The Great Mail Debacle by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
missqteeone (five things challenge)
Jul. 17th, 2008 12:38 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
berry-hearts.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
sga_flashficTitle: The Great Mail Debacle (Or Five Things Mailed from Earth)
Author:
![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missqteeoneDisc: I do not own Stargate Atlantis. Scifi/MGM does. I make no profit from this work of fiction.
Rating: PGish. Minor, Minor Swearing.
Spoilers: References to 5.01 Search and Rescue. Takes place in the future.
Words: ~1400 (sorry! i tried to keep it short, but you'll see... i went for realism.)
Sum: See Title
AN: Written for
sga_flashfic ‘s Five Things Challenge**
Dear Dr. McKay,
As a representative of the Kavli Foundation, please let me be the first to congratulate you on winning the 2010 Kavali Prize in Astrophysics. We have been fans of your work for sometime now and many choices have been skipped, so to say, to avoid public knowledge of the Stargate program. Thankfully that is not the case this year. We at the Kavli Foundation feel that you’re a leader in the field and can always be relied upon to think outside of the proverbial box. The award ceremony is going to be in Oslo this year, and if able to come please let us know. You’re obviously a very busy man.
Congratulations,
Dr. Geneva Waters, PhD
**
“It’s amazing how much paper is wasted in your galaxy.” Teyla remarked, perplexed at their current situation. The team, instead of going off-world for their mission, was sent to the mail room, to wade through thousands of letters from the Milky Way.
“If General “Hates Atlantis” had sent the mail before now, we wouldn’t have NINE YEARS OF MAIL to sort through!” Rodney growled, throwing another letter into the “Botany Department” bucket. “I could make a Zed.P.M from scratch in the time it takes us to go through all of this.”
“This one’s addressed to Cadman.” Ronon smirked, opening the Victoria’s Secret catalog and browsing. “I definitely did not see this on Earth.”
“Where did they even store all of it?” John questioned, picking up a small box and reading the tag. “Rodney what’s the Kavli Foundation? This one’s for you-”
“What.Did. You. Say?” Rodney asked, his voice suddenly getting louder. Rodney ran, as fast as he could through four feet of mail, towards Sheppard and ripped up the envelope. “Dear Dr. McKay…blah YES! YES! IN YOUR FACE CARTER!” He screamed, doing a little dance in the mail. He kept screaming- which was out of character even for Rodney. Ronon looked to Teyla, who looked to John.
“What is this Kavli?” She questioned.
John shrugged and grabbed the letter out of his hand. “It’s an Astrophysics award. From two years ago.” Rodney’s cheering suddenly stopped. He grabbed the letter back and re-read the date.
“It is the most prestigious award awarded to Astrophysicists. And the award ceremony was TWO YEARS AGO!” Rodney sat down ontop of the giant pile of money and pouted.
“Don’t they give you a plaque or something?” John questioned, “Like the Stanley cup?”
“I get a medal and a scroll, and a million dollars. But the award ceremony, the award ceremony was the big ‘kiss my ass, world! I WIN’ moment.” Rodney frowned, defeated.
“Well if this is the mail, wouldn’t they be in here somewhere?” Teyla asked, glancing towards the room full of mail. John counted to three in his head before Rodney was up and radioing for all available personnel to come to Storage Room Three on the North Pier.
**
Final Details for Order #555-5554384-4844651
Print this page for your records.
| Order Placed: June 10, 2005 |
| Amazon.com order number: 555-5554384-4844651 |
| Order Total: $31.35 |
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
**
“He’s been carrying that damn medal and the scroll around all day.” Ronon remarked, motioning toward the insane one known as Rodney. With Rodney’s SOS, they had gotten the room down to knee-level but still had tons of work to do before the room was empty.
Sadly, none of it was junk. Sure there were catalogs, but most of the recipients had wanted them in the first place. Daniel Jackson had sent them coffee and chocolate (which was only a little melted) that was probably considered contraband, but John just wanted the room empty so they could start storing the new MALPS they had gotten from the SGC.
“John, this package is for you. It is a book entitled “Astrophysics -”
Panicking, John tried to get to Teyla before Rodney, but sadly he was closer. Rodney took one look at the book and started giggling. Literally giggling. He flipped through the pages between bursts of laughter before starting up again a few pages later.
