"Offspring of the Fiendish Plan of Dr. Macabre" by cupidsbow (Shark Challenge)

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

Title: Offspring of the Fiendish Plan of Dr. Macabre
Author: cupidsbow
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard/Lime Jello
Rating: PG-13
Warning: AU crack!fic. No mpreg was created in the making of this fic. This is the sequel to "The Fiendish Plan of Dr. Macabre."
For: sga_flashfic's "Shark" Challenge.
Disclaimer: Oh, god! Every single word: FICTION!


*************************

[Um. Hi again.

So... it's been bought to my attention that some of you have a problem with the whole lime jello suggestion I made at the end of the story "The Fiendish Plan of Dr. Macabre." Well, see, the thing about that is, and it's probably my fault for not making it clearer. But, um--]

Rodney: "Oh for God's sake! We're going to be here all night at this rate, and I have better things to do!" He turns and glares at the readers. "You're all morons! Did you not read the Rules of Storytime? Because the whole lime jello thing was the author's pathetic attempt to goad a few of you into meta-ing her work. But, clearly, she'd have better luck if she gave a bunch of word processors to wild monkeys when it comes to--"

John: "Mmmmm. Wild monkeys."

Rodney's rant immediately derails, as he turns his glare on John. "What is with your freakish fascination with monkeys!"

John pokes a finger into the mound of lime jello resting in the hollow of his bellybutton, and idly swirls it around. "I don't give a shit about monkeys, actually, but you weren't showing any signs of wrapping it up, and I think my jello is melting." He brings his finger to his mouth and licks it. "I could use some help here, Rodney."

Rodney crosses his arms and sniffs disdainfully. "That's not even hot. Seriously. It's the antithesis of hot. You might as well cover yourself in, I don't know, sand! That's how unhot it is. Now if you'd covered yourself in mango! That's what I call food porn." Rodney nods decisively.

John stares at Rodney, finger still in his mouth. A small trickle of melted jello runs down the side of his stomach and into the polarbear-skin rug he's lying on.

A cricket chirps.

John pulls the finger out of his mouth with a loud pop. "Let me get this straight. You invented about ten squillion gadgets while we were arch-nemeses. You engineered genetically superior sharks, with exceeding cool flip-top heads. You hollowed out a moon and gave it artifical gravity. Then, for an encore, you actually invented immortality. And in your copious spare time, you come up with new sex acts to please me on a daily basis." John narrows his eyes at Rodney. "And yet you have seriously never bothered to cure your citrus allergy?"

Rodney goes bright pink and won't meet John's gaze. "Well..."

John cracks up; the jello on his stomach wobbles dangerously and little melt-runnels spill down his sides in twisty green riverlets, causing a John-shaped stain to grow on the rug.

Rodney: "...I've been busy!"

"Rodney!" says John. He throws a pillow at Rodney's head. "There is no citrus in lime jello! It says so right on the packet: 100% artifically coloured and flavoured! So get your ass over here, before I get bored and invite the readers in to lick stuff this off me."

Rodney: "Oh, please! As though I'd ever let that happen!" He takes a shoe-sized gadget out of his pocket, points it at the quantum-audience threshold and clicks the big red button...

...and he and John get smaller and smaller _{and then wink out of view.}

A tumbleweed blows through the empty space.

[*The author slowly turns to look at her readers. She tries out a smile.*

Whoa! I didn't even know he could do that! Ooops.

*She eyes the thwarted readers...*

--who are staring back at her with the fury of a thousand suns--

*...and, then, with a turn of speed worthy of a genetically engineered shark, she flees.*]

Comments

[fenris_wolf0]

:D

[strifechaos.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[(Anonymous)]

Monkeys - not monkies.

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

Really? Not according to my spell checker. Weird!

[fledge.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAOUIWM

YOU are just TOO funny! And ebil. Definitely ebil. *EG*

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

heeeeeeeee!!! Oh, I mean pbpbpbpbpbpb!

[morena-donn.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing* Also, where do I sign up to lick the jello off of John?

[(Anonymous)]

"Because the whole lime jello thing was the author's pathetic attempt to goad a few of you into meta-ing her work."

Sorry. What does "meta-ing" mean?

I see by your spelling "coloured" and "flavoured" that you aren't from the US. I don't know about other parts of the world, but in the US lime jello is:

Ingredients: SUGAR, GELATIN, ADIPIC ACID (FOR TARTNESS), CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, DISODIUM PHOSPHATE AND SODIUM CITRATE (CONTROL ACIDITY), FUMARIC ACID (FOR TARTNESS), YELLOW 5, BLUE 1, BHA (PRESERVATIVE).

