won’t have such a visceral reaction.”
“I’ll consider it, but only after Doctor Zalenka informs me there’s nothing more he can do,” Elizabeth said. “Do you have anything to add Carson?”
“No.” Carson says, shaking his head and so the meeting breaks up.
Rodney isn’t alone when he wakes to absolute silence and relief at the comforting weight of the plugs in his ears. John is right there in the chair next to the bed reading with one hand wrapped around Rodney’s. Rodney can tell John’s still working his way through War and Peace because of the picture on the cover. The words are still so much unintelligible garbage.
He squeezes John’s hand lightly to let him know that he’s awake. He shakes his head when John motions towards a bottle of pain killers, he’s not in pain, he’s just tired so he closes his eyes and allows himself to drift into the welcoming darkness. Some days Rodney theorizes that this was meant as a gift - an obscene alien gift - one that took away his language and his voice and most of what made Rodney…Rodney. One that left him burned him down to a core of math, music and the universe.
****
Elizabeth drags him off to breakfast every morning. The first few weeks she practically had to force him to take the plugs out but now he does it automatically.
It’s safe because she never forgets.
They sit out on a balcony. In the good weather he can enjoy the sun on his skin and hear the wind rustle through the city and listen to that odd soft hum that Atlantis itself seems to make. When the weathers bad its even better with the concussion like sound the rain makes and the occasional crack of thunder that makes him jump and grin at the same time.
Elizabeth is trying to give him a language. One that isn’t based on sound or letters, but pictures. Rodney thinks she’s been in contact with Daniel Jackson because it seems similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. It’s advanced to the point that that he can grasp and convey simple concepts without pain by using the symbols. A picture of Steve for Wraith, a cat for curious, a smiley face for happy, a heart for love, Atlantis for home.
Author: Anatolia1
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, Others
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis belongs to other people…not me.
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None really, vague ones for the end of season.
Title: Hush
Author: Anatolia1
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, Others
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis belongs to other people…not me.
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None really, vague ones for the end of season.
****
Radek will find him working alone in the bowels of Atlantis. He’ll sit and watch until he figures out what Rodney is working on and then he’ll join in. Sorting the pieces so that it will be easier to put back together or adding a pair of hands to the dismantling.
He doesn’t usually help with the re-assembly or the actual repair because Rodney’s so much better at it now than he is. Instead he’ll sit close, eyes glued to what Rodney is doing. Radek will follow the order in which Rodney does his work and the repairs Rodney makes with his warm gentle hands resting on Rodney’s shoulders or an arm along the small of his back.
Rodney will never be able to tell him how much this means to him but he guesses Radek knows anyway.
****
Carson brings him music. An electronic keyboard he got from who knows where. He’ll drag Rodney off to one of the large cavernous rooms that they’ve never discovered the purpose for. The sound echoes wonderfully off the walls and fills the room to overflowing. Sometimes Rodney will play a gentle uplifting piece but more likely it will be a loud pounding piece.
Rodney’s started writing music again, no words of course, but the musical symbols now flow easier. He’s been thinking about Atlantis, the way he felt when they first arrived and everything that has happened since and putting it down on paper. If his smile is anything to go by Carson likes what he’s created so far.
****
Teyla used to come and stare at him that calm look upon her face the one that Rodney believed meant she was judging him and not in a good way. Now he’s not so sure.
She came to his quarters the first time ringing his newly modified bell. He ignored the flickering light but annoyance got the better of him and he finally answered. Once inside his room Teyla pushed and pulled him into a standing position, ignoring his frown. Then she adopted a similar pose before flowing through a series of postures that looked a little like Tai Chi. Rodney figured she was crazy and flopped back down on his bed. Bad move because that thing she did with her fingers hurt like hell and he got back up awfully damn fast.
They resumed the pose and she went through the postures again. When she wiggled her fingers at him he made a half-assed attempt to follow and she smiled at him like he done something worthy of a Nobel Prize. He’s gotten pretty good at it. Sometimes when Teyla’s off world with the team he’ll do it on his own, but not even a swarm of alien bees threatening immediate anaphylactic shock would get him to admit it.
****
John is hot skin and a heavy weight in his arms. John anchors him to this world and refuses to let go. After the incident, after finally being released by Beckett, Rodney had shut himself in his quarters but a locked door and a foul mood have never been enough to chase John away. It can’t possibly last. Rodney knows this because he doesn’t lie to himself and he is far, far too crippled now to hold onto someone like John.
John doesn’t seem to understand.
John mouths silent words into Rodney’s skin, across his shoulder blade, along his stomach and into the soft skin of his inner thigh and if Rodney can’t hear what those words are he can imagine them…don’t give up…I need you…I love you…because John’s eyes tell him everything he needs to know. And Rodney is starting to believe them because John’s hands and mouth and teeth don’t lie.
****
The latest test is going well, John is slouching against the wall looking a little bored and Carson is humming happily in that way he uses to let Rodney know that everything is looking good and Rodney if finally starting to relax. When it all goes wrong.
One of the newer members of the medical staff enters the sound proofed room with some equipment and says, “Doctor Beckett-“ and Rodney whimpers just once before his brain explodes and all he can hear is his own screams. The last thing Rodney sees as the welcoming burn of the drug rips through his veins is the corpsman being shoved up against the wall his mouth covered by a furious looking John.
“He’s under,” Beckett says, keeping a close eye on the Rodney’s vitals as the fast beating blips shown on the monitor slow down at last. “You can let him go now Major. Major! Let him go.”