“He’s acting really weird today.” Ronon pointed out, going back to his portion of the floor.
“This book is- hilarious! Who the hell wrote this? A junior high Science Teacher?”
“You bought a book about his- whatever- ness?” Ronon smirked.
Somewhat defensive, John explained that being prepared was always a good thing. And the thought of waking into a puddle and then travelling though space was a little crazy. But he doubted the other others would understand, hell two of them grew up with Stargates, and the other one could probably build one from scratch.
“Wormhole is SPELLED WRONG! I am writing a formal complaint!” John couldn’t tell if Rodney was genuinely upset or was trying to embarrass him more. Probably a combination of the two.
“Look! Lee ordered an Adult ‘Products’ Catalog.” He tried weakly, but nothing was going to sway Rodney’s attention until he finished the damn book.
**
Dear Sir and/or Madam,
Welcome to the Community! As a member of the Cheyenne Mountain Newcomers Club, I would like to invite you to our informal meeting the first Monday of every month (ACU’s preferred). After each meeting, we have cake, coffee, and converse within our respective security clearances. Off-worlders are suggested to come to each July meeting; I hope to see you there.
-Chief Master Sergeant Walter Harriman
**
“Who is this Chief Master Sergeant? He appears to send many letters to the Pegasus Galaxy.” Teyla questioned, scanning over her third letter from Walter.
“Walter pretty much does everything at the SGC. Gate Tech, Helps Maintenance, I think he was Lizabeth’s assistant for awhile back on Earth, she told me he was a little-” John started, catching himself. It was an unspoken rule that Elizabeth did not come up in every day conversation. He had almost forgotten that she was-
“Yeah I met him a few times. He’s a workaholic.” Rodney announced, making himself apart of the conversation. He had been silent for a few hours after complained the medal was giving him a crick in his neck. The distain at the thought of being a workaholic was pretty evident in his voice.
“We’re sorting through mail on our day off.” Ronon pointed out, throwing the last of the paper into their makeshift recycling bin. Yeah, they were all workaholics.
“We’re different, We are all necessary to keep this place running” Rodney snapped his fingers a few times before pointing out how valuable they all were. “I mean, Teyla leads people, I am the brightest human mind in three or four galaxies, Sheppard has the gene and Ronon grunts and kicks Wraith ass.”
“I kick Wraith ass too,” Sheppard mumbled, happy that the pile was almost gone. Woolsey had interrupted them while they were eating Dinner to tell them they would be recycling the paper and making their own to cut down costs. And that any packages not claimed by tomorrow would be sent back to Earth. The whole mail mess was not going to beat them. And those new MALPS had a self-destruct function that he was just dying to try out.
“I did not think-” Teyla grinned, opening the large package that had been addressed to her. She pulled out- two pairs of wooden sticks. How anti-climatic, more wooden sticks to fight with. “Miko explained that these are a great Japanese Tradition. The craftsmanship is superior, made with traditional Japanese wood-”
“Cool.” Ronon smirked, taking one of the sticks and raising it in the air-
“No-No-No! We’re practically done, who knows when one of you will-” Rodney ran between the two and put his hands up in defense. Sadly, he slipped on the box Teyla had just opened and knocked the makeshift recycling bin to the floor.
“Not it!” John smirked, grabbing his things and running out of the storage room.
“I must attend to T.J. He must have artwork for me to look over.” “Marine Sparring lesson.”
“Some teammates!” Rodney growled, grabbing his headset and barking for Zelenka to bring his team to Storage Room B.
**
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-17 07:08 am (UTC)So much to love about this story - thanks for sharing!
The only downside . . . makes me think of all those piles of mail I have sitting downstairs awaiting my attention ;-) .
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-17 05:22 pm (UTC)thanks for reading. :D
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Date: 2008-07-17 12:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-17 05:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-17 02:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-17 05:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-17 05:43 pm (UTC)Priceless. :-)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-17 06:07 pm (UTC)And yes, wonderful story.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-18 01:57 am (UTC):D
(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-18 01:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-18 04:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-18 06:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-20 12:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-30 01:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-07-30 02:52 am (UTC)i try to be amusing and good at the same time.. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. this was very fun to write.