by magus_minor, 3

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Challenge: Shark III
Title: Open Blade
Author: magus_minor
Summary: Sequel to Obvious Place
Rating: mature for various reasons, and I'd be obliged if you'd take this seriously.
Pairing: in a very messed up way, McShep
Spoilers: yes
Disclaimer: We do not own these characters. This is merely a hobby. We are making no money and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: How dark can you go? The Saga Continues. I couldn't go for complete dark, that would have been rapefic, and I don't think I could deal. So, here. Not quite as dark.



Open Blade


They're frozen, both of them. John because he's just blown himself out of the water so badly that nothing, nothing can ever hide again what he is and what he's done. Rodney? Shock, from the way all the color has leached from his face and for the first time John can remember, Rodney's face is expressionless.

He's not turned on anymore. Not even by the scar on Rodney's arm, though he can see it; Rodney hasn't put on his jacket again.

Rodney's eyes follow his, and he nods, as if to himself. Straightens a little, and John still can't read him at all. Either this is some emotion he's never seen on Rodney, or -

The thought strikes him between the eyes, and he shivers. What if Rodney has a knife, too?

But Rodney simply removes his hand from the touchpad, meeting John's eyes. He takes two steps toward John, leans forward on the bed, bracing himself on his arms. The scar is perfectly settled in John's line of sight. He swallows.

Rodney's calm. His voice is neutral, and John didn't even know that Rodney could do neutral.

"I take it you got off on that?"

It's too late to deny. "Yeah."

Rodney nods again as if another piece fits. "How long?"

Oh god, John thinks, writhing inside. "Since it happened."

Rodney's eyes widen, but that's his only reaction. "That good?"

John feels nausea rising up and suppresses it. Nods.

"It does make sense, I suppose," Rodney says contemplatively. "When you think about it."

John can't stand this anymore. Rodney's going to tell Elizabeth and she'll send him back to Earth, or to a space gate without a jumper, and John wishes Rodney would just get on with it. He makes as if to get up and feels himself slammed against the wall so hard his head makes a thunking noise.

Rodney holds him there, hand on his chin, not enough leverage if John really wants to get free, but it's already too late, John's hard again and his only thought is, don't let Rodney notice.

Rodney holds him, and his hand is sweaty and cold. John closes his eyes. He's so going down.

"Major. John." He doesn't move. "Open your eyes."

It's an order and who knew that this poster child for Ritalin could be so cool. John opens his eyes to an actual expression. Rodney has that look again, the one where something has hurt him and he'll never admit that.

"I'd like to know why me."

What to say to that. "I had the surveillance video. It just - got me hot." It's the long and the short of it. And he's hot again, from being pushed against the wall. But he knows enough to know that he can't get himself fixed.

Rodney nods again. "The hitting? You stopped by yourself."

"Didn't want to give myself away," John says, feeling tired. "Never could hit you really hard, either."

Rodney nods again, lets him go, and sits back, seeing John's erection and ignoring it. John moves back from the wall, and covers himself with his t-shirt.

Rodney watches him, still unnaturally calm. Something clicks in John's mind.

"You knew."

"No," Rodney says. "I knew someone wiped the surveillance from that day. It wasn't Grodin, it wasn't Elizabeth, it wasn't me. That left you as the only one with the codes. I found a record that it was copied while I was searching the protocols for the bomb trigger. Imagine my surprise." His mouth twists. "At first I figured you were looking for information on the Genii. Strategy and all that. I was going to ask you about it."

This is huge. Rodney knew he had the video and never said anything.

Rodney's leaning forward again. "Then I looked at it again. Only about an hour of video was copied. Now tell me, why can't you go pull the wings off flies like normal people?"

John can't help it; he laughs. Only Rodney.

Rodney sighs. "What the hell am I going to do with you?"

John's suddenly tired of it. "Well, how should I know? What do you want to do?"

Rodney rolls his eyes. "You know, this wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't flattered in a very strange way and if you quote me on that, I will deny it to my dying day."

John laughs again. "Rodney, has it occurred to you that that's almost as fucked up as me?"

He gets the disgruntled face. "Yes, as a matter of fact it has. So, let's look at this rationally. Will you stop this?"

He's earned honesty at least. "Only if you get rid of the video. Also, it'll probably bleed through at some point."