Sheppard drops his hands and steps back his face hard. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I’m sorry sir,” the corpsman a corporal said worried eyes slipping to an unconscious McKay. “It just slipped out. I’ve read the reports sir but I didn’t think…”
“No you didn’t think,” John snaps. “You’re dismissed.” He ignores Carson’s disproving look as the corporal leaves the room. “If he can’t remember something as simple as not speaking aloud around Rodney during a god damn test…then I don’t want him around Rodney at all. Did you at least get the data you needed?”
“Maybe, give me a couple of hours to analyze it.”
This time they meet in Carson’s office
“It doesn’t tell us more than we already knew,” Carson explains. I’ve mapped the area of his brain that fires when he hears someone speak, but I’ve still no idea of how to fix. To be honest I’d be afraid of causing more damage.”
The progression had been slow, first spoken words sent Rodney into pain filled convulsions, then his ability to speak dissipated leaving his language unintelligible to the others, and finally Rodney could no longer read or write in English or French or any other human language.
“The only comfort thing I can offer is that it’s not getting any worse. All the tests I’ve run show that the changes within his cerebral cortex have stabilized. This should be as bad as it gets.” Carson paused. “What I’m worried about know is the secondary affect this is having on Rodney. Not being able to interact with people, to understand what they are saying or to make him self understood has raised his levels of stress and frustration. And then there is the fact that he’s self isolating himself from other people. Of course, some of Rodney’s isolation is due to his fear,” Carson said. “It’s understandable given the agony he suffers whenever a word slips through.” He glanced between them. “There is another option…” Carson makes himself ignore Sheppard’s flinch; he already knows how the Major feels about this matter.
Elizabeth shakes her head. “I am not ready to permanently deafen him…that’s not an option. For now the ear plugs are a workable solution. Doctor Zalenka’s science team is still working on their final analysis of the equipment we recovered from P3X592.” The equipment they thought had been used to alter McKay. “That may give us more to go on.”
John sighs. “We may be reaching the point where we should allow Rodney to try to work on the equipment again himself. He may be able to do more with it than Zalenka’s people can.”
No one can explain why Rodney’s ability to understand and interact with Atlantis’ technology has increased a hundred-fold or why his math, always good, is so much better. Zalenka swears that Rodney latest calculations show that he’s on the verge of something spectacular. It’s all connected of course, but they don’t understand how.
“The last time we tried that it didn’t go well,” Elizabeth said.
“I know.” John had been there when Rodney tried and it had scared the hell out of him when Rodney had calmly sat down next to the equipment and started to quietly sob. It was the only time he’d ever seen him cry. “But I feel like we’re running out of options. Maybe enough time has passed he won’t have such a visceral reaction.”
“I’ll consider it, but only after Doctor Zalenka informs me there’s nothing more he can do,” Elizabeth said. “Do you have anything to add Carson?”
“No.” Carson says, shaking his head and so the meeting breaks up.
Rodney isn’t alone when he wakes to absolute silence and relief at the comforting weight of the plugs in his ears. John is right there in the chair next to the bed reading with one hand wrapped around Rodney’s. Rodney can tell John’s still working his way through War and Peace because of the picture on the cover. The words are still so much unintelligible garbage.
He squeezes John’s hand lightly to let him know that he’s awake. He shakes his head when John motions towards a bottle of pain killers, he’s not in pain, he’s just tired so he closes his eyes and allows himself to drift into the welcoming darkness. Some days Rodney theorizes that this was meant as a gift - an obscene alien gift - one that took away his language and his voice and most of what made Rodney…Rodney. One that left him burned him down to a core of math, music and the universe.
****
Elizabeth drags him off to breakfast every morning. The first few weeks she practically had to force him to take the plugs out but now he does it automatically.
It’s safe because she never forgets.
They sit out on a balcony. In the good weather he can enjoy the sun on his skin and hear the wind rustle through the city and listen to that odd soft hum that Atlantis itself seems to make. When the weathers bad its even better with the concussion like sound the rain makes and the occasional crack of thunder that makes him jump and grin at the same time.
Elizabeth is trying to give him a language. One that isn’t based on sound or letters, but pictures. Rodney thinks she’s been in contact with Daniel Jackson because it seems similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. It’s advanced to the point that that he can grasp and convey simple concepts without pain by using the symbols. A picture of Steve for Wraith, a cat for curious, a smiley face for happy, a heart for love, Atlantis for home.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 10:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 10:42 pm (UTC)Thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 11:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 11:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 11:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 11:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 11:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 11:53 pm (UTC)John had been there when Rodney tried and it had scared the hell out of him when Rodney had calmly sat down next to the equipment and started to quietly sob. It was the only time he’d ever seen him cry.
This is completely believable. Thank you for not making Rodney into a girl.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 12:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 12:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 01:32 am (UTC)The way that you've set out what's wrong, how people are dealing with it... great fic. Do they ever fix what's wrong?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 02:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 01:32 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 02:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 04:16 am (UTC)such an interesting and captivating idea. I love the way you have him with each other character individually, and that their interactions ring so true.
thanks for sharing
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 06:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 08:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 12:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 01:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 06:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-28 12:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-28 02:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-28 12:10 pm (UTC)I especially like how he reacts to the different other characters, Elizabeth never forgets and John's hands don't lie. I love also how he can still think coherently and realize what the problem is, accept it grudgingly, even though the others around him are almost frantic about it.
You should get the story spellchecked, there are quite a few bugs in it. And Zelenka is spelled with an e.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-28 10:18 pm (UTC)Once again thank you for your comments.
So Beautiful!
Date: 2005-04-29 04:51 am (UTC)what an amazing story!
big wags,
springwoof
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-30 12:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-03 01:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-21 08:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-22 08:20 am (UTC)Thanks for writing and sharing this :-) .