So, although less than 2%, there is some lime in the jello. Besides, Rodney isn't going to take the time to check whether something lime isn't really lime. He'd just avoid it.

Of course, since you were going for that Brit "James Bond" thing, I guess you can get away with non-US jello. But, how were non-Brits supposed to know the totally artificialness of non-US lime jello?

Or since this is AU, then you can do that whole alternate timeline thing where Rodney can eat lemon chicken. But a little warning, ok?

Huh, I forgot to say how this and the previous fic were a hoot to read. Yeah, cracked fun!

~anonymouse

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

Yay! Sarcasm and detail worthy of Rodney! This is *exactly* the kind of meta I was hoping the Lime Jello comment would inspire.

Thank you , thank you, thank you! What a great Christmas present!

*mwah*

[torakowalski.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

I really don't like lime jelly/jello, but I would totally lick it off John :)

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

*glares*
That's not fair!
See, Rodney is evil!

*luves you*

[ladyflowdi.livejournal.com]

HEH. Also, HEEE! The image of John sprawled out on a polar bear skin rug swirling his finger in his belly button? Priceless.

::dead::

Happy Holidays!!!

[duestar.livejournal.com]

Really cute! John's adorable and Rodney's complaining is spoton! Love it!

[somnio-enormis.livejournal.com]

CRACK KILLS.





But crack!fic rocks my socks.

Gold star for you! ---> *

[philexos.livejournal.com]

I'm seriously afraid of Rodney. :)

[fledge.livejournal.com]

ROFL

See, our cunning plan worked! *Rubs paws with glee*

We goaded you to write your OWN lime jello sequel. And verily, it was good :D

*Is sekritly sure there IS real lime jello, in the best supermarkets, or if you made it fresh, but will forebear from arguing and anyway John would not be that stupid. Unless this was his Evil Cunning Plan all along, to win Macabre's trust and then... but eeeeeeeee! no that is badbadBAD! ::Sounds of thunking, as of hard organic object impacting with slightly softer organic object::*

I know we're not supposed to talk about it, but ¬¬
(that was me looking shifty)
I really like storytime! May I come too? Pweeese? Look, I gave MY John a TAIL.

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the lovely, lovely feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed the Dr. Macabre series. It's a favourite of mine, too.

to win Macabre's trust and then... but eeeeeeeee! no that is badbadBAD!

Actually, I've been considering writing a third part under a tacky-but-obvious pseudonym, with the secondary characters taking the lead roles, and Dr. Macabre only appearing as an AI or something because he's been offed in a mysterious way (with no body ever found, of course). And it has to be really cack handed and cheesy, and I'll get my usual beta to beta it so I can put in big letters: FROM THE BETA OF THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD! Or whatever my best-known story is. Then it'll be a trilogy with a really bad third episode, which pleases me immensely! :)

I really like storytime! May I come too? Pweeese? Look, I gave MY John a TAIL.

Actually, I've been blocked for a few weeks and haven't done storytime lately. I miss it. It's possible to do multiple people on IM, isn't it? Because if so, then yes. Of course you could join in. Although I'm not sure how I'd work it or when. Maybe it's an experiment for me to try over the next few weeks while I'm filling in at work full-time.

Also, I like your John's tail! Did you really draw that yourself? Because it's so cool! *yearns for cool John icon*

[fledge.livejournal.com]

LOL that sounds fun! You should write that ::nodnods:: Is there anywhere I can go see your stories all in one place?

Aww you probably need a new audience *G* I love those cracky moments on IRC when everyone is inspired. Yes, if you invite people, you can have multiple users on one channel in AIM at any rate. I'm usually around, although not if you're in the Oz timezone! We should exchange names then we'll find eachother. I'm Fledhyris.

Hee, thanks very much :D Yes I drew it, only the tail though, I made the body with one of those online avatar creators. It's got backstory but I haven't written it up yet. And ever since I came up with it, it's stuck, so I have this permanently tailed John!muse in my head *G* I think he's so cute! ^.^ You could make yourself a chibi!John with the Gaia creator http://www.tektek.org/dream/ they're really sweet and you can give them tails and things in that too.

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link! I'll check it out next time I go in to work. And speaking of work, that's the only place I have regular access to IM at the moment, and I've just been using the work name (I have the best boss), but I don't think I should be giving that out. So when I get a chance over the next couple of weeks, I'll have a go at setting up my own. Then, assuming I manage to be technically hip and can work it all out, I'll throw a party :) I'll post about it on my LJ.