"The hitting? The Wraith-baiting?"

John nods. Thank god for Rodney, who is, on some level, just so wonderfully easy to deal with. "Sixty Genii all at once, seeing all of you tied up. Afghanistan."

Rodney nods. Again, John finds it easy to talk about this. Who would have known? "Classic sadism?"

"Uh, no, not really. More like violence oriented." Rodney snorts; John rolls his eyes at him. "Adrenaline, blood." He swallows, going into dangerous territory. "Humiliation. Power struggles."

Rodney shakes his head. "Why couldn't you have stuck with the flies?"

"That'd give the term flyboy a totally new meaning," John snarks back, and for a second, they're all right with the world.

Then Rodney gets up. "Keep the video. But I'm watching you. One slip, and I'll blow the whole thing wide open."

John nods. It's a reprieve at least. "You may have to. I've never been able to control it that well."

"Explains your issues," Rodney says, looks at the laptop and sighs. "Why couldn't you get off on my sheer brilliance?"

He leaves then, and John stares at the laptop. You can replace an addiction with another, he knows that. Maybe - if he tries? In the video, it's Rodney's face and voice that got him so hot. This might work.

He calls up the file, in the Fonts folder.

But what if it's not enough? What if he needs this again? What if without this the knife edge does show again?

John closes his eyes, and deletes the file. Fail or succeed. Blood or laughter.

Pain or Rodney.

He just hopes he's strong enough.

End.




Note: this ends the series as well. If someone requires a sequel, you have my full permission to write your own. But please, tell me if you do - I want to read it, too!

Comments

[brindel.livejournal.com]

Oh Holy *FREAKIN'* WOW!!

*fans self frantically*

How utterly, unspeakably, frighteningly *WRONG* is it that I found this series Mindscorchingly Hot?

No. Really. I need to know. 'Cuz just Damn.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Um. Thank you. I think. Because I was afraid with the last part I broke it?

[luthien.livejournal.com]

I've read this through twice now, and I'm still speechless.

This is going to be included in my next recs update.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

I am - flattered beyond words, and amazed. Thank you!

[moxie-brown.livejournal.com]

Oh that was deliciously warped. I loved it!

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! Perversion will out.

[ceitie.livejournal.com]

Very interesting and well done. Aside from being an original take on the echoes of the events in The Storm/The Eye, it's also a thoughtful look at John's possible issues. I think you really nailed it with the third part too: John and Rodney are fucked up and perfectly themselves, simultaneously. Awesome job.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I thought about having John say something like "I don't have any issues!", but then I couldn't go any other way than hysterical laughter from Rodney.

Also, they're very much fucked up, and it suits them.

[some-stars.livejournal.com]

what i really like about this third part, is that it would have been easy and pretty much standard for fanfic to go the "dark dark dark" non-con omgsodark route, and i mean, i would have LOVED THAT A LOT, because uh *yespls* but this--this is *people,* they're real people who are incredibly fucked up but still--john's more than just his massively damaged kinks, you know? love. so good.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly! It could totally have gone non-con, and still would have worked. But I'm not comfortable with that, and so I tried to find something that would at least make sense with normal people as well.

And I couldn't have John that far gone. I need my not-unhappy endings, damnit!

[nova-bright.livejournal.com]

I feel broken, good and proper. I think I could have dealt with non-con better, because this is an untried way for darker fic to end.
I love it because of that.
I am still scared, and I am in awe of your writing.
I'd say you own me, but I'm afraid of what you'd do to me.
^^

Thank you for writing this.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading this.

Own you? Oh, god, I'd be perfectly harmless. I've never even written darkfic before.

I couldn't deal with the rape that would have had to follow. And I'm still not sure if I made the story weaker through this.

[kalikahuntress.livejournal.com]

This series is excellent and I loved the way you ended it. I found John disturbing and frightening and shamefully hot, like the slight glimpses of it I've seen on the show like in Conversion, The Eye and the scene where he used violence to get Rodney's attention at the end of Trinity which I found to be very hot. I like how your John is dark in a plausible way but he's not too far gone that he's not the John i recognize at all. And Rodney, I could see Rodney reacting like this, i mean i know the show will never go there and a part of me is thankful for that but Rodney's reactions here felt real to me.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It was tough to write, and the ending still has me unsure. But as I said above, I could not go the way of rapefic.

