Fic: Tilt by Maverick (Coping Mechanism Challenge)

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Title: Tilt
Author: maverick4oz
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: R for language.
Spoilers: Centered around Vegas John, so spoilers for that episode
Summary: Tilt -- In Texas Hold Em, a player that is playing recklessly.

Author's note: This is what happens when you watch Vegas at 2am. One 100 word drabble for each of the five Coping Mechanisms.


Tilt
~*~*~*~

SUBSTITUTION - replacing one thing with another.

He picked Vegas for a reason. And not just because you can be anonymous there. Sometimes late at night he drives out into the desert, no real destination in mind. Once there he runs until he can’t run anymore, until he collapses to the ground, the familiar taste of sand, dry and bitter in his mouth. It's not the same, but it'll do for now. He’s pretty sure if Holland was still around, she’d call him on being a masochist. She’d always called him on his bullshit. But she’s not there. No one is, and that’s pretty damn familiar too.


REPRESSION - subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.

He doesn't let himself think about it. Not often anyway. And when the ghosts of his past claw their way out, he does his damnedest to rebury them deep. He weights them down with too much booze or a reckless game of cards. If he concentrates on fucking up his life in the here and now, he can forget. That is until someone reminds him that he wasn't always a fuck-up, that he'd once had a 'strength of character'. The fact that he wants to believe McKay only makes it worse. He knows the ghosts won’t stay buried this time.


FANTASY - escaping reality into a world of possibility.

Life sucking aliens. Travel to other galaxies, other dimensions. Even with everything he’d been through, he hadn’t seen that one coming. He wasn’t lying when he told McKay he wasn’t a fan of sci-fi. He didn’t want to believe him, about any of it. But he watched a guy -- scratch that, a Wraith -- take a nose dive off a building and walk away. He’d seen the bodies of the victims. It was true, all of it. And now McKay was letting him walk away.

He knew it couldn’t be that easy, but he wasn’t stupid enough to call his bluff.


DENIAL - refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.

Desire. It's not something he lets himself feel. Not anymore. The base shrink told him it would come back to him, you know before the Air Force kicked his ass out the door. But something inside John broke that day in the desert, something that can't be fixed. Or so he thought. Until a petty, arrogant, bad with people, suit threw a pack of spearmint gum onto an interrogation table. He'd forgotten what that first rush of attraction felt like until it hit him square in the chest. So yeah, now was definitely the time to get out of Dodge.


AVOIDANCE - mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.

He turns in his badge with every intention of taking the money and walking away. He’s nothing like that other version of himself. Fuck McKay and his fairy tales. He’s no hero and he’s okay with that. He made his choice all those years ago and he’ll live with it. Hell, he’ll die with it.

If only it were that easy. Motherfucker, even after all this time he can’t do it. He can’t leave something unfinished. For all his faults, he still can’t leave someone behind. As the jets roar over head, he finds he’s all right with that too.

Comments

[anuna-81.livejournal.com]

Whoa. I like - just what I needed to read right now.

If he concentrates on fucking up his life in the here and now, he can forget. That is until someone reminds him that he wasn't always a fuck-up, that he'd once had a 'strength of character'. The fact that he wants to believe McKay only makes it worse.

That is my favorite part, I think you've captured the both feeling of the episode, and the fucked up Vegas!John very well. I just can't resist "Vegas", and this drabble, although very short, does a good job in giving the reader the same feeling just like the episode.

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Vegas haunts me. I would so pay good money to watch more episodes from that version of Atlantis.

[tex.livejournal.com]

Ow, that hurts, Mav. But still, a great view of VegasJohn, one of the most interesting Stargate characters of all time.

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank R. Sometimes, you just gotta beat them up. Notice how I still couldn't kill him at the end because as you said, that version of Sheppard is something I want more of.

Weird fact... You know I am a DIE HARD McKay girl and given the choice, I will pick him over Sheppard every time (still will), but Vegas Sheppard... he comes closet to my Rodney love. So much, I fear that if we'd been given more than just a glimpse into this 'verse, I might have been changing sides.

[almostnever.livejournal.com]

There's so much potential to the Vegas AU... I really like how you've given these terse glimpses into that John, it suits him. There's a stargate_vegas community where you could crosspost, too...

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And thanks for the head's up about stargate_vegas, some how I missed that. I will crosspost this there tonight.

[winter-elf.livejournal.com]

Really good look at John's actions in Vegas. Oh John.

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Vegas John makes me ache so much.

[hestia-lacey.livejournal.com]

If this is what comes of all your 2am viewings, I thoroughly approve of anf encourage the habit. This felt like the the universe we saw in Vegas, and John is so belieavble here as the man we see in the episode. Very well done, especially in so few words! Alas, the art of the drabble eludes me...

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I was missing SGA so much last night that I had to watch something. I normally would have gone for a more McKaycentric episode, but Vegas called to me. (Plus, you know that Rodney is HAWT). I adore the process of writing drabbles. There is something soothing about whittling your words down to the bare minimum while still trying to convey a strong character voice.

[hestia-lacey.livejournal.com]

Gosh. My spelling in my first comment really sucked, didn't it? That'll teach me to eat and type at the same time, I suppose.

Rodney is indeed hot in this ep (being a John girl by nature, it's not often I notice that). Something about the cut of that suit... he has more edges in Vegas than he usually does; they make for interesting angles on his character.

And in the interrogation room... *shudders* That scene managed to be pure porn even though they were fully clothed the whole time. The chemistry of it was just delicious.

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

Oh John....

I love this look at Vegas!John; it really seems true to the character.

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading. I'm glad it comes across as true to the character.

[pollitt.livejournal.com]

Oh HELL YES. God that hurts like a blow right to the chest. You do broken John so damn good. Amazing job hun.

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thanks sweets. I'm still waiting for your sequel to Highwayman to make it all better for him. Consider this fic a big ole nudge.

[greenapple (from livejournal.com)]

Nice.

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[dragonladyk.livejournal.com]

YES. That right there is the awesomeness of this episode. Great way to McSheppy up the canon. ^^

DragonLady

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much.

[pirl.livejournal.com]

mmmmm, i likey! i usually don't go for drabbles, but the format you used is awesome. and angsty john? yum. :9

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Well you are an angst girl at heart. Thanks for reading.

[ozsaur.livejournal.com]

Each drabble is a fascinating moment, and they fit together perfectly. Insightful. I really like your version of Vegas John.

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Vegas John is a fascinating creature. I really wish we had more time with him.

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

*bows down to the awesomeness*

Everything you got here is great, but that first drabble is particularly fine.

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you. The first one was the first one I wrote, but in a different position. The idea that this John would pick the desert of all places to live was fascinating to ponder and is what started it all.

[kitestringer.livejournal.com]

Waaaaah John! :-((( *hugs hiiim*

This is fantastic! I think that first drabble, in particular, hits you like a gut punch.

*hugs John some more*

[maverick4oz.livejournal.com]

Thank you. He certainly could use some hugs, but I'm not sure he'd know what to do with them.

[emeraldteal.livejournal.com]

Awesome. So many things said with so few words. I love your insight into Vegas!Sheppard.

Thanks for sharing. :)

[wiley-nilly.livejournal.com]

That was wonderful in an 'in his head, but do I wanna be' sort of way. Stark and brilliant like the sun on the desert.

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

In 500 words, you've managed to write everything that the "Vegas" episode should have been but so grievously wasn't. The show left me sad and disappointed. Your fic had me holding my breath, and actually caring if this John lived. Awesome. Thank you.