You can find all my stories listed here: http://cupidsbow.livejournal.com/68397.html

A couple of them are flocked or filtered (because they're still wips or whatever), but most of them are open to anyone. I hope you like some of them!

[fledge.livejournal.com]

LOL oh dear! You do have the best boss. Good luck with setting yourself up, I'm on AIM, MSN and ICQ. I think you're UK as well as me, aren't you? Got a Brit way of speaking (and spelling) about you *G*

I'm sure I'll like your fic, I loved this one, but don't fret if you don't hear anything from me in ages because I don't read things very often. Too busy chatting, roleplaying, playing in Second Life or trying (!) to write *G*

Looking forward to the party, yay!

Btw who is the guy in your icon? I know he's not, but he sort of reminds me of Kavanagh (sorry!!)

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

I think you're UK as well as me, aren't you? Got a Brit way of speaking (and spelling) about you *G*

Close. I'm an Aussie, but our system of spelling is largely Brit, and so is much of our slang :)

I'm sure I'll like your fic, I loved this one, but don't fret if you don't hear anything from me in ages because I don't read things very often.

That's cool. I love feedback (what author doesn't? :) but don't feel obliged to leave it. My philosophy is that reading should be for pleasure and never a chore, so I'm okay if people read without always commenting.

Btw who is the guy in your icon? I know he's not, but he sort of reminds me of Kavanagh (sorry!!)

One of the first fandoms I wrote in was Lotrips, and that's Elijah Wood (believe it or not), but from a really unusual angle. It was made for me, and I'm very fond of how unrecognisable he is in it--so grown up! It is a bit Kavanagh-ish, isn't it?

[fledge.livejournal.com]

Aha so I was coincidentally right when I said we might conflict over time zones - bit of a problem, but not necessarily if you come online at work. Your lunchtime would be around midnight, and I'm usually on the pc then, I go to bed late ;) My mornings (your evenings) are less likely to work.

I always give feedback when I enjoy something, I don't find it a chore really and it's nice to show an author when you've appreciated her efforts - IRL you'd have shown it by buying the book! I'm also not the kind of person to leave bad crit, although I've been known to offer a little concrit in with the praise now and then *G* What can I say, I'm a beta ;)

Wow, that's Elijah? He really is almost unrecognisable, although I can just about see it, now you've told me. He really does look different, and actually he reminds me more of Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks - Kyle Machlachlan, a much better comparison than Kavanagh *G*

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

I was coincidentally right when I said we might conflict over time zones

Yeah. It's a problem. Darn the world for spinning so inconveniently :)

I suppose the other thing I could do is post the IM sessions after storytime. But IM sessions are never as exciting read as a transcript, so I'm reluctant to spam people with them.

I always give feedback when I enjoy something

I really admire your attitude. I wish I had the chance to give feedback more often. I don't have internet at home, and I mostly read fic offline, which makes it hard to consistantly leave feedback. I do rec regularly though--I figure that's a good compromise.

He really is almost unrecognisable

He really is. And you're right, he is a bit Agent Cooper-ish.

[fledge.livejournal.com]

Darn it indeed. Mind you, I'm so inconsistent in my habits, it's not like I could make it a regular thing myself. Maybe when you've got your own IM I'll just catch you occasionally when I'm having one of those really late nights *G* Lack of sleep makes the crack funnier anyway! I think the transcripts are definitely easier to read than an unedited IM session, although I've posted some of those myself from time to time...

My attitude to fb does come partly from having the time - I'm a lot less busy than most! Perfectly understandable if you're not online at the time; I always post immediately after reading or I'd forget. Regular recs are an excellent compromise :)

Now I'm hearing Frodo saying "Damn fine cherry pie... Can I have some more please, Sam?" and you do NOT want to know the images that go with that (or maybe you do *EG*)

[rawa-02.livejournal.com]

Love this and "the Fiendish Plan of Dr. Macabre".
(Here by way of sgastoryfinders).

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it, and thanks for the heads-up. I was wondering where people were coming from.

[badwolf36.livejournal.com]

Awesome fics. Highly enjoyable and very cracktastic. Thanks for sharing!

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed them.

Seriously funny!

[mysticmcknight.livejournal.com]

This was hillarious! I totally loved it, thanks for sharing and having such a great imagination.

Re: Seriously funny!

[cupidsbow.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome. Glad you enjoyed it!