I'm so very glad you enjoyed it.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

This was a very good way to end it. And a great idea all round.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

[chaps1870.livejournal.com]

To be honest I didn't think you could get out of that last post, but you surprised me. You handled the resolution very well and still left the darkness in place, but with hope. Well done.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of amazed myself. There actually is a resloution of sorts.

I could not have left them without hope.

[foxtrot99.livejournal.com]

I really liked the ending, I liked that you were able to keep it dark and the boys the screwed up messes that they are. Thank you again for warping my world.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Warping your world? Oh no, not little old me. It's just bent, a little. At the seams.

John's Recover Program as Outlined By Dr. McKay

[innogen.livejournal.com]

So, you *are* saying that my overblown over-winded theory from Rodney's POV might work after all? Rodney just has to wait and see to find out how John is likely to react to the discovery of his 'Kink'. And perhaps, subconsciously, (I am not a psychotherapist, but I'm sure Kate Heightenmeyer would be have geekgasms over this all, but Rodney won't give her the satisfaction)John wanted Rodney to find out after all. And zing! He finds out that Rodney is a truly loyal friend after all, that Rodney suspected a year ago and never said anything. That Rodney was probably certain that her was trying to ditch him a few times, and in the end it was Rodney who saved his life.....

Okay, this is a story I can try to write; Rodney might be the only one to keep the glue that keep Sheppard intact stable. And a Stable Sheppard is integral to a stable Atlantis - integral to a happy Elizabeth, which means integral to a happy population. John needs therapy, and some humanization. And oddly, Rodney is the one who is going to have to give it to him. How to act Human, 101, taught by Dr. Rodney McKay. How very Ironic. Step 1: How *Not* to give into random Homicidal Impulse; Step 2: Discovering your stressors; Step 3: Knowing when to tell your Mediator (Dr. McKay) that you need immediate relief from buildup (video in puddlejumper), etc, etc....

Re: John's Recover Program as Outlined By Dr. McKay

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

This could be so much fun. You should totally write it. *nods* The irony!

Undelete

[innogen.livejournal.com]

John closes his eyes, and deletes the file. Fortunately, if needed for theraputic purposes or impulse control, a backup can be found. Undelete, etc....

Innogen

Re: Undelete

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Give him his dramatic moment, don't be cruel - he can get to the rest later.

[klo-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

Damn.
I need a drink. And maybe a cigarette.
This was just so many levels of woah. I have nothing coherent to add.
Thanks for being brave and taking us somewhere totally new! This was amazing!
*klo*

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Have a drink. Have a cigarette. I'll join you. *is dead*

[anitac588.livejournal.com]

It seems plausible that Rodney would react so 'rationally', taking the fucked up galaxy around them into consideration.

He makes as if to get up and feels himself slammed against the wall so hard his head makes a thunking noise.
OK at this part? My mind kind of went places, very, very dark places.
I also kind of liked the moment when Rodney told Sheppard to open his eyes.
Very dark places.
Thank you for writing this.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

You're welcome - but I know when to stop. No more of this, my heart can't take it.

[akacat.livejournal.com]

Wonderful!

This is just the sort of ending I was hoping for -- Rodney has something on Sheppard to (hopefully) guarantee his good behaviour.

And I'm delighted to see that Rodney had John's number before he caught him in the act; that just verified what he already knew.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Well, who knows. In my mind, Rodney didn't really know what John was doing. He guessed some, but honestly, who would guess something like that?

part 3

[laceymcbain.livejournal.com]

This was so well done. It wasn't what I expected, and that made it even better. That Rodney somehow understood speaks to the level of fucked-up-ness of the two of them. Can I say that I loved the pulling wings off flies/flyboy thing? *g* You made this work and you took it in a different direction than I thought it was going to go. That's a testament to the originality of the piece. Good work.

Re: part 3

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and I value it all the more because I enjoy the hell out of your writing as well. The fly thing, I should be ashamed of myself. So cheap. So Rodney.

[tafkarfanfic.livejournal.com]

I can believe in a John that is that messed up. You write him in a way that is believable.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Scary, isn't it, that the writers of the show probably concepted him as The Hero - and this is what we make of him.

