A Darkness Within by Jae Kayelle [PG]
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sga_flashficTitle: A Darkness Within
Author: Jae Kayelle
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: the characters belong to MGM and Acme Shark. No copyright infringement intended. No profit made from this work of fiction.
Summary: Sheppard had a secret that he could never share with anyone.
For the Superpower Challenge
Word count: 2786
John Sheppard had a secret power. It had overwhelmed him in the past – only once, though, when he was seventeen, but the experience had so badly unnerved him he was careful never to let it out again. He didn’t like the feelings it provoked within him. It left him out of control, like he had no command of his own thoughts and actions, and especially his emotions. It made him feel like everything streaked upwards, all bright lights and exciting sounds, and then, eventually, it would all spiral downwards as though circling down a drain. That was the part he really hated. The stuff that had happened before that wasn’t so bad; actually it was quite good, although there was that bit about acting somewhat out of character that still did made him cringe. It hadn’t lasted long the first time anyway; just enough to knock him for a loop and then make the world fall away from under his feet. It still ached dully when he let himself think back to that time.
So he vowed never to let it happen again. He took care not to get in too deep in any similar situation and it worked. He didn’t particularly enjoy his life after that – there was always something missing, but he was determined. Better to suffer silently than to suffer through the consequences if it got away from him.
And then he met Rodney McKay.
John knew from nearly the moment they met that he was in trouble. He could feel the thing coiling deep inside him, itching to get out. That’s about all it was to begin with – an itch that scratching would only cause it to bleed. He clung to that unpleasant image to keep it clamped down where it wouldn’t get loose. But the more time he spent around McKay the stronger the itch got until it expanded to a warm glow, and then it became a sharp almost-pain. And it did hurt. The more he tried to suppress it, the more it wanted to unleash itself, to take over his life. He fought it. Night after sleepless night, he lay in bed and wrestled with it in his head, trying not to let it scare him.
Some power, he thought more than once. Wouldn’t it be better if this ability were something that he could use for good, rather than leave him in misery? The side effect of his power was that once it took over, once it flared like the supernova it was and he was held in thrall, the other person it affected would suffer too. He didn’t want to do that to Rodney. Why should both of them suffer? Besides, when all was said and done, John wanted to stay friends with him. If he let Rodney become aware of this…condition John had it would change everything and Rodney would look at John differently. First, he would be caught up in the whole shockwave, and maybe even enjoy it. But then, because John knew his power would turn bitter Rodney would be hurt and angry. Eventually he would look at him like John was a freak. It was bad enough John felt vaguely monsterish when caught in the terrible rush of his power once it was released, he did not want Rodney to look at him any differently than he already did. It would simply hurt too much when it was all over. He knew it would be a thousand times worse with Rodney than with anyone else.
And so, John Sheppard clenched his heart around his ability to open himself up to love, and to make others fall in love with him. He kept it under his strictest control, and let his life continue as it had been doing. It was safer that way and would hurt less later on.
That’s what he always told himself, anyway.
# end
Author: Jae Kayelle
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: the characters belong to MGM and Acme Shark. No copyright infringement intended. No profit made from this work of fiction.
Summary: Sheppard had a secret that he could never share with anyone.
For the Superpower Challenge
Word count: 2786
John Sheppard had a secret power. It had overwhelmed him in the past – only once, though, when he was seventeen, but the experience had so badly unnerved him he was careful never to let it out again. He didn’t like the feelings it provoked within him. It left him out of control, like he had no command of his own thoughts and actions, and especially his emotions. It made him feel like everything streaked upwards, all bright lights and exciting sounds, and then, eventually, it would all spiral downwards as though circling down a drain. That was the part he really hated. The stuff that had happened before that wasn’t so bad; actually it was quite good, although there was that bit about acting somewhat out of character that still did made him cringe. It hadn’t lasted long the first time anyway; just enough to knock him for a loop and then make the world fall away from under his feet. It still ached dully when he let himself think back to that time.
So he vowed never to let it happen again. He took care not to get in too deep in any similar situation and it worked. He didn’t particularly enjoy his life after that – there was always something missing, but he was determined. Better to suffer silently than to suffer through the consequences if it got away from him.
And then he met Rodney McKay.
John knew from nearly the moment they met that he was in trouble. He could feel the thing coiling deep inside him, itching to get out. That’s about all it was to begin with – an itch that scratching would only cause it to bleed. He clung to that unpleasant image to keep it clamped down where it wouldn’t get loose. But the more time he spent around McKay the stronger the itch got until it expanded to a warm glow, and then it became a sharp almost-pain. And it did hurt. The more he tried to suppress it, the more it wanted to unleash itself, to take over his life. He fought it. Night after sleepless night, he lay in bed and wrestled with it in his head, trying not to let it scare him.
Some power, he thought more than once. Wouldn’t it be better if this ability were something that he could use for good, rather than leave him in misery? The side effect of his power was that once it took over, once it flared like the supernova it was and he was held in thrall, the other person it affected would suffer too. He didn’t want to do that to Rodney. Why should both of them suffer? Besides, when all was said and done, John wanted to stay friends with him. If he let Rodney become aware of this…condition John had it would change everything and Rodney would look at John differently. First, he would be caught up in the whole shockwave, and maybe even enjoy it. But then, because John knew his power would turn bitter Rodney would be hurt and angry. Eventually he would look at him like John was a freak. It was bad enough John felt vaguely monsterish when caught in the terrible rush of his power once it was released, he did not want Rodney to look at him any differently than he already did. It would simply hurt too much when it was all over. He knew it would be a thousand times worse with Rodney than with anyone else.
And so, John Sheppard clenched his heart around his ability to open himself up to love, and to make others fall in love with him. He kept it under his strictest control, and let his life continue as it had been doing. It was safer that way and would hurt less later on.
That’s what he always told himself, anyway.
# end
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-13 08:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-13 08:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-13 11:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 02:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-13 11:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 02:13 am (UTC)Liked this. :) More?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 02:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 02:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 01:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 02:43 am (UTC)I know. *g*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 01:32 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 02:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 02:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 02:48 am (UTC)Your icon is giggleworthy. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 08:53 am (UTC)Nicely done, I was wondering what it was. Now I must give John an eyeroll and a thwap on the head.
And yes, you must write about Rodney's healing powers too, if you're inclined :)
Thanks for sharing!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-15 02:07 am (UTC)I would love to write about Rodney's healing powers (that'll teach me to be more careful how I answser feedback), as soon as I can conjure up a fic about it. *adds it to the growing list of stories in the works*
Thank you for commenting. Glad you enjoyed it. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-14 11:20 am (UTC)(and yay! possible sequel)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-15 02:11 am (UTC)Apparently possible sequel. sighh
my drooling over your icons must be getting old, but I'm just going to crawl into your userpics page and cuddle with them all
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-15 10:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-15 09:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-15 05:27 pm (UTC)On the subject of icons - I love your reddish one where John's just slightly sticking out his tongue. 'Most expressive face in entertainment'? Damn right!
And sffan's 'lolling John one' - what that lazy 'sit and drape' does to me! Sex personified!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-15 09:56 pm (UTC)Not consciously, but undoubtedly it was in the back of my mind when I wrote this. That scene made a big impact on me, as well as many others. :-)
We do know what's best for him and so does Rodney. Just have to convince both of them now. *g*
You mean this icon? *points* It's one of my favourites too.
As for
Thanks for commenting! Now to get Rodney to start "healing" John. ;-)