[ladydarkangel-1.livejournal.com]

I liked this. The whole series was dark but skirted on the inside edge of believability. I'm mean, Shep's got this thing we really can't define; I can see it turning out to be like this. Nice job.

BTW, I must be getting old (B-day's in 6 days! Yea!) so I don't really remember the hitting Rodney thing. Which episode was that in or did you make it up for dramatic effect?

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, he's such an enigma. It's one of the things to like about him!

Also, no, not making that up. In Instinct, the slap to the back of Rodney's head? Felt to me as if John had done it before. A lot.

Also, many happy returns once it's time!

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

You can replace an addiction with another, he knows that. Maybe - if he tries? In the video, it's Rodney's face and voice that got him so hot. This might work.


Jeebus! The thought that John might go after Rodney--wow, what a scary thought.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

This whole thing is scary. And yes, that's one of the scary things. In conclusion, scary.

[toniabarone.livejournal.com]

Oh man. This was good. Damned good. Pity you won't be doing more. But. Damn. *yells to the comm in general* SOMEONE WRITE THE SEQUEL!!!

*ahem* Loved this. Thanks for this. Damn. And it figures Rodney'd be calm about it. Well. Mostly. And flattered in a very strange way. Only Rodney.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

::g:: Only Rodney, yes. *happy sigh*

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Not that surprising, no. As for Rodney dear, well, I think he didn't know. But he had to have had his suspicions once he found out about the length of the copy.

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

Great ending. Thanks.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome.

[kaesaria.livejournal.com]

Wow. I love the way John knows what he's doing is fucked up, but also knows he can't stop himself.

You can replace an addiction with another, he knows that. Maybe - if he tries?

Maybe it's just me, but I get the feeling John knows, inside, that he's just kidding himself when he thinks this.

And Rodney's reaction to the whole thing was perfect. ;)

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Who knows, he's so messed up that all bets are off. If sanity doesn't work, try the crazy! ::g::

I'm glad you liked this Rodney!

[ellex42.livejournal.com]

Can I just say 'Wow', here? Because this felt like spot-on characterization. John's dark side can be self-controlled, to some extent. And Rodney has one, too...or he wouldn't understand John so well. I really like seeing his calm, analytical side come to the fore.

Should you have written non-con? No. I don't think it would have been believable. I don't think Sheppard - even this Sheppard - has it in him; at least, not for Rodney. I don't see a power struggle going on here - it feels more like Sheppard almost wants Rodney to know. As a form of respect for the man.

I could, on the other hand, see John replacing his current addiction to violence with an addiction to rough sex with Rodney. Consensual, but rough. I could even see Sheppard preferring to be dominated rather than dominating.

If no one else writes a sequel, I might do it. Maybe. Depends on what depraved (LOL) images my brain comes up with.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

Oh, please, please do! I would love and adore to read it!

Seriously, non-con is a two-edged sword for me. On the one side, kink, you know, hot. On the other, it bothers me a lot. I can read it, but write it? I don't want to go there, so I went for the cop-out and found that you all liked it! Amazing!

So, write the sequel - all the sequels you want! ::g::

[sage]

Damn...this is a really, really effective bit of horror. You keep John real, restrained, grounded in his own history, and you show that he does NOT believe that he is Rodney's hero. It's a great set-up for unveiling this dark, ugly, secret piece of him...and somehow you've managed not to make it feel gratuitious at all. It's like you show enough to characterize John's lust, but you don't make it glamourous, and you don't turn it into Rodney sexualizing his vengeance. I think he's destroyed any chance he might have had at a relationship with Rodney (bc why would R sign up for a potentially abusive relationship, knowing all this ahead of time?)...but I think I'd like to see what kind of effect this has on their team dynamic. I mean, I don't suspect it would end well. Rodney's a dolphin, John's a shark--they don't do so well in the same tank together...but there are so many layers there, it's fascinating.

[magus-minor.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you enjoyed this! And they're valid points, all of them - who knows how it's going to go on?

For me, I had to leave them with hope. Not necessarily hope of a relationship, I think that's out of the cards, but hope of finding a way to go on, to live on.

But I do think that Rodney's going to take a whole lot of precautions!